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February

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What do you all think of a guy who: calls you nicknames such as “keeper of my soul”, frequently calls you, asks you to be his confirmation sponsor, falls asleep at your house, sends you good morning/good night messages, becomes jealous about your male friends…

But ALSO: lies, hides things from you, doesn’t let you on his Facebook page, takes phone calls while out with you and walks away to talk privately, sends text messages while you are out together, vaguely answers your questions, and um, most likely still has a girlfriend that he has been dating for probably over a year now!

Should I stay in touch with this person whom I have become very attached and close to, or cut him off? This is obviously going to be more painful to me than it is to him. 😦
 
February said:
What do you all think of a guy who: calls you nicknames such as “keeper of my soul”, frequently calls you, asks you to be his confirmation sponsor, falls asleep at your house, sends you good morning/good night messages, becomes jealous about your male friends…

But ALSO: lies, hides things from you, doesn’t let you on his Facebook page, takes phone calls while out with you and walks away to talk privately, sends text messages while you are out together, vaguely answers your questions, and um, most likely still has a girlfriend that he has been dating for probably over a year now!

Should I stay in touch with this person whom I have become very attached and close to, or cut him off? This is obviously going to be more painful to me than it is to him. 😦
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I think you should cut him off. The fact that he lies, hides things from you, is jealous of your male friends, and most likely still has a girlfriend means he’ll only cause you pain in the long run.

Don’t waste your time, there are decent men out there.

(And what on earth is on his Facebook that he doesn’t want you to see!)
 
February said:
What do you all think of a guy who: calls you nicknames such as “keeper of my soul”, frequently calls you, asks you to be his confirmation sponsor, falls asleep at your house, sends you good morning/good night messages, becomes jealous about your male friends…

But ALSO: lies, hides things from you, doesn’t let you on his Facebook page, takes phone calls while out with you and walks away to talk privately, sends text messages while you are out together, vaguely answers your questions, and um, most likely still has a girlfriend that he has been dating for probably over a year now!

Should I stay in touch with this person whom I have become very attached and close to, or cut him off? This is obviously going to be more painful to me than it is to him. 😦
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I agree with flyingfish. Try to distance yourself.

You don’t have to burn a bridge or kill a freindship, but you do need to draw boundries.
 
What would I call a guy like that? It’s simple: A complete waste of your time.

The pain you may feel for breaking it off with this guy is worth it. If you stay involved with him it will only hurt a million times worse later on.

Please remember that Christ loves you and values you so much more than any guy on this planet.

God bless 🙂
 
February dear, I think you know the answer.

Just be thankful it didn’t go farther than it did. I’m serious, Thank the Lord.

I’m sorry for your pain,
Teresa
 
I know, I just can’t understand why a 30+ year old would do this. Any thoughts? I’m willing to bet that this girl doesn’t know the extent of his “friendship” with me, either. Also, if his faith is so important to him, why would he not want a spouse that shares his values? Why does he come to me with all the “Catholic” stuff? This is not fair, and I am up at 1:30 and cannot sleep, and have to work tomorrow.
 
February said:
I know, I just can’t understand why a 30+ year old would do this. Any thoughts? I’m willing to bet that this girl doesn’t know the extent of his “friendship” with me, either. Also, if his faith is so important to him, why would he not want a spouse that shares his values? Why does he come to me with all the “Catholic” stuff? This is not fair, and I am up at 1:30 and cannot sleep, and have to work tomorrow.
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Oh wow, he is over 30. From your description I thought this was a 19 year old.

Run, run, run. If he is like this at 30+, he will never change. Find yourself a family man.

(And his faith may be important to him, but that doesn’t mean he is not a sinner, or is particularly mature and of the right disposition toward family. Maybe he is trying to be Catholic, maybe coming to you with the “Catholic” stuff is just a way for him to interact with a woman. Who knows. Don’t waste your time on this guy 😦 If his girlfriend doesn’t know about you, chances are you don’t know about her and possibly other women.)

Either way, even if we are wrong about him, taking a break will help you to see the truth. See how he will react to you cutting him off.
 
February said:
I know, I just can’t understand why a 30+ year old would do this. Any thoughts? I’m willing to bet that this girl doesn’t know the extent of his “friendship” with me, either. Also, if his faith is so important to him, why would he not want a spouse that shares his values? Why does he come to me with all the “Catholic” stuff? This is not fair, and I am up at 1:30 and cannot sleep, and have to work tomorrow.
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It’s maybe a bad thing to say bit there is definitely a “type” that he certainly sounds like he is a member of. On the one hand, there is who he wants to be and is sometimes. This side is very lovable and has tremendous qualities. Then there is the other side. That is not content with one women and a “normal” life and may never be.

It’s either that or he is very susceptible to being an instrument of God and also the Devil. It might sound extreme but I married this type and saw the Devil work in him.

One thing is a fact. You can not change him. Only he can. If he is 30+ he may never change. Please don’t forget this.

I’m thankful that you see the signs before a marriage or children happen. It is very hard to find the line where he is doing more harm than good once the children come. With the two sides it is a whirlwind of a life.

Pray about it February, I know you can’t sleep because us “types” tend to be the devoted kind and want to fix everyone. Pray for peace and patience. Then just sit back a bit and observe. You will see who is really is and be more at peace with your decision.

God Bless,
Teresa
 
It could be he honestly has no idea you have stronger feelings for him than that of a close friendship. He could value you as a spiritual sister. Some people have difficulty reading signs and assessing relational situations. I’ve been on both sides of similar situations - recently the more painful side. Since you are his sponsor, I wouldn’t cut him off. But having boundaries and reassessing your level of emotional involvement with him would be a good idea. He obviously values you as a dear friend and relies on your support spiritually. It might be helpful for both of you if after he’s received or before then you direct him to another spiritual supporter, such as your priest so he can have a more qualified adviser with a more clearly defined relationship to him.

Falling asleep at your house . . been there. If it would help, set a time where he has to leave your house.

I’m sorry you’re in this position. It hurts a lot and this man was sending mixed signals. It’s understandable that you feel like this.
 
danishspoons said:
It could be he honestly has no idea you have stronger feelings for him than that of a close friendship. He could value you as a spiritual sister. Some people have difficulty reading signs and assessing relational situations. I’ve been on both sides of similar situations - recently the more painful side. Since you are his sponsor, I wouldn’t cut him off. But having boundaries and reassessing your level of emotional involvement with him would be a good idea. He obviously values you as a dear friend and relies on your support spiritually. It might be helpful for both of you if after he’s received or before then you direct him to another spiritual supporter, such as your priest so he can have a more qualified adviser with a more clearly defined relationship to him.

Falling asleep at your house . . been there. If it would help, set a time where he has to leave your house.

I’m sorry you’re in this position. It hurts a lot and this man was sending mixed signals. It’s understandable that you feel like this.
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Well, I think he knows. He has made jokes about me being “the mother of his children”, saying that if he moved somewhere for a job, I could go with him…and with the Facebook thing and him being vague, he said that he didn’t want a bunch of women “fighting over him” followed quickly by a j/k. There have been other things, too, like when I took him to confession and church that “his parents would approve”. Yes, it hurts me emotionally and physically. And I have to get ready for work on four hours’ sleep 😦
 
February said:
Should I stay in touch with this person whom I have become very attached and close to, or cut him off? This is obviously going to be more painful to me than it is to him.
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He is a man of small character.

(a) You deserve better
(b) If you actually “get” him as your own, you’ve gotten nothing but trouble

Walk away and be thankful.
 
February said:
I know, I just can’t understand why a 30+ year old would do this. Any thoughts? I’m willing to bet that this girl doesn’t know the extent of his “friendship” with me, either. Also, if his faith is so important to him, why would he not want a spouse that shares his values? Why does he come to me with all the “Catholic” stuff? This is not fair, and I am up at 1:30 and cannot sleep, and have to work tomorrow.
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It doesn’t matter why he does it. Don’t waste energy trying to figure it out.

Not going to change.
 
YUP run girl! As fast as you can…that kind of man only leads to heart breaks and too much drama!!! 😦 Good luck and GOD bless…
 
You are asking yourself the wrong question: Also, if his faith is so important to him, why would he not want a spouse that shares his values?

If YOUR faith is so important to YOU, why don’t YOU want a spouse who shares YOUR values?

He doesn’t. Be glad you have seen the real side of him. The side he shows the world. The side he is hiding from you.

He is NOT marriage material. Don’t let him sleep at your house anymore. Ignore his manipulative flattering comments about how wonderful you are. He says you are wonderful. But he treats you like dirt. Really. There is no honesty in your relationship. He doesn’t give you the benefit of the truth.

Call him a “pal” but nothing more.

Leave him to all those women fighting over him. He likes it. It will be ever thus so with him. Even if he has a wife. He’ll be sneaking online, with a facebook she can’t see, and him giving vague answers to his whereabouts.

I was one of those fools who married such a man who told me he “wanted a wife with high standards” but he didn’t have high standards. RUN. NOW. Don’t even cry about it. You have no idea the pain you are escaping. You should be laughing as your run. Laughing with joy at the trap you have evaded.

Lose the loser now.

Let him grow up on some other woman’s dime and some other woman’s time.
 
Run and don’t stop till you reach the ocean, then swim!

He’s NOT marriage material. He’s not worthy of ANY of your time!

RUN!!!
 
Okay, I’ll go out on a limb here. Prediction time.

It’s unanimous here that you should get rid of this guy on your sofa who thinks you’d make a great mother of his children.

You sound like a smart focused woman.

You will follow our advice.

Next time you talk to him, you will tell him, “Gee, Joe, this isn’t working for me. We don’t have that much in common. All those women chasing you can have you. Please don’t come over and hang out. I’m going to get a real boyfriend who shares my values.”

Then the fun begins.

He will tear up. He will cry. He will tell you how you are the gold standard by which he evaluates all other women and he just realized as you are walking out the door how precious you are to him and you make him a better person, and no one comes close to you, and he will grow up and be better blah blah blablalalalala…

Yeah.

Don’t fall for it. You have no obligation to be the eternal salvation of a man who is too lazy to do it for himself and live by the values his parents spent decades instilling in him. By the time he’s 30, he should have his relationship with the Almighty pretty much fixed. If not, don’t think you can take on that task. That’s a job for God far away from your life.

He’s got the flimflam man routine down pat, I suspect.

Smile and tell him his actions speak so loudly you can’t hear a word he’s saying. Close the door in his face. Lock it. Don’t let him back in.

Just warning you in case he’s like all the others… 😉

Oh… and he hasn’t earned the right to have any proprietary interest over you. He’s one of those “one set of rules for me, another for you” types. And all his labels for you are all about what you can do for HIM. I see nothing in here about what he’s willing to do for you. Unless you think you can survive on good morning emails as your source of sustenance for the rest of your life.
 
Wow, yeah, I take that back. It seems he is fully conscious that he is leading you on. That is awful of him.
 
I’m not saying not to RUN. but I do wonder how much of his double standard you’ve exposed clearly to him. You could say something like, you know I understand that you feel more comfortable knowing yada yada about me, but I would also feel more comfortable knowing yada yada about you. I would suggest doing this in a public place, and not letting him near your house again without some serious answers and coming to grips with reality. He will probably try to explain himself away, or apologize profusely.
Then again, by demanding he come clean with you, you would be acting like a counselor to him, and forming a dependency relationship. This would mean he would use you like a crutch, and without your prompting, probably wouldn’t grow much in being clean, since it would have been your initiative, not his.
Any way I analyze, I only see RUN. He needs to grow up on his own before he’s capable of a relationship.
 
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