Annulment Question

[boudjamr]

I have been civilly divorced for three and 1/2 years. The marriage was a bad one: adultery, drug abuse, you name it. I have moved on met a wonderful woman who I’m now engaged. I am going through the annulment process. It has been over a year; it’s with the defender of the bond… Is there any way to speed up the process; the defender has had it for over four months. Our parish priest has allowed us to set a date, but we are getting nervous…the date is only five months away.

 

[kage_ar]

A search of this forum with the word “Annulment” will bring you to many other threads.

One of the things I remind people is to use the correct terms. The term “getting an annulment” is not accurate, your marriage is under review by the Tribunal to determine if it was valid.

Until that investigation is complete, the marriage is considered to be valid.

If the Tribunal finds your marriage was not valid, they will issue a Decree of Nullity. At that time, you can consider yourself free to date and get engaged and marry again.

Until that decision comes back, it is best to put the romance on HOLD. You should act as if you are a married person, and married people do not date other people.

Pray, stay close to Jesus and he will give you the strength to do what is right.

 

[nicolef]

I have been through the process and I feel for your situation.

First of all, unless your parish priest has some indication that the case will be settled and nullity delcared, you should not set a date (actually,I don’t like second-guessing the priest, but he should not be allowing a date to be set). I was not allowed to set a date until the final judgement was given and the second instance (review and confirmation of the original verdict) was received- it was a relatively clear case as well. If at all possible, I would delay the wedding date, as hard as it may be for you, better now than to be faced with the possibility later.

Call your parish priest and have him contact the tribunal office and see what the status is or call yourself and ask the administrative assistant if they can release any updates on where the case is and if a review date has been set by the tribunal. You may be able to ask what the ‘normal’ review time is for the defender of the bond and have the priest ask if there is any more information that is needed for the review to be completed. You are to expect to be treated fairly with the process, but there is not usually much you can do to ‘hurry along the process’. Even suggesting this because you have a date set will not be beneficial.
Unfortunately, sometimes the process is slow, 1 year is not unusual, mine was around 2 years. Also remember that there must be a second instance (review/confirmation) after the first instance, 1 month to complete this seems to be typical. The case has to be sent to a second tribunal for review, and that takes a bit of time.

Best of luck to you and your situation. Spend some time in prayer and ask for patience (I certianly spent a lot of time doing that as well).

 

[msugeotech]

Unfortunately, there is not a “speed up” process. Mine process lasted a year. If the Tribunal is backed up with cases to review, it may take longer than it would under normal circumstances. I agree that a date should not have been set, as it is not recommended until a Decree of Nullity has been issued (assuming you receive an affirmative decision).

Even if you receive an affirmative decision in the First Instance, the case still has to go to an Appellate Tribunal for a Second Instance Review - this is a mandatory process. They will affirm the decision, or disagree with it. If they affirm the decision, then the Decree of Nullity will be issued. This could also take time depending on how busy they are.

I personally would be looking at postponing the wedding indefinitely, as well as slowing down with your current fiance. You are still married in the eyes of the Church, and this might fall under scandal.

 

[msugeotech]

Or, what nicolef said.

Sorry, I didn’t completely read your post until after I replied.

 

[boudjamr]

Thanks, for the reply.

The priest allowed the date to be set because there is every indication that the marriage will be annulled. Regardless…planning has taken place…money spent.

I had only the tribunal and my priest to rely on…

It’s easy to say to postpone things indefinitely, but not easy financially. I understand the process takes time, but the tribunal judge’s secretary says the normal time for defender of the bond is 4-6 weeks. It has been 4 months… I have no answer to why it has taken longer…is there any recourse to get a better idea of when the defender will be finished.

Also if a priest allows me to set a date to be married; how can my relationship be seen as scandalous.

 

[kage_ar]

Also if a priest allows me to set a date to be married; how can my relationship be seen as scandalous.

It is a confusing thing that your Priest would have permitted such.

Remember, the decree of nullity is never a certainty until it is issued. Many marriages are found to be valid by the Tribunals.

I would suggest you get a copy of Ed Peter’s or Jimmy Akin’s book on the topic. If you go up to the SHOP link at top of this page, and type in ANNULMENT in the search, you will find one or both.

 

[agapewolf]

I’m sorry that you were mislead, but it is indeed scandalous as you are still a married person.

I’m sorry that money was spent, it shouldn’t have.

But wouldn’t you rather have an accurate conclusion to the annulment than a fast one? Please understand that the church, in her mercy, does not want you to attempt to marry someone when you are already married.

Please keep this in perspective. Forget about the money. It’s not as important as your soul

 

[boudjamr]

Sorry that I was misled? Forget about the money?

I’m sorry, but it seems to me you have your head in the clouds…

I was asking for answers about the tribunal process…not about my pending marriage.

I am not in fear of my soul because of my engagement…There is only one judgement and you don’t happen to be that judge.

The parish priest has given his approval…I basically wanted to know if anyone else had problems at a certain step of the process and what/if anything could be done.

 

[agapewolf]

No, my head is not in the clouds.

I am quite grounded, really. Please look at this objectively. Your marriage is still presumed to be valid. You are “engaged” to someone else. I’m not doing any judging, (I never said you were going to hell). I am merely presenting the facts as they are in relation to what the church teaches. It’s quite simple really.

Now that you know the truth. Money is in no way as important as your soul. There are plenty of stories on here of all sorts of priests teaching heresies, being disobedient to the church, or are otherwise misguided. Your priest was mistaken to let you set a date, or otherwise “approve”. Your conscience has now been informed. Please, now, “Form” your conscience in align with the church.

You come here presenting yourself in a scandalous relationship, you aren’t going to skirt by without people being concerned about your spiritual welfare and the consequences that come with it. You want to “speed up” the process, but instead, I am suggesting that you pray for an accurate conclusion, not a speedy one. Since there is a hold up, it is a possibility that there is some validity found in your marriage consent. What if you don’t get the declaration of nullity? NO ONE can presume that it is a slam dunk. Therefore you have invested emotionally and financially in a wedding day that wont’ happen, and have broken the heart of someone else.

I meet with couples all the time that have invested so much money in the wedding day but haven’t given much thought to the marriage (not saying this is you). The problem here is because so much is financially invested in the wedding, they are very reluctant to call it off. Therefore, in some ways, they are sometimes not free to give consent to the vows and then the marriage could be argued to be invalid.

Money is NOT as important as keeping the sacrament guarded and holy.

 

[dulcissima]

Priests really aren’t supposed to schedule weddings for this very reason.

I totally understand where you are at though, having gone through the process myself. It’s worse than watching a pot of water, waiting for it to boil.

I know that you have gone through the soul searching, consulted with your priest, and submitted the paperwork. I know what it feels like to know that truth and still be waiting for the confirmation so you can get on with things.

Mine took about a year. I know someone whose took much longer because their ex was contesting it, so it really was gone over with a fine tooth comb. Do you know if your ex participated and if so was she cooperative? Do you also know if an expert, such as a psychologist, was needed? That can add more time. I think Lent also tends to slow things down as well.

 

[boudjamr]

Thank you dulcissima…

I have gone through the soul searching, consulted with my priest, and submitted the paperwork.

My diocese uses a psychologist on all cases as standard practice. His report was submitted at the same time as the witness’ statements. There was no contesting by my ex.(she has even remarried out of church).

The psychologist has been doing this for the diocese for over 20 years. He told me at the end of the interview that my case was, in no certain terms, almost assured to be invalidated.

This process was going along smoothly unitl it got to this stage… I have been told that the diocese is busy during these months because of the holidays and that I should not worry.

I am not worried about a finding that the marriage was valid, only that this step has taken long enough for me to worry about timing and planning.

 

[dulcissima]

Of course there are no guarantees, but my guess is that you will hear after Easter. Of course you will then have the second instance to wait on. So, I can see why you feel like it is getting down to the wire.

 

[1ke]

It has been over a year; it’s with the defender of the bond… Is there any way to speed up the process; the defender has had it for over four months.

No, there is not a way to “speed it up.” The length depends in large part on how busy the tribunal in your diocese is and how it is staffed. You can certainly ask questions of the tribunal and your advocate. But, ultimately, no you cannot speed it up.

Our parish priest has allowed us to set a date, but we are getting nervous…the date is only five months away.

IMHO it was very unwise of your priest to do this. You might have to move your date.

 

[1ke]

I am not worried about a finding that the marriage was valid.

Are you prepared for the possibility that your marriage will be found valid?

You have an engagement, and a wedding date, money spent, plans made. What will you do if your first marriage is found to be valid? That is why those of us here have cautioned you that you are taking a great emotional and spiritual risk by having gone so far down the road to remarriage when you are not yet free to do so.

 

[boudjamr]

I am prepared…I believe it is unlikely to be found so…I would consider it a travesty.

I was married for 3 1/2 years… I stuck it out only because of my upbringing… I did everything I could to make it work. In the end, she left after being caught cheating for the third time, after counseling, after the drug abuse. There was no alternative, but to move on.

What more could have been done? The psychologist that handles the dioceses cases was fairly astonished at how bad things were.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Hi Boudjamr,
I guess some of us are just surprised or disappointed that your priest ok’d the engagement/setting the date when there was no decree of nullity to show your marriage was invalid, leading you to your current situation. Assuming that it is known with 100% certainty that it is be invalid (which its not known), he still wouldn’t have been able to know how long it would take. The Church teaches very clearly that without the decree of nullity, no marriage can take place. From Canon Law:
“Can. 1085 §1. A person bound by the bond of a prior marriage, even if it was not consummated, invalidly attempts marriage.
§2. Even if the prior marriage is invalid or dissolved for any reason, it is not on that account permitted to contract another before the nullity or dissolution of the prior marriage is established legitimately and certainly.”
Aside from calling your priest and whoever told you that it usually takes less time, I don’t have any other ideas of how to find out why it is taking longer than usual. Nevertheless, like I think someone else mentioned, each case is different, which means each case could take a different amount of time, and, more important than a speedy study is a thorough and correct one. I just don’t know why this wasn’t explained to you earlier and more clearly so you wouldn’t find yourself invested so much, monetarily and emotionally, until you actually had your decree of nullity and were free to marry, no worries no time crunches.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

The process can take a long time. Mine took 20 months. The witnesses had to be contacted and send their testimonies in. They took a while asking for counseling records. There were 250 other cases in the docket during that time and a staff of 3 people or something like that.

Most parishes I know of won’t even do pre-Cana counselling until the parties can prove they are free to marry. Meaning you have the decree of nullity IN HAND. I was told by my confessor that no matter how bad my marriage and how much of a slam dunk it looked like, until I had that decree in hand, I was to behave as a married woman. That would mean No dating. No falling in love. No engagements. No renting halls.

Sometimes a decree is denied. Sometimes the decree is granted but restrictions can be placed on one or BOTH parties about their suitability to contract a valid marriage in the church.

Money doesn’t matter. This isn’t head in the cloud stuff. It’s Jesus’s words about “what profiteth a man if he gains the whole world yet suffers the loss of his immortal soul.”

You can’t hurry it up. Your priest should have been more careful in his advice.

Let God decide when you marry. Place your life in His hands and His timing. Your marriage was a travesty. God was lacking in that union perhaps. Do it His way this time, the both of you, and you’ll have a happy life together. There are rewards for patience and obedience. Get this marriage off on the right foot. You won’t regret it in the long run.

 

[Seatuck]

I’m disappointed with the priests advice as well. A Catholic should not even be dating without a decree of nullity in hand.

 

[LaLucia]

Life is not perfect… we do not live in a perfect world… sometimes there are glitches where the ANNULMENT PAPERS CAN BE LOST OR MISPLACED!!! That happened to a friend of mine. She had to wait 6 more months to get her annulment.

Your priest assumed that everything was going to work out as you planned since you have a good case for an annulment according to “your side of the story”.

I noticed that you are blaming your ex-wife and not yourself. Sometimes Tribunals question the qrounds for annulment based on the fact that the ex-spouse is blamed for all of the marriage problems. I believe you when you say that your ex-wife caused you grief.
But maybe…THE DEFENDER OF THE BOND" who doesn’t know you at all may be wondering what really happened in your marriage.

You better have your priest call the Tribunal and ask why it is taking so long for an answer.
Like I have said… life doesn’t always go perfect as planned.

You came to us asking us why the defender of the bond is holding up your annulment.
MY ANSWER IS… WE DON’T KNOW WHY…

Call the Tribunal and find out why.