Am I being too fussy by wanting to marry a Catholic?

[TeresaMarie24]

As. a non Catholic married to a Catholic man and following Catholic teaching I honestly cannot imagine how a Catholic woman could marry a man who did not share her commitment.

When it comes to matters of marriage family & intimacy it is just so fundamental I don’t see how it could work and I guess the issues you have had dating serve to illustrate the problems.

This is my thought as well. I’ve dated on and off since I divorced (and since received an annulment) four years ago. Rarely will men, (even many Catholic men!), accept all of the Church’s teachings (premarital sex and contraception seem to be the two that most guys have an issue with).

I tried Ave Maria Singles years ago, and Catholic Match more recently. There is definitely a smaller pool of people of AMS, and even on CM, I think the thing is you need to be willing to relocate (or the man does). Even in my area, which is heavily Catholic, there just weren’t a lot of options in my age range (I’m 31). I’ve taken it as a sign to wait on God, and perhaps even remain single, so I’ve stopped dating. I have a child already so for the most part I’m pretty happy as I am anyway.

It can be a tedious search these days, but still, I think you’re doing a good thing to wait on God and a Catholic man. I’ll say a prayer for you…

 

[Carmentalis]

Stay true to God! These good Godly men, warriors of God DO EXIST and they are exemplary.

Persist in prayer, continue evolving with God, be content as much as possible with Him- don’t just settle! This is a massive important life event! Yes, the secular world has creeped into the Church, and even priests teach errors sometimes! Those brought up Catholic can often be complacent, judgemental, lukewarm, so forth. The most passionate, often, are converts, but thats my observation. He does exist. The way is narrow, and the people saved few. But the hero you hold out for, does exist- God Knows who he is. Pray for him trust on God, but do best to be satisfied in Him foremost in life always!

Pray on St Raphael. There is a lovely Novena. Have you read the book inthe Bible TOBIT? (Deuterocanical)

"O Glorious St Raphael, Patron & Lover of the Young, I call upon thee & plead with thee for thy help. In all confidence, I open my heart to thee, to beg thy guidance & assistance in the important task of planning my future. Please obtain for me through thy intercession the Light of God’s Grace, so that I may decide wisely concerning the person who is to be my partner through life. O Angel of Happy meetings, lead us by the hand to find each other. May all our movements be guided by thy light & transfigured by thy joy. As thou didst lead the young Tobias to Sarah & opened up for him a new life of happiness with her in holy marriage, lead me to such a one whom in thine angelic wisdom thou dost judge best suited to be uinited with me in marriage. St Raphael, loving Patron of those seeking a marriage partner, help me in this supreme decision of my life. Find for me please, as a helpmate in life that person whose character will reflect the traits of Jesus & Mary. May he be upright, loyal, pure, sincere, chaste and noble so that with united efforts & with chaste & unselfish love, we both may strive to perfect ourselves in soul & body as well as the children it may please God To Entrust To our care.

St Raphael, Angel of Chaste Courtship, bless our friendship & our love, please, that sin may have no part in it. May our mutual love bind us so closely that our future home may ever be most like the home of the HOly Family of Nazareth. Offer thy prayers to God for both of us & obtain please the Blessings Of God Upon our marriage, as thou wert the herald of Blessing for the marriage of Tobias & Sara. St Raphael, Friend of the Young, be thou my friend, for I shall always be thine. I desire ever to invoke thee in my needs. To thy special care I entrust the decision I am to make as to my future husband. Direct me please to the person with whom I can best cooperate in doing God’s Most Holy Will, with whom I can live in peace, love & harmony in this life & attain to eternal joys in the next, Amen."

 

[Carmentalis]

just so you know I’ve met plenty of chaste men who adhere to Church teachings! Do not despair! Some are in their mid-late 30’s and still virgin! There are many! Don’t listen to people who try and cause you despair by saying ‘they don’t exist’ or ‘you’re a perfectionist’ Even in the secular world they exist, how much more in the right religion! (Although there are even priests atm who teach errors and the New Evangelisation was an answer to some of our prayers for such corrupting things like that to be fixed PRAISE GOD!)

It’s unfortunately that yes, they are a rare sort, but it’s mainly the circles you are in, and the secular, normal sort are so loud and in your face obviously there. But he exists, and plenty of them do! God knows where and how to help you! Trust! Place your life in His Hands. Be as content and satisfied with God as you possibly can be, grow in Him, Ask Him to make your life ready for true love. Stay true to God and to your heart. You want to have someone you declare to be awesome, and who is perfectly imperfect- suited to you. And he can and does exist. God is able to do all things! “It is not good for man to be alone” As they say, when you least expect, least look, so love God and pray for your husband who is to come, and nag God lol He loves honesty, even if it is complaint, (though myself I should try to curtail that complaining at God haha)

Ancient blessing I give to you-

May your lives be filled with the blessings of love, may the spiritual bond that unites you with your soulmate draw you closer. When you find one another, may your lives be enriched, may you be connected, body, mind, heart and soul. May your two lives soon be joined and may God Bless your union in all ways!

There are plenty of warriors of God, Godly good traditional and true Catholic men, who adhere to Church teachings. Don’t settle! Not for some secular, sort of, modern ‘christian/catholic’. Yucky! I pray for those, they don’t know God- yet. Hold out for God. I mean to stay true to Him and your standards. Write down the traits your husband will have, things you’ll love him to be like. Make it as specific as you like while being open to whom God Chooses, then offer it to God As Dr Phil says, better to be happy alone then sick with someone else and you have a very very special place in God’s heart right now. He is always with you. He’ll surprise you! Have faith! Trust! Believe! Miracles happen! P.U.S.H

Don’t despair. Some will say to you ‘you’ll never find a man who hasn’t commited some sexual immorality’ - that’s just them trying to make out they’ve only done as bad as everyone else. Detract or lessen the severity of their failings before God. When they stand before God, where’s that crowd of others going to be?? Yuck! I never could tolerate no man who be a fornicator as a friend, wish him all the best, and love love love, especially if repentant, but not someone I’d allow in my inner circle. It proved a safety instinct. ‘bad companions ruin good character’ and they tend to react to everything- sexually. Christians shouldn’t be slaves to their natural selves, and you know them by their fruit. Takes a life time to regain integrity and strength lost by sins like those! It sound cruel and discriminating? Well my preference wasn’t judgemental or condemn just choice, as I say, happen to chat with them, love them, but not in my closers. That’s just because it’s a short cut to know who has character and integrity and who has respect of self and others. This is honourable and right to want and expect. You deserve great things and God has them planned for you!

I can tell you I can name a number of them - Church Teaching adhering men right now!! in fact there is one in Adelaide… how old is this thread??? lol i should check that before I post…

Love you and God Bless you all so very much and may He Watch Over you all and your families ALWAYS

 

[InLight247]

It would be easier, but remember, Catholics can fall away from the faith and non-catholics can turn catholic… I think you should keep an open mind. It really depends on the fella. You must find someone who is supportive of your faith though. And also, someone who will accept and appreciate your sharing the faith with your children. Run as fast as you can from anyone who scoffs at you, no matter how innocent it may seem. It is much better to be single.

Also be careful about marrying an Anglican, I think if their faith is very important to them it may lead to much more tension than if you marry a supportive non-religious person. Although once again it depends on the fella.

I really know how you feel, I was in the same boat until I married my non-Catholic husband at 33. A Catholic one never came along. But I don’t regret it! He is supportive and often comes to mass with me because he doesn’t like me to feel alone in my faith. He also says an our father with me most nights. I don’t know if he believes in God, I think he wants to but has no faith. We have a little girl who we are getting baptised soon.

To OP, I agree with what Gliggle said. Marrying a devout Catholic is ideal but life is not ideal. A non-Catholic could become a Catholic. You never know if God’s plan is for you to lead your future spouse to Him. But I think there are two important things to keep in mind if you are to marry a non-believer: 1) You yourself must be solid in your faith; otherwise, not only you will not lead him to Christ, you will be pulled away. 2) He must be supportive for your faith and agree to raise your children Catholic.

When I met my husband, he was not a believer. I told him in the very beginning that Jesus was the most important person in my life, if he did not want Jesus in his life then he could not be in my life. He agreed to go to RCIA a few months after we met, and he was baptized later. Before my daughter was married, she also hoped to marry a Catholic and we fervently prayed so. But the Catholic never came. Instead she married a non-believer who attended Sunday Mass with her since day one. They are happily married and starting their family.

We are not living in an ideal world. If all other important qualities meet your standard, and if the man has an open mind and support your faith, he could very well be the special person. God bless!

 

[EasterJoy]

No. Well, date whomever you like. But if you want to marry a Catholic, marry a Catholic.

I’m married to a wonderful man, a non-Catholic.

If you want to marry a Catholic, date only Catholics. It is not right to let a non-Catholic fall in love with you and then tell him after the fact that you never intended to marry him no matter how you both felt. If you would not consider marrying someone, then do everyone a favor and keep your social life at the “just friends” level with that person.

 

[CorieDreams]

It is best to marry Catholic, but, there are interfaith relationships that can work beautifully if both partners are totally dedicated to open communication.

it can work, though it’s harder. But it’s your own choice with what you want

 

[Iheartcoffee]

Ask yourself, “Would this person raise my children right if something happened to me?” That will probably give you the answer you are looking for. If your standards are high, you will search more, but you will find someone that is a resounding “yes” to the question.

 

[57thDimension]

Divorce rates are higher for interfaith couples, e.g.:

Reiter, Michael J. “Communication and Satisfaction in Inter-and Intraracial and Inter-and Intrafaith Romantic Relationships.” ProQuest, 2008.

Lehrer, Evelyn L., and Carmel U. Chiswick. “Religion as a determinant of marital stability.” Demography 30.3 (1993): 385-404.

+Sebastian

 

[TeachCatechism]

Don’t give up if this is important to you. When I was in my 20’s I dated a great guy who was Baptist and the religion issues eventually popped up. He wanted any kids to be raised Baptist and me to convert as well. We are still friends but knew this issue would make us eventually divorce and that was something I couldn’t bend on. My dad is not Catholic (he is unbaptized actually)but he does attend church with my mom so mixed religion marriages can work.

For me this is really important because I am very involved in church, from teaching religious education to singing in the choir to being an official hostess for the many events. I can’t handle someone who is not into religion. When I did online dating I found many great men but most were cafeteria Catholics and others not religious at all or other religions. I tried a Catholic dating site and met a few men but nothing clicked either. In the meantime I got involved with several local causes and met this great guy there. He is Catholic and devoted to church (he has a shrine to Virgin Mary and prays to her) and attends the same church as me (I didn’t meet him there). As of now we are just friends (I want more and apparently he does too) but he is everything I desire in a mate and more. I am 42 which limits my dating pool as well but I refuse to settle even if it means being alone.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Hi all, I’m hoping you can share your thoughts on a question that’s been on my mind for a while.

I’m a 31 year old single female who wants to get married and have children. Preferably, I would like to meet a Catholic (or even Anglican) guy as I have been raised a Catholic and my faith is very important to me and I would like to raise my children as Catholics and attend mass as a family (as I did growing up).

In the past, I have dated both Catholic and non-Catholic guys, but still haven’t found that special someone I would like to settle down with. With many guys, my Catholic faith has almost been a turn-off (even with some Catholics would you believe), who have scoffed at the fact that I still attend church weekly and believe in the teachings of the Church, particularly about relationships and marriage. Many seem to be only interested in getting physical and as soon as they discover they won’t get what they are after, they don’t hang around.

Some friends say my standards are too high and I’m too fussy, particularly in relation to wanting to meet a Catholic guy. But honestly, shouldn’t two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together share similar values and morals? For example, I can’t see a non-Catholic being happy to “wait” for marriage, if you know what I mean.

So are they right? Am I being too fussy and should I date non-Catholics? Or am I justified in being disciplined about meeting a fellow Catholic with similar beliefs as me? Obviously, the older I get, the smaller the pool of available single men becomes.

I appreciate any advice

Instead of saying I won’t marry I noncatholic leave that up to GOD and prayer for him to send you a spouse that can love and respect you for everything that your are including a christian. I’m open to dating other christians but closed to the door to non christians because they never respected my faith. I tried dating many who said they were spiritual but not religious all were anticatholic but maybe you would have better luck. I don’t think your being fussy to stick with only catholics though but you are limiting your dating pool. Mine is almost non existiant as I won’t date men without an annualment or who can’t marry in the church. Regardless of what they say or feel without the annualment the church still considers them married and I feel like it’s commiting adultery to date them.

 

[TeachCatechism]

Instead of saying I won’t marry I noncatholic leave that up to GOD and prayer for him to send you a spouse that can love and respect you for everything that your are including a christian. I’m open to dating other christians but closed to the door to non christians because they never respected my faith. I tried dating many who said they were spiritual but not religious all were anticatholic but maybe you would have better luck. I don’t think your being fussy to stick with only catholics though but you are limiting your dating pool. Mine is almost non existiant as I won’t date men without an annualment or who can’t marry in the church. Regardless of what they say or feel without the annualment the church still considers them married and I feel like it’s commiting adultery to date them.

Yep. When I did online dating I was astounded by the many divorced men (usually dads)without an annulment. There is no way I would date a man who couldn’t or wouldn’t want to marry in church. Even the Catholic sites had divorced men without annulments.