Altar girls, jeans, and Crocs

[HouseArrest]

Ha! I thought maybe you had been to our parish last night! I looked up at Holy Thursday Mass at my daughter and son serving - had my 4 year old and my 9 year old with me - our parish does the feet washing with the First Communion kids (the 9 year old) - and there was my 13 year old serving - in her lime green crocs! She got in trouble for it, too, and I wouldn’t have let her go if I would have seen her - sorry, it won’t happen again…

 

[Spirithound]

The short albs would certainly be the fault of the parish, not the girls.

Nope, it’s their fault for growing


Now that I have your attention…Good points have been offered all around. I might also suggest donating new, longer albs to the parish. Or get your kids involved in serving at the altar, and make sure they’re dressed right.

 

[Phemie]

Why would they just throw them away? Isn’t that unbecoming a priest?

Why should anyone, priest or not, pay attention to an anonymous letter?

 

[agapewolf]

One other thing not mentioned:

Often, and I mean VERY often, a server or 2 don’t show up, and so they are left scrambling to find others there that were not planning on serving. Perhaps the need was greater than the worry about possibly distracting someone.

 

[whatevergirl]

It’s ok to comment to one’s priest I think about how the altar servers are dressed if they are truly unkempt…but to let it distract one from worship? Now, that’s something the priest cannot change.

 

[japhy]

I find it odd that anyone would wear crocs to the Triduum liturgies (or to any liturgy). I have occasionally seen inappropriate footwear on our altar servers, not to mention jeans or worse. I have considered donating many pairs of black shoes. I suppose I should talk to the coordinator of that ministry, or maybe to the pastor.

 

[Matariel]

A letter that doesn’t have a name to it means nothing. It is straight out manipulation.

Okay. I won’t do anything. I was just trying to make the Mass more reverent for everyone, but okay. I won’t do a thing.

If a person doesn’t have the guts to sign it, means the writer doesn’t think its that important.

I already explained why I didn’t want to sign it, and it had nothing to do with guts. You’re coming across in a bad way.

means they don’t want their name attached to that opinion… means that they don’t want to hear that possibly there’s more to the story than they know about.

Okay. I’ll just sit back and be completely uninvolved in this parish, and not contribute anything.

 

[agapewolf]

Okay. I won’t do anything. I was just trying to make the Mass more reverent for everyone, but okay. I won’t do a thing.

I already explained why I didn’t want to sign it, and it had nothing to do with guts. You’re coming across in a bad way.

Okay. I’ll just sit back and be completely uninvolved in this parish, and not contribute anything.

and you are coming across badly. I was explaining why anonymous letters are a bad bad idea, as others have also agreed with me here. No need to take it to extremes or twist the meaning.

Write a letter with your name on it. Or talk to him personally. or take a suggestion from the others here.

 

[Lycoming]

Today was Good Friday. As everyone went up to venerate the cross (a plain, empty cross) two altar girls were to the sides. As I went up to kiss the cross, I noticed once again distracting fact that the girls, underneath their albs (which were too short, only about knee-length) they were wearing jeans and pink and lime green Croc shoes. Throughout the service, I found I couldn’t concentrate due to that.

What’s worse, is, last Sunday (Passion Sunday) they did the same thing. They never wear anything formal, you can always see their jeans and shoes and sometimes athletic pants.

Sigh. It’s super-distracting, and, even worse, tomorrow is Easter Vigil, when we join the Church. If they wear that get-up again… well, I just can’t stand it.

Does anyone know of any way I can kindly inform someone about how distracting this is to the Mass, and actually effect change?

Sorry if this seems like such a minor issue, but I find it unbelievingly distracting.

Any thoughts?

Yeah – go someplace else for the Easter Vigil.

Ideally your parish would have a dress code and/or the parents would care enough not to allow their kids to dress like slobs. That’s not happening and it won’t by tomorrow. Next in line would be your developed ability to ignore or offer-up their slovenly ways or to feel pity and to pray for them. That too won’t be developed overnight either so go someplace else tomorrow night.

While my parish is improving by leaps and bounds I would still never attend a “big” liturgy there. Two of the worst readers ALWAYS connive to read at the “big” Masses. The servers sound much like your own. I would expect 3-4 skimpy cocktail dresses paired with towering heels tomorrow night and some worn bluejeans paired with a black Jack Daniel’s t-shirt. Some of the EMsHC are true abominations in how they dress and act.

Tomorrow is a day to be spiritually fed. Go elsewhere.

 

[Matariel]

So…instead of complaining, why don’t you VOLUNTEER and organize the altar server program?

Okay then, I’ll shut up and volunteer.

And don’t send anonymous letters. Anonymous letters come from cowards.

Okay, I’m a coward. That’s a nice touch. Okay, I asked a question on how to deal with this and this is what happens. Remind me not to post on here with how to deal with problems in the liturgy again.

I’m new in the Church, and this is how I get treated, both here and by other parishioners. That’s a nice touch.

 

[Lycoming]

It is not a minor issue. But I don’t think there’s anything that we can do to affect change except for to call the parish and say that you want to be taken off the parish rolls (and to quit sending your contribution envelopes), because you’re going to switch to a Tridentine parish who shows proper respect for serving at the altar of the Lord.

It’s a very sad call to make. But I don’t know of any other way.

That’s horrible advice in more than one way. I thought were past hearing this sort of advice on this forum. Please take it to the “traditional” forum.

 

[agapewolf]

Okay then, I’ll shut up and volunteer.

Okay, I’m a coward. That’s a nice touch. Okay, I asked a question on how to deal with this and this is what happens. Remind me not to post on here with how to deal with problems in the liturgy again.

I’m new in the Church, and this is how I get treated, both here and by other parishioners. That’s a nice touch.

More like you come here suggesting an action that some of us find offensive, then completely twist someone’s words and say they are calling you names.

He didn’t call you a coward. You didn’t simply ask what to do, you suggested an offensive course of action. Your language is manipulative.

 

[Lycoming]

go to the TLM and all these abuses disappear!

I honestly thought we were past these ridiculous responses when they opened the “traditional” forum.

 

[Lycoming]

So…instead of complaining, why don’t you VOLUNTEER and organize the altar server program?

It is so easy to complain, but no one ever wants to step up and do the work.

And don’t send anonymous letters. Anonymous letters come from cowards.

I agree, but easier said than done…

Even if that responsibility was given to the OP she needs to make sure she has the support of her pastor in things like dress codes. I have seen parents act nutty about such things.

 

[Matariel]

Yeah – go someplace else for the Easter Vigil…

Tomorrow is a day to be spiritually fed. Go elsewhere.

Sorry, I can’t. I’m entering the Church this Easter, and this is where I am being initiated tomorrow. Confirmed and First Communion.

 

[Matariel]

More like you come here suggesting an action that some of us find offensive…

Okay, if you think that would be offensive, I’m glad you told me so I wouldn’t offend the Father. But I wasn’t doing it to be offensive. Perhaps I’m no good at PR, but you made it sound like I was no good for even contemplating it.

…then completely twist someone’s words and say they are calling you names.

Okay, perhaps I exaggerated. I’ve had a terrible day. I didn’t mean to twist any words, but the fact remains that it seems like people here and in this parish are doing things to intentionally discourage me.

You didn’t simply ask what to do, you suggested an offensive course of action.

I DID ask what to do in the first post. And then someone suggested a letter. I replied, perhaps I should send it anonymously because I’m a new Catholic and it may appear presumptuous even though I mean no offense. Upon further reflexion I see how that’s not a good idea, but you just came across as not helpful and almost accusatory.

Your language is manipulative.

How so? Are you intentionally trying to upset me further?

 

[Lycoming]

Sorry, I can’t. I’m entering the Church this Easter, and this is where I am being initiated tomorrow. Confirmed and First Communion.

In that case pray for tolerance and stay extremely focused tomorrow.

I was never confirmed as a kid. I finally was at the Easter Vigil of 2000 at my parish. Everything was quite nice. Then this liturgical dancer came out of nowhere. She was a horrible dancer (by any measure), she was dressed inappropriately (leotard) and her number was very “suggestive.” Once I realized what was going on, I almost lost it – it was that bad.

There is no question I would have left had it not been for my sponsor and parents in attendance. I really focused my attention on what was going on at the altar and I could feel a great deal of serenity flowing over me. I got through it without a hitch. I think that was the last time there was a dancer at a Mass at my parish.

So stay positive, stay focused and may God richly bless you tomorrow…

 

[JKirkLVNV]

Sorry, I can’t. I’m entering the Church this Easter, and this is where I am being initiated tomorrow. Confirmed and First Communion.

Dear Matariel:

Welcome home!

One thing you can do is offer up your distraction and irritation to the Lord. Ask Him to let you see those children as He sees them. I’m one of these people who constantly have to quail the voice of the “liturgy police” that sit inside my head. If it’s big enough, I say something. Otherwise, I try (and not always successfully) to mortify myself by sitting quietly and telling myself that not everything is going to be done the way I think it should be done. It’s an exercise in humility (and aren’t I great for doing it?). Besides, I’m more and more convinced that it’s simply because people don’t know better.

Also, I have to agree with those who said you should NOT send an anonymous note. I’ve always felt that somehow that lack a certain courage of conviction.

God bless you as you enter the arms of Holy Mother Church! May this be a most blessed beginning in your journey and at the end, may you look upon the sweetness of His Face.

 

[maryjk]

One other thing not mentioned:

Often, and I mean VERY often, a server or 2 don’t show up, and so they are left scrambling to find others there that were not planning on serving. Perhaps the need was greater than the worry about possibly distracting someone.

This happens a lot at our parish. In fact, they didn’t schedule any servers for Stations this afternoon. I know they don’t need any, but the Deacon likes to have at least one.

So, as we walked in, we saw the deacon. My son was drafted to serve. He had on jeans and athletic shoes. He also served last night. He had on dress pants and dress shoes. But when he doesn’t know he is serving, he doesn’t dress for it. And he doesn’t have three nice outfits to wear three days in a row.

 

[agapewolf]

Okay, if you think that would be offensive, I’m glad you told me so I wouldn’t offend the Father. But I wasn’t doing it to be offensive. Perhaps I’m no good at PR, but you made it sound like I was no good for even contemplating it.

Okay, perhaps I exaggerated. I’ve had a terrible day. I didn’t mean to twist any words, but the fact remains that it seems like people here and in this parish are doing things to intentionally discourage me.

I DID ask what to do in the first post. And then someone suggested a letter. I replied, perhaps I should send it anonymously because I’m a new Catholic and it may appear presumptuous even though I mean no offense. Upon further reflexion I see how that’s not a good idea, but you just came across as not helpful and almost accusatory.

How so? Are you intentionally trying to upset me further?

You were manipulative when you said

Okay, I’m a coward. That’s a nice touch. Okay, I asked a question on how to deal with this and this is what happens. Remind me not to post on here with how to deal with problems in the liturgy again.

I’m new in the Church, and this is how I get treated, both here and by other parishioners. That’s a nice touch.

I was not accusatory, I simply said what the priest will do with anonymous letters. THEN you asked if that was unbecoming of a priest, and I explained IN GENERAL why a priest throws out anonymous letters.

I never made you sound “no good”.