Almost a legal adult, how do I tell my parents I want to attend mass?

[jane_doe]

I think that everyone has the right to practise a religion, if they so choose, and the OP should not be prevented from going to Mass if that is what she wants to do.

I haven’t seen anything from the OP where she stated she was forbidden to go to Mass. Just that they didn’t like it and wanted her to stop.

I personally agree that the OP should be allowed to visit Mass and explore various faiths. But that’s not what the OP’s parents have declared, and the OP should obey their parent’s rules while living under their roof-- any sneaking around is downright deceptive and dishonorable.

 

[Xantippe]

I personally agree that the OP should be allowed to visit Mass and explore various faiths. But that’s not what the OP’s parents have declared, and the OP should obey their parent’s rules while living under their roof-- any sneaking around is downright deceptive and dishonorable.

It doesn’t sound like they have explicitly laid it down as an iron-clad rule or a condition of residence. The OP did not specifically say that they had.

For all we know, they were just refusing to give a ride.

 

[jane_doe]

I feel like a high school student and a college student are rather different critters, even if they are both 18. A high school student is supposed to be particular places at particular times. An 18-year-old college student is usually on a much looser leash. They could easily go to a noon daily Mass off campus without any sneaking around or hiding of tracks. They just GO.

When I was 18, I was a college junior, I was living away from home out of state 3/4 of the time, I was in complete control of my schedule when I was away from home, I did a semester abroad in Russia, and I went to Mass from time to time there without asking my Evangelical parents mother-may-I.

I find the level of control you are suggesting is appropriate for an 18-year-old pretty disturbing.

The OP probably ought to talk to a priest to figure out how to thread the needle of honoring parents and following their conscience.

I think we have a culture difference here: what you are describing is FAR from the norm for American high schoolers. American high schoolers are very infantized–

• 90% are completely dependent on their parent’s finically.

• Are required to be at school, and if they miss even one hour, parents are informed.
• Every part of their school grades is emailed directly to their parents.
• Parent’s must give written permission for any formal extra-circicual events.
• They are not allowed to consent medical treatment or receive perception drugs themselves (there are a couple of exceptions)
• Three fourths have never spent more than 1 week away from home.
• Majority have never purchased their own groceries for an extended period.
• A third don’t even know how to do laundry.
• About half have never worked a job at all.

Furthermore, the OP doesn’t even have a driver’s license, and hence is accustomed to parent’s driving them everywhere (granted, there are places in the US where public transit is half-way decent).

–Note: I’m not saying any of this because I approve, but simply because it is reality in the US. My observations come from professionally working with high schoolers and junior college people, as well as personally watching my younger siblings and their peers.

 

[Lou2U]

It doesn’t sound like they have explicitly laid it down as an iron-clad rule or a condition of residence. The OP did not specifically say that they had.

For all we know, they were just refusing to give a ride.

Yes. I’ve read back through the thread and the OP’s parents only said “no more” to events, not to Mass.

I don’t see the OP as “sneaking out” to go to Mass or being deceptive. The OP has made her wish perfectly clear as to what she wants to do. When she is 18, she does not have to obey her parents and so it should not be a problem for her to go to Mass.

Lou

 

[Xantippe]

I think we have a culture difference here: what you are describing is FAR from the norm for American high schoolers. American high schoolers are very infantized–

• 90% are completely dependent on their parent’s finically.

  The OP is almost 18. He or she is going to be a college student (and/or a working young adult) very, very soon. We should not be giving advice to him or her based on the idea that he or she is going to be in high school a substantial period time, because at this point, it’s almost certainly just a matter of months.
  
  College isn’t here yet, but it’s going to be here very, very soon and once the OP is attending college, he or she is going to have much more control over his or her schedule and ability to come and go.

 

[Memaw]

Right. A good parent will put a teenager and young adult on the road to making more and more independent decisions, even while living at home.

It’s not reasonable to expect a young adult to go from doing literally everything their parents tell them to, to having 100% responsibility for a home of there own. There needs to be some sort of grey area of increasing independence.

An 18 year old is able to vote, drive, go to collage but not to Church!! That"s not reasonable to try to prevent her form seeking God. We should raise our children to be able to make their own choices and not try to keep them under our thumb. I still think talking to a priest is the wisest thing for her to do. I sure wouldn’t want to be the one to discourage her from seeking the truth! God Bless, Memaw

 

[Xantippe]

Yes. I’ve read back through the thread and the OP’s parents only said “no more” to events, not to Mass.

I don’t see the OP as “sneaking out” to go to Mass or being deceptive. The OP has made her wish perfectly clear as to what she wants to do. When she is 18, she does not have to obey her parents and so it should not be a problem for her to go to Mass.

Lou

Aside from any possible retaliation by the parents.

But kicking a kid out of the house for going to church would be the act of a very bad and unreasonable parent.

Parents that are so unreasonable as to do that probably aren’t going to be a joy to live with under any circumstances.

 

[Xantippe]

An 18 year old is able to vote, drive, go to collage but not to Church!! That"s not reasonable to try to prevent her form seeking God. We should raise our children to be able to make their own choices and not try to keep them under our thumb.** I still think talking to a priest is the wisest thing for her to do. **I sure wouldn’t want to be the one to discourage her from seeking the truth! God Bless, Memaw

Yes.

Even a very average priest will have a lot of good ideas as to how to finesse difficult people and a college chaplain would probably have a lot of experience dealing with this particular issue.