Am I being chaste?

[Peasblossom]

My boyfriend and I want to be chaste and we are sure to practice abstinence. However, I want to lay some concrete boundaries for us so that we don’t “go too far.”

What would be a good place to start? Is it alright for us to see each other nude?

He rationalizes the nudity question by claiming that he has no impure thoughts about it and he justs wants to appreciate the beauty God has given me. He says there is no chance that being nude right now would cause him to disregard the respect he has for me or to objectify me.

I just don’t want to bring him to the occasion of sin. What should I do?

 

[1ke]

What should you do?

Probably get a new boyfriend who understands what modesty and chastity are and doesn’t try to entice you into things that are wrong.

You already *know *that being nude with a man who is not your husband is wrong. You don’t need us to tell you that.

Visit www.pureloveclub.com and focus on chastity.

Practical ways to avoid sins of impurity include not being naked, and not being alone. Also, I question whether this boyfriend of yours shares your faith and values. Is he a practicing Catholic? Are you?

 

[puzzleannie]

your body belongs to your husband. you don’t have a husband. you do not show your nude body to anyone other than your husband (other than to a doctor in the course of medical treatment).

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

My boyfriend and I want to be chaste and we are sure to practice abstinence. However, I want to lay some concrete boundaries for us so that we don’t “go too far.”

Good for both of you to want to have this as a focal point of your relationship.

What would be a good place to start?

Start and stop at kissing. Also read “The Good News About Sex and Marriage” by Christopher West. I am sure that there are many other books out there that you can read and others will be able to suggest those. Check out www.pureloveclub.com for more valuable information as well.

Is it alright for us to see each other nude?

:nope: This is a near occasion of sin and brings about the sin of lust, potentially, and I would say 9 times out of 10 it does.

He rationalizes the nudity question by claiming that he has no impure thoughts about it and he justs wants to appreciate the beauty God has given me.

Simply a “line” being used here. There is no way to rationalize that. Your naked body is for your husband, not your boyfriend.

He says there is no chance that being nude right now would cause him to disregard the respect he has for me or to objectify me.

Then he can show how much he does respect you and how much he does not wish to degrade you by not seeing you naked and respecting you and your body.

I just don’t want to bring him to the occasion of sin. What should I do?

Keep the clothes on.

 

[Gamera]

What a line!

If I were you, I’d answer, “What? I’m not beautiful enough for you with my clothes on?”

 

[Dauphin]

My boyfriend and I want to be chaste and we are sure to practice abstinence. However, I want to lay some concrete boundaries for us so that we don’t “go too far.”

What would be a good place to start? Is it alright for us to see each other nude?

He rationalizes the nudity question by claiming that he has no impure thoughts about it and he justs wants to appreciate the beauty God has given me. He says there is no chance that being nude right now would cause him to disregard the respect he has for me or to objectify me.

I just don’t want to bring him to the occasion of sin. What should I do?

Absolutely bizarre. Who could imagine for a second that this kind of nudity is acceptable?

 

[mercygate]

My boyfriend and I want to be chaste and we are sure to practice abstinence. However, I want to lay some concrete boundaries for us so that we don’t “go too far.”

What would be a good place to start? Is it alright for us to see each other nude?

He rationalizes the nudity question by claiming that he has no impure thoughts about it and he justs wants to appreciate the beauty God has given me.

If he is NOT having “impure” thoughts about seeing you nude, then you need to take this guy off your “marriageable” list. Nudity is supposed to arouse people.

He says there is no chance that being nude right now would cause him to disregard the respect he has for me or to objectify me.

He is handing you a line crafted to appeal to your mind-set. He may be handing himself a line too. I won’t judge his motives, but if a guy ever said that to me, he’d be walkin’ out the door before he finished the sentence.

I just don’t want to bring him to the occasion of sin. What should I do?

Worry about bringing YOURSELF to the occasion of sin – and nudity in the context you describe IS unchastity by definition.

Human beings are sexually hard-wired to go from point A to point Z. Everything that arouses you is built in to take you to the next plateau. It’s GREAT. But it belongs in marriage, and only in marriage. The two of you might enjoy a very funny CD by The Rev. Tommy Nelson on marital love and chastity. It’s an exposition on the Song of Solomon. I couldn’t find it in a quick search. But he has a book called The Book of Romance that seems to cover the same ground. GO for it!

You are asking the question: “How close to the cliff can I walk, Mommy?” and the answer is, “You must not go NEAR the cliff!”

 

[juliamca]

What a line of B.S. If you belive that you will belive anything. Nudity is eye sex and nothing less. You are allowing him to have sex with you with his eyes. I don’t think that is pleasing to God.Get a new boyfriend preferably one who is a real man who respects your wishes and your faith. You yourself know this is B.S or you would not question it so. In your life live what is true in your heart.

 

[Newbie2]

My boyfriend and I want to be chaste and we are sure to practice abstinence. However, I want to lay some concrete boundaries for us so that we don’t “go too far.”

What would be a good place to start? Is it alright for us to see each other nude?

And it would stop there? That’s like placing a leaky gasoline container next to a fire.

Boundries? Keep it zipped, both parties. NO exceptions.

Good ideas in other posts as well.

 

[VociMike]

My boyfriend and I want to be chaste and we are sure to practice abstinence. However, I want to lay some concrete boundaries for us so that we don’t “go too far.”

What would be a good place to start? Is it alright for us to see each other nude?

He rationalizes the nudity question by claiming that he has no impure thoughts about it and he justs wants to appreciate the beauty God has given me. He says there is no chance that being nude right now would cause him to disregard the respect he has for me or to objectify me.

I just don’t want to bring him to the occasion of sin. What should I do?

Your boyfriend is lying. Maybe to himself, but more likely to you. Tell him to appreciate you in other ways. And if he persists (likely, IMHO), show him the door.

 

[Didi]

I agree with other posts. If your boyfriend really loves you, he will be concerned about your own chastity and, more importantly, your soul. True love puts the other person before themself. I agree with reading “Pure Love” and visiting that website.

If he keeps pressuring you or “rationalizing” behavior that you know is not correct, show him the door.

 

[Genesis315]

Wow, that’s a new line. :dts:

Drop this guy like a bad habit.

 

[FrankLawrence]

My boyfriend and I want to be chaste and we are sure to practice abstinence. However, I want to lay some concrete boundaries for us so that we don’t “go too far.”

What would be a good place to start? Is it alright for us to see each other nude?

He rationalizes the nudity question by claiming that he has no impure thoughts about it and he justs wants to appreciate the beauty God has given me. He says there is no chance that being nude right now would cause him to disregard the respect he has for me or to objectify me.

I just don’t want to bring him to the occasion of sin. What should I do?

  First, you need to DUMP HIM IMMEDIATELY.  If seeing you naked doesn't cause him to lust after you, and objectify you, then either you are extremely unattractive, physically, or HE'S GAY!!!!   He has no respect for you, and will have even less respect for you if he sees that you are naive and gullible enough to get naked for him, so don't fall for that line.  Also, it is a tactic to slowly but surely cross your boundaries until you have none left.  Furthermore, I doubt that if you were both naked together, he would treat the situation as a mere visual "hands off" thing.  More likely, he will try to RAPE you.  He will try to get you lusting for him, passionately press up against you, and (not to sound crude) but try to slip it in, hoping that you won't object at that point, because you've already gone that far.  So many young girls fall victim to that tactic.  In his mind, it won't constitute rape, and it may not in your mind, either, and while it is NOT my place to judge the intentions of his heart, I know the lines of a snake when I hear them, as I attended college with quite a few of them. 
  Second, you need to reexamine your own relationship with God.  It seems to me that you are taking more of a "How close to the line of sin can I get without crossing it?" attitude towards God, rather than a "God, what is Your perfect will for me?" attitude.  Realize that when you give yourself to Christ, you need to do so as an OBEDIENT servant, not as someone who flirts with sin, but as someone who earnestly strives to avoid it at all costs.    
  If you disagree with me, why don't you ask your father what he thinks about it?  Remember the fourth commandment.  If you automatically know that your father wouldn't approve, then guess what, you are breaking the fourth commandment.

 

[kage_ar]

Chaste? Do anything you would be comfortable doing in front of your parents, your grandparents and your Priest.

He is feeding you a line about the nudity.

 

[otjm]

My boyfriend and I want to be chaste and we are sure to practice abstinence. However, I want to lay some concrete boundaries for us so that we don’t “go too far.”

What would be a good place to start? Is it alright for us to see each other nude?

He rationalizes the nudity question by claiming that he has no impure thoughts about it and he justs wants to appreciate the beauty God has given me. He says there is no chance that being nude right now would cause him to disregard the respect he has for me or to objectify me.

I just don’t want to bring him to the occasion of sin. What should I do?

Find a new boyfriend, preferrably one who will not lie to you about his fantasies.

Men are visual; like it or not, that is how they are hard wired. That is not to say that it is impossible for a man to see a nude and not get a physical reaction; however, visual cues are the fastest way for a man to start the process of a sexual reaction to a female.

Sweetie, he is flat out lying to you. Wake up and smell the coffee! And don’t tell me about how great a guy he is, or how much he cares for you, or how great an artist he is, or how he just wants to appreciate God’s gift of beauty. Or that I am being judgemental.

You want boundaries that are real? He is long, long way past them.

It may be only semi-related; but in senioer year of high school we had a religion course on marriage and the family; back when “everyone” was not sleeping with their girl friend/bioy friend/significant other and where the phrase “friends with benefits” was something like 40 years into the future.

A constant question was: “how far is too far?”

The short answer is, if you have to ask the question, you are already too far. The whole ideology of that question is that sex is some sort of game or dance that two unmarried individuals can engage in, and the game can go on for… how long? The problem was in taking the first step, or first move.

Seeing you in the nude is so far down the road of that game/dance that it doesn’t even merit an answer to him.

It merits someone else.

Dump him.

Then, when you come up fopr air after the period of mourning and heartbreak (and I don’t say that facitiously), get yourself a copy of Jason Evert’s book on chastity. It may be an eye opener.

And just another little hint: he objectified you long ago.

 

[otjm]

I won’t judge his motives, but if a guy ever said that to me, he’d be walkin’ out the door before he finished the sentence.

If I caught him saying that to one of my daughters, he wouldn’t be walkin’ out that door. He wouldn’t be able to.uch:

 

[ljprevo]

I am flabbergasted that this was even asked. Good Grief

I am a programmer and we have a saying, junk in, junk out.

I am sorry, your boyfriend is playing words and trying to trick you into something immoral.

 

[KCT]

My boyfriend and I want to be chaste and we are sure to practice abstinence. However, I want to lay some concrete boundaries for us so that we don’t “go too far.” Is it alright for us to see each other nude?

I’m trying to figure out when you’d see eachother nude. Unless you’re already having sex, why would you be nude together?? (it’s a retorical question, so please don’t post an answer)

–KCT

 

[Gamera]

… He rationalizes the nudity question by claiming that he has no impure thoughts about it and he justs wants to appreciate the beauty God has given me.

It’s bad enough that he’s trying to get you naked, but what’s more alarming is that he’s actually using references to God as part of his pitch. That’s just cold.

 

[Holly3278]

I personally see nothing wrong with showing your nude body to your boyfriend. I’d do it for my guy. I’d even have sex with my boyfriend before marriage because frankly, I don’t see it as a sin.