Alternative forms of intimacy

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EasternCelt

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This is not a question that we could ask our priest due to his being a bachelor, so we’re collecting as much friendly advice as possible. In our marriage, we have (begrudgingly) decided to not have sexual relations at this time because we are not open to life at this time (At this point, I would like to ask that no one mention NFP because my wife refuses to use that method because she doesn’t trust it). Therefore, we’re seeking alternative methods of intimacy that any of you may have used in the past; we’re pretty open, so any suggestions are welcome!
 
EasternCelt said:
At this point, I would like to ask that no one mention NFP because my wife refuses to use that method because she doesn’t trust it
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She may want to explore the completely secular work of the “Sweetening The Pill” movement
 
If you are trying to identify other ways of being physically intimate there aren’t any beyond holding hands, snuggling, etc.
 
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I was under the impression that secular NFP allows coitus interruptus, so we have not explored any secular information.
 
The science, the research behind NFP may be more “believable” from a secular source.

Honestly, it is sad that many women under age 50 do not know how their bodies function. A healthy woman is fertile for a short period each month, this fertile period ramps up to ovulation. The body has several observable signs. Temp drop, mucous, saliva ferning, it is great to be in touch with our bodies by observing these signs.

It is just basic biology this whole NFP thing. Now that there is tech to make tracking even easier, it is odd to me that every woman would not want to have that information.
 
Just to be clear: we are talking about abstinence here, so there is no need, and I am not asking for, discussion of alternative forms of contraception. This is why we are not interested in talking about NFP. I’m only asking for suggestions to help us keep emotional bonds going because of our abstinence.
 
Talk to each other. Read a book and discuss it.

Do the things you did when you were dating, go dancing or to a museum or to a concert. Cook together. What are your shared interests?
 
EasternCelt said:
I’m only asking for suggestions to help us keep emotional bonds going because of our abstinence.
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“I love you honey” - chaste hug.

Candle night dinners or go out to dinner.

Watching movies together.

Small thoughful acts - surpise her with a flower, get up and do the dishes (assuming no dishwasher) for her etc etc.

Spontaneously hold hands when out walking or give a hug/squeeze whilst walking if you are the type who doesn’t usually do this.

All the non-sexual ways that you would have courted her before marriage, can and should continue once the wedding ring is on the finger.

Keep the romance going in your marriage. Lack of romance is a killer!
 
Cuddle, nap, talk to each other, just hang out and enjoy spending time. And any touchy stuff you can do, like back scratching or neck massage, without getting too turned on. I could spend 6 hours doing that with my husband compared to the 15 to 30 minutes a sex act took.
Ask your wife what she likes apart from sex. Some women like foot massage. I hated that but I loved having my hair brushed.
 
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EasternCelt said:
I’m only asking for suggestions to help us keep emotional bonds going
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Nothing beats conversation. Sharing one’s innermost feelings is much more intimate than most people realize. I was once asked jokingly what movie title best described my wife’s and my sex life (we’re both nearing retirement). I replied, “Miracle on 34th Street”. Emotional intimacy can go far beyond any physical act.
 
You can Netflix without the chill. Find a show you can both watch and follow then you can discuss it.
 
Also a spiritual activity can be extremely intimate. Adoration, reading the bible and discovering each others theology, truths and doubts can be very intimate.
 
EasternCelt said:
I was under the impression that secular NFP allows coitus interruptus,
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I’m 99.9% sure it does not. You cannot willingly interrupt the coit as a means of avoiding pregnancy, no matter how you try to rationalize it, so far as I’m aware.
 
CelticWarlord said:
Nothing beats conversation. Sharing one’s innermost feelings is much more intimate than most people realize. I was once asked jokingly what movie title best described my wife’s and my sex life (we’re both nearing retirement). I replied, “Miracle on 34th Street”. Emotional intimacy can go far beyond any physical act.
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It’s important to learn this skill too, because in most marriages there are going to be times when you can’t have sex for some lengthy period of time. Many couples I know, and not all of them older people either, have had long periods where one of them was ill, injured, or away on a military or business assignment, so sex between the two wasn’t possible. In the worst case, somebody loses the ability to have sex permanently. When these things happen, you better have some other ways of bonding besides sex.
 
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