An Ambiguous Vocation...How Unromantic!

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JeannetteCML

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Why does it seem that some people are blessed with such a clear and unified, concrete and specific purpose for their lives and some people are just…well, ordinary? I mean, I know that everyone on earth has a purpose and is called by God to His love. But not everyone, it seems, is given a clear cut MISSION, nor even a singular mission–to a state in life, to a job, to community. It seems that the majority of people are lay people and they are just trying to make it in this world and trying to have their needs met–sometimes trying to make a difference. But be there aspirations and dreams, there are still impossibilities and limitations. Some people never marry. Other people are married, but not for their entire lives. Some people change jobs every five years. Some people work as cashiers and secretaries and countless other non-glorious occupations. Do these people go through any kind of process in which they reflected long and hard about what specific effect God wanted them to have on the world? What if God never tells them any specific thing? What if they don’t have a choice and they are doing the best they can? Can they live with passion, with drive, with a sense of direction? Can they be fulfilled? Or are they condemned to less meaningful lives then those who seem to have a bonified “vocation?”

I will tell you my spot in life so you have some idea of where I am coming from and why I am asking. I feel God is challenging me about this whole “vocation” business. I am a person who has earned a masters degree in theology but is now working as a cashier and living with parents. I do not want to marry. And I am very much a loner. I was on a quest for truth oringinally, a quest for knowlege and new creative ways of looking at the world. I still am in a way. But there remains the necessity of making a living. And it is spiritually and emotionally painful to me that instead of pursuing my interests I spend 40 hours a week checking groceries. I have thought of altertative that might enable myself to support myself such as office work, but that sounds equally draining, and really, just no fun. And I am really not the kind of person who can take my degree and go into ministry. I’m so quiet. So, the bottom line is, whenever someone tries to tell me about my life and says that God has some kind of “special plans” for me, I can’t accept it. I even get angry. There’s nothing “special” about it. I want to fight for something more. And I don’t know what I am able to or should do.
 
Cardinal Newman:
(from catholicity.com/prayer/prayers-and-hymns-by-john-henry-cardinal-newman.html)

Prayers and Hymns by John Henry Cardinal Newman (1801-1890)
From A Catholic Prayer Book

The Mission of My Life.

God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments. Therefore, I will trust Him, whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about.
I am in a similar state to yours. I’ve found Cardinal Newman’s words very helpful. I hope they will help you too. I know I still have to be open to any “grander” plan that God may have in my life, but even as I “flounder in perplexity” (as I think I do) I can know that I am still in God’s plan for me, if I follow His commands. Trust in God.
 
I hear you.

Sometimes the most significant I feel in my mundane life is when I spend time praying for others.

Peace in Christ,
Teri
 
Sounds like a rough life. I feel for you. Not to say ‘compare your situation to others worse off’ but really at times like this, you always have to remember your blessings. Think about these things, of what you have: your health, a stable job, a car, food, insurance, family, hair, a dog or pet, a friend… and even if you have none of those, you have Jesus Christ, Our Lord.

Remember the good things you have and breaking out of the despair your situation and thoughts are seeming to place you in will relieve this spiritual stretch you’re going through.

I know you can do it… all Catholics are infinitely strong because they are infinitely in the Truth of the One God. Nothing of this earthly, physical, mortal world can bring us down; ever.
 
Thanks for your comments. It’s nice to hear someone understands. I am familiar with Cardinal Newman’s words. That’s one of my favorite little passages and it’s good to read it again.

But about those feelings of “perplexity” and “desolation”… I wonder what my Christian response to them ought to be. Sometimes our suffering is the result of our own negligence or stubbornness in the face of change. Sometimes it is a punishment from God. And sometimes it’s really not God’s will. So the question for me is, how do I know the difference? And what am I supposed to do about it? Should I accept my incapacity to find more meaningful work? Or should I demand more from life because I know that God loves me and that’s what He would want? I am just curious as to what part of my attitude or stragegy is my own fault or under my control… how to be at peace, at least in my inner self, even though there are external storms going on. What part of my problem am I the cause of? Should I expect that I can know?

It’s that part in the Liturgy of the Eucharist, “…and protect us from all undue anxiety, as we wait in joyful hope…” What part of this is “undue?” What can I ask God for with some faith or legitimate expectation? For what can I hope?
 
But about those feelings of “perplexity” and “desolation”… I wonder what my Christian response to them ought to be. Sometimes our suffering is the result of our own negligence or stubbornness in the face of change. Sometimes it is a punishment from God. And sometimes it’s really not God’s will. So the question for me is, how do I know the difference? And what am I supposed to do about it? Should I accept my incapacity to find more meaningful work? Or should I demand more from life because I know that God loves me and that’s what He would want? I am just curious as to what part of my attitude or stragegy is my own fault or under my control… how to be at peace, at least in my inner self, even though there are external storms going on. What part of my problem am I the cause of? Should I expect that I can know?

It’s that part in the Liturgy of the Eucharist, “…and protect us from all undue anxiety, as we wait in joyful hope…” What part of this is “undue?” What can I ask God for with some faith or legitimate expectation? For what can I hope?
You are saying almost exactly what I have felt for much of my life and especially the last few years. For me, I really blame my own past negligence and stubbornness for many of my troubles. But sometimes I don’t really know.

One thing that helps me is to realize that whatever my past is, my present is exactly where God wants me NOW - as long as I am in the state of grace. God has permitted or caused all of my past, whether it was “my fault” or His punishment or test that I feel that I failed. I can’t be outside of God’s eternal plan for me, so long as I remain in the state of grace and take His hand and do His will as best I know it going forward.

This may seem silly, but there is a country song that I like because I “change it’s intended meaning” for myself. It contains the words “God blessed the broken road that lead me straight to YOU”. In the meaning as intended by the song writers (Rascal Flatts) YOU is a human. In the meaning I understand, YOU is God (and “God blessed” becomes “God YOU blessed”) My life has been a broken road, but if I am in the state of grace, I am in God’s arms, and God brought me here and NOW.

In case it is of interest, here is part of the rest of the song. I think it can be understood the same way.
  • I set out on a narrow way many years ago
    Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
    But I got lost a time or two
    Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
    I couldn’t see how every sign pointed straight to you
    Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
    Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
    Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
    This much I know is true
    That God blessed the broken road
    That led me straight to you
I still find it hard to know what is God’s will for me going forward (and how I can overcome my faults that still seem to keep me from doing it). I don’t think there is a perfect answer other than “give yourself over to God”. Pray, trust and don’t worry, as St. Padre Pio said. Trust in God and PRAY more. I know I don’t pray enough.

A good example of one who did not have “undue anxiety” is Mary, when Jesus was lost in the temple (and above all when He suffered and died before her eyes). It is hard to understand it because our anxiety so often reflects a lack of trust in God. I think we can pray to Mary that we have greater trust in Her Son.
 
Sorry for 2 posts in a row
What can I ask God for with some faith or legitimate expectation? For what can I hope?
Pray and hope above all for the “one thing necessary”, of course. But God doesn’t expect us to always put our own interests aside; those interests came from Him and are one way He tells us His will and guides us to heaven. Accept God’s will whatever state you are in now. But pray and work for the state that you desire, always with the condition that it be God’s will.

" Should I accept my incapacity to find more meaningful work? Or should I demand more from life because I know that God loves me and that’s what He would want? I am just curious as to what part of my attitude or stragegy is my own fault or under my control

You obviously want to to find more meaningful work. Go for it. Just because you’ve been incapable in the past doesn’t mean you’ll be incapable in the future. Don’t limit what you can get from life; do what you can with what God has given you. Don’t worry about what was your fault in the past; just control what you can in the future, with God’s help.

(I’m giving myself advice too… :o !)
 
Why does it seem that some people are blessed with such a clear and unified, concrete and specific purpose for their lives and some people are just…well, ordinary? I mean, I know that everyone on earth has a purpose and is called by God to His love. But not everyone, it seems, is given a clear cut MISSION, nor even a singular mission–to a state in life, to a job, to community. It seems that the majority of people are lay people and they are just trying to make it in this world and trying to have their needs met–sometimes trying to make a difference. But be there aspirations and dreams, there are still impossibilities and limitations. Some people never marry. Other people are married, but not for their entire lives. Some people change jobs every five years. Some people work as cashiers and secretaries and countless other non-glorious occupations. Do these people go through any kind of process in which they reflected long and hard about what specific effect God wanted them to have on the world? What if God never tells them any specific thing? What if they don’t have a choice and they are doing the best they can? Can they live with passion, with drive, with a sense of direction? Can they be fulfilled? Or are they condemned to less meaningful lives then those who seem to have a bonified “vocation?”

I will tell you my spot in life so you have some idea of where I am coming from and why I am asking. I feel God is challenging me about this whole “vocation” business. I am a person who has earned a masters degree in theology but is now working as a cashier and living with parents. I do not want to marry. And I am very much a loner. I was on a quest for truth oringinally, a quest for knowlege and new creative ways of looking at the world. I still am in a way. But there remains the necessity of making a living. And it is spiritually and emotionally painful to me that instead of pursuing my interests I spend 40 hours a week checking groceries. I have thought of altertative that might enable myself to support myself such as office work, but that sounds equally draining, and really, just no fun. And I am really not the kind of person who can take my degree and go into ministry. I’m so quiet. So, the bottom line is, whenever someone tries to tell me about my life and says that God has some kind of “special plans” for me, I can’t accept it. I even get angry. There’s nothing “special” about it. I want to fight for something more. And I don’t know what I am able to or should do.
I spend a lot of time observing other people and different ways people live. I think the vast majority of people don’t think of “a vocation” at all. Most people live reactive lives. If life is challenging, survival. If life is easy, keeping up with the Joneses. Of course that is a gross generalization and you see everything in between as well. What I am saying is I don’t tend to see or hear people trying to be open to hearing what their vocation may be. Some students may spend time trying to figure out what they want to be but I don’t think very many of them involve God. I don’t judge these people. I honestly think that they haven’t been introduced to the concept. Religion is not alive in their lives. I don’t always consider this their fault. The typical church now a days calls for a lot of personal faith if you want to gleen much from going. If you are in survival mode you can’t see properly.

It sounds like you have spent time thinking about your own vocation. Nothing appeals at the moment? I would love to have the degree you have (maybe someday I will). Have you considered teaching? Non-profit sector work? Missionary work? There seems to be a lot of opportunities to do meaningful work if you don’t expect to get rich off of it.
 
I spend a lot of time observing other people and different ways people live. I think the vast majority of people don’t think of “a vocation” at all. Most people live reactive lives. If life is challenging, survival. If life is easy, keeping up with the Joneses. Of course that is a gross generalization and you see everything in between as well. What I am saying is I don’t tend to see or hear people trying to be open to hearing what their vocation may be. Some students may spend time trying to figure out what they want to be but I don’t think very many of them involve God. I don’t judge these people. I honestly think that they haven’t been introduced to the concept. Religion is not alive in their lives. I don’t always consider this their fault. The typical church now a days calls for a lot of personal faith if you want to gleen much from going. If you are in survival mode you can’t see properly.

It sounds like you have spent time thinking about your own vocation. Nothing appeals at the moment? I would love to have the degree you have (maybe someday I will). Have you considered teaching? Non-profit sector work? Missionary work? There seems to be a lot of opportunities to do meaningful work if you don’t expect to get rich off of it.
I started off my search for a career as a chemical engineering major in college. According to my parents, going to college and taking on the debt it involved was mandatory for me. It was also demanded of me that I know exactly what kind of job I wanted before I even started college. At the time I was, and still in many ways am, quite ignorant about my own capabilities and interests, or more importantly values, nor did I have much information about how the world around me worked. So I did my best. And in the middle of going for engineering, my religious roots started coming out and I started to ask myself whether I was really loving God by giving so much of my mind and effort to this whole engineering business. I tried to reconcile the two, but my desire to be with and just to know about God only increased. I went to daily Mass and I started reading religious books. I even gathered information about religious orders. None of the orders I found emphasized intellectual growth, learning, and creative thought enough. So years down the road, instead I landed a scholarship and a masters in theology. But even though it was what I wanted to spend my time doing, I knew it wouldn’t last. There would come a time when school would be over and I would have to get a real job. And nothing seemed feasible. I am the quietest person you will meet and I feel that that trait is part of my true self. So I would not feel comfortable teaching or going into ministry. I would feel comfortable and fulfilled writing and studying. And it is not possible for me to support myself and to have a sense of security while doing those things. So yeah, I’m pretty much stuck and miserable. You can probably recognize my stubbornness. But I just want to be myself. And I feel like I can’t be. So I’m not a very happy person. And God, well God seems to operate in a way in which He will let all natural and social laws including my personality run it’s course. I don’t believe I should expect Him to flatter me with anything miraculous. So with all of that said, even though I have sought God out, I am very much disillusioned by the whole concept of a “vocation.” It seems to have been sqelched by the hard facts of “the real world.”
 
I started off my search for a career as a chemical engineering major in college. According to my parents, going to college and taking on the debt it involved was mandatory for me. It was also demanded of me that I know exactly what kind of job I wanted before I even started college. At the time I was, and still in many ways am, quite ignorant about my own capabilities and interests, or more importantly values, nor did I have much information about how the world around me worked. So I did my best. And in the middle of going for engineering, my religious roots started coming out and I started to ask myself whether I was really loving God by giving so much of my mind and effort to this whole engineering business. I tried to reconcile the two, but my desire to be with and just to know about God only increased. I went to daily Mass and I started reading religious books. I even gathered information about religious orders. None of the orders I found emphasized intellectual growth, learning, and creative thought enough. So years down the road, instead I landed a scholarship and a masters in theology. But even though it was what I wanted to spend my time doing, I knew it wouldn’t last. There would come a time when school would be over and I would have to get a real job. And nothing seemed feasible. I am the quietest person you will meet and I feel that that trait is part of my true self. So I would not feel comfortable teaching or going into ministry. I would feel comfortable and fulfilled writing and studying. And it is not possible for me to support myself and to have a sense of security while doing those things. So yeah, I’m pretty much stuck and miserable. You can probably recognize my stubbornness. But I just want to be myself. And I feel like I can’t be. So I’m not a very happy person. And God, well God seems to operate in a way in which He will let all natural and social laws including my personality run it’s course. I don’t believe I should expect Him to flatter me with anything miraculous. So with all of that said, even though I have sought God out, I am very much disillusioned by the whole concept of a “vocation.” It seems to have been sqelched by the hard facts of “the real world.”
I know, it is strange that someone at the age of 17 or 18 is supposed to know themselves well enough to make this big decision. It doesn’t sound to me that you made a mistake in pursuing your current degree, you were seeking and content in your studies. It suits you. You say that you looked into religious orders. Is that because you felt a call to? Do you feel God could be calling you to the religious life? Did you research the orders on your own?

I would be interested to hear what some others would recommend? Are there orders out there that “emphasized intellectual growth, learning, and creative thought” ? Or other positions within the church? She seems to have many great qualities to me.

Jeannette, you sound wonderful to me. You are not meant to be a check-out clerk or any other unsatisfying job. You have too many talents that would go to waste. Sometimes we just need to ask the right questions or meet the right people to steer us to where we are supposed to be. God has a plan for you, just try to be open enough to see it.

God Bless,
Teresa Ann
 
As I just told DL82, the Holy Ghost works on attraction.

Have you looked into Consecrated Virgin or Canon 603 Hermit? You sound eremitical to me.

Do you have a spiritual director? That would help more than anything to get you out of this “rut” you’ve found yourself in.

Please feel free to PM me, if you’d like to talk about this off-board.

Blessings,
Cloisters
 
Thank you all for your encouragement. I have to keep in mind that I can still stay close to God while other secondary purposes seem unclear. It helps to hear that someone else had faith that something will work out for me and that I have something to offer.

Thank you!

Jeannette
 
You know this job may be a good opportunity for you. It may be menial but it gives you more time to think and discern than a more intellectually demanding job would. It gives you an opportunity to work on your social skills. (Sometimes it is not good to give into our natural tendancies too much. I’m an introvert myself, and I learned a lot about dealing with people from working at a card shop.) It can also teach you humility.
I read in a book recently that the devil pulls more religious souls away from God with discouragement than with temptations. (Probably not exact words.)

Do the best with what you’ve got right now, as St. Therese would, and trust in God.
 
I am sooooo very understanding of how you feel (I’ve felt much the same way for a long while - misery loves company?:eek:). I don’t have your MA and it opens up possibilities for you. Writing - not full-time at first, you need to pay bills, but with your theology education, writing seems tailor made. I agree with cloisters, btw, you may have a calling to the eremitical life. Whether you work part-time while you write or become a consecrated hermit - you could still write. Textbooks, theology, personal experience, fiction are all good possibilities for you.
I feel excited for you!:crossrc:
 
I am sooooo very understanding of how you feel (I’ve felt much the same way for a long while - misery loves company?:eek:). I don’t have your MA and it opens up possibilities for you. Writing - not full-time at first, you need to pay bills, but with your theology education, writing seems tailor made. I agree with cloisters, btw, you may have a calling to the eremitical life. Whether you work part-time while you write or become a consecrated hermit - you could still write. Textbooks, theology, personal experience, fiction are all good possibilities for you.
I feel excited for you!:crossrc:
😃 Yes, you’ve kind of hit the nail on the head. To be able to write was my purpose in studying theology. I’ve thought of being a writer ever since I was twelve. I’m not sure what I have to offer yet, though. I read so many posts of people even in this forum that are so much more faithful and intelligent than mine are. But there are all different levels of writing. And learning more and honing your skills is half the fun. You’ve given me some hope that perhaps this is still what I am called to do. The trouble is making it happen and dealing with things in the mean time. I will have to do my best to make the most of my journeys in other jobs as Sister Rose has said. Although I’m afraid that all this job is doing right now is weakening me instead of strengthening me. As long as I have no other choice, I am bound to use the situation as God wills. And I do hope God’s will is in there somewhere!! But this job gives me plenty of motivation to keep looking for something else!

Thanks,
Jeannette
 
😃 Yes, you’ve kind of hit the nail on the head. To be able to write was my purpose in studying theology. I’ve thought of being a writer ever since I was twelve. I’m not sure what I have to offer yet, though. I read so many posts of people even in this forum that are so much more faithful and intelligent than mine are. But there are all different levels of writing. And learning more and honing your skills is half the fun. You’ve given me some hope that perhaps this is still what I am called to do. The trouble is making it happen and dealing with things in the mean time. I will have to do my best to make the most of my journeys in other jobs as Sister Rose has said. Although I’m afraid that all this job is doing right now is weakening me instead of strengthening me. As long as I have no other choice, I am bound to use the situation as God wills. And I do hope God’s will is in there somewhere!! But this job gives me plenty of motivation to keep looking for something else!

Thanks,
Jeannette
Remember the Saints (Solanus Casey is the first that came to mind) who barely survived and did quite menial jobs, bringing Christ to those met in those jobs - usually not verbally, but via example, modeling Him and bringing His love to all.
There are different levels of writing and what I personally see as very needed are people with a theological understanding to put things in simple enough words for 'Joe and Janet Sixpack". The average Catholic/RCIA participant/revert is so hungry for the Truth, but it is often only available in a way that is totally beyond their understanding - Saints writings or clerics and not feasible for those laity who don’t have numerous upper division degrees in Theology. Sometimes you see something trying to fill that void, but it often doesn’t explain orthodox Catholic doctrine. You can start writing just an hour a day (or less) until you feel comfortable, then what a gift you can give!
 
Hey Jeanette,

Thank you so much for your courage in posting and in responding to others’ posts. I bet your own level of courage and communicativeness would surprise you. And really, I mean, what a great problem to have! Unlike so many people who settle, you want something more out of life, and you have the intuition that your Creator also wants something more for your life.

Now, just figure out what it is. All discernment is really just decision-making, and all decisions are really just clarifying what our values are. You may not be aware of this, but you expressed many values very clearly (possible vocation as a writer?!), as well as interests and capabilities.

Your capabilities include:
learning, writing, and creativity

Your interests are primarily:
  1. “to be with and just to know about God”
  2. “learning more and honing your skills is half the fun”
And some of your values include:
security (financial and social comfort)
being yourself
growing (learnnig, honing your skills)
giving (by creating and writing)
connecting (with God and family)

Maybe you have other things which you would like to include in these lists. In any case you may want to rank these values that you’ve expressed and clear up any conflicts you see between two or more values. You definitely have what it takes, because God made you an incarnate miracle, a living spirit, a child of God. I wouldn’t be surprised if you laughed about your “problems” in the not too distant future, and maybe even today as things began to take on new clarity. You are in my prayers. Also, if you have facebook, feel free to check out my note on resolving interior conflicts…
 
In our weakness is God’s strength. It sounds stupid. Who strives to be weak? Who wants to be little and meek? But this is what God asks of us at certain points in our lives. When I struggle about being “just another face in the crowd” I am reminded of Saint Therese (the Little Flower). She strived to be as “little” as she could.

She became a Carmelite Sister. Her service, her glory to God, was not complaining while she swept the hallways, not talking back to those who ridiculed her. She would seek out the sister who caused her much grief and worked to serve her. During her life all of this went unnoticed. She wanted to do “little things” for God. She was a mere daisy in the glorious garden of the Lord. She wasn’t called to be a rose or a lily, but a common daisy. What humility this must have took! Such that I cannot possess.

I have discovered in life, though, that God waits until I am contented with the little things before He gives me the bigger things. He knows me. He knows my pride will run away with me if I am given the chance to do “great” things. So He teaches me to be satisfied with “little” things.

You should read about her, she was a crazy lady!
 
Your post is an excellent one. Your observation that the vast majority in this country live reactive lives is so true. I never felt a draw to a specific vocation in life, never felt drawn to marriage or motherhood. You have the fortune of going to college and obtaining a Master’s degree (even if you were using college as a way of avoiding ‘real life’ you did it!)

God, I think has a way of letting some of us flounder and wonder at where we are to accomplish in life. Through what seems like aimless wandering in menial jobs, watching the ‘regular world’ live on before us I sometimes feel it is a teaching process for those who can live quietly among the masses. I have lived a life where I worked far below my talents, never finished college and worked physical, warm body jobs. Through the years it taught me that the mind can blind one to the realities of the world. I see those in acedemia and other more intellectual jobs become class snobs, they think manual labor or blue coller workers are beneath them or are inferior in intellect. Some of the most intelligent people I have ever met were not in hallowed halls but sweating on the assembly lines or manning the register in a convenience store. Why? Because it made them content in life. There is a grace to living outside of societal norms I am starting to really accept and realize. Few can take to living humbly and endure the years of searching for whatever it is that God calls them to be- the what am I going to be when I grow up syndrome. (LOL, I am still working on that one at 46!)

Recently I was introduced to the works by Catherine Doherty, she may appeal to your desire to write for the common man in everyday language on spiritual matters. Even though I just started reading her works they flow with simple ease like over a kitchen table,she covered complex religious topics in easy to understand analogies and concrete examples drawn from modern life. You might want to read her works for some inspiration in your search of how to best use your talents. Although God may just be slow cooking you and letting you learn your lessons in this simmering pot mixing and observing others as He teaches you greater lessons within you and of the world. Who knows? I have to agree even if you may not feel a direct calling from God for religious life, won’t hurt to at least consider going to a retreat or visit with an order if you can afford to travel to one. Keep the eyes and heart open and clinge to your faith for eventually it will lead you exactly where you are meant to be in this moment.

May God bless you and give you direction, until then relax into the present and let your eyes and heart be opened to living His will in the moment. Peace! 🙂

Linda
 
I sympathize with your frustration- it can feel as if God sorted everyone out and when he got to me, sort of shrugged and tossed me in the “miscellaneous” pile.

It seems to me that you are a good writer. Maybe you’re meant to be thinking of material for essays or stories while you’re packing groceries.
 
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