Am I being unreasonable?

[Onesimus]

Compromises are needed on both sides, not just hers.

I’m not denying that possibility. What I am doing is advancing the possibility that the OP may indeed be unreasonable. We just don’t know from the laundry list of grievances she puts forth, because it says nothing about his side of the equation.

One can hardly give her credit for performing tasks she’d perform even if he weren’t a family member.

Since the advent of feminism, our culture has largely forgotten
what female aggression and turpitude looks like, and in those instances where it’s overt it NEVER appears without at least some voices contriving reasons something male “force” them to take the evil action.

Rachel Simmons “Odd Girl Out” is a good primer for this phenomenon if one recognizes women retain at least some of their aggression strategies throughout life.

Who decides what’s enough? The one looking for something. If he was the one looking for something, he’d be the one to decide what was enough.

What is “the one looking for something” suppose to mean? It’s that kind of ambiguity that makes discussion/negotiations with women so tough.

When I refer to who get’s to say “enough,” I’m referring to the verbal slight-of-hand women are so good at by which they exert contol without taking responsibility.

For example: Mrs. wants “help” folding the laundry, but she also reserves to herself the right to determine if the folding is done “correctly.” It’s not obvious, but this is a camoflaged case of the beggar being the chooser.

One can go on and on trying to justify and qualify the dynamic, but it still boils down to “do what I want, or I’m going to give you a hard time.”

If the OP is doing things like this, she may indeed be unreasonable.

 

[Sandi]

What I don’t understand is that you’ve let him get away with this for 20 years. If my husband did that, we’ve have a meeting of the minds about it…quickly.

And why should he want to change now, when his wife has tolerated his selfish behavior all this time?

 

[katy]

Not the OP, bu t there are all kinds of reasons, plus all relationships change. There may have been something earlier that made up for some of the not-so-good stuff. Who knows? The situation is what it is now, and she needs some help.

 

[daeve]

I’m not denying that possibility. What I am doing is advancing the possibility that the OP may indeed be unreasonable. We just don’t know from the laundry list of grievances she puts forth, because it says nothing about his side of the equation.

I’ll give you that.

One can hardly give her credit for performing tasks she’d perform even if he weren’t a family member.

Since the advent of feminism, our culture has largely forgotten
what female aggression and turpitude looks like, and in those instances where it’s overt it NEVER appears without at least some voices contriving reasons something male “force” them to take the evil action.

Female aggression and turpitude! Turpitude! Where does this statement originate? What in any of this posting indicates turpitude?

Rachel Simmons “Odd Girl Out” is a good primer for this phenomenon if one recognizes women retain at least some of their aggression strategies throughout life.

What is “the one looking for something” suppose to mean? It’s that kind of ambiguity that makes discussion/negotiations with women so tough.

You said l “help”. I said “something” to mean other things too, like respect or friendship or whatever. I don’t think that’s ambiguous at all.

When I refer to who get’s to say “enough,” I’m referring to the verbal slight-of-hand women are so good at by which they exert contol without taking responsibility.

For example: Mrs. wants “help” folding the laundry, but she also reserves to herself the right to determine if the folding is done “correctly.” It’s not obvious, but this is a camoflaged case of the beggar being the chooser.

I went through all the OPs posts and don’t see anything about her criticizing his folding technique. Have you never expressed displeasure at the way a woman was wielding a paintbrush or screwdriver? Maybe you didn’t like the way she cut the grass? Since my mother died, I moved in with my Dad and am selling my house. He does dishes and laundry sometimes. If he doesn’t do it “right” I just do it over when he’s not around. When he gets the wrong thing at the grocery store, we eat it anyway. I would never berate him for the way he did something and he wouldn’t do it to me, because we have respect for each other.

Don’t paint us all with such broad strokes. We’re all human, and some of us are swell and some of us are jerks. That goes for women AND men.

One can go on and on trying to justify and qualify the dynamic, but it still boils down to “do what I want, or I’m going to give you a hard time.”

If the OP is doing things like this, she may indeed be unreasonable.

I believe I’ve said all I have to say on this topic. Two way street, partnership, both parties need respect…yep, I’m done.