Anonymity in Confession - how anonymous is it supposed to be?

[HonoraDominum]

Just because going to a regular confessor turns the “anonymous” confession into something more personal does not mean that things will be awkward outside of the confessional. My confessor and I talk about things in the confessional that are never mentioned outside of those walls, and rarely do things that are going on in the parish or with our relationship outside of the confessional mentioned while I am in there. It’s kind of hard to keep up the appearance of anonymity when I hear the absolution in Latin and hear “Latin latin latin latin latin, [my name] latin latin latin latin.” But the fact that we are able to maintain that confidence within the booth has given me the courage to say the hard, awkward, embarrassing, and sometimes downright nasty things that need to be said.

When I kneel in the confessional, I open my heart to God - the priest is only the intermediary. In my examination before confession, I beg for the grace to have the light to honestly confess all of my shortcomings, and the grace for my confessor to speak with the light of God’s grace to help me progress in my walk towards holiness. I’m not in there to shame myself or to feel bad, I’m in there to be bathed in the blood of Christ, so that I can be true friends with God again.

I like to think of it like this: I don’t do anything terribly offensive to my husband. I don’t cheat on him, or hit him, or steal from him. But I often get cranky for no good reason, or I get neglectful of my vocational duties like cleaning the house, or I give attention to things rather than pay attention to him. I could just go to a friend’s house and eat Ben & Jerry’s and complain about life and completely neglect to mention that maybe I had a part in the problems, but at the end of the day, I realize it’s better to own up to my own mistakes. I go up to him and apologize, and he gives me a hug and accepts my apologies and tells me he loves me. Confession is very much like that for me. I don’t blaspheme or steal or commit acts of a grievous nature. But I often am not as sincere in my prayers as I should be, or am not as charitable to my co-workers as I should be, or didn’t prepare for my day of rest on Saturday and end up shopping on Sunday. I could just make excuses or refuse to admit that I have these faults that, while not huge, are affecting my relationship with God. But instead, I go into the confessional to apologize, to admit that I realize that I have these faults, and to beg His forgiveness for my neglect and ingratitude. And in the absolution, my slate is wiped clean, I am again right with my God.

 

[ZxM]

confessional?

is that the room where the priests office is and you move the bongo drums out of the way to sit on the couch while he chills and gives absolution in his hawaiian shirt?

a purrple bowling shirt counts as a stole right?

 

[JimG]

That doesn’t mean that all confessionals HAVE to have them, but that they have to be available. Face to face confession is a norm and very much accepted in Canon Law, but both the person confessing and the priest have the right to choose anonymous confession if they desire to do so. (Even if the person confessing asks for face to face, the priest can say he wants anonymous, at his discretion.)

From a canonical standpoint, anonymity is the norm, and face to face is an option, never a requirement.

The seal of confession is absolute.
Anonymity is not absolute, but it is a canonical norm.

In an anonymous confessional, it would be wrong for a priest to mention a penitents name, even if he thinks he recognizes the penitent. It is actually a violation of the seal of confession, because if the priest is wrong about who he thinks is speaking, he has violated that other person’s confession.

Face to face is useful for spiritual direction. But let’s be realistic. Many priests complain that so few people go to confession. I live in a parish of about 3,000 families, maybe 10 to 12 thousand people. If everyone went to confession who should be going to confession, face to face would slow down the process to such an extent that many would be denied the sacrament.

Even as it is, with confessions (in a confessional) six days a week, the priest often asks us to say our act of contrition outside the confessional in order to allow time for others to confess.

 

[keepingfaith4]

i have been using both–face to face and the booth—but as an older arthritic am now happier in the face to face with a comfortable chair and no kneeler–but i do go to a different parish if i want to have my confession more private as i have been very active in the 3 parishes i belonged to in my lifetime.

in my teen years we used to try disguising our voices but with little luck as the pastor knew us all too well and if we had boyfriend issues we had to give up the guy’s name under the no secrets and no fudging in the confessional rule–lol!

 

[JimG]

i have been using both–face to face and the booth—but as an older arthritic am now happier in the face to face with a comfortable chair and no kneeler–but i do go to a different parish if i want to have my confession more private as i have been very active in the 3 parishes i belonged to in my lifetime.

in my teen years we used to try disguising our voices but with little luck as the pastor knew us all too well and if we had boyfriend issues we had to give up the guy’s name under the no secrets and no fudging in the confessional rule–lol!

That just sounds weird. Asking for the guys’ names was wrong on the part of a priest.

It’s too bad that true anonymity cannot be guaranteed. I recall a non-Catholic friend telling me how he and his Catholic buddy when they were teens got to discussing confession. He said something like, “well, what do you tell him?” His Catholic buddy replied, “Well, not the truth, that’s for sure! He knows my voice and knows me too well.” How often, I wonder, does this happen because of the lack of anonymity?

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

in my teen years we used to try disguising our voices but with little luck as the pastor knew us all too well and if we had boyfriend issues we had to give up the guy’s name under the no secrets and no fudging in the confessional rule–lol!

Your priest shouldn’t be asking about a third party, especially their name. The confessional is about YOUR sins. You’re not even supposed to mention the sins of someone else unless it’s absolutely necessary, such as what you did helped them to sin, or something along those lines. For example, if I neglect my duties, it can actually cause the serious sins of someone else. If my negligence actually caused someone to sin, I have to say so, and explain any circumstances that extenuate of mitigate things. So, If I neglected to do something that would have prevented someone from doing something, it’s different if the guy went out and stabbed someone rather than the guy went out and got drunk.

 

[Elizabeth502]

Not a requirement at all. Some people prefer the anonymity, but in many cases people develop an ongoing relationship with their confessor, some priests even becoming their spiritual directors. It is good to develop that kind of relationship, especially if one is really struggling with a particular chronic sinful situation. The relationship between the priest and the confessor is on many levels similar to the relationship between a doctor and their patient. I wouldn’t want to have to go to a doctor that doesn’t know my medical history every time I had a problem. Same with going to confession and having to find a priest that wouldn’t be able to recognize me in the confessional because of a anonymity requirement.

The “but” does not follow. I had an ongoing relationship with my confessor in an anonymous confessional (too small for any face-to-face). Unfortunately he has been moved to a far-away diocese, but he was definitely my spiritual director (within the confessional), and he had no need to see my face, nor I his, to achieve that. In fact, I had no relationship with him outside of the confessional. All that he needed to “know” about my history he learned in the confessional, which was appropriate. Facial “recognition” is not necessary. It’s an option if some want it, but I never did and never have, because I experience myself as more free & honest if I’m not distracted by anything visual. He learned everything he needed to know about me without needing to see my face, nor I his.

I credit this period in my life --his availability, interest and thoroughness-- with my ongoing positive feelings about Confession.

 

[LilyM]

In an anonymous confessional, it would be wrong for a priest to mention a penitents name, even if he thinks he recognizes the penitent. It is actually a violation of the seal of confession, because if the priest is wrong about who he thinks is speaking, he has violated that other person’s confession.

Not so - all it means is that the priest thinks you sound like someone else. Doesn’t mean they’ve confessed similar sins. In fact it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve ever confessed to him at all. For example, my priest may think I sound like the parish secretary or one of the other priests because he hears their voices all the time. But they easily might never have confessed to him before.

 

[anp1215]

Not so - all it means is that the priest thinks you sound like someone else. Doesn’t mean they’ve confessed similar sins. In fact it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve ever confessed to him at all. For example, my priest may think I sound like the parish secretary or one of the other priests because he hears their voices all the time. But they easily might never have confessed to him before.

I don’t know…if the priest used the word “again” or implied that this was a repeat sin it seems as though it would be problematic, e.g.:

Penitent: Father, I have to confess that I was at the store yesterday and I saw this shirt I really wanted, but it was so expensive and I knew I couldn’t afford it. I stuffed it in my bag. I stole the shirt and I am so ashamed.

Priest: Mrs. Engelson, it seems as though lately you have been really struggling with this sin. God unconditionally forgives your sins when you approach him in Confession, but I may also suggest that you see a Catholic counselor that can help you understand what is driving you to commit these sins.

Penitent: Um, I’m not Mrs. Engelson.

Wouldn’t that have indeed violated the seal of the Confessional for Mrs. Engelson? Now it’s pretty obvious to this penitent that Mrs. Engelson has developed sticky fingers of late.

I think if the penitent approaches anonymously, best to assume they don’t want any individualized direction, and treat them as a stranger, no matter how familiar their voice sounds.

 

[Phemie]

Do you mean that you’ve never seen a confessional with an actual grille or you’ve never seen a confessional in which anonymous confession was offered through a screen or other barrier?

If he lives in a community like I grew up in, the old churches all had their confessionals removed in the late 60s, early 70s. You’d be hard pressed to find one.

In the parish where I am now, the confessionals were removed to put in a wash room and a utility room back in the 90s – those confessionals had rarely been used anyway. A ‘Reconciliation Room’ was in place, which did provide for anonymous confession if one desired it, since upon walking in you were faced with a prie-dieu and a curtain (no fixed grille). You could kneel to confess anonymously or go around the curtain and confess face-to-face.

Unfortunately, around 2005 the priest decided that he would no longer sit in the confessional waiting for penitents. After that, the only time he was available in the confessional was during the Penitential Services of Advent and Lent. Otherwise, if he showed up early enough before Mass, you could tap him on the shoulder and ask to confess.

Just in the past few months a closet adjacent to the Reconciliation Room was transformed into a ‘penitent’s box’ with a grille and a kneeler. You still can’t confess anonymously though, as he still won’t sit in the confessional waiting for penitents to show up and you still have to go tap him on the shoulder and request the sacrament. He doesn’t make himself available for more than a few minutes before Mass.

 

[anp1215]

If he lives in a community like I grew up in, the old churches all had their confessionals removed in the late 60s, early 70s. You’d be hard pressed to find one.

In the parish where I am now, the confessionals were removed to put in a wash room and a utility room back in the 90s – those confessionals had rarely been used anyway. A ‘Reconciliation Room’ was in place, which did provide for anonymous confession if one desired it, since upon walking in you were faced with a prie-dieu and a curtain (no fixed grille). You could kneel to confess anonymously or go around the curtain and confess face-to-face.

Unfortunately, around 2005 the priest decided that he would no longer sit in the confessional waiting for penitents. After that, the only time he was available in the confessional was during the Penitential Services of Advent and Lent. Otherwise, if he showed up early enough before Mass, you could tap him on the shoulder and ask to confess.

Just in the past few months a closet adjacent to the Reconciliation Room was transformed into a ‘penitent’s box’ with a grille and a kneeler. You still can’t confess anonymously though, as he still won’t sit in the confessional waiting for penitents to show up and you still have to go tap him on the shoulder and request the sacrament. He doesn’t make himself available for more than a few minutes before Mass.

I’m sorry about your situation. I know from your other posts it is less than ideal.

The prie-dieu and the curtain or divider is what is used around here. I’ve only ever confessed at two parishes, one actually had a wall built on one side of the room with a kneeler in front, with a little opaque cloth section to speak through, and the other parish had the prie-dieu and curtain set up.

 

[LilyM]

I don’t know…if the priest used the word “again” or implied that this was a repeat sin it seems as though it would be problematic, e.g.:

Penitent: Father, I have to confess that I was at the store yesterday and I saw this shirt I really wanted, but it was so expensive and I knew I couldn’t afford it. I stuffed it in my bag. I stole the shirt and I am so ashamed.

Priest: Mrs. Engelson, it seems as though lately you have been really struggling with this sin. God unconditionally forgives your sins when you approach him in Confession, but I may also suggest that you see a Catholic counselor that can help you understand what is driving you to commit these sins.

Penitent: Um, I’m not Mrs. Engelson.

Wouldn’t that have indeed violated the seal of the Confessional for Mrs. Engelson? Now it’s pretty obvious to this penitent that Mrs. Engelson has developed sticky fingers of late.

I think if the penitent approaches anonymously, best to assume they don’t want any individualized direction, and treat them as a stranger, no matter how familiar their voice sounds.

Yes, an exchange like that would indeed be bad.

But anyone with half a brain would know better than to presume an identity - they’d check first: “Is that you Mrs Engelson?” or similar. Priests are very aware that sins need to be kept private, and they confess themselves, so would be well aware of how embarrassing such a mistake would be.

 

[JimG]

Yes, an exchange like that would indeed be bad.

But anyone with half a brain would know better than to presume an identity - they’d check first: “Is that you Mrs Engelson?” or similar. Priests are very aware that sins need to be kept private, and they confess themselves, so would be well aware of how embarrassing such a mistake would be.

I think that in a confessional box there is and ought to be an expectation of anonymity. For a priest even to mention a name–unless the penitent identifies himself first–is improper.

If a priest were to say to me in the confessional “is that you JimG?” the proper answer would be, “if I wanted you to know who it was, I would identify myself.” But I might just leave without confessing.

 

[YoungTradCath]

Do you mean that you’ve never seen a confessional with an actual grille or you’ve never seen a confessional in which anonymous confession was offered through a screen or other barrier?

I have never seen a confessional in which anonymous confession was possible, period. Tragic, isn’t it?

 

[LilyM]

I think that in a confessional box there is and ought to be an expectation of anonymity. For a priest even to mention a name–unless the penitent identifies himself first–is improper.

If a priest were to say to me in the confessional “is that you JimG?” the proper answer would be, “if I wanted you to know who it was, I would identify myself.” But I might just leave without confessing.

Sounds like a bit of an overreaction to leave.

The priest may have lots of parishioners bailing him up and saying ‘remember xyz that I said in confession last week’? and getting upset if he doesn’t, so could be he asks just so he can say ‘yes’ if it happens in your case.

Just say ‘I’d prefer to stay anonymous, thankyou’ and leave it at that.

 

[babochka]

I have never seen a confessional in which anonymous confession was possible, period. Tragic, isn’t it?

Stunning, actually.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Stunning, actually.

Come to think about it, my current parish is the only parish in which I’ve confessed in a real confessional and done so anonymously.

My First Reconciliation was done in a corner of a church face to face with the priest. I had attended that parish starting in 1988 and it wasn’t until 2006 that I learned it actually had a room for reconciliation. I only learned that because I snuck out of the church through a side door and noticed the room in the hall.

 

[JimG]

Sounds like a bit of an overreaction to leave.

The priest may have lots of parishioners bailing him up and saying ‘remember xyz that I said in confession last week’? and getting upset if he doesn’t, so could be he asks just so he can say ‘yes’ if it happens in your case.

Just say ‘I’d prefer to stay anonymous, thankyou’ and leave it at that.

I doubt that such a situation would actually arise in my parish. Before weekday Mass a priest might hear 15 to 20 anonymous confessions in 30 minutes, in the confessional. He’s not likely to remember or take the time to inquire about prior confessions.

 

[anp1215]

I have never seen a confessional in which anonymous confession was possible, period. Tragic, isn’t it?

Very strange.

 

[Hokomai]

If you want anonymous confession, where there is a grille, there is a way!