I had all these same questions, too, but like I, along with others have said, I did not want to jump the gun. These are headstrong questions, and good ones, think with your head over your heart.
Is he financially stable? Are you?
Is he a hard worker? Are you?
Does he have a plan for the long term? Do you?
Like galnextdoor asked, is he good with kids? Would he evenly help in rearing children?
Would he let you work? Would he not? Could you handle the finances if he lost his job, became disabled, or did not want to work anymore?
How would finances be held? Would someone be in control of finances? Would you or him have to have allowances?
How would your close friends like him? What would they think of the age difference? Would you care to lose their friendship if met with disapproval?
You answered some of these questions already, just understand that the vocation of marriage is the most emotional, stressful, and difficult vocation of them all, and often times gets misunderstood as the best one, but it really comes with a lot of hard work. Don’t misconstrue some of the comments that you are settling, maybe you are sick of searching, you don’t want to wait anymore, that you have been a good girl too long and you want instant results now. You have the control, take your time, let him wait on you. For whatever reason he made it to 42 unmarried, then he can wait longer, do not accept any ultimatums on his part, your call!
Holy déjà vu, Galnextdoor is right, my father was eight years older, too, and just refused to work the last five years of his marriage, he was more burdensome, bothersome, abusive, and confrontational in those last five years. As a result, he lost everything. If you can get most/all of the questions everyone in this thread asked answered before he gets down on one knee, then if answered for the good, go for it, but if not, then understand you are better off without it. My father may have been older, but he was not by far, smarter, wiser, or here with any plan of action.
I can understand you finding a good friend in this group, when I was 18, I was in a similar type group, and at the end of it, I was being somewhat persuaded to date a few gentlemen all at different times, one in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s, I can’t tell you how extremely uncomfortable that made me feel, as much as it being kind of gross to have to imagine being intimate if marriage was down the road with this person. I was harboring some massive resentment, that it seemed these guys lived their lives already, I wanted my chance to live mine. I was also put off by these religious Catholics who were egging it on, that’s my business, lay off, don’t pressure me to one person or another, I will figure that out in God’s good timing!
You seem a little bit shy, or like myself in my late teens, and early to mid twenties, somewhat naïve, and innocent of many things. If you honestly find promise in this relationship, like I said, give it a try, or keep pursuing it. Be mindful of the headstrong stuff. I wanted to stress about your folks, because meeting the close friends, the family, and relatives are big steps, and I wouldn’t introduce this person if they are not long term potential, and if you did not get that hint by now, then sit it out. Like I said, you are in the control seat, for time. If he really cares, he will wait through, don’t let him pressure you!
Parents are a very important step! Very! No matter what happens with this relationship, you will always need their help and advice. Keep the peace in every direction, a good one. I wanted to know what your folks would think ahead of time. You know them better, so if your mom is a softy and seems to support you regardless, that’s good, but your dad will need some softy pills, just kidding. Hopefully, I would gauge your time better in introducing them this early, I would wait longer or at least until you found more time to decipher more stability and assurance in the relationship, because then you could tell your mom you are interested in someone and she could help you tell your dad. It’s better to let them know ahead of time about him, and the age thing, and what he does for a living, etc. It would not be so uncomfortable as if they decided to confront him head on and initiate sticky situations that could have negative long-term effects.
See these are guides in our pre-cana strategies, I have a couple of bad stories I could relinquish, but for the sake of piety, which there is none involved in these stories, I will not divulge. The pre-cana situation for you would be a bit difficult, because they gather them in similar age ranges, and seeing as you are not really close in age, you would probably be counseled by your priest alone. This leads me to my final point. I think if you feel in your mind and heart to pursue this, the best thing to do is phone the rectory and make a personal appointment with a priest you know or admire, then talk about the whole thing. They are great mediators and counselors, and you already pay in tithes so utilize their time. They can get you focused on whether this would be a good thing for you long term.
not sure if that will be good or bad
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