Am I the only wife who has a higher libido than her husband?

[DaveBj]

Not only are you alone, you are mythical and don’t really exist yourself. All women are complicated and require approximately 5,423 criteria to be satisfied before they can be in the mood, many of which are only achievable between the hours of 1pm and 5pm (doh!). It’s all rather bewildering. She’s got it easy. All she needs to do is check me for a heartbeat to know…

Please do not disabuse me of this notion that all women are more complicated than a Ferrari with Lucas electronics. I need it to be true. Thanks!

No one else has said it, so I will:



(BTW, the comment about the Lucas electronic did not fly over my head unnoticed )

 

[manualman]

No one else has said it, so I will:



(BTW, the comment about the Lucas electronic did not fly over my head unnoticed )

Yeah, well all those other mythical ‘high libido’ women posting aren’t helping, are they? I refused to look at their names and am going with the position that they are each actually chain-smoking 58 year old men trolling the forum to mess with me…

As practical help for the OP, the book “The 5 Love Languages” is an eye opener. If your spouse doesn’t naturally relate to the “physical touch” love language and you do, it’s difficult to believe that they aren’t rejecting YOU when they refuse an, um, opportunity. The book really does explain why. Read the stinkin’ book over and over again until you begin to believe it.

And if it helps, you can choose to believe that men are ALL just egotistical big talkers who like to project the sexuality of a Greek god, but really are almost always too tired to light the fire. Maybe all you hear to the contrary is just internet trolls…

 

[manualman]

…I can only see myself with … a woman who would have the desire to have intercourse with her husband every single day.

Better not get married until you get this ridiculous notion out of your head. Seriously, foolish expectations are the largest cause of marital strife out there. Want to have a happy marriage someday? Start now by altering your expectation statement above by removing the word ‘day’ and putting ‘month’ in there. Then you’ll be delighted most months when your expectations are exceeded. But right now, you’re on an express train to misery and eventual divorce. Sex in American culture is selfish. That’s corrupt. Marital intimacy is about giving to each other, not ‘getting.’ The only way to avoid being washed away by the sick secular culture is to recognize and actively resist their influence in your mind. Think about it.

 

[johnnyjones]

Better not get married until you get this ridiculous notion out of your head. Seriously, foolish expectations are the largest cause of marital strife out there. Want to have a happy marriage someday? Start now by altering your expectation statement above by removing the word ‘day’ and putting ‘month’ in there. Then you’ll be delighted most months when your expectations are exceeded. But right now, you’re on an express train to misery and eventual divorce. Sex in American culture is selfish. That’s corrupt. Marital intimacy is about giving to each other, not ‘getting.’ The only way to avoid being washed away by the sick secular culture is to recognize and actively resist their influence in your mind. Think about it.

Just because he says he can’t see not having intercourse in marriage each day doesn’t mean he is selfish. Your assuming his future wife won’t want to engage in such activity…and many do. In addidtion, he might seek out a woman with a matching libido.

Sex is a good thing & healthy, the constant drag on it from some Christians is unnecessary. We should have a passionate response to our partners in marriage. Sex outside of marriage in various ways is where the selfish angle comes into play. The exception being an inconsiderate spouse.

 

[manualman]

There’s nothing “drag” on sex in my post. The fact is that a faithful catholic couple won’t have ANY idea what the libido of their fiance is. If that really is an expectation that you allow to harden in your mind, you are setting your future marriage up for failure. Instead what we’re each called to do is expect to SERVE our spouses and sacrifice our own preferences to a large extent for the sake of love. When both spouses approach it that way, things turn out great. When both come into marriage with hardened expectations of what they’ll GET, things go south really quickly. Been there, learned it the hard way!

 

[Moore11]

There’s nothing “drag” on sex in my post. The fact is that a faithful catholic couple won’t have ANY idea what the libido of their fiance is. If that really is an expectation that you allow to harden in your mind, you are setting your future marriage up for failure. Instead what we’re each called to do is expect to SERVE our spouses and sacrifice our own preferences to a large extent for the sake of love. When both spouses approach it that way, things turn out great. When both come into marriage with hardened expectations of what they’ll GET, things go south really quickly. Been there, learned it the hard way!

I agree, I chuckled when I saw the post and did not reply but If you expect sex every day then your wife could very well be pregnant every single fertile time. Add it up and I hope he likes changing diapers as much as he likes intimacy. I would love to see 12 kids in a house and he and his wife going at it like clockwork. I guess in theory it is possible. She may not be fertile too often but when she is that postpartum break is going to be hard for them.

There is a huge difference between I could or want to have sex every single day and doing it. Sometimes life just dictates other things.
I remember year one and it was as the poster described. Now, it is weekly and usually exhasted or rushed. 3 kids and one on the way will do that you a marriage! Wouldnt have it any other way though:thumbsup:

 

[johnnyjones]

There’s nothing “drag” on sex in my post. The fact is that a faithful catholic couple won’t have ANY idea what the libido of their fiance is. If that really is an expectation that you allow to harden in your mind, you are setting your future marriage up for failure. Instead what we’re each called to do is expect to SERVE our spouses and sacrifice our own preferences to a large extent for the sake of love. When both spouses approach it that way, things turn out great. When both come into marriage with hardened expectations of what they’ll GET, things go south really quickly. Been there, learned it the hard way!

How do you know what people discuss? As well, talking about sex is not acting on sex. A catholic couple crazy for one another and thinking about the moments they will be able to have plentiful sex is not wrong and it is normal. Get out of the middle ages with the belief that regular sex shouldn’t be desired. You can serve, sacrifice and be sexuallly active. The marriage vows are all encompassing. Sex is joyful and bonding.

Just because the guy mentioned sex does that mean that it is fair to assume that is ALL he wants out of marriage? It’s normal to want love, to sacrifice, to serve, and to want the normal addition of mutual healthy sex, regularly.

 

[maltmom]

Yeah, well all those other mythical ‘high libido’ women posting aren’t helping, are they? I refused to look at their names and am going with the position that they are each actually chain-smoking 58 year old men trolling the forum to mess with me…

Sorry, but I’m in my early 50’s, female and one of those women you don’t want to hear about. Now if only I had a husband.

 

[johnsmith2025]

Just because he says he can’t see not having intercourse in marriage each day doesn’t mean he is selfish. Your assuming his future wife won’t want to engage in such activity…and many do. In addidtion, he might seek out a woman with a matching libido.

Sex is a good thing & healthy, the constant drag on it from some Christians is unnecessary. We should have a passionate response to our partners in marriage. Sex outside of marriage in various ways is where the selfish angle comes into play. The exception being an inconsiderate spouse.

Thank you.
That other user is just bitter because things didn’t go his way in his own relationship, so he mistakenly thinks it’s going to be that way for everyone else too.
I happen to be successful in life, and I didn’t get that way by listening to rediculously negative people like that user.

 

[Larry1955]

First, I do not have any health issues and my wife and I are both in our late 50s now, but we knew that I had almost no sex drive since before we married 35 years ago. I just don’t have a need/want/desire for sex as often as most people, I have never had. My wife has always had an extremely high sex drive, even when we were in our mid 20s and newlyweds her sex drive was much higher than mine. We have always known that I could never satisfy her sexual needs, and we knew that sooner or later this could lead to problems in our marriage, so before we married we agreed on a once every other week compromise, we thought that would work. At the end of our first year was some tension, by the end of our second year our relationship was straining, and on our third anniversary things were downright hostile, we were talking about a divorce. I love my wife more than words can express, she deserves much more than I could provide sexually. If we wanted our marriage to work we knew we had to find something that would work for us. That is when we decided to satisfy her sexual needs with other men. In the beginning it was difficult for the both of us, but we worked through initial problems, but it wasn’t long before we were as happy as the day we married. What was a last stich effort to selvage our marriage workout better than we hoped, that is why I encourage her to maintain healthy sexual relationships with a 2 of our male friends. I believe that if you honestly love someone that you will do everything in your power to make them as happy as they make you, in every aspect of life. Before we started our Marriage Counselor at first strongly advised against our idea, but after it worked so well had to agree it was the best way for us.

Someone once told me that if you can’t separate Sex and Love, what do you do when the sex is gone.

Larry

 

[sadmaninpain]

I’m 57 my wife is 56, I’ve always had the higher sex drive and we generally worked through it. 10 years ago my wife went through breast cancer and after treatment she was cured. She’s also on an anti-cancer drug the rest of her life, it totally killed any sex drive she had. The last ten years have been the worst years of my life. I’m pretty much at the end of my rope, I’m not some fat beer drinking slob either. I’m 6’ tall 165 lbs. great shape and get hit on by more than a few single ladies. It’s VERY difficult to ignore and reject their advances. I wish things could be the way they were before her illness, the Lord spared her life but took a large part of mine away.

 

[PatMac53]

My daughter got married at 30. Her husband is 32. Both had been chaste before marriage. From the onset he wasn’t interested although they have a baby daughter now. My daughter has felt as if she’s his cook and cleaner most of the time and this has damaged her self esteem. Both know the church’s teaching about sexual theology. It’s difficult to know how I could help them. Most things you read presume it’s the wife who isn’t interested in sex and answer from that angle. can anyone recommend a helpful book/article?

 

[SusanneT]

Really really wondering about this. I definitely initiate 4 out of 5 times. I know that partly that is because I keep our NFP charts so he doesn’t necessarily know if we are ‘good to go’ or not… but I really do want that intimacy more than he does. He is ok watching sports on the couch with a beer 6 nights a week whereas I want to be in bed together every other night. I am also having a really hard time abstaining during my fertile period but it doesn’t bother him at all. (I am just back into having cycles after two years - pregnancy and postpartum breastfeeding so maybe I just need time to adjust to all these wacky hormones again…).

I think many women struggle during their fertile time while practicing NFP.