Anger/shock over behavior at First Communion

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Gardenman

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Back in May, on one particular Sunday, I attended my grand-nephews First Holy Communion at his parish church. The children were all in the traditional white outfits and processed in at the beginning of the Mass. Obviously, this is a milestone in their lives and it was very nice to see the excitement on their faces.

What really irked the heck of me was this: Evidently some of the parishioners were unaware that this Mass was a First Communion and I heard numerous people in the parking lot griping about it…that the Mass was going to take forever, they’d be late for another commitment, there won’t be anywhere to sit, etc. etc. Some of these people were genuinely annoyed and angry. Hearing these comments made me ashamed to be an adult because several of these children heard the comments and I KNOW it hurt their feelings…to think that their special day was “an inconvenience” for SOME grown ups. I can only imagine how hurt they must have felt hearing ADULTS say such things.

It gets worse:
When the entire Mass was over and the children were “attempting” to process OUT of the church, numerous people just got right in front of them or butted in between their little procession…obviously oblivious to common courtesy as well as complete ignorance of how to behave in Church, I was dumbfounded at this.

Finally, two women rushed up and got in front of the children to act as “escorts” so these little ones could “have their day” and process out with the dignity they deserved. I could see the women putting their hands up as if to say, “WAIT until the kids finish their procession, THEN you can exit your pew !!!”

I was so angry at the ignorance and lack of decorum by the adults that I wanted to do something, but couldn;t think of what at the moment. To think that these adults couldn’t wait an extra 5 minutes to exit their pew and give the children time to process out without being trampled put me in a fowl mood for the rest of the day.

“Back in the day” this never would have happened. I could literally see the disappointment on the faces of some of these kids when this was happening and I felt bad for them. Every time I think of this it makes my blood boil !

What would you have done if you had witnessed such rudeness ???
The entire display from these people just sickened me and showed complete lack of respect for the occassion and the children themselves. I was literally horrified.

Thoughts ?
 
I know that this is somewhat common behavior among some people at First Communion Masses. Honestly, if they are so unhappy about it, couldn’t they go to another Mass? This is a bad example for children as the adults make it seem like it’s appropriate to act like this during Mass.
 
This happened “back in May” and it’s July 1 now, and you are just now posting about it?
 
Wow that is appalling.

Now I don’t worry about that as we do not have First Communions and other things in Contemplative Religious Masses.

Poor kids. Arn’t there other exits out of the Church besides the one where the kiddos were processing? If I had to be somewhere after Mass, I would leave surreptiously after Communion, though I hated to do this.

God bless.
 
Gardenman said:
Back in May, on one particular Sunday, I attended my grand-nephews First Holy Communion at his parish church. The children were all in the traditional white outfits and processed in at the beginning of the Mass. Obviously, this is a milestone in their lives and it was very nice to see the excitement on their faces.

What really irked the heck of me was this: Evidently some of the parishioners were unaware that this Mass was a First Communion and I heard numerous people in the parking lot griping about it…that the Mass was going to take forever, they’d be late for another commitment, there won’t be anywhere to sit, etc. etc. Some of these people were genuinely annoyed and angry. Hearing these comments made me ashamed to be an adult because several of these children heard the comments and I KNOW it hurt their feelings…to think that their special day was “an inconvenience” for SOME grown ups. I can only imagine how hurt they must have felt hearing ADULTS say such things.

It gets worse:
When the entire Mass was over and the children were “attempting” to process OUT of the church, numerous people just got right in front of them or butted in between their little procession…obviously oblivious to common courtesy as well as complete ignorance of how to behave in Church, I was dumbfounded at this.

Finally, two women rushed up and got in front of the children to act as “escorts” so these little ones could “have their day” and process out with the dignity they deserved. I could see the women putting their hands up as if to say, “WAIT until the kids finish their procession, THEN you can exit your pew !!!”

I was so angry at the ignorance and lack of decorum by the adults that I wanted to do something, but couldn;t think of what at the moment. To think that these adults couldn’t wait an extra 5 minutes to exit their pew and give the children time to process out without being trampled put me in a fowl mood for the rest of the day.

“Back in the day” this never would have happened. I could literally see the disappointment on the faces of some of these kids when this was happening and I felt bad for them. Every time I think of this it makes my blood boil !

What would you have done if you had witnessed such rudeness ???
The entire display from these people just sickened me and showed complete lack of respect for the occassion and the children themselves. I was literally horrified.

Thoughts ?
Click to expand...
I attend an early morning Sunday Mass. Even there are probably 400 people there, I know most of them. I am darn tired of the “arrive late and flee after communion or flee IMMEDIATELY after the closing prayer” people in my parish. It’s profoundly rude.

Yeah, I know, be more charitable. They all have jobs at 07:50 in the morning. They all have loved ones to RUSH home to. They want to avoid the traffic.

Bull. They have been conditioned to FLEE ASAP.

To be honest most are old and they are a product of the false pride associated with the hurry-hurry-hurry antics of the EF Mass in the old days. They have also been ignored, mistreated and disenfranchised for the last 40-50 years. Many are the walking dead – their contemporaries left the parish or the Church years ago.

The is a lot of SHAME and responsibility to go around – from the bishops to the pastors to those who act as they do. The biggest share of that responsbility are the pollyanna people who refused to acknowledge there is a problem.

Our former pastor has preached strongly on this matter at least twice in the past two years. Absolutely no change. It’s chilling to watch how desperate they are to leave.
 
I don’t have any advice, but I can empathize. There are several masses in my area where this kind of stuff happens.

I just want to join with you in saying that this makes me really sad. What a horrible example people are setting for the youth. It’s no wonder to me that there is such a lack of young people in the Church – at least there are in my area. There is just so much disrespect shown to children, teens, and young adults.
 
As an college intern many years ago I worked in a huge factory.

I was fascinated by how fast people moved at the end of the shift to punch-out and flee the factory (which was actually a fairly nice environment.) They seemed almost frantic. I figured it had to with traffic, car pooling, picking-up the kids on time or something along those lines. I figured some also probably felt they didn’t want to waste any of their time.

So I interviewed about 50 of the employees. About 20% left as quickly and frantically as they did for one of the above reasons. Most of those 20% needed to pick-up their kids at day care. The penalty for being late was $1.00/minute. :eek:

The rest (80%) couldn’t answer my question. Even after some reflection they had no idea why they acted the way they did at the end of the shift. After many more discussions it became more clear – they were simply following the actions of their fellow employees. “It’s always been this way.”

This same sort of mindset has infected MANY Catholic parishes. 😦
 
You can tell I’m passionate about this matter…

I think the thing I find the most stunning is the absolute lack of common courtesy. These people know better then to act the way they do, or at least they should. Even if the peer pressure or the desire is to rush out of the church, the manners they formed while growing up should make them think twice.
 
I don’t really think there was anything you could do. If you knew them, you could have nicely addressed it after, but I honestly doubt they would be willing to stick around and chat about their rudeness if they can’t wait for the children to exit. You could mention to those in charge of the First Communion or the Priest that it might be a good idea to give a program out to those attending the Mass next year that mentions the proper procedure. That is really all of the advice I can think if at the moment. I agree with the lack of respect found in the world. What scares me even more is I am young and it only seems to be getting worse.What will it be like when I go to Mass in thirty or forty years?
 
The resolution is to announce such events in advance, and make it the celebration of the Parish. We are human beings, imperfect, and many things disturb us. If the first communion is important, then the pastor should announce it in advance many times during the preparation. One had to be prepared for a true celebration, it cannot be surprise party for a community.
 
There should have been some instruction prior to the beginning of Mass regarding how the procession would go.There should be a sign posted and a notice in the bulletins with the First Communion Mass Schedule.

We have smaller numbers of children at every Mass during the summer who make their First communion.Seems to alleviate the problem of stressing out the regular congregation and also prevents the circus that group First Communions seem to become with all the parents and families that don’t know how to behave in church.

Other than that yes those people behaved badly.
 
Gardenman said:
Thoughts ?
Click to expand...
People really dislike change, and some folks really have a hard time accepting and adapting to it.

The people here have their usual Sunday routine, expect to park in their usual parking space, sit in their usual pew and be on their way to Wendy’s or Wal-mart within 5 minutes of the end of the 49 minute mass just like they’ve done almost every Sunday during the past 9 years.

This mass time was chosen for First Communion probably because the priest expected there to be enough room because of lower expected attendance. At least some of the folks that regularly attend the mass because it has lower attendance and is celebrated in a very regular fashion.

I’m not excusing the behavior of these folks, but I certainly understand people’s angst, particularly if they were not informed in advance that the mass would be extra crowded and extra long, like it would also be at Palm Sunday.
 
Kielbasi said:
This mass time was chosen for First Communion probably because the priest expected there to be enough room because of lower expected attendance. At least some of the folks that regularly attend the mass because it has lower attendance and is celebrated in a very regular fashion.

I’m not excusing the behavior of these folks, but I certainly understand people’s angst, particularly if they were not informed in advance that the mass would be extra crowded and extra long, like it would also be at Palm Sunday.
Click to expand...
Regarding your second point, I expect it would have been announced in the bulletin. Doesn’t help those who refuse to read the bulletin, of course, but that’s on them.
In our parish, First Communion is at the best-attended Mass, not the lowest-attendance. Specifically because that’s the Mass a lot of the families of these children normally attend anyway.
 
Gardenman said:
Back in May, on one particular Sunday, I attended my grand-nephews First Holy Communion at his parish church. The children were all in the traditional white outfits and processed in at the beginning of the Mass. Obviously, this is a milestone in their lives and it was very nice to see the excitement on their faces.

What really irked the heck of me was this: Evidently some of the parishioners were unaware that this Mass was a First Communion and I heard numerous people in the parking lot griping about it…that the Mass was going to take forever, they’d be late for another commitment, there won’t be anywhere to sit, etc. etc. Some of these people were genuinely annoyed and angry. Hearing these comments made me ashamed to be an adult because several of these children heard the comments and I KNOW it hurt their feelings…to think that their special day was “an inconvenience” for SOME grown ups. I can only imagine how hurt they must have felt hearing ADULTS say such things.

It gets worse:
When the entire Mass was over and the children were “attempting” to process OUT of the church, numerous people just got right in front of them or butted in between their little procession…obviously oblivious to common courtesy as well as complete ignorance of how to behave in Church, I was dumbfounded at this.

Finally, two women rushed up and got in front of the children to act as “escorts” so these little ones could “have their day” and process out with the dignity they deserved. I could see the women putting their hands up as if to say, “WAIT until the kids finish their procession, THEN you can exit your pew !!!”

I was so angry at the ignorance and lack of decorum by the adults that I wanted to do something, but couldn;t think of what at the moment. To think that these adults couldn’t wait an extra 5 minutes to exit their pew and give the children time to process out without being trampled put me in a fowl mood for the rest of the day.

“Back in the day” this never would have happened. I could literally see the disappointment on the faces of some of these kids when this was happening and I felt bad for them. Every time I think of this it makes my blood boil !

What would you have done if you had witnessed such rudeness ???
The entire display from these people just sickened me and showed complete lack of respect for the occassion and the children themselves. I was literally horrified.

Thoughts ?
Click to expand...
Yes, the behavior was rude and disgusting. these are adults, they should be ashamed of themselves. But why was the regular Sunday Mass used as a First Communion Mass? Why wasn’t First Communion done at it’s own Mass?

Most parishes around here either have FC at it’s own Mass, or give individual kids the option to make it at regular Sunday Mass, thus you only have a 2 or 3 kids making it at a time.

I can imagine this same scenario happening at most parishes around here if regular Sunday Mass was used for a FC Mass. It is sad, but most people are not going to react very well to the extra time it takes.

And that was just as true 50-some years ago, when I made my FC.
 
Seatuck said:
We have smaller numbers of children at every Mass during the summer who make their First communion.
Click to expand...
This is a problem. The First Communion is community celebration, one celebration in a year for the whole parish. This emphasizes that the Church is ONE, and there are not different set for individuals or small group.
 
Yes they were rude. However, it’s been over a month and for your own sake you need to let it go already.
 
As it’s been said before we live in a very selfish “it’s me me me first” society.
These “adults” are part of that generation unfortunately that made it that way or raised their kids that way. it goes beyond church. Look at the selfish lady who grabed the foul ball out of the little girls hands a few weeks ago at a baseball game down in houston.
Gardenman said:
Back in May, on one particular Sunday, I attended my grand-nephews First Holy Communion at his parish church. The children were all in the traditional white outfits and processed in at the beginning of the Mass. Obviously, this is a milestone in their lives and it was very nice to see the excitement on their faces.

What really irked the heck of me was this: Evidently some of the parishioners were unaware that this Mass was a First Communion and I heard numerous people in the parking lot griping about it…that the Mass was going to take forever, they’d be late for another commitment, there won’t be anywhere to sit, etc. etc. Some of these people were genuinely annoyed and angry. Hearing these comments made me ashamed to be an adult because several of these children heard the comments and I KNOW it hurt their feelings…to think that their special day was “an inconvenience” for SOME grown ups. I can only imagine how hurt they must have felt hearing ADULTS say such things.

It gets worse:
When the entire Mass was over and the children were “attempting” to process OUT of the church, numerous people just got right in front of them or butted in between their little procession…obviously oblivious to common courtesy as well as complete ignorance of how to behave in Church, I was dumbfounded at this.

Finally, two women rushed up and got in front of the children to act as “escorts” so these little ones could “have their day” and process out with the dignity they deserved. I could see the women putting their hands up as if to say, “WAIT until the kids finish their procession, THEN you can exit your pew !!!”

I was so angry at the ignorance and lack of decorum by the adults that I wanted to do something, but couldn;t think of what at the moment. To think that these adults couldn’t wait an extra 5 minutes to exit their pew and give the children time to process out without being trampled put me in a fowl mood for the rest of the day.

“Back in the day” this never would have happened. I could literally see the disappointment on the faces of some of these kids when this was happening and I felt bad for them. Every time I think of this it makes my blood boil !

What would you have done if you had witnessed such rudeness ???
The entire display from these people just sickened me and showed complete lack of respect for the occassion and the children themselves. I was literally horrified.

Thoughts ?
Click to expand...
 
I hear the same sort of griping every time we have a baptism at Sunday Mass.

We tried scheduling baptisms at one or two Masses per month but that didn’t work - too many families ‘come home’ to have their babies baptized and we couldn’t schedule everyone’s holidays to fit the baptism schedule.

Finally Fr. decreed that only one Sunday every three months would have a celebration of baptism, the rest of the baptisms would have to be celebrated at the Saturday evening celebration of Sunday Mass. That’s all well and good, but it means that every three months a family or two or three have their children’s baptisms celebrated with full choir, baptismal hymns, etc., while the rest are relegated to a Mass with a handful of people in attendance, no music, little or no singing and my dulcet tones (not!) chanting the Litany of the Saints. I think it’s doing a disservice to the parish to not put the proper emphasis on the importance of this first sacrament.
 
Back in the day, many parishes scheduled an add’l mass at a special time on Saturday for First Communion masses- and did baptisms after the last mass on Sunday.

And that was during an era where the parishes were tighter communities where most of the people lived in the same neighborhood and almost all were of the same ethnicity and were more likely to know the newly baptized or first communicants.

Not saying that people don’t care any more, its just that they care more when they actually know the people involved.
 
laszlo said:
The resolution is to announce such events in advance, and make it the celebration of the Parish. We are human beings, imperfect, and many things disturb us. If the first communion is important, then the pastor should announce it in advance many times during the preparation. One had to be prepared for a true celebration, it cannot be surprise party for a community.
Click to expand...
Usually its listed in the bulliten for weeks ahead of the First Communion Mass.
 
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