Alternative forms of intimacy

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on_the_hill said:
I’m 99.9% sure it does not. You cannot willingly interrupt the coit as a means of avoiding pregnancy, no matter how you try to rationalize it, so far as I’m aware.
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That was also my impression. I cannot imagine the Catholic Church allowing coitus interruptus in any circumstance, and besides, the risk of a pregnancy from doing that is quite high.
 
on_the_hill said:
I’m 99.9% sure it does not. You cannot willingly interrupt the coit as a means of avoiding pregnancy, no matter how you try to rationalize it, so far as I’m aware.
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Secular methods, mostly referred to as Fertility Awareness Method (FAM) are methods that use symptom based fertility monitoring like NFP but have no moral component and therefore allow barrier methods of contraception during fertile times or abstinence either one (I don’t know any that actually advise withdrawal method though).
 
Oops. I misunderstood the “secular” in the post I replied to.
 
on_the_hill said:
Oops. I misunderstood the “secular” in the post I replied to.
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I don’t think the poster above who mentioned the secular method was advocating engaging in immoral acts. I believe it was a suggestion that maybe the wife would “trust” a secular source over a Church source.

There are lots of women who use FAM who have no religious motivation. The book Taking Charge Of Your Fertility is very popular with women who don’t want to put substances in their body or take pills.
 
Two of our kids were “interruptus” kids.

And before this blows up, yes, we were in the wrong and confessed it.
 
The test of our marriage was wall paper. Thank you, designers, that that is no longer a thing!
 
EasternCelt said:
This is not a question that we could ask our priest due to his being a bachelor, so we’re collecting as much friendly advice as possible. In our marriage, we have (begrudgingly) decided to not have sexual relations at this time because we are not open to life at this time (At this point, I would like to ask that no one mention NFP because my wife refuses to use that method because she doesn’t trust it). Therefore, we’re seeking alternative methods of intimacy that any of you may have used in the past; we’re pretty open, so any suggestions are welcome!
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This is not a question that we could ask our priest due to his being a bachelor

I think that is where you’re off base…you need to give him more credit…also confiding and counseling with him will strengthen you to fight your urges.
Who knows more how to deal with the temptation of normal human sexuality than a celibate?

Ask for a counseling session together…it will help with your accountability.
You both CAN control your urges…even if it means a higher water bill from cold showers.
 
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EasternCelt said:
This is not a question that we could ask our priest due to his being a bachelor
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I’m not sure why. This is something we’re trained to deal with and that we encounter quite regularly, both in the confessional and in counseling couples.

-Fr ACEGC
 
BlueMaxx said:
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EasternCelt:
This is not a question that we could ask our priest due to his being a bachelor, so we’re collecting as much friendly advice as possible. In our marriage, we have (begrudgingly) decided to not have sexual relations at this time because we are not open to life at this time (At this point, I would like to ask that no one mention NFP because my wife refuses to use that method because she doesn’t trust it). Therefore, we’re seeking alternative methods of intimacy that any of you may have used in the past; we’re pretty open, so any suggestions are welcome!
Click to expand...
This is not a question that we could ask our priest due to his being a bachelor

I think that is where you’re off base…you need to give him more credit…also confiding and counseling with him will strengthen you to fight your urges.
Who knows more how to deal with the temptation of normal human sexuality than a celibate?

Ask for a counseling session together…it will help with your accountability.
You both CAN control your urges…even if it means a higher water bill from cold showers.
Click to expand...
Yes. depending on the experience of the priest he may know more than anyone else about marital and sexual issues since he deals with thousands of them of every type with his parishioners.
 
OP, if you’re not comfortable discussing marital sex with a bachelor priest, you might perhaps seek out a deacon who is or has been married. The vast majority of deacons I know are either older married men or older widowers and are quite easy to talk to. In addition, there are usually married couples around who help run programs for pre-Cana, Marriage Encounter/ Engaged Encounter, etc and are comfortable discussing marital issues, including sex.
 
Saying in our marriage, we have (begrudgingly) decided to not have sexual relations at this time, seems to indicate it is a point of contention between you and your spouse. I would urge you to address and resolve that in a manner that satisfies you as a couple. If you are not comfortable discussing this with a priest, then seek out other as Tis_Bearself mentioned.

Physical touch is only one way we give and receive love. Giving and receiving gifts, quality time, mutual affirmation, acts of service toward each other’s are also ways to show and receive love.

Find a copy of The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, by Gary Chapman. It was revised and updated in 2015. The book explains and details examples of the different ways to express love and fulfill each other needs.
 
My husband and I monitored my fertility as our method of spacing (due to serious health reasons) for years before either of us were ever Catholic. That was even back in the pre-interwebs olden days 🙂
 
I’m not married so take my advice with a pinch of salt but I can’t imagine anything more intimate than praying together. Maybe the rosary together or something else that you like? Make this time about something and grow together. God bless you both
 
I disagree. It isn’t about formation in seminary. A man who has been a priest for years has heard and counseled tons of marital and sexual issues. Helping people walk through and navigate these waters provides experience that few have in this world. not to mention he should be drawing from the wisdom and counsel of the Church which has not only thousands of years of experience but is also guided by the Creator and author of human sexuality.

That being said I have received horrible advice from priests and wise counsel.

I have no idea why someone would flag your post. I disagree with you but in my opinion this format allows people to “tattle” on others and unfairly control the conversation. It is incredibly frustrating when people misuse the format.
 
Thank you for your support. I’m not surprised - criticism of clergy seems to lead to this, I’m very sorry to say. This will probably get buried as well.

You wrote, “A man who has been a priest for years has heard and counseled tons of marital and sexual issues.” Yes, but - not every priest has been one “for years”, and some have had little of such experience. My point is only that not every priest is a walking saint. Surely that point has been made, in these troubling times.
 
Cuddle, naps, watch tv or movies, play games, go for a walk, have dinner parties
 
Right, so seek one out that is a good resource with experience and theological training… That seems like common sense.
 
Exactly. Seek a wise priest for counsel. Seek advice from anyone, for that matter, who is wise.
 
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