Am I being chaste?

[DanteAlighieri]

So… (pause)…How about we take off our clothes and appreciate the beauty of God’s creation?

(cue funk music)

I nearly choked on my cigarette when I read the bit about your boyfriend thinking it’s ok to get naked together. Do you honestly believe that he wouldn’t get aroused to see you thus?

I suppose the good news is you’d be able to tell pretty quickly if he actually is lying…

My dear, this fellow is trying to con you, and probably has already conned himself – I’m assuming the best about him, because the other alternative is to assume that he thinks all he has to do is get you naked, then get you to let him sit by you, then…well, you get the idea.

Bottom line: you know in your heart that this is not appropriate, or you wouldn’t have asked. Tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you a) will not agree to it, and b) resent the suggestion. If he has anything to say in response other than “You’re right; how foolish of me!”, then leave him right then and there.

Peace,
Dante

 

[mercygate]

I personally see nothing wrong with showing your nude body to your boyfriend. I’d do it for my guy. I’d even have sex with my boyfriend before marriage because frankly, I don’t see it as a sin.

Since the OP asked about chastity, this is kind of an off-topic remark, isn’t it?

 

[FrankLawrence]

Find a new boyfriend, preferrably one who will not lie to you about his fantasies.

Sweetie, he is flat out lying to you. Wake up and smell the coffee! And don’t tell me about how great a guy he is, or how much he cares for you, or how great an artist he is, or how he just wants to appreciate God’s gift of beauty. Or that I am being judgemental.

You want boundaries that are real? He is long, long way past them.

Seeing you in the nude is so far down the road of that game/dance that it doesn’t even merit an answer to him.

It merits someone else.

Dump him.

And just another little hint: he objectified you long ago.

Amen

 

[Chyna]

DUMP HIM IMMEDIATELY

i agree with this remark. :clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

i am a 35 year old woman, who is waiting on her husband. i have been down a similar road, in regards of non-respecting or non Catholic males that want to use you. He is playing with your head and you need to listen to God speaking to you in your heart. You already felt and knew your answer, it is why you posted. Listen to God the Holy Spirit; He will lead you down the right road. You, all of you, whole… belong to your husband. Consider this, it is a tool, that you will use to find the right man. Those that try to cause you to sin are not your husband to be.
It is when you are with the God sent male, which respects your beliefs and the teaching of the Holy Catholic Church that you will know… This is him!

Dump your boyfriend! i will keep you in my prayers.

Chyna

 

[DanteAlighieri]

I personally see nothing wrong with showing your nude body to your boyfriend. I’d do it for my guy. I’d even have sex with my boyfriend before marriage because frankly, I don’t see it as a sin.

It stands to reason that the OP was seeking a Catholic perspective, which yours is decidedly not. I don’t imagine the OP would’ve asked such a question in the “Moral Theology” section of an orthodox Catholic discussion forum if what she wanted was your relativistic view of sexual morality. She clearly was hoping for guidance that stems from an understanding and obedience of what the Church teaches.

Peace,
Dante

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

I personally see nothing wrong with showing your nude body to your boyfriend. I’d do it for my guy. I’d even have sex with my boyfriend before marriage because frankly, I don’t see it as a sin.

Maybe it is time to do a little Catholic research on the beauty of sex. Try www.pureloveclub.com

 

[VociMike]

I personally see nothing wrong with showing your nude body to your boyfriend. I’d do it for my guy. I’d even have sex with my boyfriend before marriage because frankly, I don’t see it as a sin.

As a human being and especially as a Catholic it is your responsibility to have a well-formed conscience, which your remarks indicate you do not yet have. God will hold you to that responsibility, so you better get crackin’.

 

[taterearl]

I personally see nothing wrong with showing your nude body to your boyfriend. I’d do it for my guy. I’d even have sex with my boyfriend before marriage because frankly, I don’t see it as a sin.

You really need to read up about sex then. I saw pureloveclub.com was mentioned also lovematters.com is a great website. Just because you don’t see it as a sin doesn’t mean they’ll be consequences should you engage in the act. (Don’t by the way!)

 

[Newbie2]

I personally see nothing wrong with showing your nude body to your boyfriend. I’d do it for my guy. I’d even have sex with my boyfriend before marriage because frankly, I don’t see it as a sin.

And this relates to Church teachings how?

And what about the next boyfriend…and the one after that?

This wouldn’t qualify as chaste.

 

[CarrieH]

Here’s a brief definition of chaste: whatever body parts that would be covered by a modest swimsuit are off-limits for seeing or touching, including touching through clothes. Physical contact is limited to things which don’t arouse either of you, so that means no long make-out sessions, no deep kissing, etc.

If you are getting naked together, you are playing with fire. He is either feeding you a huge line of bull$#!+ or there is something seriously wrong with him if he isn’t almost uncontrollably turned-on by seeing your body. It’s really hard to go back to hand-holding and chaste kissing when you’ve crossed so many lines further down the road, but if the two of you can’t pull back, you should find another boyfriend…and keep your clothes on with the next one! Good luck and God bless.

 

[puzzleannie]

I personally see nothing wrong with showing your nude body to your boyfriend. I’d do it for my guy. I’d even have sex with my boyfriend before marriage because frankly, I don’t see it as a sin.

perhaps a quick look at the 10 commandments will refresh your memory. OP is concerned about chastity. taking priveleges that belong to marriage when you are not married is most definitely a sin, and like all sin, has bad consequences. The most damaging is the one you will not realize until after marriage to him, or to someone else, and you realize how your ability to grow in intimacy and form the strong bond needed for marriage to work has been damaged by premature sexual activity. We will be praying for you, mainly that you learn to love and respect yourself so you will be ready to recognize love and respect when it is offered by someone else.

 

[Gamera]

I personally see nothing wrong with showing your nude body to your boyfriend. I’d do it for my guy. I’d even have sex with my boyfriend before marriage because frankly, I don’t see it as a sin.

Perhaps you should consider the negative effects of premarital sex, since it’s something you can’t take back.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=176249

 

[verdigirl]

I agree with the objectification remark. It’s right on the money!

Young women need to see that one of the by-products of the Church’s stance on sex before marriage is that they are protected from manipulation from men who do not have their best interest in mind.

Now, I am speaking on generalities here, but to be honest I’ve never seen a case where the following was not true. Women are wired for sex differently than men. When we have sex, we expect a long-term commitment afterward. Men, however (in my very limited experience) do not.

As I said to my son when he was dealing with this issue, “why do you think guys complain how girls call and call and call and ‘get all weird’ after sleeping with them”? The Church knows this about women and therefore wants to protect them.

It is unfair to you that your boyfriend wants to manipulate you into showing yourself. I predict that it will come down to you having to make a choice about doing that or losing the relationship. I do predict him holding you over the barrel over it…and then you will be easier to manipulate. Sooner or later, you will be having sex.

I don’t know the young man, but my gut feeling tells me that he’s handing you a line of bull and is either trying to justify his lust or is flat-out lying to you that you disrobed is not arousing. In my mind, this sort of manipulation and/or dishonesty is the sandy ground upon which you should NOT be building your house.

Stand strong, sister!

 

[cenpress]

First of all, it disgusts me that so many of you on this board are so quick to judge this poor guy. Who are you that his intentions are so clear? How do you know he’s so insincere? (And … don’t call me naive. Because I’ve been there and I know better.) But you ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

The OP was quite clear in saying the two of them are interested in living chaste lives … you ought to applaud such an interest! It seems to me they are both (not just HIM) merely having difficulty understanding what chastity truly requires. You’re gonna crucify him for his poor judgment? He could be one of the truly good ones … and all he needs is a little direction, a little light. Shame on you.

On the flip side, every time I read a post by Mirror Mirror, I am glad to see some true compassion shine through on these boards. So, my compliments to you, Mirror Mirror. You always seem to be a voice of reason … and that is such a relief.

Now …

To the OP, do NOT dump your boyfriend. Talk to him about keeping yourself pure for your eventual husband … and ask for his respect. If you both are sincere in your quest to live chaste lives, he will honor you and adore your (clothed) soul rather than your (nude) body.

And I compliment you and your boyfriend. I understand his desire to see your naked beauty, but chastity calls for us to be modest … in dress as well as in our actions. If you are wondering where “that line” is (and it IS gray, I know), ask yourself this: would you feel uncomfortable doing this or that in the presence of a priest … or your parents … or at a church picnic? If the answer is no, the action is likely not chaste.

When in doubt, err on the side of caution. Pray to Mary and to her husband, Joseph. I congratulate you on your desire to live by the Church’s teachings. Best of luck … to BOTH of you.

 

[beckers]

First of all, it disgusts me that so many of you on this board are so quick to judge this poor guy. Who are you that his intentions are so clear? How do you know he’s so insincere? (And … don’t call me naive. Because I’ve been there and I know better.) But you ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

The OP was quite clear in saying the two of them are interested in living chaste lives … you ought to applaud such an interest! It seems to me they are both (not just HIM) merely having difficulty understanding what chastity truly requires. You’re gonna crucify him for his poor judgment? He could be one of the truly good ones … and all he needs is a little direction, a little light. Shame on you.

On the flip side, every time I read a post by Mirror Mirror, I am glad to see some true compassion shine through on these boards. So, my compliments to you, Mirror Mirror. You always seem to be a voice of reason … and that is such a relief.

Now …

To the OP, do NOT dump your boyfriend. Talk to him about keeping yourself pure for your eventual husband … and ask for his respect. If you both are sincere in your quest to live chaste lives, he will honor you and adore your (clothed) soul rather than your (nude) body.

And I compliment you and your boyfriend. I understand his desire to see your naked beauty, but chastity calls for us to be modest … in dress as well as in our actions. If you are wondering where “that line” is (and it IS gray, I know), ask yourself this: would you feel uncomfortable doing this or that in the presence of a priest … or your parents … or at a church picnic? If the answer is no, the action is likely not chaste.

When in doubt, err on the side of caution. Pray to Mary and to her husband, Joseph. I congratulate you on your desire to live by the Church’s teachings. Best of luck … to BOTH of you.

I think everyone was jumping to the conclusion to dump the boyfriend because what the OP wrote sounded like he wanted to see but just not act or that he was feeding her a line to get her to do something she wasn’t comfortable with. I am sorry but as a women i don’t buy that if he she’s her naked it won’t bring him to sin. It’s just way too tempting to see the person that you love in the nude. She should stop her relationship and do some God and Soul searching on the topic and understand her own boundaries before she gets to deep into a relationship. Believe me. if you have your own boundaries established prior to a relationship starting it is much easier to hold firm to your boundaries so that your relationship stays pure and with god at the center.

I agree with most of your post by the way.

To the OP:

Abstinence and Chastity are two totally different things. They go hand in hand but are not the same thing. Abstinence is not doing something or abstaining from something like food or sex. Chastity is a way of life. It should penetrate all parts of you in your clothing, speech and behavior. for example you can be a virgin but if you purposely dress provocatively to gain attention or if you allow your boyfriend to “touch you” in places then you are not truly being chaste though technically your are abstaining.

An easy rule is to have normal clothing always on (ie no sleepwear or lingerie). Hands always need to stay above the equator (waist) and always on the backside like were your hands would be for a hug or a back massage. Don’t do anything that you wouldn’t do in front of your parents or in front of your priest. Also think of your future spouse. You want to experience all the special things that come with marriage with him. Don’t taint your future experiences.

 

[fix]

The OP was quite clear in saying the two of them are interested in living chaste lives … you ought to applaud such an interest! It seems to me they are both (not just HIM) merely having difficulty understanding what chastity truly requires. You’re gonna crucify him for his poor judgment? He could be one of the truly good ones … and all he needs is a little direction, a little light. Shame on you.

Are you joking? I do not know how old the people in question are, but it seems a bit beyond comprehension an adult would claim interest in purity and at the same time request to see his girlfriend nude. One has every right to be wary of such motives.

 

[cenpress]

Are you joking? I do not know how old the people in question are, but it seems a bit beyond comprehension an adult would claim interest in purity and at the same time request to see his girlfriend nude. One has every right to be wary of such motives.

Then your reply ought have suggested she “be wary.” Not “dump him immediately.” But my wish is not to single you out here. All I’m saying is this girl has received vitriolic responses en mass from people purporting to see into her boyfriend’s heart (based on what she, the OP, stated). For all we know, he could be an artist and wanted nothing more than to paint her in portrait. Maybe he suggested it in a moment of weakness and has since seen the light. I don’t know. But neither do you (the universal “you”). I just don’t appreciate people coming on here and claiming to know and understand this guy fully based on one post.

 

[cenpress]

Abstinence and Chastity are two totally different things. They go hand in hand but are not the same thing. Abstinence is not doing something or abstaining from something like food or sex. Chastity is a way of life. It should penetrate all parts of you in your clothing, speech and behavior. for example you can be a virgin but if you purposely dress provocatively to gain attention or if you allow your boyfriend to “touch you” in places then you are not truly being chaste though technically your are abstaining.

An easy rule is to have normal clothing always on (ie no sleepwear or lingerie). Hands always need to stay above the equator (waist) and always on the backside like were your hands would be for a hug or a back massage. Don’t do anything that you wouldn’t do in front of your parents or in front of your priest. Also think of your future spouse. You want to experience all the special things that come with marriage with him. Don’t taint your future experiences.

Amen, Beckers! Good post!

 

[FrankLawrence]

Then your reply ought have suggested she “be wary.” Not “dump him immediately.” But I don’t wish to single you out. All I’m saying is this girl has received ample vitriolic responses from people purporting to see into her boyfriend’s heart (regardless of whether they were based on what she, the OP, stated). For all we know, he could be an artist and wanted nothing more than to paint her in portrait. Maybe he suggested it in a moment of weakness and has since seen the light. I don’t know. I just don’t appreciate people claiming to know and understand him fully based on one post.

If the OP was your daughter or younger sister coming to you for advice, would you even consider telling her to stay with this guy? If she was my daughter or sister, he would not EVER see her again, not even fully dressed. We gave her sound advice. This is not a matter of placing judgement on some guy. This is a matter of telling a younger sister in Christ what is in HER best interests. I don’t care what his reasoning was, not do I care what the intentions of his heart were. Any guy who would feed his girlfriend a line like that, especially knowing that she has a desire to remain chaste, is BAD NEWS. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I stand by the sound advice that many posters in here gave her to dump him.

 

[cenpress]

IMPORTANT CORRECTION!!

A line from my original post read:

… ask yourself this: would you feel uncomfortable doing this or that in the presence of a priest … or your parents … or at a church picnic? If the answer is no, the action is likely not chaste.

It SHOULD read:

If the answer is YES, the action is likely not chaste …

---

My bad. Sorry about that one. I hope that didn’t cause too much confusion.