My dear friend,
You are not evil. I want to talk about that first. Human beings are weak, not evil, we were created “good”, remember? We do get tempted, we have disordered desires, we act selfishly, we sin constantly…but the point is: we fall. The Devil comes at us throwing anything in our path to dissuade us from the light of Christ. Sometimes this comes in the form of doubts. Always remember that the Devil can appear as an “angel of light”, and twist things, make good things look bad and bad things look good. The point is, we are weak sometimes and we give in to temptation. Only God can transform our hearts; what we have to do is give ourselves to Him and let him ‘have at it’, chip away at us, and make us better, make us new. But even in that process, we’ll have moments where we take two steps forward and one step back. The point is not that you have doubts, we all have doubts, it’s where you go and what you do about them, what you do to try and solve your problems. And from what I’m seeing now, you’re not abandoning the Faith and turning your back on the Church, you’re wrestling with it, challenging it, which shows you care.
I’m sorry if any of us have been rude or unhelpful, we tend to be a little protective of our God, and are offended by views we know would insult Him, but it should never get in the way of one of our responsibilities: helping to lead a soul to God, and witnessing by example.
If you believe that the Roman Catholic Church is the One, True Church, founded by Jesus Christ (or you
want to believe this), then go before the Blessed Sacrament and tell Him so. Ask God to help you with your doubts, go to Him and say that you want the Truth, and He has all the answers and so you’re expecting Him to help.
You won’t get your answers in a day, or a week, or maybe even a month or two, but you will eventually, (God has perfect timing anyways), just persist. I think it was St. Thomas Aquinas who when he got stuck on something would open the tabernacle and stick his head inside
And St. Francis also prayed and prayed and prayed when he needed to make a decision until he knew what God wanted of Him.
The reason I mention this is that what we say, or what brilliant theologians will tell you is no substitute for the wonders the Holy Spirit can work in you, if you open yourself up to Him.
Having said that, I’ll answer what I can, and hope that others can redirect you to places that do a great job of explaining Church doctrine.
“Infallibility” does not mean “sinlessness”. Infallibility means that where matters of Faith and morals are concerned, the Church does not make a mistake-- meaning that what it teaches is right, is, in fact, right, because the Holy Spirit is moving the Church. Sin is when we don’t always live up to what we believe. Catholicism has never taught that pedophilia is okay (I promise you, it’s not in the Bible anywhere) and child molestation has never been a part of priestly vows, these are sins committed by the individual priest breaking his vows and frankly, excommunicating himself spiritually. I can never and will never defend the disgusting scandals, but I will defend the notion that judging a car based on the driver is wrong.
As far as homosexuality is concerned, it’s wrong because man and woman were not made or created to be in a same-sex relationship with one another. Males and females compliment each other, emotionally, biologically, and in a loving relationship that is supposed to reflect Christ’s love for us. In fact, I’ve even heard that before Eve was created, Adam had no gender. Once Eve was created, Man was made ‘limited’, and completed with the other half, Woman.
Just like it’s wrong to want to have sex with animals or our parents, it just wasn’t meant for us, it takes away from the love we were created to give and receive.
On a sidenote, (not dealing with homosexuality but with sin in general), know that the Devil is not going to tempt you with something you don’t like. Just because you want or feel like doing something doesn’t mean it’s okay all of the time.
Peace and Joy! I know I’ve written way too much, but anyway, I’ll keep you in my prayers, and hope you pray for me and for yourself as well.
