Another baby: too old? Too many c-sections?

[gracepoole]

We have been blessed with three little ones so far and I just turned 43. All three were born via c-section (breech babies who wouldn’t turn). How many c-sections have you had? Have you had a baby at this age? We want to be open to life, of course – just trying to think of logistics.

 

[pensmama87]

We have been blessed with three little ones so far and I just turned 43. All three were born via c-section (breech babies who wouldn’t turn). How many c-sections have you had? Have you had a baby at this age? We want to be open to life, of course – just trying to think of logistics.

Unfortunately my understanding is that C-sections are a bit of guesswork. I know a couple of women who have had more, but their surgeries went really, really well and they healed well between them. I’ve also heard of situations where healing didn’t go so well and so more pregnancies were a lot riskier.

All that to say - what does your doctor say?

 

[gracepoole]

Unfortunately my understanding is that C-sections are a bit of guesswork. I know a couple of women who have had more, but their surgeries went really, really well and they healed well between them. I’ve also heard of situations where healing didn’t go so well and so more pregnancies were a lot riskier.

All that to say - what does your doctor say?

My doctor hasn’t said yes or no, but I’m guessing that she assumed we were done at 3 (she’s not Catholic and I had to argue against a tubal ligation several times during the last pregnancy). I would, of course, ask her specifically if we were to try to move away from NFP toward a fourth pregnancy. Just trying to gauge whether or not this would be wise to even consider.

 

[Casilda]

Mother-in-law had nine kids. #8 was breech at 38. #9 was a perfect delivery at 45. A woman does come close to the valley of death during delivery. You will be in God’s hands.

 

[faithsmind]

My doctor hasn’t said yes or no, but I’m guessing that she assumed we were done at 3 (she’s not Catholic and I had to argue against a tubal ligation several times during the last pregnancy). I would, of course, ask her specifically if we were to try to move away from NFP toward a fourth pregnancy. Just trying to gauge whether or not this would be wise to even consider.

Your family is in my prayers, Gracepoole.

Just wondering what your doc’s reasoning was in arguing for a tubal ligation? If her reasons were not medical, perhaps consider networking in the Catholic local community to find a more sympathetic doctor? Sometimes, a doctor who is more sympathetic towards Catholic teaching is one who is more open-minded in the field–natural law comes first-- listening to a woman’s body becomes primary, rather than the rote, unquestioned, normal medical treatments of dumping artificial hormones etc. into a woman’s body, or twisting up her tubes.

My sister-in-law had 5 C-sections and has done fine. That was her, though. Ultimately, trust in Jesus, practice silencing your thoughts. Listen.

 

[St_Francis]

My youngest was born when I was 43. You’ll be a lot more tired but have older children to help run after another one.

 

[ThePCWife]

Most doctors these days won’t go past 3, but older doctors are more likely to do so, if you can find one. Also, if you have a family history of women having kids past 45, that will help.

Very few women conceive to term after 43, though, so it may all be pretty academic. Your more pertinent risk is whether you can handle the physical and mental strains of miscarriage(s) between now and menopause, since you’re not already in menopause. It’s not unusual for one or two to occur before menopause, and it’s more common than a term pregnancy.

 

[pianistclare]

I’ll say a prayer fro your Grace. I only had 2 C-sections, and the first one didn’t heal right. Loads of scar tissue. But the second one was fine. I couldn’t imagine having more of them though. God bless you as your formulate a plan.

 

[gracepoole]

Your family is in my prayers, Gracepoole.

Just wondering what your doc’s reasoning was in arguing for a tubal ligation? If her reasons were not medical, perhaps consider networking in the Catholic local community to find a more sympathetic doctor? Sometimes, a doctor who is more sympathetic towards Catholic teaching is one who is more open-minded in the field–natural law comes first-- listening to a woman’s body becomes primary, rather than the rote, unquestioned, normal medical treatments of dumping artificial hormones etc. into a woman’s body, or twisting up her tubes.

My sister-in-law had 5 C-sections and has done fine. That was her, though. Ultimately, trust in Jesus, practice silencing your thoughts. Listen.

Thanks so much for your prayers! I so appreciate them.

My OB is definitely not Catholic. She and the others in her practice behaved as though it was standard for women to have a tubal ligation after a c-section at 41. Another doctor in her practice was flabbergasted when I refused. I had to explain – several times – that I’m Catholic and it’s a mortal sin. He then went on to tell me about a Catholic priest he once knew who was in favor of birth control. I was adamant, of course, and I must have seemed like quite an oddity to him. I almost left the practice then and there but figured I’d just stick to my guns and get through the birth of our last child.

 

[gracepoole]

My youngest was born when I was 43. You’ll be a lot more tired but have older children to help run after another one.

Thanks for sharing your experience!

Most doctors these days won’t go past 3, but older doctors are more likely to do so, if you can find one. Also, if you have a family history of women having kids past 45, that will help.

Very few women conceive to term after 43, though, so it may all be pretty academic. Your more pertinent risk is whether you can handle the physical and mental strains of miscarriage(s) between now and menopause, since you’re not already in menopause. It’s not unusual for one or two to occur before menopause, and it’s more common than a term pregnancy.

If I hang my pants next to my husband’s in the closet, I get pregnant. This was always in the past, of course, and who knows what’s happened to my reproductive options in the last two years. I’m partial to thinking as you have here, since it just makes good sense scientifically. Then again, knowing how extremely fertile we’ve been… Who knows.

 

[gracepoole]

I’ll say a prayer fro your Grace. I only had 2 C-sections, and the first one didn’t heal right. Loads of scar tissue. But the second one was fine. I couldn’t imagine having more of them though. God bless you as your formulate a plan.

:hug3:

Thank you!

 

[HCTC]

In her early 20’s my daughter-in-law had a cancerous ovary removed. Then after a series of early miscarriages, a baby passed away early in the second trimester. Medication was ineffective so she had to have surgery to remove the deceased baby. This is even more horrible than it sounds for the mom as well as the rest of the family. She did ultimately have a healthy baby boy delivered by c-section.

However, this medical history is the equivalent of three births. When she became pregnant again, she was diagnosed with placenta previa. This is a scary diagnosis, and in her case the doctor said that it was unlikely to resolve naturally as it sometimes does. They did some research; found a doctor that specializes in high risk pregnancy’ and because it was during the open period, upgraded their insurance.

I tearfully began praying the rosary every evening. I feel tearful now just thinking about it. I was so afraid that my two-year-old grandson would lose his mother, and my son would lose his smart, beautiful, loving wife. After three weeks my prayers were miraculously answered - although I wasn’t the only one praying. Against all odds the condition resolved naturally, and another healthy baby boy was eventually born into our family - also by c-section. That child turned three on the fourth of July. I still pray the rosary every evening - only ever since then my rosaries, for the most part, have been joyful. It is the favorite part of my daily routine. Prayer works.

 

[pianistclare]

:hug3:

Thank you!

Sorry for all the typos. It’s a horrible lightning storm here

 

[Xantippe]

Most doctors these days won’t go past 3, but older doctors are more likely to do so, if you can find one. Also, if you have a family history of women having kids past 45, that will help.

Very few women conceive to term after 43, though, so it may all be pretty academic. Your more pertinent risk is whether you can handle the physical and mental strains of miscarriage(s) between now and menopause, since you’re not already in menopause. ** It’s not unusual for one or two to occur before menopause, and it’s more common than a term pregnancy**.

That is a very good point.

There’s a chart floating around showing the odds of successful birth versus miscarriage at particular maternal ages. I’m not finding it right now, but here’s some stuff on miscarriage risk.

advancedfertility.com/age-miscarriage.htm

They say there’s a 45% risk of miscarriage at 42-43 and a 60% risk from 44-46.

 

[Xantippe]

Thanks for sharing your experience!

If I hang my pants next to my husband’s in the closet, I get pregnant. This was always in the past, of course, and who knows what’s happened to my reproductive options in the last two years. I’m partial to thinking as you have here, since it just makes good sense scientifically. Then again, knowing how extremely fertile we’ve been… Who knows.

No guarantees either way, but even Michelle Duggar (age 50) had her last live birth at 43.

You will hear from CAFers who have had babies well into their 40s, though.

 

[holyrood]

I’ve had 2 C-sections. I’ve had friends who have had four or more, which is hardly medical advice.

My grandmother had her last child at age 45, I think. My cousin had both her children in her 40s. My mother was in her late 40s or possibly early 50s when she last told me she thought she was pregnant. (She wasn’t, or miscarried.)

As far as the consideration of being open to life–it’s a scary thing when we’re bombarded with today’s views. There is a family history of severe bleeding in childbirth in my family–which I also have. That made it tempting–especially after the first child, at 20–to give myself a reason to ignore Catholic teaching. I stepped out in faith, told the doctors of the family and personal history, and they gave me Pitocin shots with each child. It solved the problem. Yes, the fear is always there. But I can also say, I am so incredibly grateful to have followed my faith, to have walked IN FAITH, or I would not have these children.

In my work, I have on occasion listened to older people talk about their lives. I’ve heard it said elsewhere, and this is my experience personally, that no one ever says, “I wish I’d had fewer children.” I have heard many people say, “I wish I’d had more.”

Another thought–while a medical consideration of course has some impact, I will say that children pick up on our openness to life and I think they have an intuitive feeling of what that says about them. For instance, a parent who says, “Two’s plenty for me!” and waves a hand with a roll of the eyes–what have they just said to their children? You two are difficult! I don’t want any more!

One blessing I have seen springing directly from my openness to life is that my children KNOW exactly because of that, that I am so thrilled with every single one of them. They are well aware that most of them are ‘unplanned’ and also that the modern world’s notion of unplanned=unwanted is ridiculous, that every one of them is loved and valued as a gift from God–in part because they know that I would love and value any *future *child as a gift of God. (Of course I’m now infertile, but they knew until that point that I’d happily welcome another child.)

My daughter is a huge fan of St. Gianna Molla, in fact.

I feel I’m not saying this well in trying to keep a profound subject to ‘post length,’ but they know intuitively that my thoughts on a future child do in some sense reflect on my thoughts about children in general and them in particular.

What I’m saying is a tangent from what you’re asking, but I think an important aspect of what you’re asking. And of course, medical advice is vital. Others have given you good information on that, and ask around, but there definitely are women who have had more than 3 C-sections.

Like others…my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 

[holyrood]

You also asked about being too old.

My oldest was born when I was 20, my youngest when I was 36. My father–the oldest of 4–was born when his father was 41.

There are benefits to having children young and benefits to having children older. Yes, we have more energy when we’re younger, but we have (hopefully! ) more wisdom and financial and career and home stability when we’re older.

My grandfather lived to be 99–so despite being born to a relatively ‘old’ father, my dad had a father well into his 50s, while a dear friend of mine, born in his father’s early 20s, lost his father when he was only 4 years old. So this, to me, is a non-issue.

My siblings grew up almost entirely after my father’s retirement–and as a result had an entirely, completely, different life than I did. There were pros and cons to either. My oldest son’s experience (going slowly from only child of young parents to oldest of 9) is VASTLY different from my youngest child’s–his parents are the ‘older’ parents and he has a host of older siblings both at home and away from home. But what’s important is that all know they are loved and valued, and all are learning about God and faith and eternity and treating others well and with love.

The point is, the age at which you have a child is almost meaningless. Like anything, it’s what you *do *with the situation, rather than the situation itself.

Again, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[WilliamE]

If I hang my pants next to my husband’s in the closet, I get pregnant.

I never heard that expression before.

 

[bitterhope]

Too old is when God says you are. I’m glad my mom didn’t think she was too old at the age of 43. Five of us were born past that age. A neighbor just had her baby this summer and she is 47. Baby is her third child (yes it was naturally and she was surprised)

Too many c-sections is a case by case thing. You need the opinion of your doctor or another trusted doctor who has evaluated you. No one here is qualified. I know some people who were not able to have more than one c section and my sister had all four of her kids by c section. A lady at church has had 7 out of 8 by c section, and she says she is planning at least one more if possible. There is not one correct answer as it depends on the healing of the individual.

 

[pensmama87]

gracepoole, whether or not you decide to try again (or just quit avoiding), I would suggest trying to find a different provider. I can’t imagine being talked to that way. The practice I go to prescribes birth control and refers for sterilization, but all I had to do was say I wasn’t interested and they leave it alone.

You deserve respect as a patient, and you don’t have to sacrifice competent care for that. Harassing you about your religious beliefs is really unprofessional.