Annulment Concern

[Trinity117]

I am going through the process right now, and they want a current address of my ex-husband, who moved around all of the time because he didn’t pay the rent, lost jobs, etc. I gave them the internet provided address of his parents who surely would know where he is.

No problem, I got the addresses of the last 2 known residences of his, but the form letter they sent me made it sound like they wanted me to call him to verify the address.

This was a man who verbally, and one time physically, abused me.

He had a habit of stalking and phoning incessantly. I don’t want that in my life again. I don’t want him to know where I live and he can trace my phone number.

The man never had anything to do with the Catholic Church EVER during our relationship, other than my insistence on getting a church wedding, and maybe things change in 15 years, but why should I put my life in any more suffering caused by him than he has already done?

I was also told I could go to all the sacraments but Holy Communion in an “irregular marriage” (I have been married to my husband for 13 years with one son— my first “husband” was a little over a year), and was told recently I cannot go to any.

I am going to furnish the 2 different addresses and the 2 different phone numbers to the Tribunal and leave it at that. I am not going to put myself, nor my family, in peril from this man.

Doanli: Oh, this is really sad, and I am sorry you are having the same problems! Some of your story sounds familiar - my first husband was also an abuser. We, however, were NOT married in the Church (I was lapsed and he wasn’t Catholic) so as one of the other posters mentioned, my type of anullment was different; perhaps due to the lack of Catholic “involvement” in my 1st marriage.

Are you submitting the petition to the tribunal directly? Mine was handled by my parish priest – he got the forms for me and I turned all the paperwork back into him and he actually hand-carried them up to the Diocese for me. I was wondering if you have a priest or someone mentioned an “advocate” - involved on your behalf and if that helps at all?

Mine could also be a time thing - but I believe you said you are married to your 2nd husband for 15 years - I was divorced for 20 plus years. I also truly had no idea where my ex was, and didn’t want to look him up, certainly!! If memory serves, that I why I needed my mom and sister to witness on the failings of my first marriage (since he was truly out of the picture. Permanently).

I also didn’t have the concern of which sacraments I could celebrate, as I mentioned, I obtained the anullment in order to complete ALL sacraments (except Baptism). Those didn’t come until after the anullment was granted.

I am very sorry to hear of this hardship – I will pray that you see an end to this situation soon! Keep your chin up and don’t stop praying!!

 

[doanli]

Doanli: Oh, this is really sad, and I am sorry you are having the same problems! Some of your story sounds familiar - my first husband was also an abuser. We, however, were NOT married in the Church (I was lapsed and he wasn’t Catholic) so as one of the other posters mentioned, my type of anullment was different; perhaps due to the lack of Catholic “involvement” in my 1st marriage.

Are you submitting the petition to the tribunal directly? Mine was handled by my parish priest – he got the forms for me and I turned all the paperwork back into him and he actually hand-carried them up to the Diocese for me. I was wondering if you have a priest or someone mentioned an “advocate” - involved on your behalf and if that helps at all?

Mine could also be a time thing - but I believe you said you are married to your 2nd husband for 15 years - I was divorced for 20 plus years. I also truly had no idea where my ex was, and didn’t want to look him up, certainly!! If memory serves, that I why I needed my mom and sister to witness on the failings of my first marriage (since he was truly out of the picture. Permanently).

I also didn’t have the concern of which sacraments I could celebrate, as I mentioned, I obtained the anullment in order to complete ALL sacraments (except Baptism). Those didn’t come until after the anullment was granted.

I am very sorry to hear of this hardship – I will pray that you see an end to this situation soon! Keep your chin up and don’t stop praying!!

Thank you, Trinity, I have cried and cried over this.

I do have my parish priest being my advocate and he has taken care of the paperwork.

My parish priest back home was to be my advocate also and stated I had very good grounds. (out of a sense of charity to my ex, I will not detail everything here.)

Both of these priests are traditional minded priests, so if I did not have a case they certainly would have told me so.

I have submitted a question to the apologists here and I’ve emailed a couple of other priests---- we were both in a state of mortal sin at the time–I too was a lapsed Catholic and so was he.

From what I understand, the Church used to require Confession before Marriage–we never did that.

I doubt it would be an impediment, but who knows? Thought I’d ask anyways.

Bless you for caring.

 

[LaLucia]

This message if for JSZ2889, the original poster. Are you located in a large city?
It takes longer if you live in a large city due to the amount of people applying for an annulment. I live in Los Angeles, Calif. and my CASE #303 means that there are 303 cases ahead of me.

Since your case as already gone through the defender of the bond that means that some priest has been assigned to go over your case. I am in the same situation as you are. My case has passed the “defender of the bond” and now it has been in the hands of a priest for 4 weeks now.
After that priest makes the decision it then goes to another Tribunal Office in a different county. Then my case goes back with the final decision back to the L.A. Tribunal. Then I get a letter of approval or not. “WHEW”…

Try to call the clerk who knows where your case is at presently. You have been assigned to an Advocate whose job is that your case is moving as fast as other cases and not letting it just sit in some office.
I usually call the clerk assigned to me to ask how my case is progressing. The answer is…
slow as snails… slow as mollasses… too many cases in front of me…
Lucky for me I am not getting married.

I am so sorry you were led to believe it would take a short time for your annulment. Don’t pay attention to the people throwing stones at you for whatever reason they may have.
We are not perfect people and that is why we are going through the annulment process.

When you get a chance… go to the “Family Life” section of this website and look for the “ANNULMENT” topic and you will find more information on annulments.

Someone there may know about the Harrisburg Tribunal. LaLucia

 

[Jsz2889]

Lalucia- thanks for the support. We live in Chambersburg PA which is a Pretty small town but our case is in Harrisburg and the Appeal process goes to Philly. I’m just hoping for the best and if it reaches around September timeframe I will be looking for another place to get married. As much as I want to get married in a catholic church, the annulment isn’t going to stop my wedding plans, it’s just making a fork in my plans right now.

One of the concepts I just can’t understand is that it was ok for my fiancé to be divorced without an annulment and able to become catholic because he was confirmed this Easter. Though if he wanted to get married he can’t do so. I would have thought they would basically go hand in hand.

 

[Chatter163]

Lalucia- thanks for the support. We live in Chambersburg PA which is a Pretty small town but our case is in Harrisburg and the Appeal process goes to Philly. I’m just hoping for the best and if it reaches around September timeframe I will be looking for another place to get married. As much as I want to get married in a catholic church, the annulment isn’t going to stop my wedding plans, it’s just making a fork in my plans right now.

One of the concepts I just can’t understand is that it was ok for my fiancé to be divorced without an annulment and able to become catholic because he was confirmed this Easter. Though if he wanted to get married he can’t do so. I would have thought they would basically go hand in hand.

The problem was not becoming a Catholic. The problem is trying to marry someone else when it has not yet been established that he is free to do so.

I suspect that it will work out fine for you, though your comment “the annulment isn’t going to stop my wedding plans” makes me think that you may not fully understand what Catholic marriage entails.

 

[Brooklyn]

You have gotten excellent advice here, especially from those who have told you that annulment is not a divorce, it is a statement that there never was a valid marraige. Also, your fiance is still a married man unless and until the annulment is granted. As stated by others, you should not be dating. You were given very bad advice by your priest.

I know this is a difficult cross for you. But you must respect the sacrament of marriage. It could very well be that your fiance is free to marry, but you don’t know that yet. As such, you are involved with a married man in the eyes of the Church. This is what the Pope said in January about annulments:

"Pope Benedict XVI underlined the indissolubility of marriage, and rued the fact that “this truth is so often forgotten,” as he spoke on January 28 to officials of the Roman Rota.

The Holy Father said that couples seeking annulments of their marriages have a right to a reasonable fast response from Church tribunals. However, he stressed that annulments should be granted only when the evidence indicates that a true marriage never took place. The Pope strongly denied that a “pastoral” approach could overlook the requirements of the Church’s legal process.

Marriage, the Holy Father continued, is an indissoluble contract, “not something of which the spouses can dispose at will.” Thus when a couple brings a petition for annulment, the goal of the tribunal must be to determine whether or not, in fact, a valid marriage occurred.

In assessing each case, the Pope continued, the tribunal should be guided by the search for truth. He cautioned strongly against any tendency to compromise the rigor of that search, in a misguided effort to find serve the needs of individuals. “Such attitudes may seem pastoral,” the Pope admitted; “but in reality they do not respond to the good of the individuals, or that of the ecclesial community.”

catholicculture.org/news/features/index.cfm?recnum=42129

In reality, you should not have set any dates for your marriage until you know for a fact that your fiance is not a married man.

I do hope it works out for you.

 

[Brooklyn]

As much as I want to get married in a catholic church, the annulment isn’t going to stop my wedding plans, it’s just making a fork in my plans right now.

This statement troubles me greatly. Do you want your marriage blessed by God or not? Do you want it to be a sacramental marriage? You are a Catholic. The only way you can have a sacramental marriage is to marry in the Church. If you are determined to go through with this marriage even if it means marrying a man who may not be eligible for marriage in the Church, you are putting yourself outside of the Church. You will not be allowed to receive the sacraments because you will be living together without the benefit of marriage as recognized by the Church.

One of the concepts I just can’t understand is that it was ok for my fiancé to be divorced without an annulment and able to become catholic because he was confirmed this Easter. Though if he wanted to get married he can’t do so. I would have thought they would basically go hand in hand.