Annulments/support group

[CouldBNE1]

Thank you. It is nice to have some sense of encouragement! I know Lack of Form for a Catholic marrying outside the Church is usually fairly easy to file, and does not require the formal process.
Unfortunately, I find it’s us Non-Catholics that usually don’t get the luxury of that path. The majority of the converts I know have all had to face the long drawn out formal process of annulment. A lot of us don’t understand half of it and become very overwhelmed very quickly.

Thank goodness for Dan and this forum or I would have never made it this far!

Keeping you close and hoping that you all get resolution soon, as I know how important it is to be able to start fresh. I’m feeling blessed.

 

[Huiou_Theou]

The parish isnt releasing directly to me but the the Deacon helping me. Wouldn’t they be willing to send it to your advcocate, I believe they have to if its for a Tribunal case by Canon law. Don’t give up!

I think you’re right, but they specifically refused when I offered that they could talk with my priest advocate. She said the tribunal itself had to contact her or the parish could not send the document; and she then claimed that it was illegal for any non tribunal personnel except my ex-wife to obtain a copy.

My ex-wife filed for an annulment as well, so the document should have been in her annulment petition. I would think the tribunal could copy the document from her case and use it in mine, or vice versa. According to the petition filing order, she had to have filed over a year ago. So, the normal procedure is clearly not being followed. The mess is probably difficult to clean up because no one wants to admit what they did…

When I wrote the tribunal concerning the problems I was having with their requests, the head of the tribunal (a priest/monsignor) wrote me back and said that they wanted to treat us as “co-petitioners” since we both object to the marriage. This situation, according to him, is “not a common occurrence”.

Then the monsignor said:

On December 14th, we sent a new petition form to *******. This form complies with the requirement of the new law. We have asked her to sign it and return it to us as soon as possible. As soon as we have received it and admitted it, we shall send it to you. You will have a number of options from simply signing the form indicating your consent and/or agreement to the petition to objecting to the petition. My suggestion would be that you indicate your consent and and agreement to the petition.

…snip…

I assure you that we will keep you informed as the case proceeds and also that you are welcome to contact us at any point to request an update.

Considering how tangled the problems have been so far, his note almost makes me think we are effectively starting over. I also get the strange feeling that I’m being warned that something is going on that can’t really be talked about, but that I had better just agree to whatever petition the tribunal comes up with or else the progress will become very unpleasant.

I have absolutely no idea why those new changes back on December 8th affect my case. My advocate said they don’t apply. So, unless my ex misrepresented some facts in a rather serious way and gets caught… we’re definitely headed in a strange direction.

The anxiety issues are not good. What I would expect to happen, and what is happening … are not anywhere close to each other.

I don’t want to be a pest asking the tribunal what is going on too often; but I am definitely climbing the walls, mentally. I don’t even have a clue as to how long I should wait before asking if my putative-non wife ever returned the petition. eg: I don’t know what’s on the new petition form.

 

[Peebo]

I can feel the pain many of you are going through…especially those who have converted/are converting from the Protestant faith…my wife was Methodist…a church going christian all her life…took her children to Sunday school and church every Sunday…her husband left her with nothing…gave her divorce papers on their thirtieth wedding anniversary and walked out the door and moved in with his girlfriend he’d been seeing behind her back…he refused any mediation counseling…naturally she was totally devastated…we have been happily married now for going on fifteen years…my first wife had passed away so I didn’t have to file for annulment…plus I am a Catholic…she has been coming to mass with me for a number of years and has come to love the mass…she decided to become Catholic in 2014 and started RCIA plus began the annulment process…it has been very painful…especially for a Protestant who grew up to believe in their marriage vows but also to believe that there are circumstances where marriages do fail and that God will show forgiveness to those who sincerely seek it…and after she had found the truth and beauty in the Catholic faith it is then implied that now she is an adulterer and needs to seek an annulment…then she has to go through a long painful process of detailing her first marriage plus the stress of not knowing even if she will be granted the annulment…it has taken sixteen months and and a lot of heartache but finally her annulment was executed yesterday…she is just waiting for it to arrive in the mail…she is looking forward to having our marriage convalidated…being confirmed and receiving the Holy Eucharist and becoming more involved in our parish…I have never told her of this CAF website because of some of the posts I have read by Catholics who seem to delight in telling others of their adulterous relationships…or that as a Catholic it’s all my fault and shouldn’t have married her…she didn’t need to hear any of that as those types probably would have turned her away from the Catholic Church…as a Catholic I accept what the Catholic Church teaches on divorce and remarriage…I don’t agree that those coming into the church from different denominations should have to go through the same process as Catholics because there is no annulment process in other denominations…marriage is taken just as seriously I believe in those denominations but they also believe that Gods mercy and forgiveness is enough for those who sincerely ask for it…it certainly hasn’t been a spiritually rewarding experience for her although she did accept the churches position…I hope and pray for those of you who are still going through the process will soon be received into the church…God bless

 

[AnchoredInHope]

Peebo, thank you so much. It really is hard to be a convert coming from another faith and immediatly hitting this kind of giant wall to climb before even being fully included. its definetly hard reopening old wounds that I had healed on my own years ago and now I’m having to “deal with it” again. I don’t find this process healing at all but people like yourself remind me why I’m doing this. I know it will be worth in in the end but I hurt for all the people who understandably give up.

 

[Peebo]

Peebo, thank you so much. It really is hard to be a convert coming from another faith and immediatly hitting this kind of giant wall to climb before even being fully included. its definetly hard reopening old wounds that I had healed on my own years ago and now I’m having to “deal with it” again. I don’t find this process healing at all but people like yourself remind me why I’m doing this. I know it will be worth in in the end but I hurt for all the people who understandably give up.

Yes…that’s sad for those who have given up…some of my cousins (Catholics) who divorced and remarried have left the church…I honestly don’t know the circumstances…whether they sought annulments and were denied…whether they just didn’t want to go through the whole process…or whether they felt guilty because their divorces happened years ago when it definitely was a stigma for Catholics…it’s sad for them and sad for those Protestants who would have loved to become Catholic but because of the pain couldn’t go through with it

 

[rose2]

It is now about two and a half years since I asked to appeal the original decision of the tribunal and submitted more evidence. The appeal tribunal agreed there is a case to answer in September 2014 My local tribunal then took a year before informing me in September 2015 who my Advocate is. Dan kindly told me it could take years to hear from the Rota. In the meantime my husband is waiting to be baptised. Please help me to be patient through your prayers as I am now having been very calm about it all getting very tense.
My advocate was in touch to acknowledge an email in September with my contact details. I emailed again 3 weeks ago to ask if there was any progress with no reply. Is there anything I can do?

 

[rose2]

It is now about two and a half years since I asked to appeal the original decision of the tribunal and submitted more evidence. The appeal tribunal agreed there is a case to answer in September 2014 My local tribunal then took a year before informing me in September 2015 who my Advocate is. Dan kindly told me it could take years to hear from the Rota. In the meantime my husband is waiting to be baptised. Please help me to be patient through your prayers as I am now having been very calm about it all getting very tense.
My advocate was in touch to acknowledge an email in September with my contact details. I emailed again 3 weeks ago to ask if there was any progress with no reply. Is there anything I can do?

I have just heard from my advocate who tells me “We’re waiting the expertise on the acts by the psychologist.” It sounds as thought things are moving forward but slowly.

 

[Convert1]

I can feel the pain many of you are going through…especially those who have converted/are converting from the Protestant faith…my wife was Methodist…a church going christian all her life…took her children to Sunday school and church every Sunday…her husband left her with nothing…gave her divorce papers on their thirtieth wedding anniversary and walked out the door and moved in with his girlfriend he’d been seeing behind her back…he refused any mediation counseling…naturally she was totally devastated…we have been happily married now for going on fifteen years…my first wife had passed away so I didn’t have to file for annulment…plus I am a Catholic…she has been coming to mass with me for a number of years and has come to love the mass…she decided to become Catholic in 2014 and started RCIA plus began the annulment process…it has been very painful…especially for a Protestant who grew up to believe in their marriage vows but also to believe that there are circumstances where marriages do fail and that God will show forgiveness to those who sincerely seek it…and after she had found the truth and beauty in the Catholic faith it is then implied that now she is an adulterer and needs to seek an annulment…then she has to go through a long painful process of detailing her first marriage plus the stress of not knowing even if she will be granted the annulment…it has taken sixteen months and and a lot of heartache but finally her annulment was executed yesterday…she is just waiting for it to arrive in the mail…she is looking forward to having our marriage convalidated…being confirmed and receiving the Holy Eucharist and becoming more involved in our parish…I have never told her of this CAF website because of some of the posts I have read by Catholics who seem to delight in telling others of their adulterous relationships…or that as a Catholic it’s all my fault and shouldn’t have married her…she didn’t need to hear any of that as those types probably would have turned her away from the Catholic Church…as a Catholic I accept what the Catholic Church teaches on divorce and remarriage…I don’t agree that those coming into the church from different denominations should have to go through the same process as Catholics because there is no annulment process in other denominations…marriage is taken just as seriously I believe in those denominations but they also believe that Gods mercy and forgiveness is enough for those who sincerely ask for it…it certainly hasn’t been a spiritually rewarding experience for her although she did accept the churches position…I hope and pray for those of you who are still going through the process will soon be received into the church…God bless

So well put, Peebo. I agree with your statements regarding the cruel posts by some Catholics regarding annulment. I have endured many of these on CAF even for leaving an abusive husband who had numerous other issues. Hopefully, things will continue to improve in the Tribunals.

 

[Convert1]

Peebo, thank you so much. It really is hard to be a convert coming from another faith and immediatly hitting this kind of giant wall to climb before even being fully included. its definetly hard reopening old wounds that I had healed on my own years ago and now I’m having to “deal with it” again. I don’t find this process healing at all but people like yourself remind me why I’m doing this. I know it will be worth in in the end but I hurt for all the people who understandably give up.

I agree. I have found the process cruel and inhumane, quite frankly. Reliving my own childhood abuse, asking my sibling to do so, then re-living the marital abuse…only to have it all drag on for almost a year and a half. I think of it every day. It’s horrible. I feel awful for putting my family through this as witnesses. There has to be a better way.

 

[Peebo]

I don’t know if anyone can answer this question…after my wife received her letter in the affirmative for her annulment at the end of Dec. the letter also said that there is an appeal period where she or her ex can appeal or read the verdict…that period ended this Monday 25th…her ex did not respond…so how long before she now receives the actual decree in the mail…is it sent out on the day that appeal period ends or could it take a weeks or longer …(I hope not) lol…thanks

 

[weaverbird]

I don’t know if anyone can answer this question…after my wife received her letter in the affirmative for her annulment at the end of Dec. the letter also said that there is an appeal period where she or her ex can appeal or read the verdict…that period ended this Monday 25th…her ex did not respond…so how long before she now receives the actual decree in the mail…is it sent out on the day that appeal period ends or could it take a weeks or longer …(I hope not) lol…thanks

Im in the same position. My ex got his “publication of the sentence” letter on the 13th of this month and it stated that there are 15 days allowed for appeal. Were just letting that time lapse, which sould arrive around next wednesday, Feb 3rd. Once its done well get a letter stating the process is complete but because we have a remaining balance for the process, we cant get our decrees until we pay the balance.
Im wondering as well, how far out Ill have to wait, once my fee is paid?

This a good question for Dan, I think! I wish we could “tag” people in this platform

 

[weaverbird]

So, what information did you receive about the decision? You got something, didn’t you? Practically, yes, a Petitioner wouldn’t be likely to appeal an affirmative decision but…everyone should always be made aware of their procedural rights…

Questions: I wouldn’t say that the Sentence is effective in the Tribunal but you can’t licitly act on it unless/until you have the document in hand. That’s a conversation for a faculty lounge, though. It doesn’t really matter as far as getting married. In practice, yes, you will need the document if/when you wish to marry in the Church (see c. 1085.2). It is proof that even though your civil record indicates a prior marriage, the Church regards you as free to marry. That’s the purpose. If you have the document, then you can present it. If you don’t, then the parish could ask for such a document from the Tribunal (I would think).

Dating “licitly” without the document? Well, there is nothing in the law about dating. It seems to me that if you are free to marry, you are free to date…even if you don’t have the ultimate document in hand.

Not sure what I think about the fee structure you mentioned…

Dan

Dan! How long after the 15 day appeal window has lapsed and/or as in my case fees are paid, do the tribunals send out the final decrees?

 

[dans0622]

Dan! How long after the 15 day appeal window has lapsed and/or as in my case fees are paid, do the tribunals send out the final decrees?

I would guess that it happens on the next day or soon thereafter…but…I can’t say for sure what happens in a particular tribunal. I don’t see why it would take weeks to do this…

Dan

 

[AnchoredInHope]

I would guess that it happens on the next day or soon thereafter…but…I can’t say for sure what happens in a particular tribunal. I don’t see why it would take weeks to do this…

Dan

Dan!! Random question I am asking for a friend who is aware of my process. She was baptized Catholic and raised Catholic but didn’t’ finish confirmation until two years ago.

She was married about 10 years ago in an outdoor wedding that was officiated by a retired Catholic priest and was pretty secular/civil as for a ceremony. She did NOT get a dispensation from the Catholic church to have this wedding.

Now that she is divorced. Would her situation (based off the information I gave you) qualify as a lack of form since the priest was retired, didn’t perform a Catholic ceremony and no dispensations was given nor was the wedding ever convalidated afterwards.

 

[dans0622]

Dan!! Random question I am asking for a friend who is aware of my process. She was baptized Catholic and raised Catholic but didn’t’ finish confirmation until two years ago.

She was married about 10 years ago in an outdoor wedding that was officiated by a retired Catholic priest and was pretty secular/civil as for a ceremony. She did NOT get a dispensation from the Catholic church to have this wedding.

Now that she is divorced. Would her situation (based off the information I gave you) qualify as a lack of form since the priest was retired, didn’t perform a Catholic ceremony and no dispensations was given nor was the wedding ever convalidated afterwards.

It’s hard to say. A “retired priest” might still have the ability to be an “official witness” for the Church. The physical location of a wedding is not something that has anything to do with it being valid or not.

The fact that it was outdoors might indicate that the “retired priest” was doing his own thing (it’s not normal) but not necessarily.

How did the priest have anything to do with it? Did your friend go to a local parish and he is the one who took care of it?

Anyway, if your friend wants to look into it more, she could call the diocese (the chancery) where the wedding took place and see if that priest, at the time of the wedding, was authorized to be a witness. The person at the chancery could give a more informed answer.

Dan

 

[Peebo]

Well…my wife got her annulment decree Wednesday…we saw one of our priests today…my wife will be confirmed next month and also we will have our marriage convalidated that same day…thanks be to God…I hope those of you who are still going through the annulment process will soon see your prayers answered …God Bless

 

[AnchoredInHope]

Well…my wife got her annulment decree Wednesday…we saw one of our priests today…my wife will be confirmed next month and also we will have our marriage convalidated that same day…thanks be to God…I hope those of you who are still going through the annulment process will soon see your prayers answered …God Bless

Praise be to God! What great news.

I am meeting the deacon tommorow to hand in my lack of form paperwork. Please pray that it is turned into Tribunal quickly and that I may be confirmed by Easter and plan a convalidation as well.

 

[Peebo]

Praise be to God! What great news.

I am meeting the deacon tommorow to hand in my lack of form paperwork. Please pray that it is turned into Tribunal quickly and that I may be confirmed by Easter and plan a convalidation as well.

Prayers being offered for you…God Bless:thumbsup:

 

[weaverbird]

Well…my wife got her annulment decree Wednesday…we saw one of our priests today…my wife will be confirmed next month and also we will have our marriage convalidated that same day…thanks be to God…I hope those of you who are still going through the annulment process will soon see your prayers answered …God Bless

CONGRATULATIONS!! :extrahappy::extrahappy::extrahappy:
God bless y’all!!

As for myself, we should be recieving our decree next week! All in all, this process have been pretty eye-opening and has really taught me alot about what was going on in myeslf and what went wrong in my previous marriage. Its REALLY helped me prepare to enter into a more “perfect” marriage.
Perfect timing too! I meet my guy-friend in 4 weeks after meeting on a Catholic dating site and getting to know each other over messenger for the past 7 months! :extrahappy:
Im VERY excited and I know ill be shaking in my boots the day we finally meet :heaven:
I pray things go well for us, and that God’s will for our relationship continues to become clear.

 

[Peebo]

CONGRATULATIONS!! :extrahappy::extrahappy::extrahappy:
God bless y’all!!

As for myself, we should be recieving our decree next week! All in all, this process have been pretty eye-opening and has really taught me alot about what was going on in myeslf and what went wrong in my previous marriage. Its REALLY helped me prepare to enter into a more “perfect” marriage.
Perfect timing too! I meet my guy-friend in 4 weeks after meeting on a Catholic dating site and getting to know each other over messenger for the past 7 months! :extrahappy:
Im VERY excited and I know ill be shaking in my boots the day we finally meet :heaven:
I pray things go well for us, and that God’s will for our relationship continues to become clear.

That’s great news…will pray that you have that perfect marriage…God Bless