Annulment is a Painful Process

[Ness17]

My husband and I have been Catholic converts for well over twenty years. However, when we joined we had no knowledge of the importance of an annulment when one has been married before. It was never brought up to us.

We were very active in our church and loved our faith very much. However, while listening to a local Catholic radio station the severity of never having our previous marriages annulled hit me hard. So, now all our paperwork is in to the Tribunal., and we wait. It was pointed out that we either live as brother and sister during this time or not take communion. Still being very much in love after forty years, we decided not to take communion. We are in our seventies.

It strikes me that although the Church wants people to join, they make it incredibly hard on the divorced. I understand the reasoning, but it scares a great many away. How we didn’t go through the process in the very beginning was a slip up.

At this point, however, we are considering not attending mass until we have been approved. After all, the Eucharist is the focal point of the mass. People have noticed us staying in our seat these past few months, and it causes us to feel chastised for trying to do right. Would not Christ open his arms and welcome us no matter, with our only need to confess it to Him and be forgiven. This whole ordeal has been very painful.

 

[thistle]

We were very active in our church and loved our faith very much. However, while listening to a local Catholic radio station the severity of never having our previous marriages annulled hit me hard. So, now all our paperwork is in to the Tribunal., and we wait. It was pointed out that we either live as brother and sister during this time or not take communion. Still being very much in love after forty years, we decided not to take communion. We are in our seventies.

My wife was a widow. I am a divorced man but could not get an annulment. We had to make a decision. Either we put God first or put ourselves before God. We chose to put God first and life a life of continence (no sexual relationship) and so we can receive Communion.
We have been legally civilly married for 37 years. My wife and I love each other. I’m not sure I understand why you simply can’t abstain until the annulment is granted.

 

[Kei]

At this point, however, we are considering not attending mass until we have been approved. After all, the Eucharist is the focal point of the mass. People have noticed us staying in our seat these past few months, and it causes us to feel chastised for trying to do right. Would not Christ open his arms and welcome us no matter, with our only need to confess it to Him and be forgiven. This whole ordeal has been very painful.

I highly advise against this. You do not need to take Communion to have partake in the Mass. It is a sin to skip mass without a valid reason.
There is a saint whose bonds in addiction to opium and, at the time, was told to refrain from confession (and thus all sacraments) as he kept confessing the same thing (the understanding of addictions were different then). St. Mark Ji Tianxiang couldn’t receive the Sacraments but yet continued to do what was right in attending Church, and eventually he was martyred (an answer to his prayers).

I understand it is painful to be deprived of the Sacraments at this point, but trust and pray that this time can be gotten through, and then how joyful will you be?

 

[FrancisPio]

None of us know what happened in your first marriages. If you cheated on your spouse, married them for money, left them because they got sick. Im not saying any of these possibilities is true No Catholic is judging you.
This process is for you to hold your heads up high. Despite what you say, I believe having that annulment we’ll be a relief for both of you when you get it. As for your relationship with your husband, why must sex be everything? You can both talk to each other the same way, hold each other’s hand, be there for each other, pray the rosary together. In short, non sexual relationships are not given the credit they deserve. In regards to the mass, it’s not the eating of the eucharist alone that makes mass special, it is being there to witness the miracle of the eucharist, the beauty of Jesus sacrifice for us…and so much more. This can be a very spiritual time for you and your husband, if you let it be that spiritual time. I recommend spending some of this time reading spiritual books together that will bring you both closer to each other and God. My recommendation is Little Flowers of Assisi (modern translation). Maybe read it out loud to each other, it’s a light read.

 

[Elf01]

Despite what you say, I believe having that annulment we’ll be a relief for both of you when you get it.

If they both get it. I hate the assumption that annulments are guaranteed if they are applied for.

 

[7_Sorrows]

FrancisPio:

Despite what you say, I believe having that annulment we’ll be a relief for both of you when you get it.

If they both get it. I hate the assumption that annulments are guaranteed if they are applied for.

You are correct. Annulments are not guaranteed!

 

[7_Sorrows]

I am shocked you were converts for 20 years and just recently became aware of
the annulment issue!
Yes, the annulment process is very painful.
I recently went through it, but I am not married, so I can imagine how difficult it
must be for both of you.
It is a long and slow process and it is a roller coaster of emotions waiting for the
outcome. I asked the same questions you did about the divorced and the process and I felt very alone with not a lot of support from the church as I went through the two year ordeal.
I am sure many have left the Church, sadly, or not reverted due to the annulment requirement which definitely needs to be reformed.
You have started the process so I would persevere to the end and see how the
Tribunal rules.
I believe if you live as brother and sister for the time being you can receive the Eucharist, but I am not 100% sure about that so maybe someone else can address that.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

My husband and I have been Catholic converts for well over twenty years. However, when we joined we had no knowledge of the importance of an annulment when one has been married before. It was never brought up to us.

I am sorry you are having to go through this after having been converts for over 20 years.

I am mystified why no one thought to check on this or discuss it with you back when you were going through the conversion process. It seems like somebody dropped the ball, big time. I can see why you are justifiably annoyed at the unpleasant “surprise”.

I am not sure, however, why, if you’re so committed to the Church that you went through the conversion process and are now going through the annulment process, you would want to run out on Mass just because you have made a choice to not “live as brother and sister” and therefore can’t go to Communion. You not going to Communion is your choice; you chose your romantic life over Communion. Also, the attitude that we only go to Mass to receive Communion denigrates the fact that we participate in Jesus’ sacrifice when we attend, even if we cannot receive Communion due to being in a state of mortal sin. While the Eucharistic sacrifice is the focal point of the Mass, we go to participate in it - not solely to receive the Host at the end.

Many of us have had occasions when we were out of the state of grace, or perhaps had not fully completed the conversion process, and thus were attending Mass but not able to receive Communion. With all due respect, I don’t see your case as any different than that.

I hope you will be able to complete the annulment processes and return to Communion soon. Alternatively, you do have the choice to live as brother and sister for this period of time. There are many ways for a couple to love each other very much that do not involve sex; it’s a sacrifice when sex is not available, but most of us who have been married a long time have had to make it sometimes, such as when one partner is physically ill or incapacitated, or is away in military service or on business for a protracted period of time.

 

[KevinK]

They are seldom denied and it seems like pro forma theatre to go through.

 

[Loud-living-dogma]

You have my sympathy! This does sound really painful and difficult process for you.
However – can I say one thing? Thank heaven for Catholic radio!! It’s probably getting you on the right path to heaven!

 

[rcwitness]

My husband and I have been Catholic converts for well over twenty years. However, when we joined we had no knowledge of the importance of an annulment when one has been married before. It was never brought up to us.

Im kinda confused. Could you clarify? You were both previously married, then remarried before converting to the Catholic faith? Were your marriages Christian? When were you Baptised?

We were very active in our church and loved our faith very much. However, while listening to a local Catholic radio station the severity of never having our previous marriages annulled hit me hard. So, now all our paperwork is in to the Tribunal., and we wait. It was pointed out that we either live as brother and sister during this time or not take communion. Still being very much in love after forty years, we decided not to take communion. We are in our seventies.

Not sure how this escaped all of you involved!

It strikes me that although the Church wants people to join, they make it incredibly hard on the divorced. I understand the reasoning, but it scares a great many away. How we didn’t go through the process in the very beginning was a slip up.

Well, divorce has consequences. Living in a marriage which is not a Sacrament has consequences. Being a Christian has consequences. We are called to suffer for righteousness.

At this point, however, we are considering not attending mass until we have been approved. After all, the Eucharist is the focal point of the mass. People have noticed us staying in our seat these past few months, and it causes us to feel chastised for trying to do right. Would not Christ open his arms and welcome us no matter, with our only need to confess it to Him and be forgiven. This whole ordeal has been very painful.

Not attending Mass would seem to be the opposite of what Jesus wants. That is where Christ is waiting for you, with open arms. And His Spirit is the One who will guide you into doing the right thing, along the way!

 

[RedFan]

Suppose the annulment doesn’t come through. What’s Plan B?

 

[philipl]

More info is needed. My wife was divorced when we married. It took only a few week for her to have her first marriage as void because they were married by a JP. So depending on your first marriage it may be a very easy resolution.

 

[Jerusha]

They are seldom denied and it seems like pro forma theatre to go through.

To further elucidate. The pre-annulment screening process is generally effective. Your advocate is qualified to do so. They don’t want to waste their time, and with today’s low-cost annulments, this is essential.

 

[rcwitness]

Something that I have begun to notice more and more, is the lack of proper direction of our frustrations about remarriage issues!

Its the Protestant rejection of the indissolubility of the Sacrament which lead people to think remarriage is fine! And Christians who think Civil marriages are equal to a Sacrament.

This is all due to Christians not looking to Jesus and His Church in all things.

Im not excluding myself, for anyone who thinks im looking down at them. We all fall short because of our tendancy to live according to the flesh. Then we are mystified that we have consequences for walking in the flesh!

We are called to be humble, because His Spirit is humble. We are called to suffer, because His Spirit is opposed to this world. We are called to put Jesus before all relationships, because a relationship that doesnt honor Him first is harmful.

 

[Phemie]

I have to say that for the first 10 or 12 years of my life in this parish I noticed a woman who was at Mass every week. I never noticed that she never went to receive Communion. But one day another parishioner mentioned that she admired that woman for not receiving but always attending. I said, “Oh, I never noticed she doesn’t go up to Communion.” “No, she’s living with someone and knows she’s not worthy, so she abstains. But she never misses Mass.”

If I even notice that someone isn’t going to receive I just assume they’re not fasting or that maybe, like me, have not made it to confession in a timely manner. I’d rather see that than the guy who dumped his wife and 4 kids to go live with another woman go up and receive.

 

[EricF]

I’d like to see the documentation for that. The few couples that I am aware of in our parish seems to be around 50/50

 

[rcwitness]

I’d like to see the documentation for that. The few couples that I am aware of in our parish seems to be around 50/50

Right. Who knows this statistic? Does the Church make these things known to the public?

 

[godisgood77]

I’m sorry that you are going through this.

The good news is, while it is still a difficult process, good Pope Francis’ reforms of the annulment process have simplified it significantly. Thes welcome changes make the process much less bureaucratic and distant.

I hope your request comes to a speedy resolution.

Congratulations on your loving marriage of 40 years.

 

[rcwitness]

Congratulations on your loving marriage of 40 years.

What if the first marriage was valid!?

Then do we still congratulate this one???