Am I overreacting?

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lovedance4ever said:
Perhaps this is a silly question, but I had a conversation with a guy that has left me shaken. He has been pushing and pushing for a relationship, but I have insisted that I only want to remain friends for various reasons.

Well, yesterday he wrote to me and said the following:

“If I rape you and you conceive, you will have to be with me and you won’t be able to work. And I know you won’t abort.”

One of the reasons I had told him would keep a relationship from working between us is the line of work I am going into. It will require a lot of travel on short notice; that is why he said that bit about how a baby would keep me from working.

Quite frankly, this scared me. Maybe I am overreacting, but at the same time, I feel like he was being serious. He is obsessed with me, and I am afraid he might take it to another level or something.

Should I report this to the police? He lives out of town, but knows where I live. At this point there probably is nothing I can do. Will you pray for me? This whole thing has made me sick to my stomach and uneasy.

Thanks folks. Blessings to you all!
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Call the police. You have actual written proof. See if you can get an order of protection if he is not arrested.
 
lovedance4ever said:
Perhaps this is a silly question, but I had a conversation with a guy that has left me shaken. He has been pushing and pushing for a relationship, but I have insisted that I only want to remain friends for various reasons.

Well, yesterday he wrote to me and said the following:

“If I rape you and you conceive, you will have to be with me and you won’t be able to work. And I know you won’t abort.”

One of the reasons I had told him would keep a relationship from working between us is the line of work I am going into. It will require a lot of travel on short notice; that is why he said that bit about how a baby would keep me from working.

Quite frankly, this scared me. Maybe I am overreacting, but at the same time, I feel like he was being serious. He is obsessed with me, and I am afraid he might take it to another level or something.

Should I report this to the police? He lives out of town, but knows where I live. At this point there probably is nothing I can do. Will you pray for me? This whole thing has made me sick to my stomach and uneasy.

Thanks folks. Blessings to you all!
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I think you should report the note to the police immediately, and then try to get a restraining order against this guy.
 
This is quite serious. Don’t have anything more to do with him, in my opinion.

You don’t have to get a restraining order against him, but you should probably tell someone else about it, just in case something happens to you.

God bless.
 
Get Mace and carry it with you. My daughter carries it with her when she walks the dog.
This will give you a chance in a bad situation. Mace dosen’t hurt anyone but it will stop them. It is inexpensive and easy to use. You might want several. Car, bedroom, purse, livingroom. Even if he doesn’t do anything, it still is good to have it.

You might want to vary your habits a bit as well.
 
Thanks for all the answers, everyone.

I’m really depressed now. My father is furious with me about this whole thing…he feels like I have been dishonest and that this is my fault. We called the police and while the officer was here, my dad made me feel so stupid. I know I did not make the best of choices, but I feel so awful right now.

A lot of bad has happened to me over the past year, and I cannot take much more of this stress. I don’t want to live anymore…I feel so alone and like very few people understand what is really going on. Please pray for me. I am not sure how much more I can take.
 
lovedance4ever said:
Thanks for all the answers, everyone.

I’m really depressed now. My father is furious with me about this whole thing…he feels like I have been dishonest and that this is my fault. We called the police and while the officer was here, my dad made me feel so stupid. I know I did not make the best of choices, but I feel so awful right now.

A lot of bad has happened to me over the past year, and I cannot take much more of this stress. I don’t want to live anymore…I feel so alone and like very few people understand what is really going on. Please pray for me. I am not sure how much more I can take.
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I assume that you are a legal adult? I don’t remember specifics, but I do seem to remember that your situation with your parents is less than ideal. This snippet demonstrates that ably. Your father’s behavior is inexcusable.

For today, get out of that house and to the house of someone who will be kind and understanding with you. I’m not saying you need to move out, just that right now, at this moment, you are in a very unhappy and vulnerable place. Frankly, what you need is a little old-fashioned mothering, whether from a mom-figure or a friend who, like all good friends, can step into those sorts of shoes occasionally. When I was single and had had a horrible thing happen, I was very lucky in that I could go to my best friend’s place and be assured of getting tea, cookies, a listening ear, and sympathy. You need that right now. Any friend worthy of the title would want a call like that when you’re unhappy and something so scary and depressing has happened.

Take care of yourself, honey. ((hugs))
 
lovesdance4ever said:

“My father is furious with me about this whole thing…he feels like I have been dishonest and that this is my fault. We called the police and while the officer was here, my dad made me feel so stupid. I know I did not make the best of choices, but I feel so awful right now.”

Tell him that. Tell him that his reaction is making you wonder whether you should share information with him in future. Ask him if that’s what he wants. You are a legal adult. From now on, your life is not going to be an open book to your parents, unless that’s what you choose. You are going to make a lot of mistakes in the next few years, but it would be nice if you could have open communications with your parents, even if you don’t tell them every single thing you’re doing every minute of the day.

Of course, it is possible you are misreading your dad. He may be feeling protective and angry, and since the guy isn’t at hand, the only person to take his feelings of anger out on is you. That is messed up, but it’s very human. He also probably felt embarrassed (nobody likes having the police outside their home), which is also messed up, but also human.

“A lot of bad has happened to me over the past year, and I cannot take much more of this stress. I don’t want to live anymore…I feel so alone and like very few people understand what is really going on. Please pray for me. I am not sure how much more I can take.”

Nothing seriously bad has happened to you with this guy yet, except discovering that he isn’t as nice as you thought he was. Figuring out whether people are nicer than they seem or not as nice as they seem and how much to trust people you don’t know very well is one of the major learning experiences of young adulthood. So far, this has been an inexpensive lesson. Keep it that way.

Get yourself to your college counseling office and your college chaplain every week until you feel better.

Keep safe!
 
Cut off all contact, file a report with the police and get a restraining order.

Please understand what a restraining order is, and is not. You live in the United States, therefore the police are under no obligation to protect you as an individual. Even a restraining order does not place any additional obligations on the police to provide for your protection. They can not be held liable even if they fail to respond to a call from you if the subject violates the restraining order and attacks you.

It is simply an order from a judge to him placing restrictions on his contact with you, and indicating there will be penalties imposed on him for violating it. If you get one, report all violations and keep a record of them. Preserve any evidence of his violations- texts, emails, video recordings of him approaching you etc.

Maintain vigilance at all times. There are other steps you can take depending on your jurisdiction depending on your mental state, how much you value your life and what steps you’re willing to take to preserve it.
 
Xantippe said:
Of course, it is possible you are misreading your dad. He may be feeling protective and angry, and since the guy isn’t at hand, the only person to take his feelings of anger out on is you. That is messed up, but it’s very human. He also probably felt embarrassed (nobody likes having the police outside their home), which is also messed up, but also human.
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I imagine this is correct. Men have a habit of projecting anger over situations they don’t feel that they have control over, and some men will project that anger at the nearest available target. At the heart of this anger is probably a feeling that he let you down and is no longer capable of correcting that.

You have my prayers. Please take care of yourself and seek whatever assistance counsellors and/or a trusted priest can provide you.
 
lovedance4ever said:
Thanks for all the answers, everyone.

I’m really depressed now. My father is furious with me about this whole thing…he feels like I have been dishonest and that this is my fault. We called the police and while the officer was here, my dad made me feel so stupid. I know I did not make the best of choices, but I feel so awful right now.

A lot of bad has happened to me over the past year, and I cannot take much more of this stress. I don’t want to live anymore…I feel so alone and like very few people understand what is really going on. Please pray for me. I am not sure how much more I can take.
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Your father is furious because some guy threatened to rape you so he could have you under his control? Are you sure your dad is not just angry because he is worried about you? How on earth could that possibly be your fault?!? :confused:

I’m glad to hear the police have a statement from you, at any rate. That is good.
 
If this is the guy in India (or some other non-US citizen), I wonder how hard it would be to put something in his file with the State Department (or whoever now handles visas). The bureaucracy may be difficult to deal with, but it might be possible to make it more difficult for him to travel to the US. You’ve now got a police report, which is very important in this type of situation.
 
Xantippe said:
If this is the guy in India (or some other non-US citizen), I wonder how hard it would be to put something in his file with the State Department (or whoever now handles visas). The bureaucracy may be difficult to deal with, but it might be possible to make it more difficult for him to travel to the US. You’ve now got a police report, which is very important in this type of situation.
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Thank you for your concern! This is not the guy from India.

The guy who said this was one of my “friends” for a while. Then he started pushing for a relationship…and this happened. But my friend from India has been nothing but a gentleman.
 
Friends do not threaten to rape friends please put a restraint order on this guy now.
 
lovedance4ever said:
Thank you for your concern! This is not the guy from India.

The guy who said this was one of my “friends” for a while. Then he started pushing for a relationship…and this happened. But my friend from India has been nothing but a gentleman.
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I can’t imagine how difficult this must be. Hang in there!!
 
I was previously assuming the guy was way, way long distance. If he is local, I don’t think you can overreact.
 
The police need to have a talk with this creep immediately. :eek: God bless.Rob
 
lovedance4ever said:
A lot of bad has happened to me over the past year, and I cannot take much more of this stress. I don’t want to live anymore…I feel so alone and like very few people understand what is really going on. Please pray for me. I am not sure how much more I can take.
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I most certainly will pray for you. Your life will get better, I promise you it will. Life can be very hard sometimes but the darkness does not last forever. I know -I know from personal experience and the experience of others around me. Your father reacted badly, but if he didn’t care he wouldn’t react at all. He’s probably scared for you and it expressed it very poorly.
You will get through this. Life will get better.:hug1:
 
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