Am I being too fussy by wanting to marry a Catholic?

[Rachel126]

I don’t think you are being too picky. At the same time, don’t be completely closed to a non-Catholic (or non-Anglican). Does your parish have social events for singles? Online dating might be an option too.

Keep in mind, too, that it isn’t only Catholics who are supposed to wait til marriage for relations. That’s actually the official teaching of most Christians. I went through school with a fabulous young man who was a devout Methodist and very intent on waiting for marriage. (yes I also know that most people, both Catholic and protestant, disregard this teaching).

I wish you luck in your journey. I also agree with the previous poster who reminded you that there are plenty of people with standards far lower than yours who have not yet found the right person.

 

[HonourAndObey]

AussieAngel - has it occurred to you that maybe God wants you to remain single? Perhaps because you are not having any luck in finding a Catholic man, it is a sign that married life is not your calling. Usually when doors are closed, it is God’s way of telling you to follow a different path. Maybe a husband and children is not what he intended for you.

 

[SusanneT]

As. a non Catholic married to a Catholic man and following Catholic teaching I honestly cannot imagine how a Catholic woman could marry a man who did not share her commitment.

When it comes to matters of marriage family & intimacy it is just so fundamental I don’t see how it could work and I guess the issues you have had dating serve to illustrate the problems.

 

[AussieAngel]

HonourAndObey - I don’t agree with your suggestion, I know deep down inside that marriage with children is in my future and is something I am definitely ready for at this stage of my life. The difficulty I face, as I explained in earlier posts, is that it is not easy to find young practicing Catholics in today’s society, or at least where I live (Australia). The useful thing about this forum is that many people have opened my eyes to the problems that mixed relationships and marriages can present, although I am aware there are always exceptions to the rule.

RedSparklyShoes - great story! It gives me hope

Rachel126 - as I explained to Gliggle in an earlier post, there is a lack of social events at my parish for young singles. I have tried online dating too, but no luck so far. While several men have listed that they are Catholics in their profiles, when I have corresponded or met up with them, its clear that their faith plays little or no role in their lives and they have no intention of changing that.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

So are they right? Am I being too fussy and should I date non-Catholics? Or am I justified in being disciplined about meeting a fellow Catholic with similar beliefs as me? Obviously, the older I get, the smaller the pool of available single men becomes.

I appreciate any advice

It is my personal opinion that anyone that is serious about their religion should date someone of their own religion, ESPECIALLY if children are involved. Many times mixed marriages are fine until the first child comes along, and suddenly the parents are fighting over which religion to raise the child.

 

[AnastasiaRomano]

Rachel126 - as I explained to Gliggle in an earlier post, there is a lack of social events at my parish for young singles. I have tried online dating too, but no luck so far. While several men have listed that they are Catholics in their profiles, when I have corresponded or met up with them, its clear that their faith plays little or no role in their lives and they have no intention of changing that.

Have you tried specifically Catholic dating sites, rather than secular ones or generically Christian ones? My husband and I met on a Catholic dating site, years ago when online dating was almost in its infancy.

You are not being too fussy by wanting to marry a Catholic. Of course it makes the search for a spouse much more difficult, but it’s far better to wait and look for a serious Catholic man than to marry a non-Catholic man who will not support you (or your future children) in the faith.

 

[Chiltepin]

You are not being too fussy in wanting that. Catholics should want a Catholic spouse. Many people fall in love with someone else, but if you don’t have anyone it makes no sense to actively want someone of another faith as a spouse.

On the other hand, this is about what you want. We have to back off and as what God wants for us, which is hard at times. Many single people will talk about having a vocation to marriage, but it isn’t just that. Your vocation would be to marry someone in particular. God put a man in my life who had no faith and as we discussed things and I watched him change I felt the call to marry him. I married a non-Catholic, though that was something I never really wanted for myself. He was baptized and came into the church this Easter at around 2 years of marriage. We are about to have our second baby.

 

[Dara]

You are absolutely right to look for someone that will help you get to heaven. Sacrificing your values to get married will haut lead to misery!

 

[McMcMe]

Time to cultivate new friends if your current ones say you aren’t dating because you are too “fussy” about religion. Now, I don’t mean drop your old ones, just start to cultivate new Catholic ones. Don’t be stuck in just making friends with young singles like yourself, though. Young marrieds, older singles and older marrieds make good friends too. You are much more likely to meet a good Catholic man through friends than from some random person you see walking out of mass.

How to make friends? Get involved with your parish. Call your diocese office of family life and ask if there are any programs for singles or young adults. Volunteer to help start one if not. I did this for years in my 20s and 30s and it was a great help.

Look into internet dating. I found my spouse on avemariasingles.com (no, I don’t get a kickback!) but there are others.

Imagine what it was like for early Christians: there were just a handful of Christians in each town–it certainly was difficult for them to find spouses too. You are not alone either in time or place!

 

[hurting]

They’re dead wrong and you’re spot on. Can mixed faith marriages work? Of course. But shipwreck victims can sometimes swim to shore. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t struggle to get in the lifeboat!

If your faith is the number one priority in your life, you’d be nuts not to look for a spouse with the same #1 value.

Lotsa internet dating options these days. Were I single these days that’s the route I’d look into.

This. Great analogy.

 

[AussieAngel]

Thanks all for the recent advice. After taking some advice on the forum, I am trying catholicMatch.com, although I am finding the majority of members live in the US, which is not that helpful.

McMcMe - I have read posts from other users here who have raved about avemariasingles.com, but I don’t believe that site extends to outside of the US (I could be wrong, but the site doesn’t allow a Guest search so its hard to tell).

As for diocese youth groups, there is one, for 18-30 year olds (I’m 31). I thought of starting up a group for 20 and 30-somethings on meetup.com, but I’m not sure if I could attract enough members (there is one general meetup for Christians, but that struggles to have an active membership).

I have also completed a 9 day novena to St Anne - if anyone has any other novenas to recommend for single Catholics (perhaps one they have used in the past with good results! ), I’d love to hear about it.

 

[McMcMe]

AussieAngel, I looked at the avemariasingles.com site and boy has it changed since I started using it! I don’t know if it is run by the same guy but he was great at responding to e-mails. A quick scan of success stories seems to show that there are some international folks (Canada, Philippines, Austria, etc.) but I don’t know about Australia.

As for group ideas, some of the things we did were First Friday masses which usually morphed into a group dinner out afterwards. We would choose a different parish each month as a way to visit new places. We put notices in all the bulletins of the diocese as well as calling each parish. We also made sure to have information at local retreats.

We also had a Theology on Tap where we’d meet in a bar and have a priest or theological speaker talk about various topics.

We also put together a few sports teams in the local volleyball and softball leagues for Catholics.

It is hard when you get into your 30s as the “youth” term doesn’t really apply. But the thing is that even those who are married at this point or have kids need fellowship too. Don’t just limit it to singles.

 

[Gliggle]

The Novena to St Martha I attached helped me find my husband. Although I just asked her to help me find Gods will for my life which was a bit of a shambles. voila… husband, new job, baby. Also it is her feast day on the 29th July. She is a wonderful saint. St Anne is a great idea. I prayed to her and Joachim together during my preparation for marriage. Although many here say I am not a good example because I married a non catholic. Maybe specify you want a Catholic

 

[AussieAngel]

Gliggle - thanks for the St Martha novena, I will definitely add her to my list of saints to pray to (and hint that I would like a Catholic husband ) Thankfully there is a little chapel close to where I work so I can light a candle each Tuesday - I will let you know the results!

Apart from St Anne, I also pray to Saint Raphael (he is supposed to be good at matchmaking) and St Anthony of Padua, who you traditionally ask to help you find something, and this extends to matchmaking (in some countries, single women place a statue of St Anthony upside down until he finds them a man…I’m a little kinder and just pray to him )

 

[bcuster]

No, you are not too fussy. You are using prudence. If you want to share your life with someone, share all of it–your faith as well. May God be with you!

 

[Convert2013]

I don’t think you’re being too fussy …necessarily! First let me say, these guys don’t have a clue as to the gift that you are. I say that as I fell in love with a Catholic girl 21 years ago (at age 17) and had a profound impact on me. Luckily she didn’t dismiss me for being a protestant. Looking back, I truly feel God had us meet for a reason. This past Easter I was confirmed and her brother was my sponsor for RCIA! Thankfully she’s a good Catholic from an awesome Catholic family.

Keep your standards high and don’t compromise, but don’t be put off by another Christian. You never know where that might go or why you might meet that person!

 

[Lisieux3]

So are they right? Am I being too fussy and should I date non-Catholics? Or am I justified in being disciplined about meeting a fellow Catholic with similar beliefs as me? Obviously, the older I get, the smaller the pool of available single men becomes.

I appreciate any advice

I’m in the same boat. However, I don’t want to settle for anyone who does not share my faith. I pray that I meet a good Catholic man. If it is God’s will, it will happen. If it isn’t, then I am fine with that. But after dating a few Atheists in my time when I was lapsed, I am just not interested in spending another minute on a man who doesn’t share my faith.

I hope you meet that good Catholic man soon. You’re not fussy. You just know what you want and what you want is the best

 

[Viki63]

Seems to me that a devout Christian of any denomination would be acceptable, because it’s those people who tend to convert to Catholicism; they take their faith seriously. Like Scott Hahn.
Maybe you could join or start an interdenominational group or Bible study ( possibly difficult due to differences in Bible interpretation though).
Try to make friends with others after mass. They all have relatives, friends, etc. Of course it’s just nice to have friends who are Catholics.
I was a single parent for 17 years. I realized one day that the cherry blossoms would smell just as lovely whether I was married or single. Meaning I could enjoy life just as much either way. Being married has been an interesting journey, though no bed of roses. But it’s nice that my husband is Catholic even though he doesn’t attend church half the time. He doesn’t really get it, and I try not to lecture him. But God is not done with either of us.
We know God has a plan for our lives. We waited for years to adopt our children, but when it finally happened it all fell into place like clockwork.

 

[on_the_hill]

So are they right? Am I being too fussy and should I date non-Catholics?

No. Well, date whomever you like. But if you want to marry a Catholic, marry a Catholic.

I’m 46, have three kids, and have been married for 17 years. Looking back, it would have been very hard for me to have married a non-Catholic.

The Catholics that I know who have inter-faith marriages have gradually fallen away from attending Mass, etc. I don’t know of any where the non-Catholic spouse has converted or faithfully supported his/her spouse’s Catholic faith.

 

[Convert2013]

The Catholics that I know who have inter-faith marriages have gradually fallen away from attending Mass, etc. I don’t know of any where the non-Catholic spouse has converted or faithfully supported his/her spouse’s Catholic faith.

You may not personally know any, but trust me there are plenty of marriages where the Catholic spouse has remained strong in their faith and their spouse has converted …I for one. Looking back, I can say as long as you are a true Catholic/ true to the faith, you will be an example. I personally know (outside of my RCIA) several folks who have converted due to their spouse’s example. Those that have allowed themselves to “fall away” were likely not truly faithful and probably received poor instruction in the faith as a child. Please don’t dismiss other Christians!