Am I overreacting and worrying too much

[estesbob]

I need ask a question. Is your husband overweight?Is he insecure and /or have low self-esteem? A man who is insecure will go head over heels loony when a fairly attractive women pays any attention to him at all.

 

[duskyjewel]

estesbob, judging from the wedding picture at the bottom of carjack’s posts, her husband looks a little overweight. Not huge, but not thin.

Regardless, though, of that, previous posts of carjack’s have led me to believe her husband may be an emotional abuser. Him flaunting this in front of her is only confirming that.

Sorry, carjack, but that’s what I really think.

 

[estesbob]

estesbob, judging from the wedding picture at the bottom of carjack’s posts, her husband looks a little overweight. Not huge, but not thin.

Regardless, though, of that, previous posts of carjack’s have led me to believe her husband may be an emotional abuser. Him flaunting this in front of her is only confirming that.

Sorry, carjack, but that’s what I really think.

I wouldn’t go that far. It’s still early in their marriageand we all know there is an adjustment period . We first get married. But there are warning signs and I recommends some counseling if the problem continues.

 

[Carjack1]

I need ask a question. Is your husband overweight?Is he insecure and /or have low self-esteem? A man who is insecure will go head over heels loony when a fairly attractive women pays any attention to him at all.

He is average with a “beer” belly. He originally told me about her because he thought we would make such good friend because we have a lot in common

 

[MCGar]

It looks to me like this woman has an unhealthy ‘crush’ on your husband and he seems to be enjoying it while thinking it’s harmless because he isn’t doing anything.

My fiance and I have an agreement about having veto power on each other’s friends if we find them innappropriate or crossing the border. We have also discussed and agree on the reality of emotional affairs.

I think you need to read up on these things and sit your husband down. It doesn’t matter if your husband thinks this is all innocent, it matters how this relationship is making you feel.

Always remember this…if this relationship is SO innocent and small then your hubby should have NO problem with avoiding it in order to focus on your marriage.

If I were in your position I would tell him all the little comments he’s made are completely innapropriate and that your so uncomfortable with this relationship that he’s going to need to halt it completely until you guys can work through the issues.

Don’t let him right you off. You have valid concerns and you don’t need to let this go.

Not to frighten you out of your socks, but you also might want to look into the surviving infidelity boards, I would say that the majority of physical affairs start out just like this. Too many texts, time spent together, ‘But we’re just friends’. In my opinion if anyone has to say, “but we’re just friends” then already there is something about the relationship that smells icky.

As for the lady’s husband being the jealous type, there is NO REASON for your husband to stir trouble in their marriage by taking up her time. If she has husband jealousy issues, she needs to go to a counselor and NOT to your husband.

So in summary, what I would do is first, do a little research. Find out your boundaries and build up your backbone on what you will stand firm on.
Second, talk with your husband and set up guidlines.

Last but not least, if these guidelines are not met, THEN I would talk with the other lady. If things still are going on, then I’d talk to her husband.

You aren’t a psycho jealous lady, don’t let anyone gaslight you into thinking you are.

 

[Carjack1]

I am furious. My husband told me that her husband isn’t coming and that she is going to be watching movies at my house w/ my husband while I am at work and I am supposed to meet her afterward. I told him that I want to meet her as I feel threatened. He said that if I meet her and don’t like her, that I could tell him and he will drop her like a hot potato. My mother, twin sisters, and my best friends are stopping by Saturday. The more, the merrier

 

[estesbob]

He is average with a “beer” belly. He originally told me about her because he thought we would make such good friend because we have a lot in common

It will be interesting is how this weekend goes. It would be great if you’re all became friends as a couple with all activities being as a couple. I don’t believe it’s proper for him to spend a lot of time with her whether ia a person, on the phone, or e-mailing.

Perhaps this will be like the old country song- her husband doesn’t show up this weekend but sends a message he is at home cleaning his guns

 

[kevinsgirl]

Ok…now I want to know what movies they’re gonna be watching…

But…seriously…she should not be coming over to watch movies with your DH. He is married and so is she.

Would you let your 14 year old son have a girl over to watch movies all day while you were at work?

And I’d be willing to bet she’d have to go before you got there to meet her.

 

[duskyjewel]

Say no. It’s your house.

 

[MCGar]

I am furious. My husband told me that her husband isn’t coming and that she is going to be watching movies at my house w/ my husband while I am at work and I am supposed to meet her afterward. I told him that I want to meet her as I feel threatened. He said that if I meet her and don’t like her, that I could tell him and he will drop her like a hot potato. My mother, twin sisters, and my best friends are stopping by Saturday. The more, the merrier

Actually no, Carjack, she will not go to your house to watch movies with your husband until you get off work. That is not going to happen because your husband will respect you and not invite her to come over until you are home to meet her.

Call your husband up and let him know the new plans.

It really sounds like this lady has a crush on your hubby and he isn’t doing her any favors by indulging in teenage behavior with her. (Hanging out watching movies while ‘mommy’ is away).

p.s. movies aren’t that so darn important that he’s willing to undermine you to watch them with her while you aren’t home.

 

[estesbob]

I am furious. My husband told me that her husband isn’t coming and that she is going to be watching movies at my house w/ my husband while I am at work and I am supposed to meet her afterward. I told him that I want to meet her as I feel threatened. He said that if I meet her and don’t like her, that I could tell him and he will drop her like a hot potato. My mother, twin sisters, and my best friends are stopping by Saturday. The more, the merrier

NO!!! She should not be coming to your house to watch movies when you are not there. IMO he needs to dop her like a hot porato NOW!

 

[MCGar]

At the VERY LEAST, you get off work super early and suprise them at your home.

Catch them unguarded and see if this lady dislikes you horning in on their ‘alone’ time.

That might tell you what sort of action to take from there.

But, seriously, she shouldn’t be at your house at all without you there.

 

[SeekerJen]

At the VERY LEAST, you get off work super early and suprise them at your home.

Catch them unguarded and see if this lady dislikes you horning in on their ‘alone’ time.

That might tell you what sort of action to take from there.

But, seriously, she shouldn’t be at your house at all without you there.

That’s my suggestion as well, unless there’s some way you can go home for lunch as a surprise.

You are most certainly not overreacting, carjack. I would be livid if my husband were doing similar.

 

[duskyjewel]

See where this is going? Carjack is dragging her family and friends into policing her husband. She might come home from work early to police her husband. This is ridiculous. No woman should have to do this.

Personally, I would tell him that if she comes to my home, I won’t come back to it. A marriage where your husband has absolutely no respect for you is not a marriage!

 

[MCGar]

That’s my suggestion as well, unless there’s some way you can go home for lunch as a surprise.

You are most certainly not overreacting, carjack. I would be livid if my husband were doing similar.

Actually, I’m also thinking that her sisters and mom should pop in soon after this lady arrives.

“Hey Carjack’s hubby! Carjack told us you were having a movie day so we brought popcorn! Oh hi new lady! We’ve heard so much about you. Do you like this genre in movies? Sit right next to us and tell us all about yourself!”

But again, I emphasize that this lady shouldn’t even be over at Carjacks house in the first place without Carjack there.

 

[C2K2]

See where this is going? Carjack is dragging her family and friends into policing her husband. She might come home from work early to police her husband. This is ridiculous. No woman should have to do this.

Personally, I would tell him that if she comes to my home, I won’t come back to it. A marriage where your husband has absolutely no respect for you is not a marriage!

Ditto. You deserve to be treated with respect by both parties.

 

[MCGar]

See where this is going? Carjack is dragging her family and friends into policing her husband. She might come home from work early to police her husband. This is ridiculous. No woman should have to do this.

Personally, I would tell him that if she comes to my home, I won’t come back to it. A marriage where your husband has absolutely no respect for you is not a marriage!

You are completely right duskyjewel.

I want to know what the desparate need to watch movies alone at her house is all about? Why is it so important for them to do? She has every right to put her foot down and stop all ‘friendship’ activity until her husband and her have gone over every issue of inappropriateness.

 

[whatevergirl]

I am furious. My husband told me that her husband isn’t coming and that she is going to be watching movies at my house w/ my husband while I am at work and I am supposed to meet her afterward. I told him that I want to meet her as I feel threatened. He said that if I meet her and don’t like her, that I could tell him and he will drop her like a hot potato. My mother, twin sisters, and my best friends are stopping by Saturday. The more, the merrier

This shouldn’t be happening. Why is this woman coming over to your house, hanging out with your hubby all day, when you’re not home? Noooooooooooooo…please…tell her no. Has nothing to do with liking her or not. There is no reason for these games.

Your husband would not like, I repeat, would not like you bringing over a pal from work who’s a guy, who you find ‘cute’ and ‘muscular’ for movies all day, while he’s at work. AS SOON AS YOU SAID YOU FELT THREATENED, your hubby should have said…no to this girl coming over.

I am not done! I have to go to my dd’s open house tonight…but I’ll be back! alas!

I’m sorry though.

 

[MCGar]

Your husband would not like, I repeat, would not like you bringing over a pal from work who’s a guy, who you find ‘cute’ and ‘muscular’ for movies all day, while he’s at work. AS SOON AS YOU SAID YOU FELT THREATENED, your hubby should have said…no to this girl coming over.

.

Carjack you need to point this out to your husband!

 

[rick43235]

I do not object to opposite sex friends. Some people will tell you that no married person should have opposite sex friends, but I do not agree that anyone has to be that strict.

I agree that friends of the opposite sex can be OK. As it happens, I have a few such friends myself.

I seriously doubt anything is going on However I just don’t think this is a healthy relationship for your husband to be in.

Given the circumstances, I agree. Maybe nothing “bad” is going on, but I don’t see anything good coming from this either.

Personally, I would tell him that if she comes to my home, I won’t come back to it.

Now, **that’s **just a bit extreme.