An obligation to have sex?

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Chris W:
Why the hostility? Sheeesh (from two people already…this time with a thumbs down)

I’ve been speaking from the heart about what I believe regarding the topic of this thread, and I think charitably, yet the response I get seems to be anger. Sorry to have offended the readers. With that I’ll bow out of this thread (feeling unwelcome). 😦

Peace,
Chris W
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I hope I wasn’t one of the people who thought was angry. I understood your point the 1st time to said it about meeting each other’s needs and I agree with you.

I thought I was being a little humorous about the sex thing. And I think Dr. Laura was pretty on the mark-generally speaking.
:blessyou:
 
Aside from being an adulteress (she commited adultery when she was married to her first husband and again when she got involved a man who was still married and living with his family)…I think Laura Schlessinger’s remark is insulting to men.
 
My wife had to drag me to our pre-marriage counciling with our priest, until he told us (during the first session) that, after marriage, we were not to “withhold” it from each other.

After that I was only too happy to listen to this wonderful, wise man.

This is known by fishermen as “setting the hook”.
 
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Sweetcakes:
Aside from being an adulteress (she commited adultery when she was married to her first husband and again when she got involved a man who was still married and living with his family)…I think Laura Schlessinger’s remark is insulting to men.
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It’s supposed to be a funny generaliztion you nincompoop.

Chirs don’t take this guy’s remarks personally. He speads his joy equally through out the forum.
 
Sweetcakes said:
Dr. Laura hit the nail on the head when she said “Men are simple creatures. Give them three things, respect, good food (food they want to eat) and sex…and they’ll do anything you want.” Women are missing the boat when these three things are not given.
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And we take marital advice from an adulteress?

Facts are facts regardless of who says them. Dr. Laura, in this instance, makes perfect sense and I agree with this statement completely.

Dr. Laura’s mistakes were made a long time ago…she has since repented. Let’s be big enough to move on shall we.
 
Let’s see what if a man come home from work. The wife has been with kids all day, makes a nice homecooked meal and has ready for the husband. He eats without saying 2 words to her while he reads the paper, leaves his dirty dishes, takes off his work clothes and leaves them piled on the floor and go watches a hockeygame while the women cleans up and puts the kids to bed. They get into bed she tries to talk to him about her day with kids and gets half hearted uh-huh responses. Then the husband decides hmm… honey I’m kind of in the mood. This women is obligated to accomadate him -yeah right.
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Oh boy… How many times have I seen this. The heroine housewife stuck with the narcissistic hubby. I see this so frequently, mainly when sex-as-a-marital-obligation is discussed, but I rarely, almost never, witness it as a reality.

The wife is obligated to meet the husband’s needs. And the husband is obligated to meet the wife’s needs.

Since when does one spouse’s “performance” relieve the other spouse of any obligation? Say the picture is painted the other way. The husband is dutifully serving a narcissistic wife, and she’s frigid. Is the husband then liberated from his obligation to fidelity?

If sex is performance-based then it becomes a “doggie-snack” which is just as much a “turn-off” as is viewing it as an “obligation”.
 
When society treats “male” and “female” not as sexual identities but as sexual *objects * with interchangeable identities, is it any wonder that problems arise in these areas?
 
Our parish is conduction a class in studying Pope John Paul 2’s The Theology of the Body by reading the Introductory book by Christopher West “The Theology of the Body For Beginners”. Just after two classes (tonight is the third) I RECOMMEND this book highly! It is a capsule about the teachings of John Paul 2 in an easy to read format. You will look at sexuality totally differently and you would want to be with your husband/wife more and more know what GOD intended sexual contact to be.

I’ve made some sexual mistakes in my past and I wouldn’t want anyone to make such mistakes ever again. This class has helped me greatly so far!

www.theologyofthebody.com
Check it out!

Go with God!
Edwin
 
Thanks Edwin for your advice with the Theology of the Body. I have been going through Christopher West’s version on Pope John Paul II Theology of the body and it is pretty good stuff. It has given me a new way of thinking about how I veiw sex and marriage. I would recommend “A crash course in the theology of the body: Naked without shame” found at www.nakedwithoutshame.com . Other Christopher West publications can be found at christopherwest.com/
 
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Hermione:
Hello,

snip

And a priest essentially says that there is a “grave” obligation to have sexual intercourse in marriage. And for instance if you have a headache curable by aspirin it is not right to refuse your partner.

snip
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I wasn’t going to get into this, and I’ll probably regret it once I have gotten into it, but then again I am not well known for thinking ahead.

To paraphrase someone formerly near and dear to us (not!), “that all depends on what the definition of “sexual intercourse” is.”

For my wife, it is now limited to simply allowing me to use her body to achieve a physical release. No foreplay (which deprives me of the pleasure of giving her pleasure), no nothing. Just get it over with.

There are two reasons that I am positive about. What I don’t know is which of the two reasons is the majority reason, and which is the minority reason. (I should mention, by the way, that we are both approaching 60 and that pregnancy is not an issue.)

One of the reasons would be her physical and other problems, and possibly the side effects of the prescription medications that she uses.

The other reason is that, as she puts it, I “don’t do the Dr. Phil stuff.” That’s true, I don’t. I tried, and I found it like repeating lines in a play, trying to act out someone else’s script as my own life. That’s not how I’ve been wired to show love. I’ve shown love by 34 years of faithfulness, by helping out when she’s been down physically or otherwise, but working a part-time job that I really dislike (I’m retired) to make sure that we have enough money for her medical expenses, etc.

Nevertheless, because I “don’t do the Dr. Phil stuff,” I’ve become sexually unattractive to her. She’s willing to do what I’ve mentioned, in order to fulfill the “obligation.” However, the only thing she’s willing to do makes me feel like I’m just using her body for an act of the m-word. Furthermore, I’m also wired to back away where I know I’m not wanted (which has kept me out of a lot of fights and conflicts 😛 ). To put it another way, you could put me and Angelina Jolie in a hot tub and tell me, “All legal and moral restrictions are off–do what you want to do,” and if I knew that she thought I was a toad (which she probably would), the only thing we’d wind up sharing would be the water in the hot tub. When I know my partner finds me unattractive, that is the end of my desire for sex with her.

I don’t know where this all is going to end up. I guess what I wanted to say is that if you and your spouse are in a mutually fulfilling sex life without having to resort to the mention of obligations, then go to church, hold hands, and praise God for it. I think that if statistics could be taken we would find out that there are a lot more people in my position than in yours.

DaveBj
 
DaveBj

When I first read you post I felt wow, how sad. I felt sorry for you. But then I read it over and realized what you were saying was you wife is no longer attracted to you because you are incapable of showing her loves the way she needs it. That my friend is your own doing. Human beings learn behaviors. There aren’t genes we’re born with that determine how we show love.

I doubt you’d be willing but I would recommend marriage encounter (there are people of all ages there) if you want to change your situation.
wwme.org/

marriage-encounter.org/

If you think my sex life is great by some accident you are mistaken my friend. We both had communicate. When I was 1st married I expressed love the way I wanted it shown to me. Lots of warm & fuzzy stuff, cards, love notes, expressing it verbally alot. As we grew and learned to communicate better I realized that ain’t what does it for my man. And I had to change my behaviors. I had to retrain the way I thought.

I don’t know about all men but in my situation he wants respect, to be needed (useful, like fixing something around the house, killing the big ugly spider:D ), being attractive ( I tell my husband I love him often but I tell him he’s sexy more.) And it’s black sexy lingerie not pink and frilly. I had to learn to change my behaviors.

My husband had to learn that buying me sexy lingerie was more of a gift to himself than to me. A greater gift was help me get the house cleaned up. (I’m not the greatest homemaker)That I needed more physical affection outside of the bedroom. The list goes on but you get the point.

If you have a job and your boss says your attitude needs to change, or this is what is required to be sucessful - you’d make that adjustment even if it was uncomfortable.

The situation your in is not by fate or bad luck, those of us with great intimacy work at it.
That being said I will keep you both in my prayers:gopray:
 
Black Jaque:
Who’s Dr. Phil?
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I second that.
Is he some reality tv show host?
I don’t have cable, but just wonder who is this ‘doctor’ and how did he get to be so popular?
Is this Phil Donahue with another show?
 
I have 2 questions. 1. what is NFP?
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                         2. what happens if two catholics get married, but dont want children? can they uses protection (condoms? birthcontrol?) and is a sin to get ur tubes tide?
 
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nolai:
I have 2 questions. 1. what is NFP?
  1. what happens if two catholics get married, but dont want children? can they uses protection (condoms? birthcontrol?) and is a sin to get ur tubes tide?
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NFP is Natural Family Planning… not a form of birth control… more a form of rthym

The purpose of marriage is to pro-create… so what happens is they qualify for an annulment

all forms of birth control are wrong and the Church has always taught that they are wrong.

Yes, tying tubes is like telling God no
 
thank u. so it’s a oblgation to have children in a marriage even if ur not ready?
 
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nolai:
thank u. so it’s a oblgation to have children in a marriage even if ur not ready?
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It is an obligation to be receptive to any child God wishes to bestow on you.

Some parents abstain to space out their children, some practice NFP.

Go forth and multiply means making more souls to love God and attain heaven… not make your own rules.
 
Mr s.

what if u were married, but didn’t want children right away. Can u just have sex on the times were the women was not as fertile and would that be a sin or would it be ok?
 
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nolai:
Mr s.

what if u were married, but didn’t want children right away. Can u just have sex on the times were the women was not as fertile and would that be a sin or would it be ok?
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That would be ok, because they would not be separating the untitive and procreative aspects marital sex by artificially blocking one of them.
 
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