Advice on modesty

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_pro-life_teen

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Okay, I’m going to be completely honest here…

I’m going to be giving a talk on modesty. This is going to be a hard one to do. I mean, when a girl talks to another one about being modest, they get all snide and defensive and are like, “well, just because you don’t have the body to wear clothes like this…” or “yeah, don’t be jealous cause you can’t” etc.

Not only that, but I personally don’t think I’ve attained that virtue well yet. I really am trying, but it’s so so hard on so many levels. I mean, on a practical level, it’s difficult to actually *find * clothes that are modest yet stylish. Then when you do find them, its as if you’re in a constant constant competition with other girls. And its hard to discern the difference sometimes. For instance, which is more modest? A shirt that is is not low-cut, but fitted vs. a shirt that is a little low-cut, but looser? Or shorts vs. fitted jeans? Or what about jewlery and makeup and shoes? They can also be suggestive. Or what’s the difference between clothing that “flatters your figure” and clothing that is immodest? Or what if you have a body type that makes it hard to look modest regardless of what you wear?? Any advice, please? :o
 
As a 24-year-old male, I see girls wearing clothes that expose their midriffs. This is extremely immodest. It’s one thing to do it at the beach to get a tan, it’s quite another to expose flesh for no reason other than for the sake of exposing it. It’s an overt act of seduction. As are low-cut shirts, shoulderless tops, “hip-hugging” jeans, etc. As are t-shirts with dirty messages on them. And teenage girls buying t-shirts that were made for toddlers to wear is also immodest and suggestive. You might as well paint your clothes on, because revealing your every curve in public is pretty much the same thing.

If I see these teens dressed like this, I feel as if I’m being seduced, even though I know I’m not in their target audience! Unite with like-minded girls. You must be strong for them. Write letters to fashion companies and complain that there is nothing for sel-respecting teenage girls to wear. Show yourself to your peers that it’s cool to be an enlightened free thinker who see the social wrongs in dressing immodestly. Such as:
  • You’re telling guys messages you don’t mean.
  • You respect your own body and don’t feel that just anyone should have visual acces to it at any moment.
  • Immodest clothing tempts boys and men, and you don’t want to contribute to male lust.
  • You want your future husband to be able to know that, even at a young age, you acted in chastity for love of him.
  • You respect your peers who don’t have the figures to wear those kinds of clothes, and in wearing them yourself, you are, by the nature of your actions, participating in the group’s ganging up on them through your endorsement of immodest clothing.
  • By buying immodest clothes, you are positively reinforcing clothesmakers and encouraging them to make more immodest clothes.
  • By wearing them, you are encouraging others to participate in something you yourself don’t believe in.
Does that help?

You are a pure and holy temple to the Lord.

Ask yourself, what I do to myself, would I also do to the tabernacle in my church?

That’s exactly what you are! A tabernacle! You’re Catholic, right? What do you think you become when you take communion every Sunday? A living breathing tabernacle, a dwelling place for Christ Himself! Act modestly out of reverence toward Him and His home: Your body! 🙂
 
Our Blessed Mother is the example for all women. She is dressed modestly. Do not ignore this; there are many works of art from hundreds of years ago that depict women sensually. This problem has been around for a long time. (Culture also plays a big part of dress.) If we want men to act like gentlemen then we must act like ladies; that includes the way in which we dress. Too many young girls are concerned about their bodies and how they look. Thank God everyday for the body he gave you, know matter what it looks like. He has a divine plan for you. Keep it covered so that boys and young men do not become tempted to focus on parts of your body and want to do it harm. It is better for these young men to focused on you as a whole person and for them to see the good virtue of purity which is under such an attack in our society today. When one is pure, one has no regrets and no guilt. When I went to Catholic School the rule was this for dress: Shorts and skirts had to come to the knee, shoulders, tummies, and backs had to be covered. Finally, if your neckline on your top was lower than your underarm pit it was too low. The excuse of you cannot find modest clothes over town is just that, an excuse. It would be better to be honest and say; “I don’t like the look of the modest clothes over town.” We have tee-shirts, sweatshirts, blue jeans etc. (buy a size that is not skin tight but fits.) I went through the same thing that you are going through. I felt all alone. The good thing is, that Our Blessed Lady comforted me. In addition, she sent me the most wonderful pure man for marriage when it was time. We are now approching 20 years of marriage. Remember whatever you give God he rewards you ten fold. Also, remember in the summertime when it is hot many Nuns, or Sisters are making sacrafices to remain in their habits. God Bless you! Jesus Mary Joseph protect the purity of the beautiful young souls of today!

Sincerely,
Monica
 
As a woman, your body really isn’t developed to wear some of these clothes even as a teenager. I really didn’t “fit” into clothing until 20 or so. It isn’t so much how much skin, but the clothing cut on some of the junior wear just isn’t flattering. I have no probelm with bikinis, at the beach…

Notice they aren’t defending the fashion, they are defending their skin.

Think Brittinay Spears, she is a fashion disaster. No matter how good you look, underwear sticking out of your pants isn’t attactive (back to last years thong/low rider look). There is a point to look attractive and a point to shock. When young women become defensive, they are doing it for attention.
 
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sweetchuck:
As a 24-year-old male, I see girls wearing clothes that expose their midriffs. This is extremely immodest. It’s one thing to do it at the beach to get a tan, it’s quite another to expose flesh for no reason other than for the sake of exposing it. It’s an overt act of seduction.
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“Before women’s fashions began to feature exposed navels, I had no idea how many gals had unattractive midriffs.”
Thomas Sowell
 
Seriously, often times men actually prefer to see women in modest dress. In many ways it is more attractive as it both demonstrates that she is in control of herself as well as adds a little mystery by leaving things unrevealed. It enables men to get to know women as people rather than just objects. As a pastor once reminded his daughter, “When you wear revealing clothing, you may draw men’s attention, but you won’t gain their admiration.”
 
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sweetchuck:
As a 24-year-old male, I see girls wearing clothes that expose their midriffs. This is extremely immodest.
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I’m curious as to how you have chosen your boundaries of what is modest and immodest…
 
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Tlaloc:
I’m curious as to how you have chosen your boundaries of what is modest and immodest…
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He is expressing his opinion for the edification of teen and does not need to explain his “boundaries” as they are implicit in his examples.
 
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caroljm36:
He is expressing his opinion for the edification of teen and does not need to explain his “boundaries” as they are implicit in his examples.
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If the midrift can be overtly seductive, why not the face?

The point is they are completely arbitrary boundaries and of the same mindset that compels muslim women to wear Burkas.

I’d posit that rather than rely on the arbitrary line chosen by some anonymous random internet poster the young woman might be better served by simply determining for herself what she considers modest or immodest. Then she can stay within the bounds that make her comfortable rather than some stranger.
 
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Tlaloc:
If the midrift can be overtly seductive, why not the face?

The point is they are completely arbitrary boundaries and of the same mindset that compels muslim women to wear Burkas.

I’d posit that rather than rely on the arbitrary line chosen by some anonymous random internet poster the young woman might be better served by simply determining for herself what she considers modest or immodest. Then she can stay within the bounds that make her comfortable rather than some stranger.
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Tlaloc,

Since the original poster was asking for advice from Catholics on a Catholic forum, your personal opinion that she “determine for herself” is a little off topic. If the poster had expressed a desire to argue about modesty, I’m sure your opinion would be a lively challenge.

Just my :twocents:

God bless you on your journey,

Robert.
 
What is or is not immodest is very much culture-driven. For example, in the Arab culture the hair is almost as inflammatory as a sex-drive-igniter as breasts are in the American culture. I remember a movie I saw (“The Fool,” an Egyptian movie starring Omar Sharif) where the female lead was modestly dressed (by our standards) but had uncovered hair. The bad guy (a local gov’t official) was ordering his henchmen to get her for him, and his comment wasn’t “I have to have her” (which would be a very Western comment), but “I have to touch her hair.”

There are many things that girls in 21st-century American culture need to know about modesty, but perhaps the #1 thing is this: that young American females absolutely have no idea how much the male sex-drive is visually driven. If they could hear the thoughts of the men/boys who are looking at them, they would cover up in a hurry.

Perhaps the #2 thing is that if someone dresses like she’s sexually available, but she really isn’t, that’s false advertising. And the unfortunate thing about false advertising is that sooner or later there’s going to come along a “buyer” who isn’t going to take “no” for an answer. That’s not something that the feminists want to hear, but it’s the truth.

DaveBk
 
Teen this is a difficult question to address without the clothes in front of us. May I suggest that you ask a woman from your church whose dressing looks modest and stylish for help? I’m sure such a woman could then guide you, for she was a teen at some time and could identify with the issues you are presenting.
 
I might also suggest finding a modest young man to help make yoru presentation. Like you said, girls can sometimes get defensive and such when another girl tells them they should be more modest. But if they hear from a guy that modest is cool/neat/interesting/etc. then they might listen better. I think a tandem approach could have a very good effect.
 
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rlg94086:
Tlaloc,

Since the original poster was asking for advice from Catholics on a Catholic forum, your personal opinion that she “determine for herself” is a little off topic. If the poster had expressed a desire to argue about modesty, I’m sure your opinion would be a lively challenge.

Just my :twocents:

God bless you on your journey,

Robert.
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I understand your position but part of kids growing up is getting them to realize they need to make decisions on their own. The point I’m trying to make is that what use is it to her what someone from the internet says? She’s the one who has to live with it. Its not like in Psalms it says “Your skirt shall be at least 13 hands in length.” Any answer she gets to a question like this will be based solely on personal prejudice so why not skip all that and go to the one person whose opinion on her clothes matters? Hers.
 
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Tlaloc:
I understand your position but part of kids growing up is getting them to realize they need to make decisions on their own. The point I’m trying to make is that what use is it to her what someone from the internet says? She’s the one who has to live with it. Its not like in Psalms it says “Your skirt shall be at least 13 hands in length.” Any answer she gets to a question like this will be based solely on personal prejudice so why not skip all that and go to the one person whose opinion on her clothes matters? Hers.
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She’s giving a presentation to girls about dressing modestly. So this whole thing isn’t about her personal opinion of modesty. She has to address the culture’s ideas of modesty and these people’s ideas of modesty.
 
plteen,

I know your post primarily deals with clothing, but don’t forget to talk about attitude and actions. In addition to dressing like they are “looking for action”, too many teenage girls flirt a little too aggressively.

Last week one of my 14yo son’s hockey buddies brought a cousin (not sure of her age, but definitely a teen) to practice. In addition to wearing a tight, white, midrif-bearing top with a black bra underneath and tight, low-cut jeans, she was flirting with just about every boy on the team and then hanging around right outside the locker room as they were changing for practice. I had to constantly keep closing the door to keep the half-naked boys from flirting back.

I don’t know what her intentions were (I’m trying to be charitable), but give me a break! I asked my son if he noticed her, and he said “Yeah, can you believe that?! She was even checking me out on the way out of the locker room!” I don’t believe rape (date- or otherwise) is ever warranted and I know people hate to hear this, but this kind of activity invites serious sin.

I’m glad you are tackling this issue, and I will pray for your strength.

God bless,

Robert.
 
Tlaloc said:
I understand your position but part of kids growing up is getting them to realize they need to make decisions on their own. The point I’m trying to make is that what use is it to her what someone from the internet says? She’s the one who has to live with it. Its not like in Psalms it says “Your skirt shall be at least 13 hands in length.” Any answer she gets to a question like this will be based solely on personal prejudice so why not skip all that and go to the one person whose opinion on her clothes matters? Hers.
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I don’t think you do. I’m a Catholic on a Catholic forum giving and receiving info with other Catholics. I enjoy discussions on the board with non-Catholics when the thread is created for that purpose.

The original poster did not say, “I’m curious what an non-religious, iconoclast’s views are about modesty?”, so I’m making a huge logical leap in assuming that she was looking for a Catholic answer.

Is that clearer?

God Bless,

Robert.
 
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tkdnick:
She’s giving a presentation to girls about dressing modestly. So this whole thing isn’t about her personal opinion of modesty. She has to address the culture’s ideas of modesty and these people’s ideas of modesty.
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And she should base that on some stranger’s opinion? All the more reason to encourage her to think clearly about the topic and not subscribe to some easy but inadequate answer. If you are going to present ideas, especially unpopular ideas, it’s best to have a solid foundation.
 
I think your original post is honest and authentic and would make a great talk.
 
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rlg94086:
plteen,

I know your post primarily deals with clothing, but don’t forget to talk about attitude and actions. In addition to dressing like they are “looking for action”, too many teenage girls flirt a little too aggressively.

Last week one of my 14yo son’s hockey buddies brought a cousin (not sure of her age, but definitely a teen) to practice. In addition to wearing a tight, white, midrif-bearing top with a black bra underneath and tight, low-cut jeans, she was flirting with just about every boy on the team and then hanging around right outside the locker room as they were changing for practice. I had to constantly keep closing the door to keep the half-naked boys from flirting back.

I don’t know what her intentions were (I’m trying to be charitable), but give me a break! I asked my son if he noticed her, and he said “Yeah, can you believe that?! She was even checking me out on the way out of the locker room!” I don’t believe rape (date- or otherwise) is ever warranted and I know people hate to hear this, but this kind of activity invites serious sin.

I’m glad you are tackling this issue, and I will pray for your strength.

God bless,

Robert.
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My God, what parents raised the one you describe here? This is failrly common unfortunatly nowadays with many girls who are not even aware at times that they are giving men the impression that they are easy, bimboish, etc, etc, etc. How sad. Well, most also lack the father figure at home, who actaully has some authority(if his wife has not taken it away from him)at home over his children to put discipline. Also, well there are many broken homes in divorce etc.
I highly admire any woman who has high self esteem where she does not need to get the self esteem from the attention of guys. Also, one who totally dresses modest, not giving in to peer pressure is what most decent well educated guys really want for a relationship. Unless the guy is a hoodlum, or well an anti-social, he will admire decent women who respect their bodies(ESPECIALLY IN SUMMER) enough not to give the impression that they are easy etc.
Many blessings to the very mature ones who so value modesty and self respect, that they actually start a thread as this one.
 
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