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TheLittleLady
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that is between this teen and his parents.
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QwertyGirl
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So do I understand correctly that you believe that nobody should date at all until their education is complete and they have a full-time, adult professional job?IMO, only, the purpose of courting is to discern marriage. Is your teen friend imminently ready to support a family (or, I suppose in theory, would the couple be ready to support a family)? If not - - i.e., four years of college or two years of trade school lie ahead - - then no, should not be dating.
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HerCrazierHalf
Guest
By this logic a lot of people would be lucky to get married by 32.IMO, only, the purpose of courting is to discern marriage. Is your teen friend imminently ready to support a family (or, I suppose in theory, would the couple be ready to support a family)?
Finish college around 23, spend a few years getting life and career straightened out, deal with debt and various economic, social, and familial issues then start dating at 26 or 27? Spend a few years finding ppl to date. Get into a few relationships and breakup, learn what’s important and they’re what, 29 or 30 at the low end? Then once they find the right person at least 1.5 years of dating them and another .5 to 1 year from proposal to wedding.
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Lara
Guest
Experience is the very thing I want teenagers to avoid. There are people who want to try things and people who want to go for the tried and tested way.
Truthfully, many adults don’t fare much better. But adults are more assertive; they know themselves better; they have more wisdom; they know what sorts of things to look for in a friend; they’ve read more; they have more patience; they’re less vain and likely to have their heads turned over a compliment; they avoid the near occasion of sin.
Truthfully, many adults don’t fare much better. But adults are more assertive; they know themselves better; they have more wisdom; they know what sorts of things to look for in a friend; they’ve read more; they have more patience; they’re less vain and likely to have their heads turned over a compliment; they avoid the near occasion of sin.
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choose_to_love
Guest
Hi, QwertyGirl, thanks for the reply.
Yes and no. I think it is possible to begin courting before either secondary ed or vocational training is completed, but completion (and the associated job) would have to be relatively near, i.e., not four years and grad school away. On the other hand, I think there are types of grad programs where there are stipends, etc., and the couple could get by on that, provided there was housing too, I guess. I know a couple who wed before the husband started med school, and while I do not know all the details, the wife worked (occupational therapy, I think) during the engagement and until they had a baby. So, they are making it on his ‘income’ (again, I think it is a stipend and I am not sure about their housing - - is there a housing allowance from the school?). In that sense, I do not think they should have ‘waited’ until he graduated, passed his boards, etc.
Recall that our OP was referring to a teen, which I understood to mean a person still in high school, and not imminently graduating, and in that context, yes, I think ‘dating’ (exclusive romantic one-on-one relationship) is a bad idea, as it very easily becomes a) serial monogamy, and how that prepares one for marriage is beyond me; b) for many if not most exclusive, alone, one-on-one time with a someone you are attracted to as a teenager is basically one long near occasion; c) avoids a ton of drama, which d) allows the teen the time to really develop their relationship with the Lord, before job and family responsibilities, and to concentrate on school or job training.
that being said, you mentioned that group ‘dating’ was the most fun. What do you mean by that? I think a good part of what I understand to be your concerns could be addressed by group outings - - i.e., not one-on-one relationships, but groups of guys and girls going out together. Youth group events, etc.
P.S. Sorry for the long time before answering your query, Qwerty.
PPS Love the screen name!
Yes and no. I think it is possible to begin courting before either secondary ed or vocational training is completed, but completion (and the associated job) would have to be relatively near, i.e., not four years and grad school away. On the other hand, I think there are types of grad programs where there are stipends, etc., and the couple could get by on that, provided there was housing too, I guess. I know a couple who wed before the husband started med school, and while I do not know all the details, the wife worked (occupational therapy, I think) during the engagement and until they had a baby. So, they are making it on his ‘income’ (again, I think it is a stipend and I am not sure about their housing - - is there a housing allowance from the school?). In that sense, I do not think they should have ‘waited’ until he graduated, passed his boards, etc.
Recall that our OP was referring to a teen, which I understood to mean a person still in high school, and not imminently graduating, and in that context, yes, I think ‘dating’ (exclusive romantic one-on-one relationship) is a bad idea, as it very easily becomes a) serial monogamy, and how that prepares one for marriage is beyond me; b) for many if not most exclusive, alone, one-on-one time with a someone you are attracted to as a teenager is basically one long near occasion; c) avoids a ton of drama, which d) allows the teen the time to really develop their relationship with the Lord, before job and family responsibilities, and to concentrate on school or job training.
that being said, you mentioned that group ‘dating’ was the most fun. What do you mean by that? I think a good part of what I understand to be your concerns could be addressed by group outings - - i.e., not one-on-one relationships, but groups of guys and girls going out together. Youth group events, etc.
P.S. Sorry for the long time before answering your query, Qwerty.
PPS Love the screen name!
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HerCrazierHalf
Guest
Also, if marriage within a fairly quick timeframe is a possibility, there should be some extra thought about it. Marriage has tax consequences and financial aid consequences too.
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QwertyGirl
Guest
Perhaps we observe different definitions of what “dating” is. While it certainly can mean an exclusive relationship, it also can mean much less. When I was in highschool we would go out as couples in large groups. The relationships were, more often than not, not exclusive.that being said, you mentioned that group ‘dating’ was the most fun. What do you mean by that? I think a good part of what I understand to be your concerns could be addressed by group outings - - i.e., not one-on-one relationships, but groups of guys and girls going out together. Youth group events, etc.
P.S. Sorry for the long time before answering your query, Qwerty.
PPS Love the screen name!
I agree that exclusive relationships while still in high school can lead to trouble. On the otherhand, having zero dating experience, on the cusp of adulthood, can be really unfortunate. It leads many young people to being developmentally delayed in terms of socialization with the opposite sex. I also don’t support the idea of courting, for a lot of reasons I won’t go into here.
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RHIC12
Guest
What do y’all mean by “exclusive relationship”? I researched what it means, and it sounds like you are against having a committed relationship as a teen? Just clarifying. I personally think it is okay to date a single person as a teen, but to be open to other callings and people if it is their calling.
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QwertyGirl
Guest
I don’t have a problem with any kind of dating as long as it doesn’t involve drama. Exclusive dating for teens, though, is usually accompanied by a whoe lot of drama.
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otjm
Guest
Oh good grief - if you go to a dance with someone, you are stuck for 4 to 8 years?
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