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littlenothing
Guest
Paul to Elymas the magician: “You are an importer and a thoroughgoing fraud, you son of Satan and enemy of all that is right!”
Acts 13:10
Acts 13:10
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PRmerger
Guest
LOL!!
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joshua_b
Guest
I guess that Scripture shows clearly what Protestants say about those Catholics is right. This is funny stuff. I never thought about it like this…
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PRmerger
Guest
“Do not stare at me because I am swarthy.” Song of Songs 1:6
And my personal favorite:
“My breath is offensive to my wife” Job 19:7
And my personal favorite:
“My breath is offensive to my wife” Job 19:7
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CHRISTINE77
Guest
Judges 3:19-25 “And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out.”
Ehud was sent to the Moabite King Eglon on the pretext of delivering the Israelites’ annual tribute. He had blacksmiths make a double-edged shortsword about eighteen inches long, useful for a stabbing thrust. Being left-handed, he could conceal the sword on his right thigh, where it was not expected. Once they met, Ehud told Eglon he had a secret message for him. Eglon dismissed his attendants and allowed Ehud to meet him in private. Ehud said, “I have a message from God for you”, drew his sword, and stabbed the king in his abdomen. Eglon was eviscerated by the blow, which caused him to leak excrement; he was so overweight that the sword disappeared into the wound and Ehud left it there. He locked the doors to the king’s chamber and left.
Eglon’s assistants returned when too much time had elapsed and found the doors locked. Assuming that he was relieving himself, they waited “to the point of embarrassment” before unlocking the door and finding their king dead.
Ehud was sent to the Moabite King Eglon on the pretext of delivering the Israelites’ annual tribute. He had blacksmiths make a double-edged shortsword about eighteen inches long, useful for a stabbing thrust. Being left-handed, he could conceal the sword on his right thigh, where it was not expected. Once they met, Ehud told Eglon he had a secret message for him. Eglon dismissed his attendants and allowed Ehud to meet him in private. Ehud said, “I have a message from God for you”, drew his sword, and stabbed the king in his abdomen. Eglon was eviscerated by the blow, which caused him to leak excrement; he was so overweight that the sword disappeared into the wound and Ehud left it there. He locked the doors to the king’s chamber and left.
Eglon’s assistants returned when too much time had elapsed and found the doors locked. Assuming that he was relieving himself, they waited “to the point of embarrassment” before unlocking the door and finding their king dead.
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Bezant
Guest
Haha!
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Bezant
Guest
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Bezant
Guest
Elijah is my favourite prophet; he’s so gangsta!
Likewise, so is Samson:
Judges 15:2-5:
"…Samson took a young goat and went to visit his wife. He said, ‘I’m going to my wife’s room.’ But her father would not let him go in.
2 ‘I was so sure you hated her,’ he said, ‘that I gave her to your companion. Isn’t her younger sister more attractive? Take her instead.’
3 Samson said to them, ‘This time I have a right to get even with the Philistines; I will really harm them.’ 4 So he went out and caught three hundred foxes and tied them tail to tail in pairs. He then fastened a torch to every pair of tails, 5 lit the torches and let the foxes loose in the standing corn of the Philistines. He burned up the shocks and standing corn, together with the vineyards and olive groves."
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Joe_Kelley
Guest
I recall our pastor in New England mentioned this in a sermon many years ago. He said that it was Jesus fault. He brought all those seminarians and you know how seminarians are around wine.
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LilyM
Guest
Poor foxes - what did THEY do to deserve what he did to them?
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patrick457
Guest
The following passage notes that “Ehud went out into the porch and closed the doors of the roof chamber behind him and locked them.” The word translated as ‘porch’ (misderonah) here is of uncertain meaning (in fact, it’s an hapax legomenon: another uncertain word is parshedonah - suggestions as to what it is include a technical architectural term indicating the place where Ehud went after he stabbed Eglon, Eglon’s back - i.e. Ehud’s sword skewered Eglon’s body - or as the translation renders it, Eglon’s bowels/feces). Some think misderonah is based on a possible Akkadian cognate and may be yet another euphemism for Eglon’s toilet facility itself: Ehud made his escape through the toilet hole and out where all the waste may have been collected. For Eglon’s convenience, he would be expected to have a place at hand to relieve himself - the cool roof-chamber may have had just the place. (Was the room “cool”, i.e. well-ventilated to keep out unpleasant odors?)
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Bezant
Guest
Another favourite:
Leviticus 13:40
‘If a man loses the hair on his head, this is baldness. The man is clean.’
Leviticus 13:40
‘If a man loses the hair on his head, this is baldness. The man is clean.’
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Bezant
Guest
What I’m thinking, how in the world does somebody think of this?
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LilyM
Guest
Yes, it’s a bit ‘sharks with frickin’ lasers’ isn’t it (ie a deliberately over-the-top punishment for someone)
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CHRISTINE77
Guest
Well in any case, it’s a very amusing passage!!The following passage notes that “Ehud went out into the porch and closed the doors of the roof chamber behind him and locked them.” The word translated as ‘porch’ (misderonah) here is of uncertain meaning (in fact, it’s an hapax legomenon: another uncertain word is parshedonah - suggestions as to what it is include a technical architectural term indicating the place where Ehud went after he stabbed Eglon, Eglon’s back - i.e. Ehud’s sword skewered Eglon’s body - or as the translation renders it, Eglon’s bowels/feces). Some think misderonah is based on a possible Akkadian cognate and may be yet another euphemism for Eglon’s toilet facility itself: Ehud made his escape through the toilet hole and out where all the waste may have been collected. For Eglon’s convenience, he would be expected to have a place at hand to relieve himself - the cool roof-chamber may have had just the place. (Was the room “cool”, i.e. well-ventilated to keep out unpleasant odors?)
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patg
Guest
From the Douay-Rheims Catholic Bible:
“And as she was going on her way her husband admonished her to ask a field of her father. And as she sighed sitting on her ***, Caleb said to her: What aileth thee?” (Judges 1:14)
“And as she was going on her way her husband admonished her to ask a field of her father. And as she sighed sitting on her ***, Caleb said to her: What aileth thee?” (Judges 1:14)
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CHRISTINE77
Guest
Genesis 31
When Jacob decides to flee from Laban:
30 I know you feel you must go, and you long intensely for your childhood home, but why have you stolen my household gods?" 31 “I rushed away because I was afraid,” Jacob answered. “I said to myself, ‘He’ll take his daughters from me by force.’ 32 But as for your household gods, let the person who has taken them die! If you find anything that belongs to you, I swear before all these relatives of ours, I will give it back without question.” But Jacob didn’t know that Rachel had taken them. 33 Laban went first into Jacob’s tent to search there, then into Leah’s, and then he searched the tents of the two concubines, but he didn’t find the gods. Finally, he went into Rachel’s tent. 34 Rachel had taken the household gods and had stuffed them into her camel saddle, and now she was sitting on them. So although Laban searched all the tents, he couldn’t find them. 35 “Forgive my not getting up, Father,” Rachel explained. “I’m having my monthly period.”
Actually the whole story of Jacob and Laban is hilarious, the way they keep tricking each other!
When Jacob decides to flee from Laban:
30 I know you feel you must go, and you long intensely for your childhood home, but why have you stolen my household gods?" 31 “I rushed away because I was afraid,” Jacob answered. “I said to myself, ‘He’ll take his daughters from me by force.’ 32 But as for your household gods, let the person who has taken them die! If you find anything that belongs to you, I swear before all these relatives of ours, I will give it back without question.” But Jacob didn’t know that Rachel had taken them. 33 Laban went first into Jacob’s tent to search there, then into Leah’s, and then he searched the tents of the two concubines, but he didn’t find the gods. Finally, he went into Rachel’s tent. 34 Rachel had taken the household gods and had stuffed them into her camel saddle, and now she was sitting on them. So although Laban searched all the tents, he couldn’t find them. 35 “Forgive my not getting up, Father,” Rachel explained. “I’m having my monthly period.”
Actually the whole story of Jacob and Laban is hilarious, the way they keep tricking each other!
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bri89
Guest
Song of Solomon 8:8
We have a little sister,
And she has no breasts;
What shall we do for our sister
On the day when she is spoken for?
That one kills me.
Job 12:2.
No doubt ye are the people, and wisdom will die with you.
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it will be counted a curse to him. – Proverbs 27:14
We have a little sister,
And she has no breasts;
What shall we do for our sister
On the day when she is spoken for?
That one kills me.
Job 12:2.
No doubt ye are the people, and wisdom will die with you.
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it will be counted a curse to him. – Proverbs 27:14
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LilyM
Guest
Amen! Now if someone could just show my parents that verse …
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mcrow
Guest
Sounds not too different than my priest.
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