Amusing verses in the Bible

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By the way, that same section of The Legends of the Jews has a rather interesting paragraph where God and Moses just argue with each other:

Moses did indeed manage the Angels of Destruction, but it was a more difficult matter to appease God in His wrath. He addressed Moses harshly, crying: “The grievous sins of men had once caused Me to go down from heaven to see their doings. Do thou likewise go down from heaven now. It is fitting that the servant be treated as his master. Do thou now go down. Only for Israel’s sake have I caused this honor to fall to thy lot, but now that Israel has become disloyal to Me, I have not further reason thus to distinguish thee.
Moses hereupon answered: “O Lord of the world! Not long since didst Thou say to me: ‘Come now, therefore, and I will send thee that thou mayest bring forth My people out of Egypt;’ and now Thou callest them my people. Nay, whether pious or sinful, they are Thy people still.” Moses continued: “What wilt Thou now do with them?
God answered: “I will consume them, and I will make of thee a great nation.
O Lord of the world!” replied Moses, “If the three-legged bench has no stability, how then shall the one-legged stand? Fulfil not, I implore Thee, the prophecies of the Egyptian magicians, who predicted to their king that the star ‘Ra’ah’ would move as a harbinger of blood and death before the Israelites.
Then he began to implore mercy for Israel: “Consider their readiness to accept the Torah, whereas the sons of Esau rejected it.
God: “But they transgressed the precepts of the Torah; one day were they loyal to Me, then instantly set to work to make themselves the Golden Calf.
Moses: “Consider that when in Thy name I came to Egypt and announced to them Thy name, they at once believed in me, and bowed down their heads and worshipped Thee.
God: “But they now bow down their heads before their idol.
Moses: “Consider that they sent Thee their young men to offer Thee burnt offerings.
God: “They now offered sacrifices to the Golden Calf.
Moses: “Consider that on Sinai they acknowledged that Thou are their God.
God: “They now acknowledge that the idol is their god.

All these arguments with God did not help Moses; he even had to put up with having the blame for the Golden Calf laid on his shoulders.
Moses,” said God, “when Israel was still in Egypt, I gave thee the commission to lead them out of the land, but not take with thee the mixed multitude that wanted to join them. But thou in thy clemency and humility didst persuade Me to accept the penitent that do penance, and didst take with thee the mixed multitude. I did as thou didst beg me, although I knew what the consequences would be, and it is now these people, ‘thy people,’ that have seduced Israel to idolatry.
Moses now thought it would be useless to try to secure God’s forgiveness for Israel, and was ready to give up his intercession, when God, who in reality meant to preserve Israel, but only like to hear Moses pray, now spoke kindly to Moses to let him see that He was not quite inaccessible to his exhortations, saying: “Even in Egypt did I foresee what this people would do after their deliverance. Thou foresawest only the receiving of the Torah on Sinai, but I foresaw the worship of the Calf as well.

With these words, God let Moses perceive that the defection of Israel was no surprise to Him, as He had considered it even before the exodus from Egypt; hence Moses now gathered new courage to intercede for Israel. He said: “O Lord of the world! Israel has indeed created a rival for Thee in their idol, that Thou are angry with them. The Calf, I supposed, shall bid stars and moon to appear, while Thou makest the sun to rise; Thou shalt send the dew and he will cause the wind to blow; Thou shalt send down the rain, and he shall bid the plants to grow.
God: “Moses, thou are mistaken, like them, and knowest not that the idol is absolutely nothing.
If so,” said Moses, “why art Thou angry with Thy people for that which is nothing?

Besides,” he continued, “Thou didst say Thyself that it was chiefly my people, the mixed multitude, that was to blame for this sin, why then art Thou angry with Thy people? If Thou art angry with them only because they have not observed the Torah, then let me vouch for the observance of it on the part of my companions, such as Aaron and his sons, Joshua and Caleb, Jair and Machir, as well as many pious men among them, and myself.
But God said: “I have vowed that ‘He that sacrificeth unto any god, save unto the Lord only, he shall be utterly destroyed,’ and a vow that has once passe My lips, I can not retract.
Moses replied: “O Lord of the world! Has not Thou given us the law of absolution from a vow, whereby power is given to a learned man to absolve any one from his vows? But every judge who desires to have his decisions accounted valid, must subject himself to the law, and Thou who has prescribed the law of absolution from vows through a learned man, must subject Thyself to this law, and through me be absolved from Thy vow.
Moses thereupon wrapped his robe about him, seated himself, and bade God let him absolve Him from his vow, bidding Him say: “I repent of the evil that I had determined to bring upon My people.” Moses then cried out to Him: “Thou art absolved from Thine oath and vow.

All I can say is, Moses sure is an expert in argument. 😛
 
There is a story somewhere and i cannot find the place.
There was a question about sheep. and suppose they decided the spotted are mine and the white are yours.
Then the fellow, when the male covered the female, put the female looking at spotted rods and all the newborns came spotted.
That was his trick to win.
 
There is a story somewhere and i cannot find the place.
There was a question about sheep. and suppose they decided the spotted are mine and the white are yours.
Then the fellow, when the male covered the female, put the female looking at spotted rods and all the newborns came spotted.
That was his trick to win.
Jacob and Laban, I’ll bet?
 
In the gospel of St. Luke 22:35, Jesus has just predicted Peter’s denial and he continues:

(35) When I sent you forth without purse or wallet or sandals, did you lack anything? (36) And they said “nothing”. Then he said to them, “But now, let him who has a purse take it, and likewise a wallet: and let him who has no sword sell his tunic and buy one. (37) For I say to you that this which is written must yet be fulfilled in me, And he was reckoned among the wicked. For that which concerns me is at its end.” (38) And they said, “Lord, behold, here are two swords.” And he said to them, Enough."

So, here our Lord is explaining and offering a deep and profound spiritual truth to his apostles just as the final trial is about to befall them. And they respond with a “Hey looky here … we found a couple of swords … we can keep our tunics awhile longer!” Jesus must have rolled his eyes while thinking to himself, “Oh my God … maybe I goofed up,” … before he finally responds with a loud and disgusted “ENOUGH!

When I shared this with my protestant friends at worked it brought out big grins and laughter because I think we see ourselves in our brothers, the apostles.
 
The word for mighty when referring to God if translated literally means “long of nose”

(that phrase meant back then that someone was extremely wise or mighty)

Shalom
 
The word for mighty when referring to God if translated literally means “long of nose”

(that phrase meant back then that someone was extremely wise or mighty)

Shalom
That’s another Hebrew idiom there. BTW, the term traditionally translated “So-and-so’s anger waxed hot” (i.e. so-and-so became angry) is literally “So-and-so’s nose burned.” In other words, when someone is very angry, expect a ‘burning nose’. 😃
 
Yes, unlike in Cecil B. DeMille where it seems that the (very sanitized) golden calf incident was the immediate cause for the forty-year wandering. 😉
It has been sanitized even further.

I purchased a copy of The Ten Commandments on DVD recently. The scene where the people fall into the chasm opened up in the earth is gone, as is the guy getting hit by lightening. I remember that scaring me to death when I was a kid. Now it is cut from the DVD… 🤷

-Tim-
 
It has been sanitized even further.

I purchased a copy of The Ten Commandments on DVD recently. The scene where the people fall into the chasm opened up in the earth is gone, as is the guy getting hit by lightening. I remember that scaring me to death when I was a kid. Now it is cut from the DVD… 🤷

-Tim-
Wow that’s amazing that they cut out those scenes. I wonder why?
 
It has been sanitized even further.

I purchased a copy of The Ten Commandments on DVD recently. The scene where the people fall into the chasm opened up in the earth is gone, as is the guy getting hit by lightening. I remember that scaring me to death when I was a kid. Now it is cut from the DVD… 🤷

-Tim-
Wait, what? :eek:

Apparently DeMille in both versions (1923 and 1956) attempted to remove the difficulty in the original text (Moses ordering the slaughter of the idolaters) by conflating the punishment of Korah with the worship of the golden calf. By contrast, two recent productions (the 1995 Moses starring Ben Kingsley and the 2006 The Ten Commandments starring Dougray Scott) are more faithful to the accounts at this point. The latter production notably makes the scene such that it is unbearable to watch: families turn on one another, even the children are killed!
 
Wow that’s amazing that they cut out those scenes. I wonder why?
I was going to say, “Because they’re violent,” but then again, being struck down by God onscreen, DeMille-style, is pretty tame when compared to much modern movie violence. Perhaps for pacing reasons? 🤷
 
Sounds not too different than my priest. 😉
I thought this was funny. Elijah mocked the Prophets of Baal:
1 Kings 18:
21 And Elijah came unto all the people, and said, How long halt ye between two opinions? if the Lord be God, follow him: but if Baal, then follow him. And the people answered him not a word.

22 Then said Elijah unto the people, I, even I only, remain a prophet of the Lord; but Baal’s prophets are four hundred and fifty men.

23 Let them therefore give us two bullocks; and let them choose one bullock for themselves, and cut it in pieces, and lay it on wood, and put no fire under: and I will dress the other bullock, and lay it on wood, and put no fire under:

24 And call ye on the name of your gods, and I will call on the name of the Lord: and the God that answereth by fire, let him be God. And all the people answered and said, It is well spoken.

25 And Elijah said unto the prophets of Baal, Choose you one bullock for yourselves, and dress it first; for ye are many; and call on the name of your gods, but put no fire under.

26 And they took the bullock which was given them, and they dressed it, and called on the name of Baal from morning even until noon, saying, O Baal, hear us. But there was no voice, nor any that answered. And they leaped upon the altar which was made.

27 And it came to pass at noon, that Elijah mocked them, and said, Cry aloud: for he is a god; either he is talking, or he is pursuing, or he is in a journey, or peradventure he sleepeth, and must be awaked.

28 And they cried aloud, and cut themselves after their manner with knives and lancets, till the blood gushed out upon them.

29 And it came to pass, when midday was past, and they prophesied until the time of the offering of the evening sacrifice, that there was neither voice, nor any to answer, nor any that regarded.

30 And Elijah said unto all the people, Come near unto me. And all the people came near unto him. And he repaired the altar of the Lord that was broken down.

31 And Elijah took twelve stones, according to the number of the tribes of the sons of Jacob, unto whom the word of the Lord came, saying, Israel shall be thy name:

32 And with the stones he built an altar in the name of the Lord: and he made a trench about the altar, as great as would contain two measures of seed.

33 And he put the wood in order, and cut the bullock in pieces, and laid him on the wood, and said, Fill four barrels with water, and pour it on the burnt sacrifice, and on the wood.

34 And he said, Do it the second time. And they did it the second time. And he said, Do it the third time. And they did it the third time.

35 And the water ran round about the altar; and he filled the trench also with water.

36 And it came to pass at the time of the offering of the evening sacrifice, that Elijah the prophet came near, and said, Lord God of Abraham, Isaac, and of Israel, let it be known this day that thou art God in Israel, and that I am thy servant, and that I have done all these things at thy word.

37 Hear me, O Lord, hear me, that this people may know that thou art the Lord God, and that thou hast turned their heart back again.

38 Then the fire of the Lord fell, and consumed the burnt sacrifice, and the wood, and the stones, and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench.

39 And when all the people saw it, they fell on their faces: and they said, The Lord, he is the God; the Lord, he is the God.
 
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