Am I overreacting and worrying too much

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Nino said:
well what is to be will be…we are all tested…thats what life is all about I guess. We have a tendency to take each other for granted till sometimes its too late etc. First how stay with the one you know 100% about…the reflection in the mirror…you,yourself. When he married you what kind of person were you then…are you really any different. How is your sense of humor? Do you uplight him in his work and life etc etc etc. Remember we guys have a way of kinda,well living in a fantasy world…we want to marry a princess but sleep with…etc etc…we leave you in the morning with hair curlers on,still half asleep and just a cold indifferent kiss on the cheek while I go out the door. at the office my secretary is always sweet ,‘understanding’,has all day to listen to my sighs and moans etc etc…of course she is on the clock and thus cant care less…but her hair looks perfect and just seems to want to please me constantly…wow ,if I had only married her…and so it goes…so just try an out of body sequence…observe this whole affair…oops…from a third party perspective…after that…who knows gue sera sera…
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Women can live in fantasy worlds, also…afterall, it takes two to tango. The man having the fantasy, if he chooses to act it out, must find someone who probably is also having fantasies, as well.

The problem with affairs, is that they start in the mind. Our minds have to have a thought of doing something immoral, before an action can be carried out. So, as you say, fantasies are toyed with…oh, what’s the harm, right? Just harmless fantasies. But, then, the fantasies grow…and soon…the man or woman is thinking…just lunch…just dinner…can’t hurt, right?

Then…we all know what happens once the actions start to unfold. We must ask God each day to guard our thoughts. My dh and I both pray this, daily. I love my husband, he loves me–and we both are attracted to each other, as well. BUT…the devil is a powerful force on this earth, and he is just waiting to pounce.

So, be careful of having fantasies. Ask God to guard you from having them. A man should only have eyes, and thoughts of his wife, in ‘that’ way.

I get your point though, Nino. But, it begged a rebuttal.😉

Sorry carjack–I didn’t mean to go OT. 😊
 
Carjack1 said:
The meeting went well and I thank each and everyone of you for your (name removed by moderator)ut and advice
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Carjack I’m glad it went ‘well’ but what doers that mean??? 🤷 Ok I know we are hounding you here:D 😛 but you have us all concerned for you. If you feel like sharing we are here with listening eyes;)

Carjack I do have to say that you have taken advice and opinions on this as graciously as I’ve seen anyone on these boards:thumbsup: You are obviously a kind hearted lady. We wish you the best:)
 
Absolutely uncalled for!! :eek: How passive-aggressive is that to “happen to” mention that she is “cute” and “slender” when you are struggling with weight. Your husband is behaving like a jerk and needs to stop seeing her ASAP.
 
After reading this thread the :tsktsk: :tsktsk: :tsktsk:

Carjack why does your husband only choose to have female friends not male friends. And why when he is very aware that you were not confortable with the friendship still pursue it.

I am speaking from experience and I know that not all situations are the same. I was married for 13 years. My ex seemed to always be friends with females. As he was working in the retail industry. And I am not slender I am overweight. But anyway there was this young 19 year old girl that he was working with. And she had a drug problem and he was helping her. Because he was the manager of the store and she was the casual worker. Anyway he talked alot about this girl and how concerned he was about her. And me working for the Health Dept asked me for advice and where could this girl go for rehab. I did not think anything of it as he was 34 years old at that time and she only 19. We chatted on the phone sometimes to me she was a nice kid. In the mean time my ex was getting very comfy with this young girl the next thing I knew they were having an affair and she got pregnant anyway they are living together today and we are divorced.

You have every right to say no to your husband allowing women into your home. That is also your home. And I have been where you have been and there is no need for you to make excuses for him or bring yourself down. You are obviously not comfortable with the relationship and there must be a reason why. Why is she texting your husband at all odd hours of the night. Now let us turn the situation around what if it was you now and a male was send you messages and wanting to come over and watch movies while your husband was at work. I am sure that he would not like that at all.

Yes, there are older people here in this forum but there are also people who have been down the road that you may or may not be going. It is just something to think about. I am not saying that your husband is going to cheat on you but you are leaving doors open to things that possibly could happen. Why can she not come over and watch the movies when you are at home. And what is that story :confused: about her not good at first meetings. NO, NO that is not on a all.

You need to put an end to your husband and her been alone it is fine for you guys to go out as a couple but not them on their own. And whether she is cute and slender at the end of the day he is married to you and not her. I also did not like that comment that he made about her been cute and slender.

At the end of the day this is your marriage and you know what is best for you and your husband. Please do not bring yourself down he married you been overweight, he has been with you 4 or 5 years now.

Pray about this situation and also pray for her and your husband.
 
whatevergirl said:
aw come on now, carjack…you’re just gonna throw us a wee lil crumb?😃 Kidding…I’m glad…hope your meeting today, put your mind at ease.🙂
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A crumb, but wouldn’t anymore be towards gossip?

By the way, WG, your posts on this thread were really some of the best I’ve read on CAF :bowdown:
 
Magicsilence said:
A crumb, but wouldn’t anymore be towards gossip?

You’re right.:o I was just hopeful that carjack felt better after the meeting.

By the way, WG, your posts on this thread were really some of the best I’ve read on CAF :bowdown:
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aw-why thank you, sir. nice seeing you magic. :tiphat:
 
You know Carjack I can’t help but think about my first marriage. It was done in a courthouse. There were many control issues and female friends. When I got back from Basic Training it had progressed into affairs with both men and women. By the end of two and a half years it was physically, emotionally, and sexually abusive. Now 8 1/2 years later I am ready to get married the right way to a good man after much counseling. I am not saying that your husband is one of these types of people and I would not even state that I would tell my bff to leave her husband much less an anonymous internet poster although I do understand the urgency of some of the previous posts. If he will not go to counseling with you then you should go by YOURSELF and learn to become a stronger woman. AA did a lot for me after my marriage and subsequent drinking to deal with the memories. They have a great program named CODA which is based on the 12 steps (which is very much based on the Catholic faith for those who don’t know). It is called Codependents Anonymous. And it is basically in a very basic sense getting over the addiction of needing to be needed. It is amazing that such a powerful position in someone else’s life can make us so weak. I hope you are not offended at all. Good luck and God bless.

👍
 
Wow. I just read this whole thread. What a let down to follow it all the way through, and then just be left hanging.

If it’s gossip to hear the details and find out why this other woman was acting so strangely and why there was all this “stuff” going on between the poster’s H and OW…Then it’s been gossip the whole time.

Frankly, anonymous postings are not gossip because we don’t know who anyone is! It’s anonymous so people can get some advice, privately.

I just wanted to add that this affair stuff is going on all the time in the work place. There are so many disasters in so many people’s marriages. And it’s all considered open and fair to tell dirty jokes, and share details of each other’s private lives in mixed company.

I hate to hear about the garbage in the military…between the males and females that are together all the time. Our son wants to join the Marines, and I’m actually more worried about him getting corrupted by the filthy moral environment amongst “fellow Marines” than actual danger from fighting.

I thank God my H no longer works in an office anymore. We have our stories about those days…and we witness it in the lives of those we know…It’s bad.

God Bless,
Lisa
 
I wouldn’t worry too much about your son joining any Armed Forces. I have been in for ten years and done a tour in Iraq. I find that water usually finds its own level. If he is the good a moral person you taught him to be those are the people he will associate himself with. If he is curious and does not respect those morals than he will probably go off and try things you wish he wouldn’t. In that case you have to depend upon strong moral leadership from his superiors. Sooner or later we all have to make our choices - God gave his free will to do with as we will and suffer those consequences. Satan will try to tempt us regardless of what profession we choose. Just look at some of the actions of Pope Innocent. You can only pray for your son to make the right choices and know that it is a noble profession that he has chosen.
 
Hi guys. I didn’t have a lot of time when I posted my last thread. But to elaborate, The girl said she doesn’t get along with other women well because her and her mother didn’t like each other. She said that she is a tomboy and that she is devoted to her husband(I beleive her and went with my instincts on it). She also mentioned that her father left her family for another woman and that she wouldn’t do that to another family and that she is sorry if she caused any misunderstanding or strife. You could tell by her appearance that the tomboy thing was true. She brought her oldest son with her. (he is adorable!) She wanted to meet me by myself because she knows that my husband is a bit of a attention seeker, so she wanted to get to know me without any distractions. I have to say that my husband tends to be the “life” of the party. She talked about her husband and boys the whole time. We hit it off right away though. She is new to the area and hasn’t made a lot friends. She noticed my husband was a comic book collector and saw the stuff on his desk and they started to be friends and it went from there. All 4 of us went to the Chinese buffet with the kids. Her husband knew about the texts and the phone calls because he would stand near her. He said that he was taught to be jealous from his father and that he is slowly getting out of the habit. Sorry if you guys felt that I left you hanging. btw she is not slender. she is more slender than me. Not that it makes a difference to me
 
Carjack1 said:
Hi guys. I didn’t have a lot of time when I posted my last thread. But to elaborate, The girl said she doesn’t get along with other women well because her and her mother didn’t like each other. She said that she is a tomboy and that she is devoted to her husband(I beleive her and went with my instincts on it). She also mentioned that her father left her family for another woman and that she wouldn’t do that to another family and that she is sorry if she caused any misunderstanding or strife. You could tell by her appearance that the tomboy thing was true. She brought her oldest son with her. (he is adorable!) She wanted to meet me by myself because she knows that my husband is a bit of a attention seeker, so she wanted to get to know me without any distractions. I have to say that my husband tends to be the “life” of the party. She talked about her husband and boys the whole time. We hit it off right away though. She is new to the area and hasn’t made a lot friends. She noticed my husband was a comic book collector and saw the stuff on his desk and they started to be friends and it went from there. All 4 of us went to the Chinese buffet with the kids. Her husband knew about the texts and the phone calls because he would stand near her. He said that he was taught to be jealous from his father and that he is slowly getting out of the habit. Sorry if you guys felt that I left you hanging. btw she is not slender. she is more slender than me. Not that it makes a difference to me
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So it is what I originally thought and posted:) I too have always hard a harder time making friends with women than men. I’m so glad that everything worked out well and y’all hit it off.
 
Carjack1 said:
Hi guys. I didn’t have a lot of time when I posted my last thread. But to elaborate, The girl said she doesn’t get along with other women well because her and her mother didn’t like each other. She said that she is a tomboy and that she is devoted to her husband(I beleive her and went with my instincts on it). She also mentioned that her father left her family for another woman and that she wouldn’t do that to another family and that she is sorry if she caused any misunderstanding or strife. You could tell by her appearance that the tomboy thing was true. She brought her oldest son with her. (he is adorable!) She wanted to meet me by myself because she knows that my husband is a bit of a attention seeker, so she wanted to get to know me without any distractions. I have to say that my husband tends to be the “life” of the party. She talked about her husband and boys the whole time. We hit it off right away though. She is new to the area and hasn’t made a lot friends. She noticed my husband was a comic book collector and saw the stuff on his desk and they started to be friends and it went from there. All 4 of us went to the Chinese buffet with the kids. Her husband knew about the texts and the phone calls because he would stand near her. He said that he was taught to be jealous from his father and that he is slowly getting out of the habit. Sorry if you guys felt that I left you hanging. btw she is not slender. she is more slender than me. Not that it makes a difference to me
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GREAT NEWS! Glad to see the outcome!👍 👍
 
the good news is that you ended up liking this woman…that’s an extra bonus to this whole thing! I am soooo happy it worked out.

My hubby too can be the life of the party, but we complement one another well. I’m pretty friendly with men and women…I think it’s important to not make anyone feel awkward.

Thanks for the update…I bet you are feeling a huge weight lifted off now.🙂
 
Carjack1 said:
:crying:

So. My husband made a new friend at work. Her name is “Belinda”. She is always texting and talking to him He spent all day with her Saturday because I was working. She didn’t want to come in and meet me because she is not good at first meetings and it is nothing personal:rolleyes: Supposedly her husband is the jealous type(which is strange because she has all the time to do this) My husband shows me all of her texts. He doesn’t go and hide from me when he is on the phone with her. (which is a good sign). He mentioned that she is “cute” and slender, which in turn made me insecure, because I am overweight. I don’t know. I feel like I am overreacting. I don’t want to seem like I am a jealous psycho. I want to meet this woman and feel that I have every right to. If I was hanging out with somebody’s husband I would introduce myself since I don’t have any inappropriate intentions.
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You are not over-reacting; your husband is being inconsiderate and insensitive towards you and is hop-scotching on the rocky presipice of tempatation.

If I were you I’d remind her that her husband is jealous and that you would like to have that conversation with him. See then what she says and does.

That whole “my husband is the jealous type” talk may be a bunch of horse manure to lure a sympathetic ear or a defense mechanism so you or your husband won’t approach him.

Either way the whole scenario smell fishy. Don’t assume that its innocent in any way. Not from her and not from your husband.

Don’t facilitate things for your husband to succumb to tempatation of the “damsel in distress” syndrome.

If she needs help - she needs a priest or a psychologist or marriage counselor…not your husband.
 
whatevergirl said:
the good news is that you ended up liking this woman…that’s an extra bonus to this whole thing! I am soooo happy it worked out.

My hubby too can be the life of the party, but we complement one another well. I’m pretty friendly with men and women…I think it’s important to not make anyone feel awkward.

Thanks for the update…I bet you are feeling a huge weight lifted off now.🙂
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Sorry it all sounds fishy to me. Please continue to watch your back. People will say anything but it’s their actions that show the true story. 👍
 
Sierrah said:
Sorry it all sounds fishy to me. Please continue to watch your back. People will say anything but it’s their actions that show the true story. 👍
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hi sierrah;

what sounds fishy…the coworker’s motives for wanting to meet? If you mean that, I think sometimes you just have to give ppl the benefit of the doubt. I try to. Hopefully, it will all work out.
 
mangy_dog said:
You are not over-reacting; your husband is being inconsiderate and insensitive towards you and is hop-scotching on the rocky presipice of tempatation.

If I were you I’d remind her that her husband is jealous and that you would like to have that conversation with him. See then what she says and does.

That whole “my husband is the jealous type” talk may be a bunch of horse manure to lure a sympathetic ear or a defense mechanism so you or your husband won’t approach him.

Either way the whole scenario smell fishy. Don’t assume that its innocent in any way. Not from her and not from your husband.

Don’t facilitate things for your husband to succumb to tempatation of the “damsel in distress” syndrome.

If she needs help - she needs a priest or a psychologist or marriage counselor…not your husband.
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See post 191 where the OP and dh and the other couple got together for lunch and everyone got along really well.
 
maria29 said:
See post 191 where the OP and dh and the other couple got together for lunch and everyone got along really well.
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So much for conspiracy theories…😃

But wait!!!..what if it is a trap and you have both walked into it.???🤷
 
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