Am I the grumpy lady on the block?

Status
Not open for further replies.
I never said she should not minister to the children. She has already been doing that but these kids are now acting as though they are welcome at her house when the family is not even there. Again, this is a situation that is dangerous to the children and could result in liability to her family. It is kind and very Christian of her to give food to the hungry, but don’t we also have a responsibility to protect our families from dangerous or risky situations?

What are we supposed to do, just ignore child neglect or take it on as our personal mission? We do what we can but when parents go as far as turning kids out from dawn to dark? The children need caring for - can one outside family do that? Not really. Next level - can the neighborhood do something? Perhaps, if they feel responsible and involved enough. The most Christian thing to do would be to take 2 or 3 of the neighbor men and go and talk to the fathers in the house about what is happening. And I don’t mean the basketball hoop trespassing, but the kids being left just roaming and begging for food and attention.

Then, if they can’t get through to the fathers or mothers of the children, what should happen next? Contact the families’ church? Yes, if they have one.

What does her husband say about the situation? Has anyone talked to the parents of these kids?

And just for the record, I have fed and taken care of children who were basically homeless, like these kids, and I am not a curmudgeon at all.
 
agapewolf said:
Pick a happy medium…

Contact the parents and tell them you are worried about potential injuries when you are not there supervising. Also tell them their kids ask for things to eat…and you are worried about food allergies.

But you can also say they are welcome when you are there.
Click to expand...
^^This

You can behave charitably and set boundaries 😉

A lot of families are in tough situations right now. Two families in a house does not automatically equal abuse or neglect. In many cultures (and in the US not too long ago) this would be considered perfectly normal. There’s probably not much room in the house, and the kids like to be outside.

I have been in this situation before. I would offer the kids snacks, and let them play with my kids and join in our activities. But I made it clear that they couldn’t play in our yard if we weren’t home. You don’t have to be mean about it, just explain they could get hurt and no one would be here. Of course these kids were basically good kids, they weren’t destroying stuff or being rude. This really wasn’t a situation of parents who “neglected” their kids, as much as parents who had to work a lot to support them and weren’t around a lot.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
What are we supposed to do, just ignore child neglect or take it on as our personal mission? We do what we can but when parents go as far as turning kids out from dawn to dark?
Click to expand...
How is that neglect? I hope that our neighborhoods haven’t become so dangerous that children can’t walk around and play games until dark. You get good exercise in and you aren’t cooped up in a small house playing video games and eating cheetos.
 
Well, since I don’t know the families involved, including what relationship they might have (sisters, brothers, in-laws, cousins, etc.) I will withdraw from speculation.

I know I would not want kids on my property when I was not home. That’s it. If they are wandering around all day, I would be concerned. I would worry about them. I might talk to someone in the house, or ask the kids what the situation is.

From there, I’m not sure what I would do next.

I wish the OP luck with the situation.
 
When I was a kid we did that a lot…we just took the entire neighborhood as our own personal backyard. So did other kids in the neighborhood. It wasn’t a big deal. It was a small town and we knew all of the neighbors, and as PP has stated, we never went into anyone’s house or anything unless invited (and no one’s doors were locked). The one lady who did yell at us to not walk on her property - we sure did consider her mean. We weren’t bothering anyone, we were just out and about and maybe a certain yard had a good hill or boulder or swingset in it to play on, so we’d go there.

To me people are way too insular and won’t even let their kids play outside of the yard…and where does that get us but obese kids with no attention spans due to TV and video games. Everywhere now there are suburbs where no one knows any of their neighbors - they only leave the house in their car for school or work. And people are so afraid of others suing and liability - well sheesh, if we had a sense of community, we would have some trust in our neighbors.

This is not explicitly directed at the OP, just my general observations.
 
the liability part is what I would be concerned about.

even if you have a situation as ridiculous as a robber getting bitten by a dog - and the judge has his head screwed on straight and tells the guy he’s an idiot and has no case - it still costs money to get a lawyer in the first place.

I agree with agapewolf. maybe the parents aren’t aware of exactly where their kids are. I don’t think that’s uncommon at all, actually. asking about food allergies is a tactful way of letting the adults know their kids are getting food from somewhere else, and at the same time shows concern. I would definitely stress the fact that they’re hanging around when you’re not home, though. Even without the possibility of someone suing, and even if they’re good kids that don’t destroy stuff, there should be someone around to call for help.

Maybe do a walk-through of your yard and make sure there are no holes where someone can twist an ankle… just in case… :rolleyes:
 
NSFrame said:
When I was a kid we did that a lot…we just took the entire neighborhood as our own personal backyard. So did other kids in the neighborhood. It wasn’t a big deal. It was a small town and we knew all of the neighbors, and as PP has stated, we never went into anyone’s house or anything unless invited (and no one’s doors were locked). The one lady who did yell at us to not walk on her property - we sure did consider her mean. We weren’t bothering anyone, we were just out and about and maybe a certain yard had a good hill or boulder or swingset in it to play on, so we’d go there.

To me people are way too insular and won’t even let their kids play outside of the yard…and where does that get us but obese kids with no attention spans due to TV and video games. Everywhere now there are suburbs where no one knows any of their neighbors - they only leave the house in their car for school or work. And people are so afraid of others suing and liability - well sheesh, if we had a sense of community, we would have some trust in our neighbors.

This is not explicitly directed at the OP, just my general observations.
Click to expand...
Same here, NSFrame! 🙂

Howdy neighbor! 👋

:blessyou:
 
NSFrame said:
When I was a kid we did that a lot…we just took the entire neighborhood as our own personal backyard. So did other kids in the neighborhood. It wasn’t a big deal. It was a small town and we knew all of the neighbors, and as PP has stated, we never went into anyone’s house or anything unless invited (and no one’s doors were locked). The one lady who did yell at us to not walk on her property - we sure did consider her mean. We weren’t bothering anyone, we were just out and about and maybe a certain yard had a good hill or boulder or swingset in it to play on, so we’d go there.
Click to expand...
See, I don’t think there is a an absolute “right” or “wrong” answer to this question.

It was once very common to see children outside from dawn till dusk when school was not in session. In many places this has not changed. So I don’t think this can be called neglect unless there are additional factors involved.

There are liability issues that probably weren’t an issue when I was a child. And different areas have different “rules” about what constitutes boundaries. It was my experience as a child that places where fenced yards were the norm tended to have more of a sense of “my property/your property” than did places where fences were only used to keep pools, animals, or plants secured. In some places back yards/gardens were understood to be private while front yards were not. I think today neighborhoods with HOAs, CC&Rs, and/or people who tend to spend lots of effort making their front yard look beautiful are more likely to view the front of the property as private.

The “problem” arises when a child or home resident does not respect the unwritten policy of the region. But obviously the adult’s opinion wins over the child’s opinion. If that means the adult is viewed as grumpy then, “Oh Well!” 🤷 But the adult must understand that children don’t know the adult rules unless the adult informs them and enforces those rules.
 
no biggie imo as long as they don´t break anything on purpose. Nice to see that they made friends with your kids and hang out together I mean if they just came over to play in your drive way and wouldn´t allow your own kids to join the fun that would be a different animal but it s all good it seems. Especially at the age around 10 and younger when you play hide and seek for instance you simply hide anywhere, doesn´t matter where cause most important thing is that the others won´t find you
 
You know, I never called grownups “Sir” or “Ma’am” when I was a kid because my parents never taught me when it would be appropriate to do so. But I would have!

These kids probably do not know what is appropriate behavior and what is not. And of course, since it’s your yard, you get to set the boundary. But they won’t magically know what that is, and kids don’t necessarily take the “dropped hint” too well: I agree with previous posters that you should just make the “house rules” very explicit.

For awhile, I lived in a military housing area with LOTS of kids (48 in 18 houses clustered together) and a few moms even posted written “house rules” by the door. (Shoes off, Food Stays in the Kitchen, You Play With It = You Put it Away, No Name Calling, etc.) Their “daily visitors” understood that even if they left their own rooms a pigsty, they couldn’t do this at their friends’ house.

Good luck! I hope this works as an opportunity to share your faith in your everyday life!
 
Are they vandalizing your property? Are they leaving litter and a mess behind? Are they going into your shed/garage to get the basketball so that they can use the hoop?

IF you raise a big stink over - what is in my opinion really nothing - you are going to cost your kids friendships, embarrass them and possibly create a very tense/awkward situation on the street.

As long as they are not causing damages, you can either deal with it, or take the BBall hoop down.
 
I think this is an issue of liability and boundaries. Not every kid who hangs out at other’s houses is abused and neglected, sometime they just grow up in a household where they aren’t taught about boundaries.

I would tell them they can’t play in your yard when you aren’t home and inforce it. We are going to have to do this this coming summer at our new house as the two houses on the culdesac with school aged kids both tend to leave their toys and scooters and bike EVERYWHERE. It hasn’t been so bad in the winter, but summer is like an obsticle course trying to drive out of our street. Are these parents a little irresponsible with their kids…In my opinion yes, but they certainly aren’t neglectful or abusive.

Also it’s a huge liability issue especially if you have animals or any special playsets or a trampoline. We had this problem years ago at my mom’s house when one families kids used to play with the other neighbors lifestock or tramplines when they weren’t home. It actually went to the HOA because the parents would not make them stop and everyone was really worried they would get hurt.

Address it first with the kids, and if that has no effect talk to the parents.
 
Merie said:
For awhile, I lived in a military housing area with LOTS of kids (48 in 18 houses clustered together) and a few moms even posted written “house rules” by the door. (Shoes off, Food Stays in the Kitchen, You Play With It = You Put it Away, No Name Calling, etc.) Their “daily visitors” understood that even if they left their own rooms a pigsty, they couldn’t do this at their friends’ house.
Click to expand...
I love this! I think adults should be welcoming to kids but also be able to enforce “discipline” on them as well. Those were smart mothers.
 
NSFrame said:
I love this! I think adults should be welcoming to kids but also be able to enforce “discipline” on them as well. Those were smart mothers.
Click to expand...
It probably wouldn’t work anywhere but a military base.

😃
 
My house is also a magnet. When I feel overrun, it’s often because I’m an introvert, and an open door policy is really hard for us, because we never know when people are going to show up and need attention. I try to think of them as guests looking for love, rather than a horde of kids in my face, but sometimes it’s hard! They have to follow the house rules, I limit snacks to one unless they clearly need a meal, and if they ever want to come inside, even just to use the bathroom, I have to have a parental phone number. If they can’t come up with that, then they can use the bathroom down the street at the park.

It’s tiring sometimes, but I see over and over, as the only full time mom in my neighborhood and one of few at school, that a lot of kids need more mothering than they are getting, and it’s my privilege to provide that. I have lunch at my kids’ school, and other kids flock to the table because they want to tell an adult what they are proud of or what conflict they have or whatever.

As an introvert, I find it very hard sometimes, but i remember that when my mom was emotionally absent, I always had surrogates to go to.
 
EvelynEVF , May the Lord bless you , strengthen you and give you abundant grace and love to share with those who God has put in your path…
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top