Am I destined for not having a partner/ spouse?

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shanishani7

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I have been hoping for marriage and children for many years. I had a few relationships but still not suitable so relationships ended. I am not young and 31 now.

I have prayed 54-days rosary novena for finding a spouse half year ago, there was no answer. And then there was a time I thought my vocation is religious life (because last year I heard Mary told me to give up worldly things), but later the desire for marriage still stay in my heart. And I still have not confirmed my vocation during my discernment.

I keep praying for meeting a boyfriend (future husband), I met some but they are either not ready or not available (have gf), so I can only let go.

Sometimes I feel God does not listen to my prayer or not help me. But actually most of the things I asked for (such as my health, work, financial issues) God did listened and helped me. I thanked God for these really. But only this (relationship), God did not help so I wonder maybe it is God’s will that I don’t have a boyfriend or even cannot get married, but I don’t understand why. I feel sad sometimes… and I am not young so I am so worried.

Does anyone have similar situation? 😊

Should I give up praying on this? Can anyone pray for me for finding a spouse also? :o
 
Have you joined any groups? Have you stayed active? Do you strive to dress in an attractive and inviting fashion?
 
I know a woman who started dating her future husband when she was 23 and he was 31. He was very happy, and eventually asked her, “Why couldn’t I have met you ten years earlier?” Her reply was, “Because I was 13, and my dad would have shot you.” They have been married over 25 years now.

Maybe you will marry, but your future spouse isn’t available yet. You can’t know that. It is OK to keep asking for your heart’s desire, but trust in the plan of God and the wisdom of doing His will as each day brings it. “Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.” Matt. 6:34. Easier said than done, but the right course. It will not help you to know that you will marry or to know you won’t. Try not to worry about it.
 
Jelrak_TB said:
Have you joined any groups? Have you stayed active? Do you strive to dress in an attractive and inviting fashion?
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You mean, “Pray to God, but row away from the rocks” and “a quien madruga, Dios le ayuda (God helps the one who awakens early).”
 
Jelrak_TB said:
Have you joined any groups? Have you stayed active? Do you strive to dress in an attractive and inviting fashion?
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I have joined the group in church but most got married already. I usually dress casually.
 
EasterJoy said:
I know a woman who started dating her future husband when she was 23 and he was 31. He was very happy, and eventually asked her, “Why couldn’t I have met you ten years earlier?” Her reply was, “Because I was 13, and my dad would have shot you.” They have been married over 25 years now.

Maybe you will marry, but your future spouse isn’t available yet. You can’t know that. It is OK to keep asking for your heart’s desire, but trust in the plan of God and the wisdom of doing His will as each day brings it. “Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.” Matt. 6:34. Easier said than done, but the right course. It will not help you to know that you will marry or to know you won’t. Try not to worry about it.
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Just because I did not worry much when I was young, so now in my age I got much little chance because most of them got gf or even married. It is much harder than years ago. 😦
 
shanishani7 said:
Sorry what does it mean? :confused:
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It means that when there is a legitimate desire in your heart, you don’t pray for it or do the work you can to make it happen. You pray for it and do the work you can to make it happen.
 
shanishani7 said:
Just because I did not worry much when I was young, so now in my age I got much little chance because most of them got gf or even married. It is much harder than years ago. 😦
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Statistics say that it is harder as we get older, yes. Still, you only have to find one, and some of us who are older don’t find anyone because we have decided to quit looking. If 99% of people in your situation never achieve what you hope for, there is still that one in a hundred who does. That one will usually be one of the ones who did not give up.

After all, many of those your age who are looking for someone also have an ex-spouse or some other past relationship complicating their lives, from the standpoint of their next relationship. You carry the hurt of the relationship that never was, yes, but they carry the hurt of the relationship that was but that they lost. Maybe they had relationships where the old flames were always causing problems, and you don’t have that. You have one situation, others have another one, and each situation will be attractive or not attractive to different people. A lot of people will prefer to find someone who hasn’t been married to someone else, though.

The other thing, besides that you cannot change your past, is that you don’t know that the chances you might have had to marry when you were younger would have worked out. There is no reason to make the road you didn’t take into something rosy. You may still find you chose just fine. You certainly haven’t gotten to an age where no one marries.
 
shanishani7 said:
I have joined the group in church but most got married already. I usually dress casually.
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If you are dressing in a way that makes you feel comfortable and is more or less the same as your social group does, I’d say you are probably fine. Sometimes people who don’t think they’ll find anyone will dress in a way that says they don’t want to find anyone, that’s all. Maybe their grooming isn’t so great, but they don’t look in the mirror before they leave the house because they think, “what is the point?” When you socialize, you would still want to dress as if you’re going on a date–that is, you’re both dressing in a way that shows you at your best but also a way that expresses what makes your personality, your beliefs, and what makes you feel comfortable. You want the person you are looking for to see you and think, “now that is someone I can see myself on a date with. We would make a good couple. That is my type”–so you want to dress according to the “type” you want to be on a date.

Whatever that is, someone’s “type” is always going to be someone who takes a bit of trouble to look nice for them, who cares that they find them attractive to look at. Not necessarily someone who is trying to be alluring, but someone who is trying to say, “Being with you is a special occasion for me. For you, I make an effort. How you feel around me matters to me.”
 
EasterJoy said:
You mean, “Pray to God, but row away from the rocks” and “a quien madruga, Dios le ayuda (God helps the one who awakens early).”
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Well, my good EasterJoy, if that is what you mean to think I mean I will not begrudge you the opportunity to say so… 😉
 
Jelrak_TB said:
Well, my good EasterJoy, if that is what you mean to think I mean I will not begrudge you the opportunity to say so… 😉
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Well, when we bring our hearts’ desires to God, we do have to exert ourselves to make those desires possible, too. You were just giving a few practical examples, that’s all! 🙂

The exact things that someone would do to find someone depend on exactly who they are trying to find, too. The saying one of my friends use to use is: Don’t marry for money. Hang around rich people, and marry for love. Think of who you are looking for, and figure out how to hang out in the places where you might get to know someone like that.

It is also not a bad idea to say to your acquaintances “it would be nice to find someone who is looking for someone.” You don’t want to give too much voice to a desire that the people you are talking to cannot directly help you with, because it makes them uncomfortable, but on the other hand they aren’t likely to do what they can do if they don’t know you’d appreciate it. If you tell your friends, “I want a husband” or “I want a wife,” that is kind of a tall order. You might be inviting more help than you want or you might discourage them from introducing someone who isn’t quite so clear on what they want out of a relationship. If you are a little vague, you might get a more manageable response. If you say nothing to anyone, though, you’re likely to get no help at all. People often don’t want to presume too much about what others want, for fear of giving offense.
 
I will admit I am having problems finding someone also. The last guy I dated seems to still be in the same place he was when we dated and when I broke up with him. I know we will both find the right one though. Have faith
 
shanishani7 said:
I have joined the group in church but most got married already. I usually dress casually.
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Dress one notch above casual…dress smart…you wish to be noticed, not left in the background…and join some other activities that you might truly enjoy so that you might find a like-minded individual…if you have joined a church group it is a good start…simply stay positive and joyful…such attitudes are typically enticing…
 
Hi all,
I think it would be a great idea if someone started a social group on Catholic forums for Catholic singles to introduce themselves to message each other.

Everyone could leave their introduction and private message those with similar interests.

All everyone would have to do is leave a post saying: ‘Hi my name is … I’m from …, I am … years of age, my hobbies include…, my day job is …’
(Or they could leave out whatever they would prefer to message confidentially)
 
Pray differently!

Tell God what you are looking for in a spouse. Then each day thank Him in blind faith for sending you that spouse. You have to believe and not doubt for God to grant the miracle. I heard of a healing priest who travelled the world teaching people to pray in faith, and miracles flooded in!

I would say be with boyfriends that are not ready, God may change their minds,

Are you finished discerning religious life?
Desire for that life?
 
shanishani7 said:
I have been hoping for marriage and children for many years. I had a few relationships but still not suitable so relationships ended. I am not young and 31 now.

I have prayed 54-days rosary novena for finding a spouse half year ago, there was no answer. And then there was a time I thought my vocation is religious life (because last year I heard Mary told me to give up worldly things), but later the desire for marriage still stay in my heart. And I still have not confirmed my vocation during my discernment.

I keep praying for meeting a boyfriend (future husband), I met some but they are either not ready or not available (have gf), so I can only let go.

Sometimes I feel God does not listen to my prayer or not help me. But actually most of the things I asked for (such as my health, work, financial issues) God did listened and helped me. I thanked God for these really. But only this (relationship), God did not help so I wonder maybe it is God’s will that I don’t have a boyfriend or even cannot get married, but I don’t understand why. I feel sad sometimes… and I am not young so I am so worried.

Does anyone have similar situation? 😊

Should I give up praying on this? Can anyone pray for me for finding a spouse also? :o
Click to expand...
My youngest daughter is 35 and is getting married next January. She met her fiancé through the singles group at her church which had quite a few people in their late 20s and 30s . She refused to date anyone that wasn’t Catholic , was not practicing their faith and had been married before .
 
Considering how at least half of marriages end up in divorce, I’d say a good many people married for all the wrong reasons and to a person that was not a good mate for them. God has blessed you with proper discernment and you should thank Him for that. Pray for God’s will to be done in your life, period. Attend Mass as often as possible, go to Adoration and keep asking God to guide your daily actions. Trust in Him completely and you will have a happy life, continually leading you closer to Him. Examine your life so far and look at whether you are truly living your life for God’s purposes. perhaps you need to make some major changes in how you are spending your free time, etc. Give God control and be willing to go where he is leading you. Being single means you have lots of free time. Pray for what He wants from you, not for what you want. I recommend getting the Spiritual exercises from St. Ignatius and starting there. I believe you can order CD’s to help you study this way of life from EWTN religious catalog. Fr. Timothy Gallagher is the speaker and the class is very, very good. Give it a shot, won’t you? I will pray for you.
 
You’re 31.
**You are not old. **I just played at a Nuptial Mass for a couple who were both 75 years young.
Be at peace.
Sometimes when we want something so badly we forget our blessings. Focus on being a good disciple. Jesus will indeed reward you. How? Who can say…but the waiting and the anticipation is exhilarating if you have a positive attitude.
I agree with other who say, dress smart, smile a lot, be friendly, and VOLUNTEER.
You meet so many good people who are also busy being the hands and feet of Christ.
🙂
 
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