Am I a Catholic? I was never baptized Catholic nor confirmed

[AmieJac12]

I have a question if I am considered a Catholic, and if so, how do I officially renounce it? I am getting married, and my stepmother is saying that she, my dad and brothers, as Catholics, cannot attend my wedding because I am a lapsed Catholic marrying in a Presbyterian church.

I was baptized Presbyterian. My mother died when I was a kid, and my father remarried a Catholic woman who insisted I be raised Catholic, so I was put into CCD and forced to participate in First Communion. Later, I refused to participate in confirmation. I was never baptized Catholic. I was baptized Presbyterian. I haven’t set foot in a Catholic Church in 20 years,

The only reason this is an issue is my upcoming wedding. My stepmother claims that my dad, brothers and she cannot attend my wedding because it’s sinful for me as a ‘Catholic’ to be marrying a non-Catholic in a Presbyterian church. I’m getting married in the same church I was baptized in, and my parents were married. I never agreed to be Catholic. The first chance I had to refuse to be Catholic, I did so, and the priest would not allow me to be confirmed.

I’m confused how simply doing CCD, and First communion can make me Catholic? I would like some information to show my stepmother that I am not a lapsed Catholic living in sin. If I am Catholic, is there a way I can publicly renounce the faith? I’m not a Catholic. I’m a Presbyterian who would like her converted Catholic father to attend her wedding. My stepmother is calling my upcoming marriage invalid and other nasty things, insisting that for her and my father to attend the wedding, the wedding would need to be postponed, and my husband would need to convert to Catholicism and I would need to be confirmed. I have zero intentions of doing this. If I can’t convince my stepmother that I am not Catholic, then I may need to find someone else to walk me down the aisle.

 

[Viki63]

I’m very sorry you are going through this. It sounds unkind of your stepmother, and I suspect she has her facts wrong. But she doubtless has your interests at heart.
A Christian baptism (Presbyterian) is valid for all Christian denominations, including Catholic.
If I were you, I would discuss the situation with the minister who’s going to marry you. He should be able to sort it out and allay your stepmother’s concerns. If he’s not able to for some reason, talk to your stepmother’s priest.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I’m guessing that at the time you received your First Communion you were considered to have been received into the Catholic Church. But @acanonlawyer might have more to say.

 

[1ke]

I was baptized Presbyterian. My mother died when I was a kid, and my father remarried a Catholic woman who insisted I be raised Catholic, so I was put into CCD and forced to participate in First Communion. Later, I refused to participate in confirmation. I was never baptized Catholic.

It is possible you are a Catholic, canonically speaking. A parent can bring a child below the age of reason into full communion with the Catholic Church. So it is quite possible that your father did so, considering you went on to receive first communion.

This is a question for your father or seek records from your childhood parish. No one here can answer that definitively.

I am very sorry for the loss of your mother at a young age. That must have been difficult.

I have a question if I am considered a Catholic, and if so, how do I officially renounce it?

If you are a Catholic, it is not possible to renounce it. Once baptized into the Church or received into it, you are always a Catholic.

I am getting married, and my stepmother is saying that she, my dad and brothers, as Catholics, cannot attend my wedding because I am a lapsed Catholic marrying in a Presbyterian church.

I am sorry this has started to come between you and your family. Perhaps sitting down with their pastor to discuss it with them?

I never agreed to be Catholic.

Your father had the authority to bring you into the Catholic faith just as he and your mother had the aurthority to baptize you in the first place.

and my husband would need to convert to Catholicism and I would need to be confirmed

A Catholic can marry a non-Catholic validly without the non-Catholic converting.

Also a Catholic can get a dispensation from for to marry the non-Catholic in their church.

I understand that you do not identify yourself as Catholic. Whether you are one is a question your father needs to answer with some specificity as to whether he actually brought you into the Catholic Church or not.

I would like some information to show my stepmother that I am not a lapsed Catholic living in sin.

Contact your childhood parish and talk to your father.

If I am Catholic, is there a way I can publicly renounce the faith?

No.

If I can’t convince my stepmother that I am not Catholic, then I may need to find someone else to walk me down the aisle.

Your stepmother is a real piece of work. I suggest you and your dad go talk to his priest ALONE.

 

[Vico]

If I can’t convince my stepmother that I am not Catholic, then I may need to find someone else to walk me down the aisle

I think since you received Catholic first communion that you became Catholic.

Honolulu Diocese published the following in their 2016 Norms for the Preparation for and Celebration of
the Sacraments of Initiation and First Penance :

1. Liturgical Celebrations and Reception into Full Communion for Adults and Children of
   Catechetical Age: Rites may be celebrated for candidates for full communion with the Catholic
   Church as set out in the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults. The rites are to be celebrated with
   ecumenical sensitivity, avoiding any appearance of triumphalism (RCIA no. 475). “Anything that
   would equate candidates for reception with those who are catechumens is to be absolutely
   avoided” (RCIA no. 477).

Of course some bishops give Confirmation at a later age.

 

[1ke]

I think since you received Catholic first communion that you became Catholic.

The OP needs to talk to her father and also make an inquiry at her childhood Catholic parish as to whether she was actually received into the Church or not. Because going through first reconciliation/first communion or receiving communion does not make one Catholic. Reception into the Church makes on Catholic. And this is an explicit act.

I’ve spent enough time as a CRE/DRE to tell you that not every program has their ducks in a row. I’ve seen sacrament prep programs that did not follow proper procedures and ask for sacramental records. They just assumed kids were Catholic or baptized because their parents were Catholic or because they were in religious education, and put kids through first communion who were NOT Catholics. It happens. Too frequently, actually.

I ask for sacramental records EVERY time, and I’ve had some non-Catholic or non-baptized situations arise. We are then able to take care of them through proper processes.

So there are two possibilities here:

1. Dad brought his young child into communion with the Catholic Church by profession of faith and the OP is Catholic.
2. Dad became Catholic, started sending his kid to religious education, DRE didn’t ask for sacramental records, kid who is not Catholic received communion.

 

[Vico]

Vico:

I think since you received Catholic first communion that you became Catholic.

The OP needs to talk to her father and also make an inquiry at her childhood Catholic parish as to whether she was actually received into the Church or not. Because going through first reconciliation/first communion or receiving communion does not make one Catholic. Reception into the Church makes on Catholic. And this is an explicit act.

I’ve spent enough time as a CRE/DRE to tell you that not every program has their ducks in a row. I’ve seen sacrament prep programs that did not follow proper procedures and ask for sacramental records. They just assumed kids were Catholic or baptized because their parents were Catholic or because they were in religious education, and put kids through first communion who were NOT Catholics. It happens. Too frequently, actually.

I ask for sacramental records EVERY time, and I’ve had some non-Catholic or non-baptized situations arise. We are then able to take care of them through proper processes.

So there are two possibilities here:

1. Dad brought his young child into communion with the Catholic Church by profession of faith and the OP is Catholic.
2. Dad became Catholic, started sending his kid to religious education, DRE didn’t ask for sacramental records, kid who is not Catholic received communion.

There is a different process depending upon the age of the child.

 

[acanonlawyer]

The act of reception into the Catholic Church is distinct from the reception of Holy Communion, or Confirmation, or participation in CCD classes.

As for whether or not the OP is Catholic (legally/juridically speaking), I don’t know. Hopefully, there are accurate records of what actually took place…

Dan

 

[1ke]

There is a different process depending upon the age of the child.

Yes, I’m aware of that.

The child was under the age of reason per what she relays in her original post. Therefore, the father could have brought her into full communion by profession of faith and she may not have been aware of it. But the father would have to explicitly do this, not just put her in CCD classes. It isn’t clear as to whether that happened. The OP needs to talk to her father and contact her childhood parish. Simply the fact that she received first communion does NOT mean that she was received into the Catholic Church.

If the child is older, over the age of reason, then the child makes a profession of faith not the parents, and may be confirmed and communed at that time (per RCIA rites) or, at pastoral discretion might be put with his/her peers for sacraments at a later time. But, the profession of faith is the pivotal item in bringing the child into communion with the church.

 

[Allegra]

I recommend that you speak to your step-mother and father’s pastor. If you have never accepted the faith, I don’t think it’s likely that attending your wedding is causing scandal to anyone. Based on the information that you are providing, I think it’s pretty likely that the pastor will advise your parents that they are free to attend your wedding. If that’s the case, your step-mother doesn’t have much of an argument to not attending. Do you think she’s being genuine about this concern, or is she the type of person that it always trying to cause problems?

 

[Allegra]

PS- But there’s no way to “renounce” your Catholicism, at least none that will be considered satisfactory to the Church or to God. Once you become part of the Church, you are part of the Church.

 

[AmieJac12]

I was 9 when my dad married my stepmother, my understanding was that for the priest to marry them my dad had to agree to convert and to raise me as Catholic. I did 2 years of CCD and then did 1st communion w a bunch of little kids because I didn’t think I had a choice. When they put me in confirmation classes, I objected and refused to participate. My stepmother’s family is extremely conservative Catholic and freaked about me refusing to be confirmed. Her uncle that’s a priest told me I had no choice because my parents made the decision for me to be Catholic, but her family refers to my stepmother as my mother. My parents didn’t choose for me to be Catholic.

My stepmother’s family all want to pretend my mother never existed so I don’t know how much of this is about religion and how much of this is me choosing my mom’s religion. My dad doesn’t care. He told me when I was a teen to go along w the confirmation to keep my stepmother happy. She gets embarrassed that she’s not raising a perfect little Catholic family like her many, many relatives. Her relatives getting my wedding announcement was likely another big embarrassment for her.

My understanding is that my stepmother will not attend weddings of lapsed Catholics marrying outside of the church. Her family is egging her on with this, maybe to make an example to their kids. I’m going to have to accept my maternal grandfather might have to walk me down the aisle. I’m not Catholic and I’m not going to ask the Catholic Church for permission to marry when I didn’t have a choice in joining.

 

[JulianN]

How old were you when you made your First Communion?

 

[AmieJac12]

1. I think I went straight from 1st communion to the confirmation classes. I know I looked ridiculous doing 1st communion w the little kids

 

[JulianN]

Do you remember at any point being asked whether you believed what the Catholic Church teaches? Not in CCD, but in a setting with a . priest?

 

[1ke]

I was 9 when my dad married my stepmother, my understanding was that for the priest to marry them my dad had to agree to convert and to raise me as Catholic

No, that is not in any way accurate.

I did 2 years of CCD and then did 1st communion w a bunch of little kids because I didn’t think I had a choice.

This is a canonical matter. If you made a profession of faith, it should be noted in the sacramental records of the Church. At age 9, it would have been you making the profession of faith, not your father.

Her uncle that’s a priest told me I had no choice because my parents made the decision for me to be Catholic

At age 9, they could not make the decision for you. And whether you are canonically Catholic is something that will require investigation, should you choose to pursue it. I suggest contacting https://stjosephcanonlaw.com/ which is a society of canon lawyers who help people with issues related to their rights/canonical status, etc.

My stepmother’s family all want to pretend my mother never existed so I don’t know how much of this is about religion and how much of this is me choosing my mom’s religion.

Your stepmom sounds like a total whack-a-doodle.

I’m going to have to accept my maternal grandfather might have to walk me down the aisle.

I’m so sorry. Perhaps you can find a Catholic priest you feel comfortable with who can talk to your dad one-on-one. This is horrible and I no way represents ACTUAL Catholic teaching.

 

[1ke]

I think I went straight from 1st communion to the confirmation classes. I know I looked ridiculous doing 1st communion w the little kids

Receiving communion did not make you Catholic. Only you making a profession of faith could do that. It’s called being received into the Church. And it would be noted in the sacramental register of the parish.

This is very dubious at best. I really think contacting the St Joseph society or the judicial vicar of the diocese where this all took place would be your best bet. Again, if you choose to pursue it to get it straightened out and have some sort of proof to show your dad’s whack-a-doodle wife and her extended family.

 

[Joe_5859]

Receiving communion did not make you Catholic. Only you making a profession of faith could do that. It’s called being received into the Church. And it would be noted in the sacramental register of the parish.

Please take note of this, AmieJac, as this is the most important detail.

Children baptized in non-Catholic churches that are over the age of reason (i.e. 7 years old) must make a profession of faith in order to be received into the Church (AKA in order to “become Catholic”).

This happens at my parish pretty much every year. There are children who were baptized in a non-Catholic Church but wish to become Catholic and receive their First Communion. They make this profession of faith with the priest, and it is recorded. This is what makes them Catholic, not their First Communion.

But, as 1ke said, not every Catholic parish is diligent about doing this. You will need to do some investigating. If you did not make the profession of faith, then that would mean you are not Catholic. I would encourage you to follow 1ke’s advice if you want to uncover the truth of the matter.

 

[Vico]

…

NIce summary. I remember reading from Friar Tom Richstatter O.F.M. that once the Catholic parent of an non-Catholic baptized child younger than seven (I think that should be eight) declares to the pastor or his delegate their intention to raise the child in the Catholic faith, that the child’s baptismal information is then recorded and that completes the act of reception.

 

[Mike_from_NJ]

A Catholic can marry a non-Catholic validly without the non-Catholic converting.

Also a Catholic can get a dispensation from for to marry the non-Catholic in their church.

I understand that you do not identify yourself as Catholic. Whether you are one is a question your father needs to answer with some specificity as to whether he actually brought you into the Catholic Church or not.

The one caveat with this is that the OP would have to agree to raise any children as Catholic, which it seems would not happen.