Advice regarding cancer patient

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MtnDwellar

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I hadn’t spoken to my cousin for about 15 years. She called me last weekend. Lori had a double mastectomy and part of her lymph glands removed. She is high risk for more cancer. Lori’s teeth are falling out. The skin on her chest and back is badly burned from radiation. She is malnourished. She lives alone in MO.

She is very sad and depressed about her condition. She receives a little money from disability but it does not meet her basic needs.

I looked up some charities, including Catholic Charities and gave her the numbers. So far, we are not getting any help.

My assessment is that she is dying. I would love to help her, but don’t know what to do. I can send money. I live alone in MD and have room for her, but due to my work schedule, I don’t think I can care for her properly.

The bright side is that Lori now takes religion seriously and we have had some good conversations. We have prayed together on the phone.

Suggestions?
 
Check into the home care and perhaps hospice care that Maryland offers. That way, she might be able to have a visiting nurse while living with you. Alternatively, she could move into an assisted living facility nearby. The Franciscans have excellent hospice centers in many larger metro areas. One such facility was a blessing for a friend in her last days. Look also for cancer support groups associated with local hospitals and treatment facilities. They have access to many resources that can be brought into play in such case.

The true blessing is that sis is serious about her life and her eternity. Soon, this will all be over for all of us, and the spiritual preparations we make now make a never ending difference. She will be in my Rosary for cancer patients.
 
Are you quite sure (from talking to family that interact with her day to day) that she is actually suffering from cancer, as opposed to a serious drug habit? Check in with her other relatives. If she is sick, talk to your relatives and see what you can organize for her in terms of food deliveries (see what she can manage to get down) and gift cards.

I hate to have to mention the drug addiction possibility, but there are sometimes weird scams involving cancer and faked illnesses.

Good luck!
 
You can speak to the social workers at the hospital where she had the operation, and the local Dept of Aging, to see what community resources are available. Just Google her county name and “services for the aging”.

If she is a veteran she could probably receive a good number of benefits from the VA. Despite the problems you hear on the news, they do provide some very good end of life resources.

Good luck.
 
Xantippe said:
Are you quite sure (from talking to family that interact with her day to day) that she is actually suffering from cancer, as opposed to a serious drug habit? Check in with her other relatives. If she is sick, talk to your relatives and see what you can organize for her in terms of food deliveries (see what she can manage to get down) and gift cards.

I hate to have to mention the drug addiction possibility, but there are sometimes weird scams involving cancer and faked illnesses.

Good luck!
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One of the saddest things is that no one interacts with her day to day. Her mother was there for the surgery. It’s real.

Lori estimated 4000 miles on buses, all alone, going to and from the cancer center during the first 8 months after surgery.
 
ChurchSoldier said:
You can speak to the social workers at the hospital where she had the operation, and the local Dept of Aging, to see what community resources are available. Just Google her county name and “services for the aging”.

If she is a veteran she could probably receive a good number of benefits from the VA. Despite the problems you hear on the news, they do provide some very good end of life resources.

Good luck.
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Thanks for the suggestions. Lori is 56 years old. I don’t know if services for the aging are right. She’s not a veteran.

It seems like her current biggest concern is her teeth. The chemo has weakened them. She cannot chew food very well. She saw a dentist who is willing to pull the damaged teeth and give her a temporary bridge for $250. A temporary doesn’t sound like a long term solution??? Lori doesn’t want to do it. She claims that she is sick of doctors removing parts of her body and leaving her in a mess. Medicaid doesn’t pay for dental.
 
MtnDweller, is Lori taking high calorie food supplements like ensure or a supermarket brand to gain weight and assist with the healing of the radiation burns?
 
Contact her local health dept. Often cities, states, and counties have sliding scale dental services. Also check with local colleges/universities that have dental schools. The one near us offers dental care at less than half price if the patient is willing to allow a student to do the treatment.
 
TheHolyTrinity said:
MtnDweller, is Lori taking high calorie food supplements like ensure or a supermarket brand to gain weight and assist with the healing of the radiation burns?
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Lori mentioned Ensure and said that she had a prescription? from a doctor, but cannot use it because of the lactose.
 
Perhaps the doctor could write a script for a soy version of Ensure (if there is one) or a similar soy product?
 
There are nurses thar specialize in what is called palliative care or symptom management, there are also nurses called nurse navigators that help patients navigate through the problems associated with cancer treatment. At my cancer center we have one of each, plus a social worker, a financial counselor and a dietitian. We set patients up with dental visits at the state dental school (they need the practice on more challenging cases), give samples of dietary supplements and drinks, give free gas cards and cab rides, free food, free hats and wigs and support groups. Just this week I contacted my local church parish to set up weekly visits to a patient’s home who lived alone and needed support. We even had one nurse work with a daycare and set up babysitting for a young mom who could not come to treatment because she had no one to keep her kids. The daycare provided the care for free because we treated one of the employees when they had cancer.
All accredited cancer centers have to have most of these things (nurse navigators, palliative care specialist, social workers and dietitians) . If it is possible a family member should attend her next visit and discuss the patient’s needs with the support staff (RNs, social workers, dietitian, etc). We are located in a very lower income area of my city and even without the benefit of a larger cancer center (we are affiliated with a small community hospital) we provide a great deal of support for our patients. We even offer free massages and a fitness instructor. Please have someone go with her to kindly advocate for her needs. Just yesterday I hooked one of my patients into a visit with the nurse practitioner for palliative care. The patient kept coming to clinic for chemo and was not telling anybody about the terrible extent of his pain and neuropathy. For some reason that day he felt comfortable talking to me and I was then able to advocate on his behalf for more help. I have gotten gas cards for patients, dental care set up and so many patients visits with the dietitian. Encourage her to let the staff in on how bad things are, they may not be aware. And if they are and aren’t helping look at another cancer treatment center. I am sorry to hear the Catholic Charities did not help. Have you tried hospice. Hospice people are the most amazing and kind people. They deal with dying and the fears that surround it every day. They should know many ways to help.
Best of luck.
 
Timeless, Thanks for the post.

I’ll mention some of these things to Lori. You are describing a wonderful and thorough care system. I’m not seeing this in Lori’s case. For example, she received $200 for a wig from a cancer charity. She used the money for bus fare. She gets a majority of her food from food pantries. Her diet is mostly canned goods.

I suspect that she may be missing or forgetting what she’s told. There is no one to accompany her.

I’m wondering if the difference in care is the difference between a small southern town and a large urban area???
 
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