Annulment Possible and Being Able to Receive Communion After Divorce?

[naomanos6]

Just a little background. My soon-to-be ex-wife (divorcing in June) and I are both lapsed baptized Catholics. Both rebelled in our teens and left the church.Both attended other churches, was not married in a Catholic church nor by a Catholic priest.

Due to a schedule change at work, the only option for me it seems for church is to return to the Catholic church because of the Saturday evening mass. No other church in my area has a Saturday evening service.

With the above said, I do not want to return to the Catholic church if I can not participate fully, that means being able to take communion and I know I can’t if I decide to get remarried (not looking, but am open to the possibility in the distant future) unless there is an annulment.

I think there is something called lack of form? Does that apply in this situation since we did not get permission to wed outside the Catholic church and by someone other than a Catholic priest? If I am able to do a “lack of form” does this mean that I am clear to take communion as well as remarry if I choose?

I am asking here because I do not want to speak to a priest at this time. I prefer to speak to other Catholic laity.

Thanks in advance!

 

[1ke]

Due to a schedule change at work, the only option for me it seems for church is to return to the Catholic church because of the Saturday evening mass. No other church in my area has a Saturday evening service.

I hope that’s not the “only” reason you are coming back-- I hope you also find returning to the sacramental life fills you with grace.

I think there is something called lack of form? Does that apply in this situation since we did not get permission to wed outside the Catholic church and by someone other than a Catholic priest?

Yes. That is what lack of form means. There is no presumption of validity of such a marriage. It is not a decree of nullity, but rather some paperwork you complete.

If I am able to do a “lack of form” does this mean that I am clear to take communion as well as remarry if I choose?

Yes. You would not need to apply for lack of form paperwork in order to resume the sacramental life. But you would need to do so if and when you want to pursue freedom to marry. However, you can certainly do it right away and have your status of freedom to marry fully resolved right away.

I am asking here because I do not want to speak to a priest at this time. I prefer to speak to other Catholic laity.

Well, I will politely suggest that you may not get correct answers from those on a public message board. There are people who are more and less informed about marriage, divorce, and decrees of nullity floating around on the internet.

I do encourage you to talk to your local pastor. I know it can feel overwhelming after being away so long, but this is the Year of Mercy and just like the father of the prodigal son, the Church rejoices at your return.

 

[naomanos6]

Yes. You would not need to apply for lack of form paperwork in order to resume the sacramental life. But you would need to do so if and when you want to pursue freedom to marry. However, you can certainly do it right away and have your status of freedom to marry fully resolved right away.

Just for clarification, I can still take communion even with being divorced and without the lack of form paperwork being filled out?

 

[Phemie]

Just a little background. My soon-to-be ex-wife (divorcing in June) and I are both lapsed baptized Catholics. Both rebelled in our teens and left the church.Both attended other churches, was not married in a Catholic church nor by a Catholic priest.

Due to a schedule change at work, the only option for me it seems for church is to return to the Catholic church because of the Saturday evening mass. No other church in my area has a Saturday evening service.

With the above said, I do not want to return to the Catholic church if I can not participate fully, that means being able to take communion and I know I can’t if I decide to get remarried (not looking, but am open to the possibility in the distant future) unless there is an annulment.

I think there is something called lack of form? Does that apply in this situation since we did not get permission to wed outside the Catholic church and by someone other than a Catholic priest? If I am able to do a “lack of form” does this mean that I am clear to take communion as well as remarry if I choose?

I am asking here because I do not want to speak to a priest at this time. I prefer to speak to other Catholic laity.

Thanks in advance!

If you are Catholic and got married outside the Church without a dispensation your marriage is not considered valid so no annulment would be required.

Go talk to a priest to see what you have to do to return to the sacraments. You may not need to do anything beyond confession at this point, though you would probably have to present documentation to your diocesan Tribunal if you should decide to get married down the road.

 

[pensmama87]

Just for clarification, I can still take communion even with being divorced and without the lack of form paperwork being filled out?

My understanding is that you would need to go to confession first since you have not been practicing. Priests are very happy to help people return to the church and will gladly walk you through everything you need to do. Welcome back!

 

[Catholic1954]

Just for clarification, I can still take communion even with being divorced and without the lack of form paperwork being filled out?

You must go to confession first and confess all remembered mortal sins; this can be done at any regularly scheduled confession time (or by appointment with a priest) at any Catholic Church.

 

[1ke]

Just for clarification, I can still take communion even with being divorced and without the lack of form paperwork being filled out?

Yes. First step would be the Sacrament of Reconciliation. After that, certainly you could receive communion. If you were never confirmed, you can also talk to your pastor about that as well.

 

[naomanos6]

Thank you for your replies.

I guess another question would be is would I be required to teach my kids Catholicism?

That will be a huge sticking point as far as their mom goes. She wants nothing to do with the Catholic church and doesn’t want our kids raised in the Catholic faith. It would cause undue hardship on me.

Also, I get the kids every other week. I will be going to mass alone and I’m pretty sure that my local Catholic church does not have a place for the kids to go to, like other churches that I have been to. My kids are three and one. For me to bring both would not be easy for me alone as the three year old doesn’t sit still for very long, and the one year neither.

Am I okay to go to Mass every other Saturday for this reason? If not, what am I supposed to do?

Oh and, this is rather embarrassing to ask, but can I receive communion even though I have had a vasectomy?

 

[naomanos6]

I would like to explain the vasectomy in more detail as to why it happened.

After my wife and I separated, the only place I could go was back home to live with my parents as I could not support myself. My parents graciously took me back in and I have been rebuilding my life ever since.

I was required to get the vasectomy if I wanted to continue to live with my parents. They quite literally would have kicked me out if I did not and the last thing I needed was to have no where to go. I would have ended up on the street as I have no real friends as I had made my wife everything which I am realizing was a huge mistake.

There reasoning is that I have seven kids. Two with my soon-to-be ex-wife and five with a previous girlfriend who never wanted to get married. They did not want me to get into another relationship and risk getting another woman pregnant adding to the amount of kids that I have.

So it was get the vasectomy or live on the streets. So I was essentially forced into getting the vasectomy. I would not have chosen it on my own and I felt forced into it as I needed to keep a roof over my head.

Will this keep me from being able to take communion?

 

[1ke]

Thank you for your replies.

I guess another question would be is would I be required to teach my kids Catholicism?

That will be a huge sticking point as far as their mom goes. She wants nothing to do with the Catholic church and doesn’t want our kids raised in the Catholic faith. It would cause undue hardship on me.

Your children are very young. I would suggest that we are all called to evangelize. That means sharing the Good News of Jesus, who we are as people of faith, what our faith means to us, etc.

Your children will learn this from you by watching what you do and how you live. In this way you will be able to “teach them Catholicism”. Do you have to send the to religion classes? No. Not necessarily. You are in a situation where that is not an option for you.

Perhaps when they are older they will want to inquire more into the Catholic faith based on your example to them.

It is a difficult situation, one your pastor can help you with. There are many Catholics who find themselves in similar situations,

Also, I get the kids every other week. I will be going to mass alone and I’m pretty sure that my local Catholic church does not have a place for the kids to go to, like other churches that I have been to. My kids are three and one. For me to bring both would not be easy for me alone as the three year old doesn’t sit still for very long, and the one year neither.

Am I okay to go to Mass every other Saturday for this reason? If not, what am I supposed to do?

It’s something to talk to your pastor about. Care of infants (which includes young children) is a legitimate reason to miss mass. Your pastor can also give you a dispensation in various circumstances. It is really a pastoral issue best worked out with your pastor. It is easier as children get older.

Oh and, this is rather embarrassing to ask, but can I receive communion even though I have had a vasectomy?

Yes.

 

[1ke]

I was required to get the vasectomy if I wanted to continue to live with my parents. They quite literally would have kicked me out if I did not and the last thing I needed was to have no where to go. I would have ended up on the street as I have no real friends as I had made my wife everything which I am realizing was a huge mistake.

Wow that is pretty awful. I am sorry your parents issued such a frankly appalling ultimatum.

There reasoning is that I have seven kids. Two with my soon-to-be ex-wife and five with a previous girlfriend who never wanted to get married. They did not want me to get into another relationship and risk getting another woman pregnant adding to the amount of kids that I have.

That is not their business.

So it was get the vasectomy or live on the streets. So I was essentially forced into getting the vasectomy. I would not have chosen it on my own and I felt forced into it as I needed to keep a roof over my head.

Will this keep me from being able to take communion?

It is not anyone’s business why you got a vasectomy. I do encourage to talk to your Pastor about your life and get some spiritual counsel, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot.

A vasectomy will not prevent your return to the sacraments.

 

[naomanos6]

Wow that is pretty awful. I am sorry your parents issued such a frankly appalling ultimatum.

That is not their business.

It is not anyone’s business why you got a vasectomy. I do encourage to talk to your Pastor about your life and get some spiritual counsel, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot.

A vasectomy will not prevent your return to the sacraments.

Thank you very much for your replies.

I tried to speak with a Pastor today, but there was no one available. I will try during confession on Friday or Saturday.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Thank you very much for your replies.

I tried to speak with a Pastor today, but there was no one available. I will try during confession on Friday or Saturday.

There are several cues that you would benifit greatly by enrolling in an RCIA program.
Mass times and “taking” communion along with an admitted lack of catechisis indicate that we should be directing you to your priest and then he will direct you from there.
Hopefully you will be able to see your conversion as something more than paperwork or job schedule issues.

Welcome!

 

[Phemie]

There are several cues that you would benifit greatly by enrolling in an RCIA program.
**“taking” communion **
Welcome!

“Taking” Communion is an expression that has been around at least since I was kid and I’m 62.

Considering that we “take” something when it’s offered to us and we “take” medicine, meaning we consume it, I really hate when Catholics try to make other Catholics feel bad for using that expression and insinuate that its use means they don’t understand what they’re doing.

 

[naomanos6]

“Taking” Communion is an expression that has been around at least since I was kid and I’m 62.

Considering that we “take” something when it’s offered to us and we “take” medicine, meaning we consume it, I really hate when Catholics try to make other Catholics feel bad for using that expression and insinuate that its use means they don’t understand what they’re doing.

I didn’t even notice that.

My grandparents always used the phrase take communion. I use take/receive interchangeably.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

“Taking” Communion is an expression that has been around at least since I was kid and I’m 62.

Considering that we “take” something when it’s offered to us and we “take” medicine, meaning we consume it, I really hate when Catholics try to make other Catholics feel bad for using that expression and insinuate that its use means they don’t understand what they’re doing.

Point taken. It’s just not common where I am. And it’s usually an indicator that there may be some Eucharistic misconceptions. Coupled with the op’s decision to join (revert) for scheduling reasons I assume there is not a tight bond with or understanding of the Eucharist, as it has not been practiced in the recent past.

But yes, one can use that terminology. But one rarely does in current modern Catholic conversation…

 

[Phemie]

Point taken. It’s just not common where I am. And it’s usually an indicator that there may be some Eucharistic misconceptions. Coupled with the op’s decision to join (revert) for scheduling reasons I assume there is not a tight bond with or understanding of the Eucharist, as it has not been practiced in the recent past.

But yes, one can use that terminology. But one rarely does in current modern Catholic conversation…

Honestly, until I came to these forums I’d never heard of anyone having a problem with this expression and here a slip of the keyboard and people pounce. It may very well not be common where you are but in my neck of the woods it is. What was it Jesus said? Oh yes, “Take and eat… take and drink…”

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Honestly, until I came to these forums I’d never heard of anyone having a problem with this expression and here a slip of the keyboard and people pounce. It may very well not be common where you are but in my neck of the woods it is. What was it Jesus said? Oh yes, “Take and eat… take and drink…”

It honestly doesn’t matter to me.

 

[naomanos6]

Went to confession this morning and talked with the priest regarding the issues that I mentioned here. I have bee given forgiveness, given penance and am able to return to taking communion.

The only thing he warned me against was that if I decide in the future to get involved with another woman to be sure that I have already done the lack of form. Otherwise, I will no longer be able to take communion until I do the lack of form.

 

[1ke]

Went to confession this morning and talked with the priest regarding the issues that I mentioned here. I have bee given forgiveness, given penance and am able to return to taking communion.

The only thing he warned me against was that if I decide in the future to get involved with another woman to be sure that I have already done the lack of form. Otherwise, I will no longer be able to take communion until I do the lack of form.

Awesome!!!