Advice/Thoughts - Re: a LDS friend/co-worker

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waxwing

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Hi

I need some advise/thoughts on a situation that has arisen regarding a LDS friend who offered to give a me a Book of Mormon.

I have known this woman cor-worker for several years now, we joke around a fair bit, have good chemistry etc…She is LDS, devout I think, she knows I’m Catholic; we have occasionally discussed topics of faith on a very general level. In a sea of people who behave/believe somewhat relativistically/amorally she is a breath of fresh. I have actually been praying for her lately so that she may know Jesus Christ in a more truthful way - ala not the LDS church. Anyways today she asked if I read religious books, which I replied yes I do, in fact I am reading The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer right now, I told her about him and the book and the term “cheap grace” / importance of obedience etc…She seemed to be in general agreement with message within book. She then brought up the Book of Mormon and went on to briefly describe it, basically saying its the most truthful book out there…I mostly just listened (I know the BOM is false) but let her go on…we then talked about common ground stuff re morality, most people I know in relationship living together unfortunately, and that I do admire LDS tend not to do this…live in area with higher than average population and that seems to be the case. I told her I would take the book, but wouldn’t guarantee I would actually read it, nor did I want to give her any sort of false impression based on taking the book. She seems OK with this.

This is sort of where we left off, she didn’t have a BOM right there, but am expecting in the days to come she will give this to me. I just need advise on the whole matter.

I don’t want to hurt her feelings and tell her the LDS faith is false, nor do I want to be argumentative or have a spirit triumphalism re the Catholic Church.

A response that sprung to mind is Why would I read/pray about the BOM when I’m already in a church that has the fulness of truth. but again I want this be conveyed in a loving/kind way. Like I wrote earlier she has been on my mind lately because I would like her to know Christ without the false baggage of the LDS church.

Anyways I hope all this made sense and I appreciate any words of advise or thoughts in general.

Thanks
 
Reading between the lines, I think you’re both out to convert the other, and I think it might be best for both of you to establish a boundary on this. (You can’t complain if she’s trying to draw you into her faith if you’re trying to do the same to her with yours.)

A simple and polite, “No, thank you, I’m not interested,” will do. Repeat as necessary. And respect when and if she does the same with any materials you try to present to her.

(Actually, ideally, neither of you should try to present materials to the other. I suspect this wouldn’t go well if either of you try to keep pushing the other to your respective beliefs.)
 
Just tell her “No thanks. I discovered that if I ever want to read the Book of Mormon, or any other Mormon scriptures, they are easily available on the Internet. Don’t go to the trouble of giving me one, perhaps you can find someone else who is more interested.” That would be the most polite way of turning down the offer.

Then, as suggested, set the ground rules. “Let’s not talk about religion, OK? Differences in religion have destroyed too many good friendships.”
 
I lived & worked in an area with a large LDS population. I worked with LDS folks who were respectful of those who belonged to another church and those LDS who were always trying to convert others.

For me, when the converters started in, I would let them know I felt it was inappropriate to proselytise at work and tell them “no thanks - I’m happy being a christian.” Didn’t make me many friends but it did stop them from bothering me.
 
Indigo_Cardinal said:
Reading between the lines, I think you’re both out to convert the other, and I think it might be best for both of you to establish a boundary on this. (You can’t complain if she’s trying to draw you into her faith if you’re trying to do the same to her with yours.)

A simple and polite, “No, thank you, I’m not interested,” will do. Repeat as necessary. And respect when and if she does the same with any materials you try to present to her.

(Actually, ideally, neither of you should try to present materials to the other. I suspect this wouldn’t go well if either of you try to keep pushing the other to your respective beliefs.)
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👍👍
I think both of you should set up boundaries about trying to convert the other. If this is not done, the relationship can get sour really fast. This is someone you work with so you do not want it to be uncomfortable.
 
Many LDS are pretty cliquish and the ones I worked with seemed to feel their church is the right one and even though they are nice people,
they do like to try to convert people. There is a couple in my church and the wife converted to the Catholic faith from the Mormon church, but a lot of times they try to convert others to the Church of Latter Day Saints.
 
Just say
“No thanks, as you know, I’m a very happy practicing Catholic.”
Smile.
PERIOD.

If necessary, say it again. With a bigger smile.
 
Maybe I’ve misread something but it seems that you have a great opportunity to me. And I’m not talking about converting someone…but yes to creating dialogues where you can share the truth. It seems that you have a friendship with a person who has a different belief system than yours. What a great chance to learn about each other’s beliefs through friendly discussions. That can be tough with strangers, but really interesting and productive with friends, I’ve found. Naturally, over the course of your discussions you both will be trying to share the truth with each other…but that’s great! Because the truth can withstand examination…and falsehoods crumble.

Sometimes those conversations can be tense depending on the topic…but if a friendship has been established…it need not damage the friendship. The friendship will survive. Besides, are we really going to say we shouldn’t share the gift we’ve been given because we might lose a friend? Friendship is more important than sharing the Truth? I feel that if we really care about a friend…we should want to share the Truth with them. A good approach that I’ve been told over and over again by many people is to agree to learn about her religion and be willing to state what Catholics believe and why. And that’s it. The Holy Spirit will take care of conversion.

If you are strong in your faith, I don’t see anything wrong with accepting the BOM and reading it as a way to learn about her faith. I don’t think that gives her a false impression especially if you state something like “I like to learn about other religions.”

Good luck and God bless.
 
JohnGerard said:
Maybe I’ve misread something but it seems that you have a great opportunity to me. And I’m not talking about converting someone…but yes to creating dialogues where you can share the truth. It seems that you have a friendship with a person who has a different belief system than yours. What a great chance to learn about each other’s beliefs through friendly discussions. That can be tough with strangers, but really interesting and productive with friends, I’ve found. Naturally, over the course of your discussions you both will be trying to share the truth with each other…but that’s great! Because the truth can withstand examination…and falsehoods crumble.

Sometimes those conversations can be tense depending on the topic…but if a friendship has been established…it need not damage the friendship. The friendship will survive. Besides, are we really going to say we shouldn’t share the gift we’ve been given because we might lose a friend? Friendship is more important than sharing the Truth? I feel that if we really care about a friend…we should want to share the Truth with them. A good approach that I’ve been told over and over again by many people is to agree to learn about her religion and be willing to state what Catholics believe and why. And that’s it. The Holy Spirit will take care of conversion.

If you are strong in your faith, I don’t see anything wrong with accepting the BOM and reading it as a way to learn about her faith. I don’t think that gives her a false impression especially if you state something like “I like to learn about other religions.”

Good luck and God bless.
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Thanks for reply.
I am torn, between the “No, I won’t take the BOM and lets not talk about faith” approach and the yes take, but let her know I may not/probably won’t read it. I’ve been thinking about bringing a book(a Catholic one or even something Protestant that covers the basics of Christianity) and agreeing to take the BOM in exchange for the book I bring? That; and continuing to pray for her. I want her to become a Christian, the only way I know how for that to happen is to pray for her, and talk/behave in Christian way with her. I don’t want to cut off faith related dialogue because we have fair bit in common on other issues that touch upon faith.
 
waxwing said:
Thanks for reply.
I am torn, between the “No, I won’t take the BOM and lets not talk about faith” approach and the yes take, but let her know I may not/probably won’t read it. I’ve been thinking about bringing a book(a Catholic one or even something Protestant that covers the basics of Christianity) and agreeing to take the BOM in exchange for the book I bring? That; and continuing to pray for her. I want her to become a Christian, the only way I know how for that to happen is to pray for her, and talk/behave in Christian way with her. I don’t want to cut off faith related dialogue because we have fair bit in common on other issues that touch upon faith.
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Why would you accept a book that is completely contrary to your faith?
this is not a trading places scenario. She is trying to get you into her church.
You are Catholic.
You want her to become Christian? Great! Talk to her about it. Be gentle, be kind, be informative, answer questions. But don’t open the door to having to “be fair” and listen to their hard sell or to read their book.
You will live to regret that.
 
pianistclare said:
Why would you accept a book that is completely contrary to your faith?
this is not a trading places scenario. She is trying to get you into her church.
You are Catholic.
You want her to become Christian? Great! Talk to her about it. Be gentle, be kind, be informative, answer questions. But don’t open the door to having to “be fair” and listen to their hard sell or to read their book.
You will live to regret that.
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Yes I know she is - I am also trying to get her into my church. So what type of response would you suggest that says -
No I don’t want your BOM, yes I still want to be your friend but most importantly I want you to see you are following a faith that is flawed in fundamental ways-

Should I tell her I have been praying for her in this regard? And it would be dishonest/disingenuous to take a book that runs counter to my faith?
 
waxwing said:
Yes I know she is - I am also trying to get her into my church. So what type of response would you suggest that says -
No I don’t want your BOM, yes I still want to be your friend but most importantly I want you to see you are following a faith that is flawed in fundamental ways-

Should I tell her I have been praying for her in this regard? And it would be dishonest/disingenuous to take a book that runs counter to my faith?
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All you can do is to be a good example of a Catholic and a Christian.
She has to come to this on her own.
Yes, it would be disingenuous to accept a book that clearly is harmful to your soul.
You can be her friend, I dont think anyone is advocating that you dump the friendship.
Many LDS come to the conclusion that it’s all bogus on their own as they mature.
Some do not. Focus on your work. If you socialize outside of work, you can invite her to your Catholics events or parties with many Catholics. But you must make it clear that you are not looking to convert to Mormonism. And you also have to accept that she may not have any desire to convert to Catholicism.
At the end of the day, be the best example that you can be.
that converts more people than talking about your faith. Clearly she’s not interested since she wants to give you the book.
Don’t you feel awkward when people knock on your door and ask if you are saved, or invite you to their churches? Same thing.
Leave her be. Be her friend. And if she comes asking??? BE READY.
 
pianistclare said:
All you can do is to be a good example of a Catholic and a Christian.
She has to come to this on her own.
Yes, it would be disingenuous to accept a book that clearly is harmful to your soul.
You can be her friend, I don[t think anyone is advocating that you dump the friendship.
Many LDS come to the conclusion that it’s all bogus on their own as they mature.
Some do not. Focus on your work. If you socialize outside of work, you can invite her to your Catholics events or parties with many Catholics. But you must make it clear that you are not looking to convert to Mormonism. And you also have to accept that she may not have any desire to convert to Catholicism.
At the end of the day, be the best example that you can be.
that converts more people than talking about your faith. Clearly she’s not interested since she wants to give you the book.
Don’t you feel awkward when people knock on your door and ask if you are saved, or invite you to their churches? Same thing.
Leave her be. Be her friend. And if she comes asking??? BE READY.
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Thanks for your thoughts - I have been praying that the Holy Spirit be with me when I talk to her in the future so I speak in truth, kindness and courage.
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You are being presented with an opportunity to point someone in the direction of the fullness of Truth. Take the book. You can graciously make it clear you are not interested in converting. Let her know you’re taking the book because you want to better understand her point of view. Taking the book will help open the door for you to share your faith with her. It will also give you a better understanding of where she is coming from, and will enable you to more effectively talk with her. You can use what you read as a starting place for a conversation about why you believe what you do. Ask her questions about things you disagree with, listen, and respond with love; share the truth you have been blessed to find in the Catholic Church. At some point, she may be willing to take a book you want to share with her. If you are sincere in your interactions with her, she will be more likely to listen when you speak about your faith–she may disagree with you, but you’ll be planting seeds. Trust the Holy Spirit to lead you both.
 
If your taking the book is a form of hoping that such an act will open her to your faith, there is an element of manipulation is that.

I say forgo the book. Live your Catholic life and let that be your witness.

Though there is no concrete evidence that St Francis of Asissi said the following, he was known to live his life according to the following philosophy.

“Always preach the Gospel. And use words when necessary”

Personally, I am with the other person who thinks that the work place is no place for the two of you trying to convert the other, however. 🤷
 
Manipulation is apparent in a steering of the conversation to religious books, when the interest was to proselytize with a Book of Mormon.

waxwing, your coworker may have no intention to read anything you suggest, just as you have no intention to read a BoM. I’d take the advice already given, to stop trying to convert each other.
 
waxwing said:
Thanks for reply.
I am torn, between the “No, I won’t take the BOM and lets not talk about faith” approach and the yes take, but let her know I may not/probably won’t read it. I’ve been thinking about bringing a book(a Catholic one or even something Protestant that covers the basics of Christianity) and agreeing to take the BOM in exchange for the book I bring? That; and continuing to pray for her. I want her to become a Christian, the only way I know how for that to happen is to pray for her, and talk/behave in Christian way with her. I don’t want to cut off faith related dialogue because we have fair bit in common on other issues that touch upon faith.
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I would not take the book. By taking the book, even with a disclaimer, would just encourage your friend. I would guess by taking the book you would soon have missionaries at your door. While this does present an opportunity to share your faith, mostly it will present a real separation in your friendship and possibly your working relationship. One thing I do know is the LDS converters do not like being told no.

As far as you converting her, let your life and the Holy Spirit do the work.
 
Horton said:
I would not take the book. By taking the book, even with a disclaimer, would just encourage your friend. I would guess by taking the book you would soon have missionaries at your door. While this does present an opportunity to share your faith, mostly it will present a real separation in your friendship and possibly your working relationship. One thing I do know is the LDS converters do not like being told no.

As far as you converting her, let your life and the Holy Spirit do the work.
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I agree with you, Horton.

I certainly would not take the BoM, because that might give her the impression that she already has a “foot in the door”, which she could misinterpret as an invitation for her to try and proselytize. I would not be surprised if missionaries did come knocking on your door, as a result. I believe the advice that others have already given about being a good Christian example for her, and leaving out any discussion of either religion in the workplace, is your best course of action. You don’t want to cause any negative repercussions that might happen as a result of any hard feelings that develop between you, that could also affect your work, or your position in the company. I would steer clear just to avoid anything like that happening.
 
pianistclare said:
But don’t open the door to having to “be fair” and listen to their hard sell or to read their book.
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Thank You to all who responded. Sometimes you need a outside/objective voice(s) to help you see the situation more clearly. Of all the responses this quote, resonated with me…true I’m not obligated to “be fair” - this is the truth we’re talking about and not open to trade/negotiating etc. I as a Catholic have the fulness of that truth and yes I’d love for her to have it too I can’t compromise my faith for the sake of “niceness” or “fairness”. She hasn’t offered the book yet, she know I’m a practicing Catholic, and during our little talk the other day I hope I reemphasized that fact, so maybe she won’t after all. But if she does, I plan on replying No Thanks I’m a Catholic and have no desire or need to look elsewhere for the truth or something along those lines.

I will continue to pray for her though.

Thanks Again To All
 
Waxwing, I admire your commitment to praying for your friend and living the Gospel. Truly. That is a great plan.
I am obviously way in the minority here but I am a little bewildered by some of the responses to your post. If you know your own faith and are strong in it, I don’t see how reading the BOM would be damaging to your soul. I just don’t. The only way it could is if it causes you to believe falsehoods. I admit it would have that potential, but if you don’t…just reading it can’t cause you any damage. I think it could do the opposite. It could lead you to an even greater appreciation of the Truth that you have. I also don’t at all see how reading the BOM is a compromise with the Truth of the faith you currently hold. Can we really expect others to read anything we may give them if we are unwilling to reciprocate? That just sounds like two people digging their heels in and maybe shutting down the lines of communication altogether. I would view reading books such as the BOM or the Koran, etc. as an exercise in better understanding the faith of others, in this case, your friend. I don’t see that as dangerous or manipulative. This would seem to me to only lead to interesting dialogues in which you both would be sharing what you believe and the Truth would be revealed. That is what we should all want. I believe us Christians are obligated to share the Truth with others. Primarily by how we live, but also through conversations.

I understand your plan to pray and live the Gospel. It is awesome.

I just don’t see danger or manipulation in better understanding the belief systems of other people. I think that just makes for much better authentic dialogues about faith and Truth.
 
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