Am I being too sensitive or is husband just being super rude?

[rodgerdodger]

I found Porn to be addictive. You can’t birddog him 24*7. Check his data use age that will tell. Porn is Baffleing confusing its a habit I could not see all the damage it did even today. It takes 20+ days to break a habit. It sounds like y’all have grown apart. Marriage is the union of 2 into 1. In my civil union this didn’t happen and it got worse. One more thing cheaters NEVER cop to it NEVER.

 

[Dorothy]

I know it’s okay to cry and I do all the time lol. I’m just concerned that I’ll make the wrong choice whether it’s by staying or leaving.
If I stay things may work out but my trust in him has been greatly damaged. If he doesn’t change then I’m still getting hurt.
If I leave I’ll still feel the hurt and he will as well. So two people are hurt instead of one.

I am so consumed in thoughts on what I should do. That’s all I am worried over right now. Regardless I cannot make a hasty decision but I don’t feel okay with having relations with him while he continues to lie and watch porn behind my back and possibly growl at me for no good reasons. But then that would in essence feed that behaviour right?

I’ve had many heart to heart talks with him, it makes him stop for a short period but that’s it. I don’t want to resort to installing something blocking those websites. I shouldn’t have to be the internet police, nor do I really want to. I don’t want to be a control freak and that’s how I would feel.
How many heart to heart talks do we need? How many more will make him actually want to change?

Maybe the thought that you are thinking of leaving him because of your unhappiness would make him take notice that you mean business? I say that because if he becomes aware that you will be gone from his life, it may be what it takes to cause him to desire to change. That and lots of prayer on your part.

I had to pray a lot over a period of forty years for my husband to become involved with his Catholic faith, and he finally did when he got prostate to bone cancer for six years. It was not a joyous marriage, but I must say that all the praying caused me to become a better person. I didn’t take his very lukewarm faith into consideration when I was dating him. Friends prayed much also, from the prayer group I attended, and other family members prayed also. We had eight children together. I was 20 when I married him, and am a widow now for 16 years.

It is difficult to go on the way you are now. It is like a dog chasing its tail. No solution.

May our Lord Jesus Christ and His Blessed Mother be with you and guide you. If necessary, it may have to mean separation.

If he is ever open to it, ask the priest what sex addiction (porn) group he can attend that would be the most helpful.

 

[Unsungmelody]

He has never been into faith. He is pretty much an atheist, he would go to church with me but doesn’t believe in any of it or what the church teaches about a lot of things from birth control to other things as well. He refuses to stop using condoms too

 

[PaulinVA]

I am so consumed in thoughts on what I should do. That’s all I am worried over right now. Regardless I cannot make a hasty decision but I don’t feel okay with having relations with him while he continues to lie and watch porn behind my back and possibly growl at me for no good reasons. But then that would in essence feed that behaviour right?

Don’t focus on the porn.

A husband should attempt to never make his wife feel bad, never belittle her. He is supposed to be the one who defends her against the world, and she defend him.

He does not understand marriage. He has to attempt to do that before he can change anything else.

 

[Deltadeliquent]

“I’ve had many heart to heart talks with him, it makes him stop for a short period but that’s it.”

Yup, been there, done that. Over and over and over again.
Two week rule. " OK, whatever you say…I’ll be different."
That is, of course, after the “you took it the wrong way, I knew you would!”

Any decision is the OP’s alone. But I think her situation and my previous one are very similar. I’m on the far side of middle age now and I wasted the best years of my life waiting and hoping and praying for him to act differently. She asked for advice, this is mine.
I’m just trying to save another beautiful, vibrant, loving young woman with everything to look forward to from wasting her best years.

If he’s going to change at all, he will only do it if it matters to him. Sounds like he at least needs a wake up call. Tell him he changes or you walk. (And mean it). If he doesn’t change, he doesn’t care about you, or having you.
You don’t want to be in a relationship when you are the only one actually IN the relationship.
And now I’m out of here. Good luck.

 

[Unsungmelody]

so I think my decision is this…I will seek counseling when I can find a place to go but after talking to a friend I feel a bit more confident in my decision…

The next time he is rude to my and is verbally abusing me I am going to tell him that he is never to talk to me that way and that I am leaving for X amount of days and give both of us time alone to think about our relationship and time to change. After those days, if nothing has changed, I think I’m going to walk.

I will be talking to a councilor/priest about that before I do actually walk to make sure it’s the right decision and I’m not making it hastily but I don’t deserve to be talked to that way and don’t want any child to be raised in a family like that.

I hope I made the right choice…

 

[LokisMom]

Not overreacting at all. He sounds like a pretty mean person. No way I’d stand for that. Stand up for yourself more!

 

[LokisMom]

so I think my decision is this…I will seek counseling when I can find a place to go but after talking to a friend I feel a bit more confident in my decision…

The next time he is rude to my and is verbally abusing me I am going to tell him that he is never to talk to me that way and that I am leaving for X amount of days and give both of us time alone to think about our relationship and time to change. After those days, if nothing has changed, I think I’m going to walk.

I will be talking to a councilor/priest about that before I do actually walk to make sure it’s the right decision and I’m not making it hastily but I don’t deserve to be talked to that way and don’t want any child to be raised in a family like that.

I hope I made the right choice…

perfect!