Am I doubting? How can I stop doubting?

[ethereality]

Are thoughts like, “God probably isn’t going to heal me,” when I pray (or approach the Eucharist) doubts in one’s heart? How can I stop doubting when praying to be healed, or trying to be receptive to God’s healing?
Mark 11:

22 Jesus said to them in reply, “Have faith in God. 23 Amen, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it shall be done for him. 24 Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours. 25 When you stand to pray, forgive anyone against whom you have a grievance, so that your heavenly Father may in turn forgive you your transgressions.”

After trying to learn everything God tells us about petitionary prayer, I started praying with confidence that I would be healed around February 2014, so much so that I would cause some physical response in the area I was hoping would be healed – but it never has been. Of course, asking priests for their advice, they discouraged me from ‘putting too much stock’ in such prayers, implying that I probably wouldn’t be healed. One rather explicitly commented that I might be waiting until death to be healed, i.e. that God would heal me in heaven, but doesn’t this contradict Jesus in Luke 18:8?

I tell you, he will see to it that justice is done for them speedily.

So I wonder if one reason for these thoughts is that priests – and the majority of Christians I consult – essentially tell me I won’t be healed. It seems to me their counsel is explicitly contrary to the Bible: Jesus doesn’t encourage us to “believe that we might be healed”: He tells us a prerequisite is that we “believe that it will happen”. And of course we’re praying for healing in this life, since it is this life we need the healing for.

Another problem, now, is that it’s been over a year, almost a year and a half, and I’ve tried praying, hoping for the intercession of a venerable person, nearly every single day. Some Christians have told me God’s answer might be, “No,” but I cannot see how a) this agrees with the Bible, or b) why God wouldn’t make it clear to me and help me to understand why. Does a father ignore his child? So I think His answer is that I continue waiting, not much longer, and growing in holiness and virtue.

So I wonder if a second reason for these thoughts is that it seems like a long time has passed, and after countless petitions, I have not been given any encouragement to persevere “just a little while longer,” unless free food from parishioners counts (which may arguably only be their custom, not an answer from God), or my internal drive is fueled by the Eucharist. Why must everything with God be guesswork?! How do you distinguish between your thoughts and imagination and the Holy Spirit’s promptings? How do you distinguish between your will and God’s will?

I came across this Gospel passage as a recent Daily Reading (Mark 10; cf. Matthew 20):

35 Then James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to him and said to him, “Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you.”
36 He replied, “What do you wish [me] to do for you?”
37 They answered him, “Grant that in your glory we may sit one at your right and the other at your left.”
38 Jesus said to them, “You do not know what you are asking. Can you drink the cup that I drink or be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized?”
39 They said to him, “We can.” Jesus said to them, “The cup that I drink, you will drink, and with the baptism with which I am baptized, you will be baptized;
40 but to sit at my right or at my left is not mine to give but is for those for whom it has been prepared.”
41 When the ten heard this, they became indignant at James and John.
42 Jesus summoned them and said to them, “You know that those who are recognized as rulers over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones make their authority over them felt.
43 But it shall not be so among you. Rather, whoever wishes to be great among you will be your servant;
44 whoever wishes to be first among you will be the slave of all.
45 For the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

I was struck by the fact that they were in fact asking for something good, and yet they were not aware of what they were asking for, i.e. the reason it could not be given to them. I was able to take some solace in this discovery, since I am also asking for something good – something God has in fact given to the vast majority of people who’ve lived on earth, but which I have been deprived of – but God has not clearly told me why He hasn’t given it to me, unless I am to listen to “my inner voice” telling me it is because I am still not ready for it yet.

[finished in next post]

 

[ethereality]

[continued from previous post]

Another time – more recently – I’m reading through Story of a Soul now – on reflection the thought occurred to me that we ought not to make any prayer for ourselves, but only pray for others. Comparing this idea with the lives of the saints, and the Bible, I can’t find anything wrong with it, except that it is such radical trust and dependence on God that, at my current stage, I think it would be abandoning reason (which God wants me to use, right?) to embrace the Church’s doctrine so fully in this way. I suppose my hesitancy is self-contradictory:

1. 
   *]I am suffering so much, and God communicates with me so indirectly, that it appears equally plausible, at times more plausible, to conclude that the Catholic Church is mistaken. (Mohammedanism explains suffering as punishment; atheism explains suffering as natural; Christianity cannot explain suffering, but instead tells us to regard it as useful if we offer it to God.)
   *]God wants us to use our reason, rather than blindly follow something.
   *]If I follow my reason and conclude that God doesn’t exist, then I thereby undermine my reason for insisting on following my reason (rather than blindly accept any circumstance as coming from the hand of God, healing or no healing). It could be that Mohammedanism is true – hence I should follow my reason and conclude that God does exist and that He’s not healing me and not answering me as punishment and a sign that I should stop following the Catholic Church and start following Mohammed – yet having read the Quran, it seems so blatantly contrary to reason and history that unless Mohammedans have some brilliant, earth-shattering explanations, there’s no way their religion could be true.
   
   So I suppose I must believe that God has a good reason for not healing me yet, but must I continue praying? When should I quit? Why would God require me to spend so much time praying, to the exclusion of other activities? Why would God want me to spend time sitting in a silent church and give me no reply, not even to tell me why I must wait? (And, of course, I’m not only praying for myself, but loads of issues and millions of people. If God were to heal me, it would confirm that I should continue praying for all these other things as well, and give me even more incentive to pray, etc.)
   
   But my main questions are: Are thoughts like “God probably isn’t going to heal me” what Jesus is referring to as doubts in one’s heart, regardless of how fleeting? I try to reject the thought as a temptation, but I am still not healed, so I wonder if it is the reason. If so, how can I stop these thoughts from occurring?

 

[Mintaka]

Fleeting thoughts aren’t doubts, just like fleeting thoughts aren’t sins. There’s a big difference between your brain throwing out the odd negative thought, versus brooding over and enjoying that negative thought.

Think of your brain as a section of a stream or ditch, and your will is the guy standing next to the stream. Sometimes sticks and dead leaves float down the stream. Unless you fish out those sticks and dead leaves and start playing with them, they’re nothing really connected with your section of the stream. If you leave them alone, they’re just sticks and dead leaves that floated through, and they will float right out again. If you do fish them out, you have made them your problem.

So either you should ignore those thoughts and let them float right out again, or you should practice automatic positive thoughts that correct your automatic negative thoughts. Don’t kick yourself for floating thoughts, because it isn’t your fault; and really, it just reinforces them by associating them with stress.

(And it works better to phrase positive thoughts in a positive way – ie, don’t use “not”. So it’s more positive to think “God is real” than “God is not fake.”)

 

[pianistclare]

Fleeting thoughts aren’t doubts, just like fleeting thoughts aren’t sins. There’s a big difference between your brain throwing out the odd negative thought, versus brooding over and enjoying that negative thought.

Think of your brain as a section of a stream or ditch, and your will is the guy standing next to the stream. Sometimes sticks and dead leaves float down the stream. Unless you fish out those sticks and dead leaves and start playing with them, they’re nothing really connected with your section of the stream. If you leave them alone, they’re just sticks and dead leaves that floated through, and they will float right out again. If you do fish them out, you have made them your problem.

So either you should ignore those thoughts and let them float right out again, or you should practice automatic positive thoughts that correct your automatic negative thoughts. Don’t kick yourself for floating thoughts, because it isn’t your fault; and really, it just reinforces them by associating them with stress.

(And it works better to phrase positive thoughts in a positive way – ie, don’t use “not”. So it’s more positive to think “God is real” than “God is not fake.”)

Yes, this is excellent advice.
Focus on the good that God permits.

 

[mikekle]

This is one major reason many people turn away from prayer/ God in general, I cant say I blame them either, I mean, when we read the bible, put our faith in God, and try to lead our lives accordingly, and then pray for something we TRULY do need (like healing of something), and it doesnt happen…well, what are we supposed to think? lol Of course, many are going to become suspect and loose faith.

Of course, when our prayers are not answered, we are told to just wait, have faith, or Gods time is not our time, well, God knows very well how OUR time works, so that is not an excuse imo. God tells us in the bible, to bring our problems to him, ask him for what we need and he will deliver.

All I can say is, it is very tough to have faith over time, especially when you do not see anything coming from it.

 

[Mintaka]

Now we go to the hard part.

God gives us good things if we pray for them.

God does not give us good things that would be bad for us, even if we were all Padre Pio and God was routinely responding to our prayers with amazing miracles.

Especially if we were Padre Pio, God would tell us no - and indeed, He routinely did tell Padre Pio not to pray for certain things, or that it was good to pray for certain things but that something else would be granted. Brother Andre, the miracleworking saint up in Quebec, and Venerable Br. Solanus Casey in the US were given gifts of discernment of God’s will as well as gifts of being granted prayers for healing and for other miracles.

All prayers, just like Our Lord’s prayer, the Our Father, have a condition included: “Thy will be done.”

When Jesus knelt in Gethsemane, He had every right to pray that the chalice would pass from Him. But He added, “…if it be possible…” and then He said, “Nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.” And then the second time, He prayed, “…if this chalice may not pass away, but I must drink it, Thy will be done.”

We are not in a better position than Jesus Christ, the Second Person of the Trinity. If He bowed His head and accepted the plan, we have to be ready to take it too. We should pray for what we need and want, and we should ask other people to pray with us, just as He did. But we should also add, “Thy will be done.”

In your case, I would say that there’s no harm in continuing to pray for healing. And it’s totally okay to put stock in prayers, because miraculous healing does happen. But assuming that it must happen to me or you, because it must be part of the plan, isn’t faith; that’s what they call “presumption.”

It’d be like assuming my loved ones will get me everything for Christmas that I put on my list, when really they will get me what they think is best. If I want to be happy with my presents, the proper Christmas attitude is, “I will list what I want, and I will like whatever I get.”

But it’s also presumption to assume that God doesn’t want to heal and do miracles, or that stuff like that won’t happen to me or you. Jesus specifically told us to pray persistently for stuff like healing or help against injustice.

So always keep telling God what you want and need, add, “Thy will be done,” and then resolve to like whatever you get. Also, many miracleworking saints have advised adding thanksgiving to your prayers after you make requests, long before you get anything granted to you. This seems polite and sensible, since we’re asking for favors and a hearing.

 

[nuntym]

+JMJ+

This is why I now pray for joy always, the grace to do and accept God’s will in anything and everything.

Sure I tell Him what I want, what I think I need from Him. Yet, in the end, I always add, “but above all, as You promised, give me joy.”

I mean, what if I am poor, or sick, or friendless, or whatever, when I am full of joy, not just because God is giving me what He knows (and not necessarily what I know) I need, not just because He gives me His own strength to do what I need to do for Him, but ultimately because He lets me have joy from the suffering I am enduring?

 

[DelsonJacobs]

Sometimes we Catholics forget that faith is not possible if we weren’t in a situation where doubt exists.

For instance, we don’t need faith regarding something we can see. We don’t hope for something that is present before us.

“We walk by faith, not by sight,” states 2 Corinthians 5.7. And Romans 8.24-25 reads: “Hope that sees for itself is not hope. For who hopes for what one sees?..We hope for what we do not see.” Christian hope and faith is done despite there being nothing to see. It’s like walking in the dark with the faith or hope that God will not allow you to bump into anything.

But to do that, you do have to recognize that you are walking blind, are out on a limb, and that you have no solid evidence to go by. You have faith because there is reason to doubt. And you recognize your doubts because you are walking by faith.

This is not the same type of doubt mentioned by James, who wrote: “He should ask in faith, not doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed about by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord.”–James 1.6-7.

The type of doubt that St. James refers to is the one an unbeliever has who doesn’t try to learn the truth from God. James mentioned this right before in the same chapter at verse 5, where he says that we should actively seek “wisdom” from God.

People who do not apply themselves to learn from the Church and Scripture are not asking God for guidance. They do not ask because their doubt overtakes them and keeps them from actively learning.

You are already praying. This doesn’t apply to you. You know the truth, and by praying you are actively seeking God’s wisdom.

But these types of acts are done before a God we do not see with our eyes. We must pray and exercise faith in the face of no evidence, as the blind who face a world of darkness each and everyday. Blind people don’t sit still despite the fact they cannot see. They go about their business and live life. We must do the same with our faith.

Worry not of your particular type of doubts. Those are the normal ones that show you have great faith. The greater the doubts, the greater the faith. One who has no faith in anything never doubts. They think they have all the answers and know everything. You are extraordinary and filled with the Holy Spirit because despite your doubts you turn to the Source of all Wisdom. I hope you find comfort in at least this fact.

 

[agnes_therese]

This is one major reason many people turn away from prayer/ God in general, I cant say I blame them either, I mean, when we read the bible, put our faith in God, and try to lead our lives accordingly, and then pray for something we TRULY do need (like healing of something), and it doesnt happen…well, what are we supposed to think? lol Of course, many are going to become suspect and loose faith.

Of course, when our prayers are not answered, we are told to just wait, have faith, or Gods time is not our time, well, God knows very well how OUR time works, so that is not an excuse imo. God tells us in the bible, to bring our problems to him, ask him for what we need and he will deliver.

All I can say is, it is very tough to have faith over time, especially when you do not see anything coming from it.

Would you rather He give us everything we ask for, even if it’s not good for us?

 

[ethereality]

pray for something we TRULY do need (like healing of something), and it doesnt happen…well, what are we supposed to think?

I think we are supposed to reconsider needs versus wants. It seems the only things we “need” are those things necessary to accomplish whatever purpose God has put us here for. Many Christians were murdered by citizens obeying a pagan state during World War 2; it seems their purpose was to be a testimony to the truth, so all they needed was to suffer patiently and die. It seems St. Therese of Lisieux was put here to give us instruction on how to offer little sacrifices to God, so all she needed was to write her journal, suffer, and die.

So it seems a mistake to think that we are supposed to be successful in whatever good we want to do, whether it be in terms of career or family. It seems rather we are supposed to avoid sin and accept whatever happens. So whatever we have is all that we need to avoid sin. For example, I have overwhelming American student loan debt, so my outlook on life is very bleak: I seem unable to support a family, etc. Yet I have access to food and shelter (although I technically cannot afford it and pay off my debt). Perhaps if I did not have access to food and shelter, my situation would be more than I could bear and I would choose against God. So God gives me food and shelter because I need these things in order to continue towards whatever purpose God has ordained for me – even though I continue suffering extremely physically and psychologically.

Yes? No?

The problem I have with my explanation is that it contradicts God as Father, but rather agrees with the Quran’s depiction of God as slavedriver-master.

 

[ethereality]

I mean, what if I am poor, or sick, or friendless, or whatever, when I am full of …] joy from the suffering I am enduring?

It would seem that joy erases the harms of poverty, sickness, and isolation, as you suggest, by means of an emotional buffer. However, I do not see how I can have such joy unless God gives it to me.

It would also help if you were to define ‘joy’. I suppose you mean satisfaction in your relationship with God, but I am not satisfied: I want to know God, not to persuade myself that what I think about God is correct.

 

[ethereality]

Would you rather He give us everything we ask for, even if it’s not good for us?

Why did you ask this question? It is not a matter of all-or-nothing: Don’t you think God could give us small good things that we ask for, or make it clear to us why those things wouldn’t help us?

 

[PulvisEtCinis]

My heart goes out to you because of your suffering.

I think what you are missing is that for a prayer to be fulfilled it must be in accordance with God’s will. This isn’t explicitly said in what our Lord says in the passage from Luke that you cited, but it should go without saying. Really, if someone were to pray to God to help them murder someone (and truly believed, with no doubting, that it would come to pass) do you really think that God would be bound to fulfill that prayer? Certainly not. (of course, I am not saying that is what you are doing, I am just making a point).

A few other passages about prayer that I was able to dig up:

John 14:12-13 (RSVCE)
“Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I go to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name, I will do it, that the Father may be glorified in the Son; if you ask anything in my name, I will do it."

John 15:7 (RSVCE)
“If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you will, and it shall be done for you.”

Both of these indicate that not only do we have to ask, but we have to believe in and abide in Christ as well as a prerequisite of receiving what we ask.

James 4:3 (RSVCE)
“You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions!”

This shows another way to ask ‘wrongly’ apart from just doubting. That is, asking to ‘spend it on your passions’ it is not merely ‘not doubting’ but our purpose for asking for whatever we ask that counts. Is the reason I ask for what I ask merely to please myself or to please God?

1 John 3:21-22 (RSVCE)
“Beloved, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and we receive from him whatever we ask, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him.”

Again, this gives the indication that we receive not only because we ask, but because we keep God’s commandments and do what pleases him.

1 John 5:14-15 (RSVCE)
“And this is the confidence which we have in him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have obtained the requests made of him.”

And finally, the verse which I had in mind at the start. “if we ask anything according to his will he hears us” for our prayers to be fulfilled they must be in accordance with God’s will. Even if what we ask for is good, and we do not doubt, and we abide in Christ that does not automatically mean that our prayers will be answered; they must be in accordance with God’s ultimate will. For this reason, we should pray not merely for our desires to be done, but for God’s will to be done primarily and only ours to be done if they are according to his will; in imitation of Christ in the garden “Father, if thou art willing, remove this cup from me; nevertheless not my will, but thine be done.”

These things don’t contradict the passage in Luke necessarily - I personally think that our Lord is using a bit of hyperbole (in the same fashion that he uses it in Luke 14:6). That isn’t to say that what he is saying is false, just that it shouldn’t be understood in the all encompassing way that you seem to be reading it; there are other conditions to receiving what you desire from prayer as is shown from the other passages quoted.

It often happens, that what we really want to happen is just not according to God’s will. I am reminded of St. Paul in his second letter to the Corinthians:

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (RSVCE)
“And to keep me from being too elated by the abundance of revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I besought the Lord about this, that it should leave me; but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

So, here we have St. Paul asking repeatedly to have his ‘thorn in the flesh’ removed (I don’t know what this was exactly, but it obviously didn’t please Paul). Yet, Paul’s will was not done and his wish was not granted because it was not in accord with God’s will. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I think sometimes our prayers for healing are not answered, not because we necessarily are doubting, and not because we are necessarily unrighteous (though, we should examine ourselves because either of these could be the case), but perhaps our weaknesses are left in us for us to overcome those weaknesses by grace; to grow in virtues and to become more dependent on God to sustain us through hardships.

Continued in next post…

 

[PulvisEtCinis]

I am saying this as much to myself as to you and anyone else. How many times have I prayed for something merely because I wanted it done? I can’t say that I suffer from physical ailments as you do, and as others do, but we all have weaknesses; some are physical some aren’t, and some also have circumstantial problems (poverty, danger etc). These things are often left with us for our ultimate good; a furnace purifies gold, our adversities purify us.

Consider what the letter to the Hebrews says:

Hebrews 12:7-11 (RSVCE)
“It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers to discipline us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time at their pleasure, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant; later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

I believe that the Christian religion, in the fullness of the Catholic faith, is the only one that truly understands pain and suffering. Christianity has a lot to say about suffering; I mean, read the Early Church Fathers, read the Saints, read the Bible - not merely the happy stuff it says about salvation and God’s love, but about our relation to suffering. Our sufferings have a reason (they are not merely the whims of a slave driver God) and moreover they have a purpose - our sanctification which leads to salvation.

 

[bjryman]

This is one major reason many people turn away from prayer/ God in general, I cant say I blame them either, I mean, when we read the bible, put our faith in God, and try to lead our lives accordingly, and then pray for something we TRULY do need (like healing of something), and it doesnt happen…well, what are we supposed to think? lol Of course, many are going to become suspect and loose faith.

Of course, when our prayers are not answered, we are told to just wait, have faith, or Gods time is not our time, well, God knows very well how OUR time works, so that is not an excuse imo. God tells us in the bible, to bring our problems to him, ask him for what we need and he will deliver.

All I can say is, it is very tough to have faith over time, especially when you do not see anything coming from it.

---

This is so true. What I also note is that if one just continues to wait for something to happen and goes through the minimal Church rubrics, it doesn’t get much better.

BUT…try engaging in service and ministry in the Parish and local community. Don’t take on so much that you are overwhelmed and thus don’t even have time to appreciate what is happening around you.

I am a RCIA Catechist and a member of the Men’s Guitar Music Ministry as well as CRHP process. In each, many encounters seem mundane, and then something happens with someone in a ministry group and I “see” God working.

Does this mean I don’t doubt…certainly not. But I like to think that the flip side of the “doubt coin” is the “hope side”. I remain ever hopeful, that all the elements of my salvation as taught by my Church (and others) will come to pass.

Remaining hopeful helps keep spirits uplifted. As an example, I absolutely “know” my mom who died early of cancer at age 41 is in heaven. She was as devote a Catholic believer as I ever knew. She died 42 years ago. In reality however, I really “hope” that all we’ve been taught is true. That hope is real, earnest, passionate. It’s the core of true Faith in my opinion. I look forward to seeing mom once again.

 

[PulvisEtCinis]

or make it clear to us why those things wouldn’t help us?

Perhaps he wants you to abide in him, content with what you have? Content to leave the question unanswered; to trust Him even when you do not understand?

I don’t say this to be mean or anything. We need to realize that God does not owe us an explanation; he wants us to trust him, to let him guide us even when we don’t see the way. Think of Abraham; God called him to leave what he had and go sojourning in a tent not knowing where he was to go, or perhaps a better example would be when God called upon him to sacrifice Isaac; He did not give an explanation. Yet, Abraham, by faith, trusted in God, even when it might not have made sense to him at the time. Read Hebrews 11, it might give you some encouragement

 

[nuntym]

+JMJ+

It would seem that joy erases the harms of poverty, sickness, and isolation, as you suggest, by means of an emotional buffer.

No, joy is not an emotional buffer. Joy can and does co-exist with suffering and sorrow, and these you can still feel acutely. But joy can increase because of sorrow and suffering.

However, I do not see how I can have such joy unless God gives it to me.

Exactly!

It would also help if you were to define ‘joy’. I suppose you mean satisfaction in your relationship with God, but I am not satisfied: I want to know God, not to persuade myself that what I think about God is correct.

Oh boy, the discussion of “joy” can fill books, but as you wish I will try.

As St Thomas Aquinas said, joy is a matter of life and death. “Man cannot live without joy. That is why one who is deprived of joy goes over to carnal pleasures.” But what is joy? “Joy is compared to desire, as rest to movement”. Joy is when you get what you love. That is why self love is so tempting: self love is a powerful source of joy, because yourself is something you have already.

But in the end, self love is self defeating, because love does not only want what it loves, but also the goodness and well being of its love. And is there anything we are more aware of its lacking goodness and well being as ourselves?

Loving God, on the other hand, is scary. To love God more than self is to invite sorrow and suffering, because you will inevitably have to sacrifice the wants of your self to love God. Besides, since God seems so far away, it can be hard to see how loving God can be a source of joy.

And yet if you love God, it is promised that God will abide in you, and you will abide in Him. And when you love God, you will always be joyful because God is always well and good. But to love God you must want also what He wants, which includes all the “bad” things that can happen to you like poverty, sickness, obnoxious people, and suffering, not only in you but in other people too. This is what St Teresa of Calcutta called the “distressing mask of Jesus.”

But does that mean you are to wallow in them? By no means! God wants us to be more than conquerors of this world:

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?*As it is written, “For thy sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.*For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:35-39)

Suffering does not cease being suffering when you do this. Suffering after all is an indication that an evil is occurring, and thus we are compelled to do something about suffering so as to alleviate it. But by accepting sufferings as things that God allowed to happen, and thus you suffer gladly, they become a source of joy. And since we are doing God’s will in alleviating suffering, that can then be a source of joy too. And when you fail to alleviate suffering no matter how you try and pray, then because it was God’s will that you fail, it can then be a source of joy as well. And of course, when everything goes well, that is a source of joy indeed, because it was God’s will.

Loving God is a never-failing source of joy! But as you can see, this is something superhuman; indeed it is supernatural. That is why you must pray and ask for the grace of this invincible joy, the joy of loving God in and through everything.

 

[ethereality]

Thank you for the reminders, but there is one important point that I think must be clarified.

I am reminded of St. Paul in his second letter to the Corinthians:

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (RSVCE)
"And to keep me from being too elated by the abundance of revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I besought the Lord about this, that it should leave me; but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

The distinction here is that God told Paul why: God answered him as a Father, not as a remote “god of the philosophers and the god of history” like we are forced to relate to Him: He hasn’t told me why, unless I am to take His answer from Hebrews 12 you’ve cited, which combined with 1 Peter 5 confirms my understanding that I just need to bear my suffering a little while longer.

 

[ethereality]

Perhaps he wants you to abide in him, content with what you have? Content to leave the question unanswered; to trust Him even when you do not understand?

Well, I’m trying to do that, in part because I have no other choice that doesn’t lead to even greater misery.

We need to realize that God does not owe us an explanation;

How do you square that with Jesus’ revelation of God as Father, and God as love?

“Why? Would you please help me understand this, or explain to me a little of what is going on?”
“I’m ignoring you, and I want you to stop asking.”

This is not the act of a loving father. No, God does owe us an explanation, if He is to be our Father (children have a right to various things from their parents), and that is why He’s given us the Bible (and, I suppose, the Holy Spirit to interpret it for us after Baptism).

 

[ethereality]

Loving God is a never-failing source of joy! But as you can see, this is something superhuman; indeed it is supernatural. That is why you must pray and ask for the grace of this invincible joy, the joy of loving God in and through everything.

What you’ve described sounds like a great system on paper, but something impossible to achieve in practice. Or else, to achieve it I must abandon reason which seeks explanation, and give myself entirely over to emotion and what might be called “mind games”: “He hurts me because he loves me; he hurts me because it’s good for me, and good for others! My pain is helping people I cannot see in ways I do not know!” If a woman does this to justify a relationship with another human, we call it a mental disorder and insanity and the relationship abusive, but if she does it with God, we call it piety. Doesn’t that strike you as odd?

“Oh, but the difference is that God has the power to actually obtain this good, whereas humans clearly do not.” How does that justify God requiring someone to suffer before He will help someone else? Is this not sadism?

Or to approach what you’ve written another way, woe to me that my parents encouraged me to go to college, where they taught me to always systematically seek explanations to make sense of reality. Your method – which seems the same as St. Therese of Lisieux – appears to be instead to favor any ad hoc explanation that results in defense of Christian dogma. I do not see how this makes good use of reason or glorifies God. Rather, it seems even to demean His creation, making humans something less than human, rather more like sheep that exist solely for what they can give to their shepherd.