Am I Cheating????

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traillius

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hello,
Please don’t judge me, I just need straightforward honest advice.
If I online roleplay and that character has a romantic relationship with another character, am I cheating on my wife?
 
traillius said:
hello,
Please don’t judge me, I just need straightforward honest advice.
If I online roleplay and that character has a romantic relationship with another character, am I cheating on my wife?
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I am assuming that you mean you a playing the part of a character and someone is playing the part of another character.

Not judging, but yes.

Jesus told us “If a man even looks at a women with lust, he has committed adultry in his heart”

From the CCC:

2351 Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.
 
character?

Like, are you doing an on-line play that people will be watching…

or is this a fantasy thing?

I must be honest…that really sounds strange.

I don’t to read between the lines…but :eek: So, maybe you need to examine the motive behind this role playing / character.
 
I am not sure. it is a game online. Sorta like D&D. Where people assume the roll of a character, separate name etc. Acting. social interaction as well fantasy combat> How can I know where the line is. * confused *
 
This is an unwise thing to do. You should not “roleplay” with other people when the content is sexual in nature. This is definitely leading into the area of sinful thoughts and actions.

There are serious moral issues with the content of many of these “games”.

Limit yourself regarding the types of games you engage in, and the amount of time you spend on them.
 
hahhaa… you can be assigned a character of the opposite sex as yourself…does that mean if that character is having a romance that you are homosexual??? No of course not!!! But there are always boundaries… don’t get too explicit or too involved in your character… kwim???
 
Yes. Look at it from the perspective of what it does to separate you from your wife. You cheat each other out of time together that could be very intimate and completely satisfying. Look up Christopher West.
 
You all make sense. I wish I could think straight, but my mind and spirit both muddled. ALOT is going on in my marriage and life.
Not defending my actions, simply trying to understand.
 
traillius said:
I am not sure. it is a game online. Sorta like D&D. Where people assume the roll of a character, separate name etc. Acting. social interaction as well fantasy combat> How can I know where the line is. * confused *
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The line is: no romantic interactions with a person who is not your wife.

Also, you allude in another post to problems in your marriage. Escaping into a roleplaying game will not do anything to solve those problems-- and has the potential to make them worse.

Get off the computer and interact in the real world-- with your wife.
 
Are me and the character one and the same>… these things get fuzzy.
 
traillius said:
Are me and the character one and the same>… these things get fuzzy.
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Honestly, this is a cop out.

Of course it is you-- you are creating the thoughts, ideas, and action.

Stop playing games and start communicating with your spouse. Online gaming is a huge issue in a lot of marriages-- games are for children. You are a married man.
 
I am mainly concerned with the moral aspect. I only do this roleplaying for one hour 3 days a week late in the evening.
 
traillius said:
You all make sense. I wish I could think straight, but my mind and spirit both muddled. ALOT is going on in my marriage and life.
Not defending my actions, simply trying to understand.
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Hey my brother,
Dont fall into despair because anxiety and depression and the guilt which comes with it is not worth acting out the fantasy. I know this. Do an examination of conscience and get to confession and experience the mercy. Dont let pride stand in your way of repairing your relationship with Jesus and your wife. Please look up Christopher West.
 
traillius said:
Are me and the character one and the same>… these things get fuzzy.
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Dearest… if these things are getting muddles in your mind then you are too deep in it and need to take a step back… games are good when we remember that they are not reality… but when that line gets crossed it is time to walk away temporarily or permanently. My dh is a DM for his group and plays with other groups… I have no doubt that he can separate the game from reality… but if he gets so involved to the point where I feel it is interfering with us… I would ask him to stop.
 
Are you serious?

OK, so spend your time and effort with you wife!

Sounds like a serious case of I’m trying to get away with cheating on my wife EMOTIONALLY…hello!

Would you want your wife watching, listening and knowing everything that you will be doing and saying online? If the answer is no…then you ARE cheating. What would your wife think? If she’s okay with it, then I personally think a night in the bedroom role playing would be much healther than this online mess.
 
I have played a game like that before where there was romance between characters ( back over 10 years ago waaaay before I was married ).

I would consider this an emotional affair at the very least. It’s not “real”, but it shouldn’t exist if you are married or even in a serious relationship.

Basically think of it this way: Don’t do anything with another woman (or man if you have ssa) that you wouldn’t want your wife to see.

I would end that “relationship” and possibly start a new character. Or even better, quit the game and spend more time with your wife as others have said!

All the best!
 
These things are forcing me to take a look at myself, they are hard to hear but I need to hear.
 
I’m sure that deep down, you knew it was wrong. I think it is great that you are willing to take a closer look and not feign ignorance. You aren’t a horrible person! 😃
 
Let’s approach it this way–does your wife know about it? How would she react if she did? Why don’t you ask her?

As much as I scoff at Dr. Phil, he said on several occassions if you would not do what you are doing if your wife was standing there next to you while you did it, it’s cheating.

Scott

P.S. Yes, I realize that most would not pick their nose with the wife standing next to them and that is not cheating. Don’t belabor the point. 🙂
 
It would not be fair to tell only part of the story. so I can get full advice here is a synopsis
  1. I have bordered on actual straying in rl
  2. I have a hard time resisting sexual sin
  3. my wife had a stroke and has not full recovered
  4. we both are on medications for anxiety and depression
  5. She is on a total of 9 meds and is tired a majority
  6. Our * ahem * connection is not frequent or satisfying enough
  7. I have sleep apnea
    There are others but I will stop there for now.
    in short : whole life out of balance, mine, wife’s, our son’s
 
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