Aggravated - Face to Face confession

[babochka]

When you are “out in the open”, are there lots of people standing right near you, waiting their turn?

Also, don’t Byzantine (at least some) have music (chants) going on in the background so the penitent cannot be overheard?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t the priest extend his stole over the penitent? In such a close encounter, there would be no need for the penitent to speak as loud as in the OP’s situation.

No, if there is anybody in the church, it is generally only a few. Those few will discretely move toward the back during confession, and the front pews are about 15 feet away from where confessions are heard. Often, the 3rd hour is being chanted, but certainly not always. It just depends on when you catch Father, mostly. There is a good amount of privacy and people are respectful of the need for privacy, but it is still very much in the open. It is necessary to speak in a low tone, even with the priest right next to you. The priest does put his stole on the penitent’s head, so we are quite close. Perhaps 18 inches or so. I assumed the situation was similar in the OP’s post. Sometimes, I would prefer a bit more privacy, to be honest. I just don’t think that it violates common decency. The picture below is of my church. Confessions are heard in the little alcove on the right. We actually have a bit of privacy. In many churches, and more traditionally, confessions are heard in front of the icon screen. Either way, your confession can still be seen and, if you’re not careful, heard by others. Of course, I’ve sometimes been able to hear quite clearly through the thin walls of a confessional. At least if you’re out in the open, you know if others are about and can be careful to keep your voice low.

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/215021_482066835168143_648803744_n.jpg

 

[oneofmany]

I would not go to confession this way. My parish has communal confessions at Christmas and Easter but we have different rooms to go into. Even at the entrances at the side doors are used. Anything that has a door to close. No one listening in accidentally for any embarrassment.

I did see the open confession once. It was for the RCIA people who were giving their first confession. One woman was crying a lot. I felt sorry for her and thought it was a shame she had to confess out in the open.

In my opinion this way to confess would make people nervous and leave out sins since they can’t think straight. No way do I think this is ok and the priests who make people do this need to re-think it. I think it is cruel.

 

[dnar]

In my opinion this way to confess would make people nervous and leave out sins since they can’t think straight. No way do I think this is ok and the priests who make people do this need to re-think it. I think it is cruel.

I am in 100% agreement!

 

[babochka]

I would not go to confession this way. My parish has communal confessions at Christmas and Easter but we have different rooms to go into. Even at the entrances at the side doors are used. Anything that has a door to close. No one listening in accidentally for any embarrassment.

I did see the open confession once. It was for the RCIA people who were giving their first confession. One woman was crying a lot. I felt sorry for her and thought it was a shame she had to confess out in the open.

In my opinion this way to confess would make people nervous and leave out sins since they can’t think straight. No way do I think this is ok and the priests who make people do this need to re-think it. I think it is cruel.

I can see your point. Just last week, I was confessing and my parents walked in to the church. I didn’t actually see them, but when I was done, they were there. I’m in my 40s, but it was a bit disconcerting. Still, you get used to it and people really are very respectful about giving you space.

If I have a difficult confession to make, I make an appointment, where some degree of privacy is assured.

 

[mab23]

Our Parish had a penance service tonight and the only option given to the people is face to face confession…

One priest stands over to the side of the Church, one priest sits at the presider’s chair, and another priest stands over by the baptismal font…

Lines are formed…you just walk up and talk to the priest, and get absolution…

I understand that is a valid way to confess your sins. But I highly dislike face to face confessions, and I really don’t like others standing a few feet behind me while I do it…

Do I have a valid complaint, or should I just shut up and deal with it?

Thanks

yea ive seen this at my parish and I think, so what its a face to face confession with limited privacy I mean im just probably going to whisper my sins and what not but I do prefer the anonymous confession but the absolution is the same

so if it bothers you that much im sure you could wait another time or schedule an appt for a private confession

 

[Gorgias]

The OP said that they were not informed ahead of time that there would not be an opportunity for behind-the-screen confessions.

Yes, I understand that. However, Aeden suggested that canon law was being violated by the lack of any other option – on that given evening only – for confession. I’m suggesting that, if face-to-face isn’t the only option (on a regular basis), then the canon hasn’t been violated.

In other words, it isn’t that it must be the option every time that the sacrament is offered… just that the option is made available in the parish.

I don’t know if I’m being sufficiently clear – can you see the distinction I’m attempting to make?

 

[Elizium23]

My bishop recently issued a pastoral letter to priests on the virtues of Confession, and as a result our parish priests have been preaching on it every week, touching on different aspects of the sacrament and encouraging all the faithful to take advantage of it. One of the things our pastor mentioned last Sunday was that he has abolished the practice of communal penance services. And this is a good thing! Our parish has four opportunities for confessions during the week. They are each 45-minute blocks and often both priests are available, and they frequently stay long after the allotted time to empty out the line completely. The communal penance services tend to give people the idea that confession is something that is done once or twice a year during Lent and Advent. When the reality of it is that we should be going to confession at least once a month and certainly every time we commit a mortal sin, as soon as humanly possible. So it stands to reason that we should make time in our sacramental life not just for frequent Mass attendance and Adoration and rosaries, but also to confess our sins and reconcile with the Church. A fellow called the office the other day to ask us if we had additional opportunities for confession during Lent, and I said no, and it flummoxed me because we already have more opportunity during the week than any other parish in the region, and I had just spoken to a man who was very grateful for the full schedule demanded by our pastor, that nobody else had so many regular confession times.

So while it is nice to go for a communal penance service when it is the season for it, it is also nice to fall into a regular schedule of confessions every month during the regularly scheduled hours for it. If your priest has not scheduled convenient times, encourage him strongly to expand his availability so that more souls can be saved. Confessions really do make a difference and they are a vital, indispensable, critical weapon in the fight against Satan. Let us all pray that priests everywhere recognize this and give us the chance to meet Christ in such a special way.

 

[pollynova]

You have a very pretty church, babochka.

I hate “open” confessionals. We used to go to these youth conventions for religious ed, and there was always a time when they would have a bunch of priests set up to hear confessions, usually in a gym or something. I could never make myself go. I tend to cry during confession and I’d rather not have a bunch of people see me do that.

 

[agnes_therese]

Our Parish had a penance service tonight and the only option given to the people is face to face confession…

One priest stands over to the side of the Church, one priest sits at the presider’s chair, and another priest stands over by the baptismal font…

Lines are formed…you just walk up and talk to the priest, and get absolution…

I understand that is a valid way to confess your sins. But I highly dislike face to face confessions, and I really don’t like others standing a few feet behind me while I do it…

Do I have a valid complaint, or should I just shut up and deal with it?

Thanks

It’s only a violation if face-to-face is ALWAYS the only option. This was one particular service, and you were not obligated to confess there.

 

[englishredrose]

I am usually the only person in church, apart from the priest that is when I do face to face confession because I won’t book it near a Mass time if I can help it. (I am unusual I think even as an Anglican because one friend found it odd that I go seperate from a Mass time and can’t get over that bit) I would hate the idea of not being able to see his face and in fact this new priest, sat in front of me in the pew right in front of me so I didn’t see his face at all. That unnerved me and it didn’t help when he put up his hood to put the stoll on. It nearly finished me. I was relieved when next time he moved up the pew a little bit so I could see his face just a bit. He did turn around to talk to me about the penances but I really don’t like not being able to see anything of their face. I thank him in an email for moving up a bit because I prefer to see something of a face and wasn’t quite brave enough to have mentioned it. Now I will via email. But I can’t imagine not ever having a face to face confession. But I agree I wouldn’t queue up in a long line etc… I would feel uncomfortable at that even if my sins weren’t big as such. Just own shyness. Hence my own need at booking away from any Mass time. Only one person knows that I use confession. One had walked in because I had braved a Mass time. Never again, even though my sin wasn’t big and in his mind wasn’t a sin at all at that one, but I knew the history, he didn’t and we were running out of time to tell him it in confession. I would never do a confession through a service like that but couldn’t imagine a not face to face…

 

[opus101]

Yes, I understand that. However, Aeden suggested that canon law was being violated by the lack of any other option – on that given evening only – for confession. I’m suggesting that, if face-to-face isn’t the only option (on a regular basis), then the canon hasn’t been violated.

In other words, it isn’t that it must be the option every time that the sacrament is offered… just that the option is made available in the parish.

I don’t know if I’m being sufficiently clear – can you see the distinction I’m attempting to make?

I think I understand what you are saying, but I’m not sure you are correct.

If face-to-face will be the only option at a penance service, then people should be notified of that beforehand.

The very fact that many of the responders to this thread have been to penance services that offer the required option is supportive of the fact that it can (easily) be done.

 

[opus101]

It’s only a violation if face-to-face is ALWAYS the only option. This was one particular service, and you were not obligated to confess there.

Unfortunately, this “one particular service” was not billed as a “face-to-face-only penance service”.

I’m really interested in knowing the reasons why the priests thought it would be okay to limit the options of the penitents.

After all, although the screened confession option is a requirement, the face-to-face option is never a “requirement” (unless it is an emergency type situation). It appears, from the OP’s description of the church, there was no reason at all why at least one screened option could have been made available.

Better to have all screened confessions than to have all face-to-face. The first is a required option, the second isn’t. Face-to-face is just a preference. (I’m not advocating that all be screened, but just saying that, if a penance service is going to offer only one option, that’s the one it should be, since that is the only one that is required).

Also, a number of respondents mentioned the problem of penitents crying - and therefore being humiliated because of onlookers. Personally, I think that is horrible. And stupid.

The OP has a valid complaint.

 

[Elizabeth502]

You have a valid complaint. In the Latin Rite, the penitent always has the right to an anonymous confession. I once fought this battle when I taught a CCD class for first Confession. They had a similar setup for the kids, just a couple of chairs facing each other. As an Eastern Catholic, I am quite used to confessing in this manner, including the lack of privacy, but this was in a Latin church. These kids were being given no other option.

I have never liked the “no-option” drill. The penitent has a right to a private confession. Also, I have never heard of “only” a Reconciliation Service as an option, because there is also invariably at least a once-a-week opportunity for private confession in most parishes. That opportunity should be anonymous and scheduled, but I have heard of some parishes which require even that to be by appointment (i.e., also non-anonymous), with no regularly scheduled time. That is, by the way, absolutely the perfect way to discourage and devalue confession: make it as rare, as difficult, as inconvenient, and as uncomfortable as possible.

Additionally, parents were taking pictures of their children during confession! I didn’t win the battle, by the way, even though they acknowledged that I was right.

Call me old-fashioned. I have always hated photography, still or moving, during sacraments of any kind. Any kind. Including, yes, baptism. It’s not a spectator sport. The photographs should be before and after, and any relatives should be participants, spiritually and actually, not observers.

There was thankfully no photography allowed during the actual First Communion of my daughters. Some did so during the procession, which I would have preferred not to have, either, but again, I was raised with taste as a priority.

I was also grateful that our own wedding photographers chose to exclude the actual core of the ceremony from photographic “action.” Very distacting, and then you also find that people are watching the photographers instead of the couple (or the Confirmand, etc.)

 

[Gorgias]

Unfortunately, this “one particular service” was not billed as a “face-to-face-only penance service”.

True, and it seems that it would have been wise – or at least, pastorally sensitive – to have announced this in advance, if there are people in the parish who avail themselves to reconciliation behind the screen. However, the canonical argument – that it rises to the level of an abuse – seems unreasonable, which is the only argument I was debating.

Also, a number of respondents mentioned the problem of penitents crying - and therefore being humiliated because of onlookers. Personally, I think that is horrible. And stupid.

What you see as ‘humiliating’, others might perceive as a sign of conversion and repentance. Just because you’d be humiliated by a public display of emotion doesn’t mean that all feel that way…

The OP has a valid complaint.

… just not a canonical one.

 

[Phemie]

To me, this (the practice of face-to-face only, in a single large room) violates common decency. Even outside of the sacrament of confession, if someone is having a private conversation with another person or speaking in confidence to another, it is common practice for others to leave the room or stand out of earshot. How much more should they do that in the situation you were in.

I don’t think the face to face violates common decency, but I certainly think that the penitents lining up close by does that.

When I was growing up (before Vat. II) it wasn’t uncommon for people to line up next to the confessional. Since the stalls for the penitents were only covered by curtains it was not uncommon to be able to hear someone’s confession while one was in line. Whether it’s face-to-face or behind a screen, the onus is on those waiting to be discrete enough to wait out of earshot.

 

[Phemie]

The OP said that they were not informed ahead of time that there would not be an opportunity for behind-the-screen confessions.

There is nothing that says that you have to confess at the time of the penitential service. You could use that time to examine your conscience, express your contrition and then return to confess at the regular time in the manner that you prefer.

 

[Elizabeth502]

I would not go to confession this way. My parish has communal confessions at Christmas and Easter but we have different rooms to go into. Even at the entrances at the side doors are used. Anything that has a door to close. No one listening in accidentally for any embarrassment.

I did see the open confession once. It was for the RCIA people who were giving their first confession. One woman was crying a lot. I felt sorry for her and thought it was a shame she had to confess out in the open.

In my opinion this way to confess would make people nervous and leave out sins since they can’t think straight. No way do I think this is ok and the priests who make people do this need to re-think it. I think it is cruel.

Agreed. It’s pastorally unwise, to say the least, to require that as a form of confession.

That said, I think it’s great to have a Reconciliation Service, with “out-in-the-open” confession, as an option. I say that because I have experienced both, and especially if one is in the process of transitioning back to full participation in the Church, there can be a kind of comfort in a group service. There’s a sense that you are not alone, your sins are not necessarily worse than those of others, and the dynamic of such a visible service like this can be very powerful for those who are reverting.

Separately, I have found it inspirational (occasionally) to experience this as a way of confirming oneself as a member of the Body of Chirst – to think about and pray about fellow pilgrims confessing “with” you. It’s very powerful when viewed & experienced in this way.

Thirdly, the intimacy of face-to-face can be also very powerful, when it is not intimidating, embarrassing, or forced, but only the pentitent is in a position to assess that. I have spoken to those who thought that F2F was far more beneficial to them because of its directness & visibility, vs. private/hidden, and I have once or twice had a similar experience. But because of these variations among and within individuals, there should always be more than one option, and that’s why the Church herself insists on it.

 

[opus101]

some parishes which require even that to be by appointment (i.e., also non-anonymous), with no regularly scheduled time. That is, by the way, absolutely the perfect way to discourage and devalue confession: make it as rare, as difficult, as inconvenient, and as uncomfortable as possible.

My thoughts exactly. Why put stumbling blocks in people’s way?

 

[J_Peterson]

I don’t think the face to face violates common decency, but I certainly think that the penitents lining up close by does that.

When I was growing up (before Vat. II) it wasn’t uncommon for people to line up next to the confessional. Since the stalls for the penitents were only covered by curtains it was not uncommon to be able to hear someone’s confession while one was in line. Whether it’s face-to-face or behind a screen, the onus is on those waiting to be discrete enough to wait out of earshot.

Once after confession on a Saturday I kneeled down to pray and the person that went to confession after me was so loud that you could clearly hear him across the whole church. I had to concentrate very hard to not hear what he was saying. I have absolutely no desire to hear someone’s confession, hopefully most people feel the same way.

Off topic but I went yesterday and as I was praying afterwards, I heard a woman actually knock on the door while someone was in there I think she was the persons mother or guardian but my goodness, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

 

[Elizabeth502]

I have absolutely no desire to hear someone’s confession, hopefully most people feel the same way.

Ditto. I hope all people feel the same way.

Off topic but I went yesterday and as I was praying afterwards, I heard a woman actually knock on the door while someone was in there I think she was the persons mother or guardian but my goodness, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

could she have been wondering whether the room was empty, and was not acquainted with the light indicators? (Or maybe the light wasn’t working?)