Age difference?

[SomeCatholicGuy]

First of all, I’d like to say that if it’s God’s will, it’s all good; and I do not intend to offend anyone with this thread - if I did, I apologize in advance. I was kinda wondering about the age difference between couples. I’ve seen age differences of 10+ years, and it does make me wonder sometimes. What would cause a young woman in her early twenties want to date someone in their 30’s or above? Personally, I’ve set my limit at 5 years my junior. Also, I don’t think I’ve dated anyone who’s older than me, with one very small exception (she was older than me by a couple of days). What’s your view on all of this? I know there’re examples in the Bible where the age differences are huge, but it still irks me for some reason. Am I wrong in feeling this way? In my opinion, it just feels a little weird for a woman to be dating someone who’s old enough to be her father, or vice versa. Anyway, your (name removed by moderator)ut would be appreciated. Thank you in advance.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Well I’ll chime in… I’m 10 years (and 2 1/2 weeks) younger than my husband.

I guess I should share how we met… sorta adds to the story.
He was part of the “core team” of young adults who helped run the youth program at our church… and I was, well, the youth. So we knew each other for several years before we started dating. Neither of us pursued each other romantically, really… we just grew into a deep friendship… really based on faith. He was a great mentor to me as I entered college (he was an engineer, I also studied engineering), and during college we started spending more time alone together… and then started dating… and the rest is history.
The age difference REALLY bothered him at first. He was very embarrassed to think that others on that original “core team” from the youth group would see him as a cradle robber, or as a pervert who was trying to meet teens. That was SO FAR from the truth, but images can say a lot. I know it was hard for him. But our bond really started with a true connection over our faith and personality connections… God was leading us to each other and we both knew it.

We got married when I was 22, he was 32… at that point I was the first of my girlfriends to get married… but SEVERAL of my friends got married not long after that… so I wasn’t too far outside the norm of age ranges to get married.

Age has never had an effect on our relationship… whatsoever. I don’t think either of us looks at the other seeing this “age gap”… to us, it’s just a number. I did get to laugh at him turning 40 while I got to enjoy the last 2 1/2 weeks of my 20’s… and that was good fun… but other than that it’s not big deal.

Personally, I’d avoid putting artificial limitations on who you’d allow yourself to marry…
God may have other plans for you!

 

[1ke]

What attracts two people to each other is-- or should be-- a shared vision, values, goals, and interests.

Age is just a number.

 

[BamaRider]

You probably don’t understand because you’re a guy.

We all know it is way more common for the girl to date the older guy, then vice versa, although recently it has become accepting of the later.

A certain percentage of young ladies ONLY date older men. And of those 15-20 years is not unusual. I think the biggest reason is they are attracted to the maturity, and perceived wisdom. The life experience of a 44 year old man is going to be tons compared to a 24 year old who views life as the next day.

These men are more then likely settled and in successfull careers. They have assests and resources. She may view theses men authoraitive. Let’s face it, women like for their man to know more then them, to be decisive and dynamic. The way a 24 year man thinks and the way a 44 old sees life is not even close. Perhaps her daddy had these qualties of wisdom, authority, and maturity, and that is why it she dates or chooses to be with a man almost old enough to be her father. It is complicated.

Age is mostly a number. I know guys who are 33 that might as well be 60 by the way they act and live. They have no get up and go, and just mull through the day. Then I know guys in their 50s that have more fun and life then men half their age. No girl likes to be around a man whose not any fun, at any age.

Yeah I know a guy in his 20s sometimes gets the short end. He has to compete not only against guys HIS age, but men in the upper brackets. You’ll hafta to ask the ladies here, but I have it on good authority men are most attractive when they reach their 40s?

I don’t know much about a guy dating a lady 20 year his senior, because I don’t know of such a couple, but I do have a few couple friends that are the other way. One couple he is he 44 and her 29. We don’t pay it any attention. We go places with them etc. She is at least 15 years younger then anybody in the room, and nobody notices. She relates well to both generations. Hers and his. They are happy.

 

[Lariena]

My Dh is 18.5 years older than I am. We started dating when I was 21 and have been together for over 14 years and married for over 10 years.

When we met, I had been dating someone 2 years older than me for almost 2 years. Prior to that I always dated guys my age or younger.

I did not “seek out” an older man. I can’t explain what attracted us to each other. (And just FYI as far as the old cliche… NOOOOO he didn’t have ANY money! ) My mom always teases me that I missed that part of the concept of marrying an older man. Of course it is in jest, but some people assume if a younger women is with an older man that she MUST have married him for $$$. LOL

I think you should be open to whoever God puts in your life instead of placing arbitrary age requirements on your relationships. Just my 2 cents!!

ETA: LOL!! Bama!!! My Dh knows much less than I do!! He is comparatively immature to me despite being 18.5 years older. In fact, I handle ALL the household finances, bill paying, etc. He probably couldn’t tell you within $100 how much our mortgage is!

 

[survive]

I ran an age difference poll here a while ago. The results were that the average person felt the ideal is the man a year or two older, which is, on average, what people have chosen through history when both have been free to chooe a spouse and had plenty of choices. But that’s an average. The average woman wants four kids, too – and some don’t want any, some want twenty, some want one, and some will be happy regardless of who God sends to them to mother. The average student starts college at twenty, works part-time during college, studies business (if that’s not outdated) and gets two to three years’ credits in about three or four years. The average American lives in Missourri. And so on. Even if you want three years of business school, four kids and a house in Missourri, sometimes you find something else. It usually works out.

 

[cthulhubryan]

Would you ask God for a new Mercedes and then say “only if it’s green”?

Would you ask God to help you graduate college and then say “Only if I can be valedictorian”?

If you are in a ship wreck and floating lost in shark infested waters would you insist that God only send a Chartreuse life boat manned by a Buxom Blonde, a Ventriloquist and Ed McMahan?

No!!!

Trust in the Lord. He will bring you together with the person you should be with. Forget what others say or think, trust in the Lord and be happy and wise all of your days.

 

[ack]

I was kinda wondering about the age difference between couples. I’ve seen age differences of 10+ years, and it does make me wonder sometimes. What would cause a young woman in her early twenties want to date someone in their 30’s or above? Personally, I’ve set my limit at 5 years my junior.

You HAVE to set your limit at 5 years your junior, because if you set it much younger, the women will still be in high school!

Once you’re in your 40s, I bet that dating a woman who is 10+ years younger would make more sense to you.

 

[kevinsgirl]

My DH is 7 and a half years older than me. He’s a great guy and that’s what attracted me to him…and he’s really cute.

I agree with Em–don’t set arbitrary limits on yourself. You don’t know what God has planned for you!

 

[SomeCatholicGuy]

I don’t know, but is it me or do Catholic women tend to like older guys?

 

[bilop]

I don’t know, but is it me or do Catholic women tend to like older guys?

Well, I’m a guy, but, if the woman is a practicing Catholic, wants her relationships to lead to marriage, and is not interested in a 5 year engagement, she’s probably going to have more luck with a guy in his 30’s than a guy in his 20’s.

God Bless

 

[kevinsgirl]

I don’t know, but is it me or do Catholic women tend to like older guys?

I didn’t go looking for a guy that was much older than me–I just found someone that I grew to love that happened to be older than me. And like the pp said, I was looking for a man who wanted to marry me, wanted to settle down with me, and wanted to have a family with me–there may be more older guys that fit that description, but that doesn’t mean Catholic girls are on the prowl for older guys–they’re just looking for a decent guy who is going to treat them well and has marriage as a goal.

 

[EmBee]

My FI is almost a year (although he would never admit it was that much!) younger than me, but he has insisted we set a wedding date somewhere in the 41 days when we are both the same age so he doesn’t have to say he’s younger than me! Then he goes on to brag to his guy friends that he must be a good catch because he got himself an older woman! I suppose he’s just playing both sides

Bama is spot-on with many of his observations. Especially that “no girl likes to be around a man whose not any fun, at any age” I never intended to marry a man who was younger than me (even if only by a year). I’ve always been more attracted to older men because of the whole maturity/stability thing. I was actually disappointed when I found out FI was younger than me - if he wasn’t so darn persistent & fun I don’t think he would have gotten that second date.

–

 

[Stella76]

Like Lariena, my husband is 18.5 years older than me. We have been together for almost thirteen years and just got married this summer.

I started dating him when I was 19 and he was 38. We have experienced a lot of unpleasant comments because of our very obvious age difference, but we’ve learned to ignore them.

Why did I want to date him? He was funny, chivalric, super smart, and we had many common interests. The fact that he was almost 19 years older than me wasn’t even a blip on my radar screen. I loved (and love) him for who he his. If he’d been purple with seven eyes I’d still have fallen for him.

It’s fine if you feel weird about dating someone significantly older than you. It’s important that we each know what we want and expect in a partner and seek that out.

I found what I wanted in a partner, and it just so happened that age had nothing to do with it.

By the way, thank you for asking questions about something you admit you don’t understand instead of making assumptions. I have great respect for you for doing that!

*Stella

 

[Em_in_FL]

I don’t know, but is it me or do Catholic women tend to like older guys?

I don’t think there are tendencies either way… again, age had NOTHING to do with the attraction between me and my husband - I wasn’t interested in him BECAUSE he was older… he just was.

My brother’s wife is the same age as him - 2 good Catholics.
My sister’s husband is 6 months younger than her - 2 more good Catholics.
My other sister is dating a guy that’s 6 months younger - both good Catholics…

So no… I disagree with your comment.

 

[Altesse]

In my family it seems to be a tradition.
My mom and dad were 12 years apart
My maternal grandparents were 12 years apart

I used to tease Dad and say, " You know, when you were 18 and graduating from high school, Mom was 6 and in first grade!" I got called a “smartie” more than once for that!

There is a rumor/story that my maternal grandfather so admired my great grandmother (he helped around the farm when my great grandfather was away working) that he married my grandmother because she was so much like her mother. Technically he was closer in age to my great grandmother than my mother.

There is a cute picture of Grandpa pushing Grandma on a swing when she was 5 and he was 17.

My great grandma was known for her kindness, faithfulness and all-around good nature despite hardships. Not to mention being an excellent cook and mother of 7.

 

[Henning]

but it still irks me for some reason. Am I wrong in feeling this way? .

I had same feelings to some extent once, but then I dated a woman that had 9 years on me and honestly when we got in **close **in more ways than one, the chemistry being right…age differences evaporated, and just saw her for who she was without an age label.

 

[Alexandra]

The first big love of my life, I was 18 and he was 33. I don’t know what it was but there was just this attraction. It never really made a difference to us at all. That was not the reason that we broke up. Always dated men much older than I. But when I finally found who God had intended for me – he was four years younger than I am. We’re now been married coming up on 20 years in about four weeks.

 

[rpp]

My first wife was 12 years older. My second wife was 3 years older. Unless there is some real common ground and a real connection, I would not date a woman who was older than me again.

I think the age difference issue depends on the gender. If it is the man who is older, I think that is quite a bit different than if the woman is older. (I will assert that men become emotionally mature and a later age than women.)

For me, 10 years is about the limit. As the age difference increases, the couple often have different experiences in their youth. For example, it is a little hard for me to relate to someone who does not remember the Moon landings, the Beatles breaking up or other contemporary trends from my youth. It is just that much less that we have in common.

However, I think that this can be overcome when two people have shared goals, vision and ideals. Of course, I would not date a woman unless she was authentically and solidly Catholic.

 

[chevalier]

My (name removed by moderator)ut is that it depends on the couple. My point isn’t to make it relative and say it’s fine if the couple says it is, but rather if the couple is fine with it (when they as a fact really are, not just when they so decide), then it is fine by me and I suppose it’s completely fine anyway.

If you want personal experience, that’s tricky. While I believe the man should as a rule be older than a woman (by several years), I generally find much better contract with ladies several years my senior and if I need to choose between age range 19-24 and 25-30, I typically choose the latter, myself being 26, and I also did when I was 25. It just points that way from experience. My last ex, however, was three years my junior and that was very fine as well, except perhaps certain moments. Truth be told, I often find I’m not on the same page with young ladies in their very early twenties, whatever be the cause. Ironically, I’ve always had the best “luck” with either somewhat younger or somewhat older ones, but no “luck” with my exact year of birth (at university and between fresh grads, people of your year are generally a large and default group you have contact with).

All in all, however, it is difficult for me to rate age in abstract from the rest of the person. I almost said I would ideally find someone just a bit younger than I but with a lot of maturity (while still with a lot of passion, zeal and open-mindedness typically associated with junior age ranges), but then I realised that I might as well find someone two or three years older to be my ideal. I could theoretically find even a barely adult person to be very mature and intellectually alluring, leading to a relationship, as well, although I rate the probability of that as very low and mostly academic.