Am I wrong to be offended by this?

[MidnightSun12]

I would, with all due respect, argue your hypothesis by pointing out that while it may be God’s will to let him know in due time, it is not his friend’s place to speak for God.

Peace and all good!

I don’t know how his friend actually phrased this comment (it sounds like it might have been done insensitively and I can certainly sympathize with the OP if that’s the case). If my post did come off as antagonizing to the OP, he most certainly has my apology!

It is true, however, that if we are called to marriage then God has chosen our spouses before we were born (I recommend reading the story of Tobiah and Sarah). Also, this scripture verse further captures this fact:
Proverbs 19:14:

House and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord

It stands to reason, then, that if you are a single guy/gal and feel that you are called to marriage then there must be something that God wants you to work on before He brings your spouse into your life. I know, as a 25 year old male who just returned to the faith, I lived a very immoral life for a long time. For over 10 years, I viewed women as objects and allowed lust to control my life… it could very well take me another decade before I can look on my future spouse with saintly-eyes. God’s not punishing me by having me wait to get married… in fact, if He brought my spouse into my life before I’m ready, my marriage would not be a happy one.

So to re-emphasize, we do not meet our chosen spouses on our own. God brings us our spouse as a reward for living a moral and charitable life. This is actually wonderful news… we don’t have to worry about having to compromise our faith by marrying the best of “limited options”… God has a spouse who is spiritually-perfect for you! All that we have to focus on is loving God with our whole heart (and loving our neighbour as an extension) and God will take care of everything else in life… Life is really that simple!

 

[Norseman82]

I don’t know how his friend actually phrased this comment (it sounds like it might have been done insensitively and I can certainly sympathize with the OP if that’s the case). If my post did come off as antagonizing to the OP, he most certainly has my apology!

It is true, however, that if we are called to marriage then God has chosen our spouses before we were born (I recommend reading the story of Tobiah and Sarah). Also, this scripture verse further captures this fact:

It stands to reason, then, that if you are a single guy/gal and feel that you are called to marriage then there must be something that God wants you to work on before He brings your spouse into your life. I know, as a 25 year old male who just returned to the faith, I lived a very immoral life for a long time. For over 10 years, I viewed women as objects and allowed lust to control my life… it could very well take me another decade before I can look on my future spouse with saintly-eyes. God’s not punishing me by having me wait to get married… in fact, if He brought my spouse into my life before I’m ready, my marriage would not be a happy one.

So to re-emphasize, we do not meet our chosen spouses on our own. God brings us our spouse as a reward for living a moral and charitable life. This is actually wonderful news… we don’t have to worry about having to compromise our faith by marrying the best of “limited options”… God has a spouse who is spiritually-perfect for you! All that we have to focus on is loving God with our whole heart (and loving our neighbour as an extension) and God will take care of everything else in life… Life is really that simple!

I don’t even know where to begin…

 

[Actaeon]

Okay, so a few years ago a friend and I were talking and the subject ended up being relationships. He just got a new girlfriend and of course I was still single. Anyway I told him that I was worried that i’d end up like my parents and get married when I was in my late 30’s or 40’s and like my father die when my kids were too young (my dad died when I was 15 btw). Anyway his answers was "well If thats what happens its what God wants). Ever since that answer has made me furious. Why would God want me to be single until then? It still makes me a little mad at him. it sounded like a jerky thing to say because it felt like he was saying that since I was single it was god’s plan. I’m sorry, but I don’t think that it is God’s plan, at least in that since. So am I wrong in being offended. Maybe he’s right. I’m 23 now and have never had a relationship, more than likely it will be another 23 years until i have one.

Erm… I’m a little surprised that so many people immediately jump to calling him a jerk when he may be right, and he’s certainly saying nothing any different than what the bible tells us: to have faith in God.

I know from your other posts that you’re suffering a level of anxiety about your life at the moment, and that’s normal for your age… but guess what: at 23, you’re still just a youngin’ with plenty of time ahead of you.

And yes, God calls people to married life and the priesthood, but others he calls to the single life as well… and even for those called to marriage He calls them in the proper time and place (assuming we’re patient enough to wait for that proper time and for someone who is actually good for us rather than just produces good feelings).

Another thing to consider, which he may have been being polite enough NOT to say but trying to hint at: you might be trying too hard. Women have this sort of radar thing in their brains that sense when a guy is desperate and it immediately sours them on a relationship with the guy… after all, would you want to date someone who wanted to be married so badly that any old guy would do… or would you rather date someone who was strong and independent, who didn’t NEED just any old guy, but specifically wanted YOU? Which do you think makes for a healthier relationship?

So relax, stop stressing over it. Learn to be yourself, love who you are, and be okay with life (even life on your own). When you stop desperately chasing, you’ll find that your options are better.

But stop being mad at your friend for pointing out the possibility that maybe God has more growing on your part in mind before you find a relationship. God will take care of you (as the gospels REPEATEDLY state), so stop stressing over it so much.

 

[SMHW]

Erm… I’m a little surprised that so many people immediately jump to calling him a jerk when he may be right, and he’s certainly saying nothing any different than what the bible tells us: to have faith in God…

I don’t think the friend was “being a jerk”. But I think any off the cuff remark that something is “God’s will” is insensitive. Most people do not have malicious intentions. Far from it! Most people are trying to offer comfort. But for the most part I think Catholics should limit the phrase “Gods will” to theoretical discources (like this post. ) “God’s will” is commonly understood to mean God’s indicative will and that is very distressing to people suffering from events allowed by God’s permissive will.

“God’s will” is almost never a comforting phrase.

 

[Actaeon]

I don’t think the friend was “being a jerk”. But I think any off the cuff remark that something is “God’s will” is insensitive. Most people do not have malicious intentions. Far from it! Most people are trying to offer comfort. But for the most part I think Catholics should limit the phrase “Gods will” to theoretical discources (like this post. ) “God’s will” is commonly understood to mean God’s indicative will and that is very distressing to people suffering from events allowed by God’s permissive will.

“God’s will” is almost never a comforting phrase.

I do tend to agree, but if the conversation was 2 years ago, I doubt we’re getting much more than a paraphrase of a conversation that lasted longer than the one sentence we were given.

And yeah, saying “God’s will” is a rather blunt way to put it… I much prefer to say “trust God” in those circumstances (such as when I deployed and my family spent SO much time worried that something would happen to me… my response was always: “Trust God, if He has a plan in store for me, then I will come home for it.” My family stressed about my safety more than I did, and I was the one there!

 

[SMHW]

I do tend to agree, but if the conversation was 2 years ago, I doubt we’re getting much more than a paraphrase of a conversation that lasted longer than the one sentence we were given.

Point taken.

To benjammin: However misguided I believe your friend’s response may have been, he seems to have been distressed over your difficulties. Please don’t hold his inability to give you helpful insights against him. I gently suggest that you have been displacing your fear and anger over your life situation onto him.

And yeah, saying “God’s will” is a rather blunt way to put it… I much prefer to say “trust God” in those circumstances (such as when I deployed and my family spent SO much time worried that something would happen to me… my response was always: “Trust God, if He has a plan in store for me, then I will come home for it.” My family stressed about my safety more than I did, and I was the one there!

Thank you for your service. I’m pleased that you came back safely.

 

[robwar]

I don’t think the friend was “being a jerk”. But I think any off the cuff remark that something is “God’s will” is insensitive. Most people do not have malicious intentions. Far from it! Most people are trying to offer comfort. But for the most part I think Catholics should limit the phrase “Gods will” to theoretical discources (like this post. ) “God’s will” is commonly understood to mean God’s indicative will and that is very distressing to people suffering from events allowed by God’s permissive will.

“God’s will” is almost never a comforting phrase.

That was very good. The best thing for anyone when insensitive remarks are made is to learn from it or determine not to be insensitive to others. Losing a Dad at 15 is very shattering and i think It still affects Ben today. We are told to weep with those who weep. Hopefully we all can think twice about what we say to those that suffer from major losses in their lives. it takes sometimes years and healing before someone can look back and accept what happen and see God’s hand at work.