Annoyed about marriage and sex rules

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Once you get the hang of it NFP is pretty easy. I think it would be even easier with a husband that supports NFP. I use a sympto-thermal method and haven’t had any issues with it.
 
kage_ar said:
My ONE regret in life is that I did NOT trust God enough and NFP worked way too well. One child is a lonely lonely kind of parenting.

Don’t sin, learn NFP, trust God and allow more love into your house.
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*Oh, kage, this brought tears to my eyes…the way you put this, it’s sometimes what I have felt. *
 
2HunnyBuns said:
Once you get the hang of it NFP is pretty easy. I think it would be even easier with a husband that supports NFP. I use a sympto-thermal method and haven’t had any issues with it.
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Yes ou might think so but my wife is annoyed that I was OK with CI before and now I wont do it. She thinks I am getting more closed minded as I get older! 🙂

Really She is great. I am just more "churchy: than she is. God meets us all at different places and I am so happy that we are both Catholic! BTW our daughter is going to be baptized on- get this- Oct. 31st! We didn’t plan it that way-believe me.

She will be five and a half months when she is baptized- so I know it is a little late! We are not always as organized as we should be.
 
Breast feeding only prevents conception where the woman has very low body fat and breastfeeding literally takes the fat out of her that is necessary for normal female functioning.

This is not the case for the overwhelming majority of women in America.

The obvious solution (that goes against Catholic teaching) would be for your wife to use a female condom.
 
Feanor, please tell your wife to change doctors. It is not supposed to be a painful experience when being checked by a doctor. It is scary but not painful. Her doctor is being too rough with her when he/she checks her cervix.

When your wife is fertile she will wet her underwear with egg white mucus. It can be picked up by just rubbing a finger inside near the surface. When you put the mucus between the fingers it will stick to each finger like a string of clear gel type mucus.
This will tell you it is a fertile time because the sperm sticks to the mucus and enters the cervix and womb to meet with the eggs.
When the mucus is dry like white paste glue that means that the sperm just gets stuck in the white glue and gets stopped from going any further. yeah!
This is one of the reasons that most women wear those thin pads in their underwear because of the egg white clear type of mucus that traps it in the pads.

You and your wife need to educate yourselves about fertility. Your wife should ask her doctor why it hurts when he/she checks her. It is not supposed to hurt. If she has a physical problem the doctor should tell her. She could have a tipped uterus that would make it harder for her to get pregnant. Please have her sit down with her doctor and have a talk about it.
 
Ecological breastfeeding absolutely can extend infertility, but the rules you have to follow are pretty strict and include not trying to get the baby to sleep through the night and feeding on demand. It’s worked to well for us, we’re ready for another but the fact that I’m still nursing seems to be preventing it for now.

Exclusive breastfeeding, which is more common in our culture, includes bottles and pacifiers and usually doesn’t prevent fertility for long. Sheila Kippley explains it wonderfully in Breastfeeding and Catholic Motherhood (the entire book is posted online by the publisher here).
 
Siblings are awesome on so many levels… I think it makes life easier, actually. They entertain each other (especially when born within two years of each other). There are so many opportunities in each and every day to teach them about sharing, being considerate towards others, cooperating, and how to work out disagreements. The younger one learns so much from the older one, it’s amazing!

One day, if you have another, I guarantee you would look back and think, “Thank You Lord for knowing what’s good for us better than I. I cannot begin to imagine our life without our beautiful #2.” I guarantee. Pray about it, and let God show you what’s best. Especially knowing that your wife is open, please don’t close your heart or mind to it.
 
Feanor2 said:
I am not going to disobey the Church. Some of this is out of fear. I know that APPARENTLY the Church is right. I am an educated and curious guy so I do not just accept some doctrines outright- however I am not going to commit mortal sin. I will accept them out of fear.

I am well aware of the church’s reasoning behind birth control. I do not necessarily believe that CI Coitus Interruptus is a mortal sin but like I said I will obey. I understand that much of the sin behind CI or the sin of onan has to do in that we are supposed to be open to contraception with the act. By doing as I am I am only obeying the minor nature of the sin of Onan i.e the spilling of seed, but ignoring the REASON for the sin i.e. that one does not want kids.

Does that make sense?

Given the factors I have listed above that relate to a reduction in fertility do you guys think that the possibility of contraception is reduced significantly?

Sorry about the lack of clarity I am caring for the baby so. . . .

Darn- see I even put my first name above- I didn’t mean to do that. . .
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I so struggled with all this myself and really identify with what you’re saying here. Because it bothered me so much, I spent a lot of time reading and writing about it. I could probably say that I still hold the same opinion on CI as you state here, but, but, but…

I suppose it’s like a lot of things about our faith, I ended up seeing it holistically. When I understood it in context it finally began to make sense to me, the whole effect of this stuff. If my mindset is toward contraception, I figured out I just wasn’t getting it–I didn’t see what would make me happy…Make any sense?
 
Whitacre_Girl said:
I say this to you two in all kindness:

You don’t know all the intimate details of this poster’s life. Because of this, I think its best that you don’t make judgements on his or his wife’s priorities or call them selfish. This is not helpful to his situation.
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I should only have an opinion when I know all things? Is that what your saying? I have no earthly idea what you’ve seen of life. But the things Ceil-1 said ring true with what I’ve seen.
ATB
 
Feanor, above all know that God loves you and your wife and he is going to give you the graces in you need in your marriage to do his will. It may seem hard and confusing right now…many of us can attest to perhaps feeling iffy about NFP at first. Even before studying NFP just take a time out of your day to ask God to guide you and to prepare your soul to accept what he wants for you. Do some reading with your wife…it is hard with a newborn but if you can, take an NFP class with other couples. Do not see NFP as a punishment or burden, recognize it as the gift from God that it is. When we trust him fully, he begins to reveal the plans he has in store for us and it is better than any plan we can make for ourselves. Sometimes we build up so much stress around our fertility that it becomes a source of anxiety and frustration instread of a gift. I hope you and your wife find peace with this issue and that your married life continues to glorify God and his love for us.
 
Just wondering, did you have the discussion on how many children with your wife before you got married? I married a non Catholic and I had a serious discussion with him before we got married. He was firm on only having two children, but of course if another one came along, it would be God’s will.

I am also curious why you only want one child? I have a hard time understanding people who don’t want any kids at all, but it seems harder to understand why you would only want one. I am not trying to be rude or preachy… I am genuinely curious. Your child is still very young, and I am sure you and your wife are seriously tired. It gets better, I promise.

I can totally sympathize with the title of your thread. I think almost everyone in the world wishes they could do whatever they wanted sexually without any consequences 🙂
 
I just wanted to add that I think when your first child is only 5 ,months old is a really bad time to decide so definitively that you don’t want any more.

I would also challenge you to answer the question, why is what you ‘want’ is the deciding factor in how many children you will have?

I also echo Sina’s question about why only one child. Have you considered this from your child’s perspective? When you and your wife are elderly, or if one of you should ever get sick, this puts a huge burden on your only child. There are studies of this phenomenon in China and how only childhood has effected families there when parents age. There are other aspects to consider from your child’s perspective as well, PJ2 said the greatest gift parents can give their child is a sibling.

I think all of us can appreciate the feeling of wanting to have control over what happens to us and our families but really, human beings control things so poorly. NFP is a way in which you can work with your bodies and your sexuality in the way God intended. I highly suggest you learn as much as you can about it before you become really annoyed:p

Has anyone suggested Taking Charge of Your Fertility yet? It’s a great, secular resource on NFP, though you’ll have to ignore the parts about condoms during fertile periods, but otherwise it’s a great resource along with the others you’ve been given.

HTH 🙂
 
most ppl here have given good advice. I’ll add my prayers, and just this… one thing I’ve learned as our family has grown: God does not promise you the grace to handle a family of 4 when you’re currently a family of 3. He promises the grace to handle your current situation. If in the future, you have another child, you WILL receive the grace to welcome that child lovingly, if only you ask. IOW, don’t necessarily despair of being able to handle “lots” of children just b/c currently you feel unable to welcome another one.

🙂
 
When my DD was 5 months old, I was ready to wear a chastity belt and join a religious order 😃

It’s really hard when they are so young. Once my DD hit about 7 months, it got easier and then again at around a year and then again at 18 months. Now at 2 years, parenting is SOOOOO much easier.

Having said that, you may change your mind about having another baby. I hope you continue to leave this up to God and I’m glad that you guys are doing that. When your LO is around the age of 2 or 3, he/she may start asking for a baby brother/sister. They often get really lonely when it’s just them.

You may feel God (and you wife :p) tugging at your conscience to have another baby.

I am in the same position as you, but I want to stop at 2. I will use NFP and will remain open to life also, so if we have an ‘oops’ baby, I will accept him/her as a gift from God.

Just stay open to God’s plan…that’s all God asks of you and your wife. Prayers to you both during this difficult parenting challenge.
 
Feanor2 said:
I apologize again for the incorrect punctuation in my above posts.

I do feel that I am trying to do the right thing in obeying the Church’s teachings. So is this mucus all the way at the cervix or is it just in there so to speak? My wife states she has small hands and that when the doctor checked her cervix through the pregnancy and delivery it is painful. Perhaps she can work on this and at least reduce the chances somewhat.

If I am practicing the faith I do not feel that choosing to have one child is inherently inferior to having more than one.

Thanks for everyone’s responses. If it happens it happens. . . .
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Don’t have to do that…someone mentioned Billings. They have a web site and you can learn from a teacher for a fee. Here it is:

www.Woomb.org
 
oh, as a side note about children and numbers…
nothing to do with whether anyone wants (or should have, or does have) more children…

in RCIA one time our priest was chatting about his family. he said that as far as he knew, all the priests currently staying here were from large families. or families of at LEAST 2 and his own family was 5 kids, and the other priest assisting in RCIA was in a family with 3?4? kids.

he said he was of the opinion that the smaller family size led to fewer vocations. because of the desire for grandchildren… and someone living near by to care for parents.

he said it wasnt just family pressure from the parents, but also the feeling of moral duty from the children.

he said that he felt it was easier for a child to “hear” a vocational calling, when they knew that their were siblings to assist in caring for the parents, and to have grandchildren, etc. as well as being easier for the parents to accept their child having a vocation if they had other children to “follow in the family” profession/kids/etc.

(its a Redemptorist parish, we usually have several priests in residence, at the time we had probably 5 priests there…)
 
shannyk said:
I just wanted to add that I think when your first child is only 5 ,months old is a really bad time to decide so definitively that you don’t want any more.

HTH 🙂
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I could not agree more 😃

I had wanted a large family ( I am one of 6) my wife had 1 brother, and she wasn’t sure she wanted kids at all when we got married.

We had our first. It was rough. We had a second, it was, almost literally twice as rough. I was honesly ready to call it quits at that time. My wife, on the other had, was reverting back to the faith (she was agnostic) and was interested in being more open to life.

Doing so does require looking deeply and honestly at what you fear about having more children. And once you arrive at it ( perhaps it is health, perhaps it is financial), is it something that you can put into God’s hands?

God know better than any of us. He does not simply allow us to create a child, but rather is it His doing that we co-operate in. All we really do in the creation process is to provide the genetic material to form the first cell of the body. That body must be infused with a new soul, and only God can do that. And we cannot force Him to do it.

So really, He knows better than we do.

So far, we have 5 children, aged 11 to 2 and are hoping that God grants us more. We are much happier with the 5 than we ever were in days were we were swamped with just 2 kids.

So my only recommendation is to deeply and honestly examine what your fears are with more children. It might be practical, as I mentioned, with health or finances. Those can be placed into God’s hands.

Others might truely be selfish, “If I have more kids, I won’t be able to go to the weekly poker night with the guys”. Selfish reasons need to be changed in yourself anyway, regardless of your decision to have more kids. That is just part of being a Christian.

So my entire advice can be summed up as Discern Honestly, with an eye out for what must I accept, what can I give to God and what do I need change in myself.
 
Feanor2 said:
I apologize again for the incorrect punctuation in my above posts.

I do feel that I am trying to do the right thing in obeying the Church’s teachings. So is this mucus all the way at the cervix or is it just in there so to speak?
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She doesn’t have to reach inside herself at all - just, when she is doing the natural thing, before throwing the toilet paper in, just look at it and see what’s on it. If there is some mucus there, then she is fertile, and if not, then no.
 
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