Annulment?

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emmye905

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Hi,

I’m interested in starting to attend Mass and possibly RCIA this fall and I am divorced. My ex-husband and I had an extremely bad relationship, he was incredibly emotionally abusive, and started to become physically abusive at the end. I did things in the relationship I’m not proud of, including encouraging an open relationship for both of us with another woman in my desperation to take his attention off of me because he was so viciously cruel to me. He was baptized Catholic as a child and then fell away. Our divorce took 5 months and he remarried 5 months after that. He was married twice before we had gotten married and we have no children together (he had a vasectomy after having 2 kids with his first wife). He spent our entire marriage lying to me about who he really was (he told me he was an Anglican priest who went to seminary, told outrageous stories about how he was abused, etc).

I’m afraid if I decide to join the church I will have to contact him in order to get an annulment. I am still afraid of him because of the abuse and I know he won’t tell the truth about anything.

Does anyone know what might happen in my case if I decide to apply for an annulment so I can join the Church?
 
Emmye,

Sorry you went through all that, but happy that you got out. For the annulment, you need to fill out some paperwork. Explain everything - do not be ashamed, or hold anything back. As for contacting him, you will not have to. You will need to supply his address and such so that paperwork can be sent to him if he wants to fight the annulment - but being married he may not even respond (I know that for mine, my ex did not respond also - as far as I know). So the Church will go by your account of things.

Do not worry, trust in God and all will work out.

Remember you are not alone. We are here to support and help you. Just ask. 🙂

May God grant you peace and happiness.

Winter
 
Thank you! 🙂

What if I don’t know his address? He lived with quite a few different women before he married this wife and I know he lives in Maine, but I’m not sure what his address is. What would happen then?
 
emmye905 said:
Hi,

I’m interested in starting to attend Mass and possibly RCIA this fall and I am divorced. My ex-husband and I had an extremely bad relationship, he was incredibly emotionally abusive, and started to become physically abusive at the end. I did things in the relationship I’m not proud of, including encouraging an open relationship for both of us with another woman in my desperation to take his attention off of me because he was so viciously cruel to me. He was baptized Catholic as a child and then fell away. Our divorce took 5 months and he remarried 5 months after that. He was married twice before we had gotten married and we have no children together (he had a vasectomy after having 2 kids with his first wife). He spent our entire marriage lying to me about who he really was (he told me he was an Anglican priest who went to seminary, told outrageous stories about how he was abused, etc).

I’m afraid if I decide to join the church I will have to contact him in order to get an annulment. I am still afraid of him because of the abuse and I know he won’t tell the truth about anything.

Does anyone know what might happen in my case if I decide to apply for an annulment so I can join the Church?
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Did you marry him in a Catholic Church or have a dispensation to marry elsewhere? If he was a baptized Catholic who had been married twice before, he would have had to have both of those prior marriages annulled before marrying you.

If that did not occur, you will simply need an administrative process called a lack of form. You’ll need to provide the tribunal with his name, address, your marriage license, and the location and approximate date of his baptism. (And I mean approximate – year is often enough). This is a relatively quick process.

Your first step is to contact your local parish!

Good luck!
 
Annulments are granted on a case by case basis; you need to contact a wise and holy priest who can access your marriage situation and help you file for an annulment, if you need one. There may be conditions in your case where you would not need one, but only a priest can tell you for sure. Please call you local parish soon and set up an appointment, the priest will be happy to answer all of your questions, issues and concerns and enroll you in the RCIA program. 👋
 
I would suggest attending your local Catholic Church this weekend for Mass and introduce yourself to Father after Mass. Ask to schedule an appointment to speak about your situation with him.

If he’s not busy, he might meet with you right then. Otherwise, he will either schedule a meeting with you right there (if he knows his calendar) or ask you to call him on Monday to schedule a sit down if he doesn’t know his calendar.

God Bless!
 
To Emmy,

Do not rely on opinions online. Do not talk to church office staff. Either make an appointment to talk directly to a priest about your concerns or directly to the diocese tribunal office. Ask for an advocate to assist you.

Otherwise you will get 1000’s of wrong opinions.
 
Casilda said:
To Emmy,

Do not rely on opinions online. Do not talk to church office staff. Either make an appointment to talk directly to a priest about your concerns or directly to the diocese tribunal office. Ask for an advocate to assist you.

Otherwise you will get 1000’s of wrong opinions.
Click to expand...
👍
 
The canon lawyers in your diocese have all the answers. I’m sure a parish priest will direct you to one of them. I heard one speak at an RCIA leaders workshop where we learned that these people are there to help you in any way they can. If a person feels he/she would be in danger from an estranged, abusive spouse, there are ways to complete the process without revealing that person’s contact information. Canon lawyers deal with each other all across the country. Like I say, they have the answers.
 
emmye905 said:
I’m afraid if I decide to join the church I will have to contact him in order to get an annulment. I am still afraid of him because of the abuse and I know he won’t tell the truth about anything.

Does anyone know what might happen in my case if I decide to apply for an annulment so I can join the Church?
Click to expand...
Emmy,

If you enter into the nullity process, you won’t have to contact your ex.

Moreover, if you’re concerned that you might be exposed to abuse, don’t worry: let your advocate know about your concerns that your testimony might expose you to harm. They’ll protect you from exposure to harm at the hands of your ex.
 
RCbkr said:
The canon lawyers in your diocese have all the answers. I’m sure a parish priest will direct you to one of them. I heard one speak at an RCIA leaders workshop where we learned that these people are there to help you in any way they can. If a person feels he/she would be in danger from an estranged, abusive spouse, there are ways to complete the process without revealing that person’s contact information. Canon lawyers deal with each other all across the country. Like I say, they have the answers.
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I know any number of people who were granted decrees of nullity without ever talking to a Canon Lawyer.
 
Phemie said:
I know any number of people who were granted decrees of nullity without ever talking to a Canon Lawyer.
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Nevertheless, it’s good to hear that canon lawyers “have all the answers.”

Dan
 
Phemie said:
I know any number of people who were granted decrees of nullity without ever talking to a Canon Lawyer.
Click to expand...
Talking to a canon lawyer isn’t strictly necessary in all cases. Sometimes, if the case is fairly straightforward, it’s not needed. However, to give Dan his props (as he is a fantastic resource, and I’m not saying that just to stroke his ego 😉 ) they can be VERY helpful in navigating through complex cases and/or difficult situations, such as cases where multiple marriages are involved, among others.
 
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