Am I overreacting and worrying too much

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duskyjewel said:
Honey, I think it is time for you to admit to yourself that this marriage was a MISTAKE. I don’t say that based only on this thread, but on several others combined with this one.

Others may accuse me of being too flippant about advising an end to marriage. I really am not. This is what I really feel and think based on everything I have read from you over the last few weeks/months. This situation is BAD for you and he has no willingness to change anything for your benefit. You are torturing yourself trying to figure out how to be better for him, how to keep him feeling happy and secure. Do you think he is doing that for YOU? :nope:
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I have to agree with this post, Carjack. I’ve followed your posts since you joined, and there are many times that I’ve felt that your husband doesn’t treat you the way you should be treated. And based on some of your history with him, I don’t think you maybe had the best foundation for your marriage. And since your marriage isn’t blessed yet, this is something you at least need to consider.

I don’t think you should jump into any decisions based on what we have observed, but duskyjewel brings up some very good points. We all just want you to be treated respectfully and lovingly, Carjack, and that doesn’t seem to be happening. :hug1:
 
estesbob said:
How dare you. How dare you come into an Internet forum and advise somebody to end their marriage. If I was a moderator I would ban you for life.
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With all due respect, estesbob, there’s a lot more background to Carjack’s story and that is what duskyjewel and I are referring to.

Her marriage is not blessed…it is a civil marriage according to my understanding.
 
kevinsgirl said:
With all due respect, estesbob, there’s a lot more background on this. And that is what duskyjewel and I are referring to.

Her marriage is not blessed…it is a civil marriage according to my understanding.
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She would be an utter fool if she takes advice from anonymous internet posters to end her mnarriage, Regardless of what you think you know you should be ashamed of yourself for suggesting it.
 
Carjack1 said:
He doesn’t believe in counseling:rolleyes: :rolleyes: He is athiest, otherwise I would bring up Christ and His Church.
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But YOU can get counseling, either from the above on line resource or your priest. Please take this to someone other than an internet forum. Get thee to a Priest, get some help for yourself and then for your marriage.
 
estesbob said:
She would be an utter fool if she takes advice from anonymous internet posters to end her mnarriage, Regardless of what you think you know you should be ashamed of yourself for suggesting it.
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**
Does that mean she would be an utter fool for taking ANY advice offered in this thread? No, of course not!

If she were to decide to end her marriage it would be her choice. She would not read one sentence on an internet forum and say “well, I guess I have to do that now”. But she does have to realize that it is also an option for her. How can she make an informed decision if she doesn’t have all of the information?

In my personal opinion i think she should go for counselling first…with or without her hubby. It will help her put things in their proper perspective. She can then decide how to proceed.
**
 
duskyjewel said:
Carjack, I am so sorry you are going through this. You and I have had our heated moments on the board…I know :hug1: . but no one deserves this.

Honey, I think it is time for you to admit to yourself that this marriage was a MISTAKEI don’t blame you for coming to this conclusion. I don’t say that based only on this thread, but on several others combined with this one.

Your husband is a bully, he is controlling, he manipulates you and treats you like a child. He says mean things to you to make you blame yourself for the horrible things HE does. Abusers have extremely good radar when seeking potential victims. He probably could tell right away that you have self-esteem issues and that he would be able to use those to keep you there cooking and cleaning for himHe does this. I don’t know how to cook, but I understand what you mean, giving him sex when he wants itVery infrequently as I am a newly wed:( , bringing in money from your job, all while giving him an outlet for his need to hurt and humiliate someone. And you would blame yourself and think you just needed to work harder to make/keep him happy.

The only thing worse than making a mistake is holding onto it and continuing to make it over and over again, and to make it for your children, out of the pride of refusing to admit to yourself that you made a mistake.IDusky, I love my husband, it has nothing to do with being too prideful to make mistakes Imagine him treating your babies like he treats you… that should be enough to make you break the four minute mile running away from him!

The humiliation and pain of admitting such a huge mistake, the regret of feeling like you wasted years, will be hard to live through. But it will be nothing compared to the pain and sorrow you will live with for decades if you choose to keep trying to keep and please this man.

Others may accuse me of being too flippant about advising an end to marriage. I really am not. This is what I really feel and think based on everything I have read from you over the last few weeks/months. This situation is BAD for you and he has no willingness to change anything for your benefitHe is doing NFP which I thought would never happen. He is going to go to RCIA and be open. I NEVER thought he would do that… You are torturing yourself trying to figure out how to be better for him, how to keep him feeling happy and secure. Do you think he is doing that for YOU? :nope:
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He tries in small ways :o .
 
estesbob said:
How dare you. How dare you come into an Internet forum and advise somebody to end their marriage. If I was a moderator I would ban you for life.
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estesbob said:
She would be an utter fool if she takes advice from anonymous internet posters to end her mnarriage, Regardless of what you think you know you should be ashamed of yourself for suggesting it.
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Dude, she asked our opinions. I am giving her mine, based on my experience of her story, which, as I said, is WAY more than this thread! The Church herself will dissolve a marriage to a non-believer in favor of a believer being free to marry validly as a Christian. Why am I wrong to advise she consider that option for herself? And she has so many other reasons above and beyond that…

ETA: judging from the above post, Carjack can obviously think for herself and choose not to take all of my advice. I offer my opinion, you offer yours, and she chooses her own way between them.
 
Carjack1 said:
He tries in small ways :o .
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I think from the outside looking in, it’s easy to give advice. I will say though that if he is an atheist, but is willing to go to RCIA, then that is a start for sure. Being an atheist, he might not see all of the moral ramifications to actions that seem benign, like texting a female coworker. Texting a female coworker is an innocent and benign thing–in and of itself. But, she has shown signs of wanting to be more than friends, and his reactions are what is leaving you puzzled and hurt.

I am an optimist–best case scenario…your husband apologizes, and spends Labor Day weekend making it as special for you both, as possible. (complete with rose petals sprinkled in a warm bubble bath, for example–or you could hint that to him ha!)😉 😃

I have hope for your marriage, but only if you and he work on this situation together. I think you are too hurt to just push it under the carpet…and hopefully, he will see that your feelings matter the most.

Hugs to you, carjack. I haven’t noticed your other stories about your marriage, but my prayers are with you for things to improve!! Stay close to Jesus.:o
 
I am going to heavily consider counseling. Thank you everyone for your advice.
 
I’m praying too. Carjack, if he agrees to counseling and then becomes a good husband, well, coming from where y’all have been… that would be a real testament of his love for you, because it would take a lot of hard work to get there. I don’t think it’s impossible… I just don’t want you to look back 30 years from now and think, “Why did I do this to my life?” I want you to know no one is obligated to put up with being treated as badly as you have been. Remember… he’s supposed to be willing to swim through shark-infested waters to bring his parched beloved a lemonade! 😉
 
Carjack1 said:
:crying:

So. My husband made a new friend at work. Her name is “Belinda”. She is always texting and talking to him He spent all day with her Saturday because I was working. She didn’t want to come in and meet me because she is not good at first meetings and it is nothing personal:rolleyes: Supposedly her husband is the jealous type(which is strange because she has all the time to do this) My husband shows me all of her texts. He doesn’t go and hide from me when he is on the phone with her. (which is a good sign). He mentioned that she is “cute” and slender, which in turn made me insecure, because I am overweight. I don’t know. I feel like I am overreacting. I don’t want to seem like I am a jealous psycho. I want to meet this woman and feel that I have every right to. If I was hanging out with somebody’s husband I would introduce myself since I don’t have any inappropriate intentions.
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From Dr. Lauras book on the 10 things people do to mess up their relationships. ANY relationship with a member of the opposite sex beyond necessary profesional interation is questionable at best. maybe get the book and leave it open to the chapter?
 
estesbob: I haven’t been on the forums nearly as much as you have (seeing your 13,541 posts)…but over the past few years, I must have seen DOZENS of past instances where “anonymous internet posters” advised someone on this forum to end their marriage. It seems a little odd that you waited until now to make your concerns known.
estesbob said:
She would be an utter fool if she takes advice from anonymous internet posters to end her mnarriage, Regardless of what you think you know you should be ashamed of yourself for suggesting it.
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estesbob said:
Let me be a little blunter. The idea that anyone could read through this thread and tell your marriage was a mistake is complete and utter nonsense…
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Whilst I have read some truly atrocious statements from Bob on these forums of late - I do agree with him on this one.

Having said that, if one comes to a public forum and asks for advice, one should expect a diversity of opinion. take everything with a **handful **of salt!
 
Good news! My husband calmed down yesterday. The woman called yesterday and asked if she could meet me after church Sunday. She doesn’t want my husband to go. (which I think is weird)🤷 Should I go. She said something to the effect that she can’t hang out with both of us at the same time. Should I go?
 
Carjack1 said:
Good news! My husband calmed down yesterday. The woman called yesterday and asked if she could meet me after church Sunday. She doesn’t want my husband to go. (which I think is weird)🤷 Should I go. She said something to the effect that she can’t hang out with both of us at the same time. Should I go?
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This is such a head scratcher! LOL
She can’t hang out with you both at the same time? Huh? I guess I am having trouble wondering why this woman is spending so much time on you…your husband…it is odd, to me. I would meet her…what the hey. You might end up liking her. I try to give ppl the benefit of the doubt. But, I don’t understand why she can’t meet you both together. I hesitate to speculate as to the reasons why…but, if you feel comfortable…sure, meet her.

IN A PUBLIC PLACE THOUGH. LOL Like if she says…I’ll drive, and then you start going down a secluded path into the woods…I’d be worried! ha I’m kidding. 😛 Let’s hope it’s a good encounter!
 
1ke said:
No you are not overreacting. This is how affairs begin.

Your husband is not being prudent, he is disrespecting you, and he is playing with fire.

There is no room for opposite sex friendships of this nature for a married man. He needs to stop it NOW. He is receiving something emotionally from this and it needs to STOP.
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ITA with this.

You and your marriage should be placed FAR above this friendship of his. He especially should not be complementing her to you! :eek:

hugs all the best
 
whatevergirl said:
This is such a head scratcher! LOL
She can’t hang out with you both at the same time?That is so weird. My husband thought it was off and texted her What’s up with that? Huh? I guess I am having trouble wondering why this woman is spending so much time on you…your husband…it is odd, to me. I would meet her…what the hey. You might end up liking her. I try to give ppl the benefit of the doubt. But, I don’t understand why she can’t meet you both together. I hesitate to speculate as to the reasons why…but, if you feel comfortable…sure, meet her.

IN A PUBLIC PLACE THOUGH. LOL Like if she says…I’ll drive, and then you start going down a secluded path into the woods…I’d be worried! ha I’m kidding. 😛 Let’s hope it’s a good encounter!Yeah let’s hope. Being that my family is from NY. I don’t go into cars with people I don’t know. lol. 😛
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Carjack1 said:
Good news! My husband calmed down yesterday. The woman called yesterday and asked if she could meet me after church Sunday. She doesn’t want my husband to go. (which I think is weird)🤷 Should I go. She said something to the effect that she can’t hang out with both of us at the same time. Should I go?
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Yes, but IMO it seems like she might have a bit of a thing for him :cool: . I would definitely go and just be cordial to her and see what she has to say.
 
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