Afraid of confession

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My mom doesn´t want to go to confession 😦 . I´ve tried talking to her several times, but it is seems she is afraid of talking to the priest. She tells me she´ll go, but she never does. I try to explain her why it´s necessary, but she argues she´s repented of her sins and always ask for God´s mercy and forgiveness…how can I let her see that we all need this sacrament? I want my mom to be in state of grace and i don´t know how to help her 😦 what should i do?
God bless.
 
My father was the same way. He kept telling me that it was different after Vatican II, that he wouldn’t know what to do. I told him it was no different, just confess like you used to, but he was still afraid to go. I offered him the opportunity to go with me every time I went (about once a month), but he always turned me down. I always prayed for him, asking God to open his heart and bring him back to the sacrament. It took almost a year, but one day about a month ago, my dad came to me and said “You’ll be pleased to know, I went to confession this afternoon. You were right, it hasn’t changed at all.” Prayer works! Keep at it!
 
i don’t know what your mom thinks of JP2, but it might help to note that he goes often, weekly i think. also it is may help pointing out that when Jesus gave the power to forgive sins to the Apostles, He breathed on them. the other time God breathed on man, it was at the creation. it would seem that He considered it a significant act, surely one in which He would want us to partake.
thanks for listening, love and peace, terry
 
Tell her to go, if for nothing else then to hear the words, I absolve you from your sins. Good luck and God Bless!
 
Just keep working on her, keep praying and eventually with the grace of God she will return. Always have Hope! 🙂
 
If she is afraid of confessing to a priest then tell her that Jesus is real there “only hidden by the priest” Please read St. Faustina’s Diary # 1602 for more details.
 
Why is she so afraid? Is it because she’s afraid the priest can’t help but judge her residually or that she’ll feel embarassed to see the priest later, outside the confessional?

In Wichita there are numerous churches within 15 minutes’ drive with confessions at various times. Downtown at the Cathedral they have daily confessions before noon Mass. I know I shouldn’t, but sometimes I feel funny about confessing to our own pastor, so I’ve gone downtown to confess before. I don’t know your situation, but have you tried offering to go with her to a priest where she can feel certain of anonymity? Maybe that can help her break the ice.

Alan
 
Perhaps an approach from our human emotional/psychological need?

It is difficult, no doubt, to tell another human being the sins we have committed. But it is what God has asked us to do, and it is actually good for us. It gets the sin off our conscience. How many people pay hundreds of dollars to see a psychiatrist because of depression and all sorts of anxiety? One of the reasons it is therapeutic is because people can rationalize with unbelievable expertise, and it sometimes takes an outside person to help us uncover our wounds.

I once attended a self-help seminar through an organization called Wings. One of the things they had the participants do was to sit opposite another stranger in the group and tell them all the things they have done and feel guilty about. The other person, at the end, was instructed to say “I forgive you (on behalf of those you have hurt).” I looked around the room during this exercise and saw almost all of the thirty or so people crying, some to the point of uncontrollable sobbing. At the end of the exercise, we met as a group and were asked to tell the others how that made us feel. The response was overwhelming. Nearly everyone said how they felt a huge burden had been lifted from them and how at peace they felt.

I felt like an outsider during this exercise and I think the group leaders must have thought I was not willing to let myself open up. Fortunately, I was paired up with another Christian, who also confessed her sins on a regular basis, so we were both spared some discomfort. But what the seminar leaders didn’t understand is that I do not have unresolved issues because through the Catholic Church and through the Sacrament of Confession I have continually throughout my life been encouraged to confess my sins. The peace I feel after confession is even more dramatic than what those people went through, because my forgiveness is not pretend. I hear a priest of God, on behalf of God, tell me at the end of my confession “I absolve you from your sins, in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, Amen. Go in Peace.”

The evidence is strong that this is what God, in His infinite Wisdom, has intended for us. The Bible clearly points it out, the earliest Christians certainly understood it, and we can see that it is necessary for our mental and spiritual well being. How great is the love of God for us!
 
Chris W:
But what the seminar leaders didn’t understand is that I do not have unresolved issues because through the Catholic Church and through the Sacrament of Confession I have continually throughout my life been encouraged to confess my sins. The peace I feel after confession is even more dramatic than what those people went through, because my forgiveness is not pretend. I hear a priest of God, on behalf of God, tell me at the end of my confession “I absolve you from your sins, in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, Amen. Go in Peace.”
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Dear Chris W,

This is an excellent observation. I know Catholics who go to confession regularly and yet don’t allow themselves to experience this peace you’re talking about. It seems they think they should feel guilty at any given moment or they are somehow not sufficiently humble. I think Jesus came to set us free from that.

Sometimes I also feel like a bit of an outsider when I’m in a group setting (secular or religious) where other adults are experiencing a massive unloading of burdens, though I’ve never been to anything quite like the one you’re talking about. Usually I get pretty emotional, though, so I probably don’t look like an outsider to the others as I get teary-eyed with the joy I get in seeing these people get a taste of freedom.

Alan
 
Perhaps another approach may be to appeal to her from the aspect of each Sacrament meeting specific spiritual needs that we all have.

The seven sacraments give the grace necessary to live the Christian life. As with our physical nature, we also need to attend to the needs of our spiritual nature. I once heard someone make the following analogy to show how the sacraments fit perfectly into our lives.

Physical/Societal Needs (Spiritual Needs)
We are born (Baptism)
We mature (Confirmation)
We need nourishment (Eucharist)
We heal our wounds ( Reconciliation)
We drive out disease (Anointing of the Sick)
We propagate the species (Matrimony)
We need a governing body (Holy Orders)

Jesus, in His endless mercy, through His Church, gives us all we need to live as children of God, so that, following the example of Christ, we may inherit the Kingdom of Heaven. We need ALL seven Sacraments for a healthy life.
 
I have experienced the fear of confession too - quite recently.

After a prolonged absence from any of the sacraments I recently made my return to confession. It must be about a month ago now. In fact, I was there again today…

But anyway…yeah, I was scared, but I couldn’t figure out exactly why. I think there’s a lot of reasons - fear of judgement - of approaching another human, shame and embarassment at my sins. Worry that something had changed, that I wouldn’t make a good confession.

I didn’t make the best confession I’ve ever made. I was stressed out, I stumbled - but the priest helped me through it, and I’ve never experienced an confessor who wouldn’t help you through it.

What I can say though is that the grace I received completely floored me. That feeling that of inner peace and of complete forgiveness - it’s was only after the visit that I realised that it was Jesus I was approaching all along.

It’s SO worthwhile but I know how scared I was until I built up the courage to ‘go for it’. I’d made several attempts at making a confession and then chickened out before approaching the confessional… I really hope your you can get through to your mother and encourage her to go. I wish I could help, even!

Vince
 
Chris W:
The peace I feel after confession is even more dramatic than what those people went through, because my forgiveness is not pretend. I hear a priest of God, on behalf of God, tell me at the end of my confession “I absolve you from your sins, in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, Amen. Go in Peace.”
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As a counselor for the Ad Altare Dei religious emblem for Catholic Boy Scouts, this is precisely one of the points I try to make when we begin the chapter on the Sacrament of Reconciliation. In our own human existence, we may have friendships or relationships that are permanently harmed/injured/hurt/weakened by an event or dispute because we are unable to forgive one another. We also have friendships or relationships that are only temporarily harmed/injured/hurt/weakened by an event or dispute because we are able to forgive one another and redevelop the bonds of friendship.

We have a human need to hear the words “I forgive you,” spoken sincerely, if only to know for sure we are forgiven. How much more powerful, then, to hear that we are not just forgiven, but that the slate has been wiped clean!
 
Perhaps you could offer to take her with you sometime to confession.

It really isn’t any different than it used to be, except that there may now be an option for face to face as well as behind the screen. I’m sure the priests can tell which of us are old-timers since we tend to just confess our sins, receive absolution and go, while others prefer a little more conversation. Either way is OK. This is a great sacrament.

A priest at an adult retreat once told the story of a youth retreat he had given, which included the sacrament of reconciliation. None of the teenagers ventured to use the face-to-face method, all preferring the screen. However, after receivng absolution, one boy stuck his hand around the screen to shake the priest’s hand, saying “Thanks, Father. I needed that!”
 
I recently had a very good conversion experience because of a very holy priest(believe me, I am in need of more). He is known to possess the gift of ‘reading souls’ in the confessional(although he does not call it that) He has many of the gifts of the Holy Spirit, including Wisdom and Discernment. He talked for 3 days straight about confession and its importance. He, I am convinced, is absolutely the most holy priest I have ever heard in my lifetime, and I believe I listened to a future Saint speaking to me. I’ll tell you a few of the things he said, which might help your cause.

He told us there are at least 5 people(for the sake of a better term) in the confessional: you, the priest, Jesus, Mary, and the devil. The devil will do anything in his power(and we know how powerful he is) to have you conceal sins; even 1 sin and he wins. He will convince you that your sin(maybe one in particular) is too embarrassing to tell, or to great to be forgiven, or not important enough to confess.

He told us of many stories of him being attacked by the devil in the confessional(a few times even physically attacked), trying to pry sins out of people There is a war in each and every confession between the devil and Jesus with Mary present. The devil will atack the confessor and the priest.

Another thing he said is that at the General Judgement at the end of time, all of your sins that you have not confessed are told to the whole world. All of humanity from the beginning to the end of the world will be present. Imagine how embarrased you would be confessing your worst and most embarrasing sins to a room full of 30 people, he said, then imagine the whole world. He said any and all sins that are properly confessed will never be known to anyone. The devil cannot know your confessed sins, but he will know and can throw in your face at the Judgement, every sin that was not confessed. And every sin you confess will be forgotten by Jesus.

Also, the priest is given the power to forget your sins once you leave the confessional after a worthy confession.

It is such a great thing to go to confession monthly. It only takes a certain amount of deliberate venial sins to turn into a mortal sin. And in this day in age, with the amount of impuriy in the world, Mary has told us how many souls go to hell because of impurity. This priest told us that deliberate impure thoughts are mortal sins(which I did not even think of at the time), and then when we receive communion after that we blaspheme our Lord and turn mortal sins into more mortal sins.

Well Ill stop now…I could go on for a while…but pray that we can get more and more souls to the confessional.
 
I too am afraid to return to confession.

The last time I went to confession, the priest yelled at me. It happened immediately following my listing of my sins. I said nothing startling or anger-provoking during my confession. He yelled at what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only a minute or 2. Anyone in the church at the time would have heard him.

This experience terrified me and I feel humiliation and shame when I think about it.

I had been a Catholic for many years before this event. I know that what he did was not right, and I know that what happened to me rarely if ever happens to anyone.

This event happened over 7 years ago. I have never mentioned it to anyone before.

My feelings of fear, shame and anger belong to me, and I must find my own way toward healing. This post is a first step.
 
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Allori:
I too am afraid to return to confession.

The last time I went to confession, the priest yelled at me. . . .

I know that what he did was not right, and I know that what happened to me rarely if ever happens to anyone.
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Allori, you have answered your own question. This once happened to me – my second confession as a convert!

It was a Saturday; the guy acted like an unspeakable jerk. But I have a deep love for the priesthood, and I knew he would come to his senses and realize how dreadful he had been, and that he would have no way of getting in touch with me if he wanted to apologize. I went to his Mass at church the next day remained afterwards until he had finished greeting people as they left. When he turned and started coming up the aisle, he saw me coming toward him and held his arms open wide. “You came back!” he said, and hugged me as if he would never let go. He invited me to meet with him privately that week. He offered a deep apology, and we met from time to time for a year after that. You could say we became friends.

I might add that I was so distraught after the initial encounter that I could not pray. As a recent convert, I was not a user of the rosary but since it is an instrument of “rote” prayer, I picked it up. I have said the rosary almost daily ever since. Perhaps it was the intercession of Mary that gave me the guts to go back to see that man . . .

Go to confession again. Perhaps return to the Priest who behaved so badly (he doesn’t need to know it’s you). It might be amusing to confess that you haven’t been to confession for 7 years because a Priest yelled at you . . . The grace of confession can be a two-way street!
 
As Christians we are required to go to confession at least once a year. I know people who go every two weeks! :eek: And remember: the priests don’t remember your sins! They have been confessed to thousands of times! Do you really think that they’re going to remember yours?
 
Thank you, Mercygate and Jesus_Loves_You, for your comments of kindness and encouragement.

I needed to tell someone what had happened, and this forum gave me a safe place to do it.

I cannot return to that priest, as he is no longer there. But I will consider going to another confessor.

I was so stunned at the time that I cannot remember the absolution, if any occurred. But I did not leave the confessional until he was silent, so maybe he did.

Do you think I will need to mention the previous confession?
Thanks again,
Allori
 
If you have been away from confession for 7 years, then telling your reason will be important. Any Priest worth his salt will understand that “offense to the little ones” is grave and this seriously mitigates your culpability.

If I were sitting on the other side of the screen and you came to me, I would say, “Welcome back (I wouldn’t say “my daughter” but I would think it!). I’m sorry it took so long. I wish you had come back right away. We’re here to encourage you on your way not to turn you away. I believe that coming to me indicates that you have already at least begun to forgive that man, and that is grace.”

For your penance, I’ll ask you to meditate on Luke 15:4-6.
 
Thank you, Mercygate, for your suggestions. They reveal thoughtful insight. They make sense to me, and I will think about what you said.

I am so glad you found my first posting on this thread, as I did not expect to hear from anyone who had had a similar experience.

I searched for your reference to Luke in the Bible, and found, of course, the parable of the Good Shepherd, one of my favorites.

I think I may be able to return to confession soon, perhaps in a different but nearby parish. I will post again here when I do so.
Thanks again,
Allori
 
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