Advice on SSPV and Marriage

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livelovelaugh18

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I would like some help/insight on a problem I have. I was raised as a Novus Ordo catholic, however I do attend the Traditional Latin Mass (but at NO church). My boyfriend of two and a half years is a SSPV(Society of Saint Pius V) catholic and very against Vatican 2 and the Novus Ordo Mass. I don’t know what to do. We both want to marry each other, but the church difference is a huge problem. I do not want to change because I believe the SSPV is wrong, but I don’t know how to change or help my boyfriend to understand the differences and see that his church is wrong. Any advice?
 
Any woman who thinks she can “change” a man (or a man, a woman) is deluding themselves.

My advice- run, don’t walk, away. Now!

Unless and until your boyfriend resolves his issues with the Church, this relationship is a recipe for disaster.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it is the reality. Peace & prayers for you as you make some every tough decisions.
livelovelaugh18 said:
I would like some help/insight on a problem I have. I was raised as a Novus Ordo catholic, however I do attend the Traditional Latin Mass (but at NO church). My boyfriend of two and a half years is a SSPV(Society of Saint Pius V) catholic and very against Vatican 2 and the Novus Ordo Mass. I don’t know what to do. We both want to marry each other, but the church difference is a huge problem. I do not want to change because I believe the SSPV is wrong, but I don’t know how to change or help my boyfriend to understand the differences and see that his church is wrong. Any advice?
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I do not expect anything other than prayer to work.

I advise you not to marry him while he is like this. You should probably stop dating him and look elsewhere.
 
Been in a similar spot, in the sense that I was dating a Baptist girl who expected me to drop Catholicism. She wanted to force change. In the end she made me choose, and we broke up.

A couple of years later, I dated ANOTHER Protestant. This time around neither of us had any expectations of anyone converting. We had good discussions, we both did our homework. That worked out a bit better, since I got a wife out of it and became her confirmation sponsor. I talk about it a bit more over here.

Moral of the story; it could work, but there needs to be mutual respect, understanding, and compromise. You have to know things may never change. You need to understand that the Sacraments he receives may not be valid. Essentially, you’re dating a Protestant right now, so that’s the approach you can take.

My wife and I are a success story. But we’re outliers, so pray about things before you move forward.
 
Please stop calling yourself a Novus Ordo Catholic. There is no such thing.
This discrimination attempt is very transparent and is a ploy by him to make you feel less.
Don’t buy into that line of thinking.
No one “changes” anyone, as you will read in any magazine or any self-help column.
 
livelovelaugh18 said:
I would like some help/insight on a problem I have. I was raised as a Novus Ordo catholic, however I do attend the Traditional Latin Mass (but at NO church). My boyfriend of two and a half years is a SSPV(Society of Saint Pius V) catholic and very against Vatican 2 and the Novus Ordo Mass. I don’t know what to do. We both want to marry each other, but the church difference is a huge problem. I do not want to change because I believe the SSPV is wrong, but I don’t know how to change or help my boyfriend to understand the differences and see that his church is wrong. Any advice?
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You can’t change your boyfriend. If you marry him with this mentality, you will be very unhappy.

The fact that you want your boyfriend to change sends a huge red flag. You should not want to marry someone if you have this big a problem - you should never want to marry someone and hope that they will change, you should accept them as they are or move on.

Lou
 
pianistclare said:
Please stop calling yourself a Novus Ordo Catholic. There is no such thing.
This discrimination attempt is very transparent and is a ploy by him to make you feel less.
Don’t buy into that line of thinking.
No one “changes” anyone, as you will read in any magazine or any self-help column.
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Bingo.

There’s no such thing as a “Novus Ordo Catholic”. There’s only one kind of Catholic to be, and that’s orthodox (lower-case “o”, not capital “O” as in the Orthodox Church).

The OP’s boyfriend is, in fact, in schism, which is very serious.

Assuming the OP is for real and not a troll, she should run, not walk away.
 
OraLabora said:
Bingo.

There’s no such thing as a “Novus Ordo Catholic”. There’s only one kind of Catholic to be, and that’s orthodox (lower-case “o”, not capital “O” as in the Orthodox Church).

The OP’s boyfriend is, in fact, in schism, which is very serious.

Assuming the OP is for real and not a troll, she should run, not walk away.
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One can validly and accurately use the descriptor “Novus Ordo Catholic” or “Traditionallst Catholic” to describe their preference for rites, devotions, and pastoral approaches while remaining in communion with Rome. I chuckle a little bit when people scold fellow Catholics for using such descriptors. In the case of the OP, there is absolutely nothing wrong with her saying that she is no longer a Novus Ordo Catholic. She made is very clear that she remains in communion with Rome but is not attached to the new rite.

I have no idea why you would assume a girl who is asking for help reconciling her boyfriend to the Catholic Church from schism would be a troll?

To the OP: Your boyfriend is misguided. But he is not so far gone as the other posters would lead you to believe. (Many posters on here are just fine with Catholic&protestant relationships but mention far-right schism and they blow a gasket!) Introduce him to the FSSP. Show him that the Church has made room for traditionalists and offers the old rites and sacraments in full communion with Rome.
 
There is only one person in the universe that one should marry: Their best friend.
Romance and sexual attraction fades rather fast in the mechanics of living together in a marriage…If the man leaves the toilet seat up one time too often, or the woman uses her husband’s razor on her legs and doe not tell her husband or changes the blade- all h**l can break loose if you are not best friends!
If you do not marry your absolute best friend, your marriage will not last too long in our modern society…The fact is, that regardless of right or wrong, divorce is too easy.
Like it or not, good friends do not try to impose their religious and/or moral beliefs on their friends…not if they want to remain friends!
The answer is simple: The best chance you have to have a successful marriage is to stay with your own!
Why do you think the Church is opposed to mixed marriages?
 
Melchior said:
Essentially, you’re dating a Protestant right now, so that’s the approach you can take.
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Yes I wonder if the advice by some to ‘run not walk away’ would be given if it were say a Lutheran or non denominational.
 
I am not a Novus Ordo Catholic and I resent the term. I attend the Ordinary Form because it is the only liturgy offered by the parish I love. I would prefer the EF or the Byzantine liturgy but at this point I only visit them when at liberty away from my home.

I am an orthodox Catholic who embraces all expressions of orthopraxy. I deplore abuses wherever they occur. In particular I am very concerned about liturgical music and its appropriateness to the sacred action, and at times the music alone has been enough to drive me away from OF worship.

I think “Novus Ordo Catholic” is derogatory. How would the SSPV parishioner feel about being called a “rad trad”? Be careful with labels!
 
johnnyc176 said:
Yes I wonder if the advice by some to ‘run not walk away’ would be given if it were say a Lutheran or non denominational.
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The issue is not the denomination, it is entering a relationship where one thinks one can change the others’ beliefs, and where one denigrates the beliefs of the other.

That is not a recipe for healthy marriage.

Moreover, sometimes the enemy within the Church is worse than the one outside it.
R_H_Benson said:
Many posters on here are just fine with Catholic&protestant relationships but mention far-right schism and they blow a gasket! Introduce him to the FSSP. Show him that the Church has made room for traditionalists and offers the old rites and sacraments in full communion with Rome.
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I am fine with Catholic and Protestant marriages where the two spouses respect each other and don’t try to browbeat the other into change. I am not fine with these marriages when they attempt to do as the OP and her boyfriend are attempting to do with each other, which is why I told her to move away from the relationship. Who knows there might even be a chance that the BF realizes what he’s losing, and it may soften him up a bit.

The second part of your advice is fine, if both sides are open to compromise and meeting on middle ground.
 
Tomdstone said:
Some marriages between two Catholics don’t work, as is seen by the huge number of marriage annulments. OTOH, some mixed marriages do work.
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That’s true, both my parents and myself are proof. My father was Anglican and my mother Catholic. I was raised Catholic. My wife is Anglican.

It works because we respect each other and don’t try to change each other.
 
SSPV is not Catholic - they are sedevandicists who have formally removed themselves from union with Rome. Their “priests” have no standing within the Church. You cannot attend their “Mass” to fulfill a Sunday obligation. And, the people I know who belong are just a bit off center.

I would run away. You will not change him. You will not be able to show him the fallacy of his ways. They actually have classes to indoctrinate their members. It seemed a lot like brainwashing to me.
 
OP, I would never consider marriage with someone who rejects the Catholic Church as invalid. Would you want this person to be the father of your children?
 
I think people need to get over themselves when telling others how they want to identify. Face it people identify as novus ordo and traditional. Either get over yourself or quit trying to force your opinion of how people should identify on others as gospel.

To the OP your boyfriend is a Christian and a catholic. You wouldn’t not marry a person you loved if they were a Methodist would you?
 
eightydeuce82 said:
To the OP your boyfriend is a Christian and a catholic. You wouldn’t not marry a person you loved if they were a Methodist would you?
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It is questionable whether he is Catholic. He is not in union with the pope, which is a necessary condition of Catholicism.

It is not like marrying a Methodist. It is like marrying a Fundamentalist who hands out tracts about the Catholic Church being the Whore of Babylon. To marry a person who despises your religion is extremely difficult. It is unrealistic to say that it will all be OK if you love him.
 
R_H_Benson said:
One can validly and accurately use the descriptor “Novus Ordo Catholic” or “Traditionallst Catholic” to describe their preference for rites, devotions, and pastoral approaches while remaining in communion with Rome. I chuckle a little bit when people scold fellow Catholics for using such descriptors. In the case of the OP, there is absolutely nothing wrong with her saying that she is no longer a Novus Ordo Catholic. She made is very clear that she remains in communion with Rome but is not attached to the new rite.

I have no idea why you would assume a girl who is asking for help reconciling her boyfriend to the Catholic Church from schism would be a troll?

To the OP: Your boyfriend is misguided. But he is not so far gone as the other posters would lead you to believe. (Many posters on here are just fine with Catholic&protestant relationships but mention far-right schism and they blow a gasket!) Introduce him to the FSSP. Show him that the Church has made room for traditionalists and offers the old rites and sacraments in full communion with Rome.
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Well, yeah, if one wants to pursue division and discord…sure.
Finger pointing is such bad form, and not at all what we Catholics should espouse.
Newsflash: Rome doesn’t encourage these divisions.
At this time in history, we should pull together, not argue about who personal opinion of the way is better.
 
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