Another rant on remaining single

[whatevergirl]

*I think he meant that one must be happy with one’s self, as a relationship can’t make us comfortable or happy. It’s best to not look for a relationship, if you are not already happy and at peace, as a single person. Doesn’t mean a person doesn’t feel called to having or pursuing a relationship, it means that the person is content in his/her own skin, and that is very important when wishing to pursue a relationship, I think. If you are not happy in your own skin, being without a relationship, a relationship won’t change that.

That’s how I took what he meant. Not sure how you are perceiving that as a feminist comment?? *

 

[Norseman82]

A dear friend sent this to me when I was complaining about the single life. She also urged me to pray for my future spouse although I haven’t met him yet. It’s not easy being alone, but I know God is preparing me - and him - for a fabulous relationship that will bring us both closer to Heaven. . . . . Just think about the following and I hope it brings you a little bit of peace.

BE SATISFIED WITH ME

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

But to a Christian, God says, "No, not until you are satisfied,
Fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me.
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.
Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship,
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united to another
Until you are united with Me.

Exclusive of anyone or anything else.
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow Me to give you
The most thrilling plan existing . . . one you cannot imagine.

I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.
Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.
Just wait, that’s all. Don’t be anxious, don’t worry
Don’t look around at things others have gotten
Or that I have given them
Don’t look around at the things you think you want,
Just keep looking off and away up to Me,
Or you’ll miss what I want to show you.

And then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love
Far more wonderful than you could dream of.
You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready,
I am working even at this moment
To have both of you ready at the same time.
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me.

• Saint Anthony of Padua

When did God say this to St. Anthony? Please provide sources, otherwise this is just another chain letter, and a potentially BLASPHEMOUS one at that if God did not in fact say that to St. Anthony.

These last two posts I’ve responded to do not reflect a biblical viewpoint, but rather, I suspect, the secular culture of “career woman”. It may sell Cosmopolitan, and it may appeal to lesbian feminazis, but what does God’s public revelation in the Bible say?

“It is not good for the man to be alone”. (Genesis 2).

I have read nothing where God told Adam that he first had to be content alone or only with God; in fact, in the Genesis 2 account, right after God placed Adam in the garden with instructions, He immediately set off to find Adam a partner.

So, even if God did say that to St. Anthony, it is a PRIVATE revelation that is binding ONLY on the recipient (St. Anthony).

 

[Norseman82]

*I think he meant that one must be happy with one’s self, as a relationship can’t make us comfortable or happy. It’s best to not look for a relationship, if you are not already happy and at peace, as a single person. Doesn’t mean a person doesn’t feel called to having or pursuing a relationship, it means that the person is content in his/her own skin, and that is very important when wishing to pursue a relationship, I think. If you are not happy in your own skin, being without a relationship, a relationship won’t change that.

That’s how I took what he meant. Not sure how you are perceiving that as a feminist comment?? *

If I could be happy without a wife/kids, there is a chance I would be wearing a collar by now.

You see, you are looking at it all backwards. We were not built to be alone. In fact, CCC 1603 states that the vocation to marriage was placed within us from the hand of God. If there is a default vocation, it is marriage. So how do we get this absurd notion that one has to be comfortable being alone before being married? Where did that come from? From the Church and Bible, or the secular world?

Think about it. We are forcing celibacy on people who may not be able to handle it.

And I call it feminist because the vast majority whom I’ve heard spout this garbage are women.

 

[whatevergirl]

*I don’t think anyone is disagreeing with you though, Norseman. First, not all women are feminists. Second, we are not saying that Epistemes should remain single…or be something he doesn’t feel called to being, simply because he isn’t having success with dating right now. Rather, we are giving him hope that if he places his trust in God’s hands, and doesn’t stress over finding a girlfriend, better things are bound to happen.

No one here is implying that God wanted all of us to be without a spouse. Some, He calls to religious life, but others, He calls to the vocation of marriage. But, you can’t force something to happen, allow God’s plan to unfold in your life, is the overall message of this thread.

When we speak of being comfortable before marriage, it means that a person shouldn’t walk through life sad, with head hanging low, because he/she isn’t in a relationship, surely you don’t propose that is what God meant by giving us the gift of marriage? That for those who are not, they should feel badly until they find someone to share their lives with? No, He wants us to be happy with wherever we are in life…as Christians, we are to be joy filled, no matter where we are in life…single, or married. That is more of where I thought Brother’s comment was heading. Just my take…*

 

[Norseman82]

When we speak of being comfortable before marriage, it means that a person shouldn’t walk through life sad, with head hanging low, because he/she isn’t in a relationship, surely you don’t propose that is what God meant by giving us the gift of marriage? That for those who are not, they should feel badly until they find someone to share their lives with? No, He wants us to be happy with wherever we are in life…as Christians, we are to be joy filled, no matter where we are in life…single, or married. That is more of where I thought Brother’s comment was heading. Just my take…

Well, I don’t want to get into a row with you over what he said. However, should a person not seek a meal until they are content with being hungry? Or a cancer patient not seek chemo until he/she is content with having cancer?

As far as being sad, maybe that’s because the “singleness” has gone too far. It’s just like a stomach growling from hunger - the longer it takes to get fed, the growling only becomes louder. If people don’t want to hear the stomach growling, there’s a simple solution - give the stomach food!

And the whole analogy of a hungry stomach was used by someone (I think it was Mary Beth Bonacci, but I could not find the exact quote on her website) to describe how singles are treated by a good portion of the Church - when a baby cries from hunger, instead of feeding the baby the parent instead distracts the baby with a rattle toy.

 

[whatevergirl]

Well, I don’t want to get into a row with you over what he said. However, should a person not seek a meal until they are content with being hungry? Or a cancer patient not seek chemo until he/she is content with having cancer?

As far as being sad, maybe that’s because the “singleness” has gone too far. It’s just like a stomach growling from hunger - the longer it takes to get fed, the growling only becomes louder. If people don’t want to hear the stomach growling, there’s a simple solution - give the stomach food!

And the whole analogy of a hungry stomach was used by someone (I think it was Mary Beth Bonacci, but I could not find the exact quote on her website) to describe how singles are treated by a good portion of the Church - when a baby cries from hunger, instead of feeding the baby the parent instead distracts the baby with a rattle toy.

*Ok, I see what you’re saying…I think though that what people are referring to here though is being comfortable where you are in life, but not complacent. Complacent and comfortable are two different things. I’m 40, and let’s say I were single…I would have to find a way to be at peace in my life…because what is the alternative? To be miserable? That’s the thing, we should always be joyful in Christ for others to see, but that doesn’t mean we have to be complacent where we are.

Confused yet?

I never hear any homilies directed towards single people, ironically. *

 

[Luke_K]

If I could be happy without a wife/kids, there is a chance I would be wearing a collar by now.

You see, you are looking at it all backwards. We were not built to be alone. In fact, CCC 1603 states that the vocation to marriage was placed within us from the hand of God. If there is a default vocation, it is marriage. So how do we get this absurd notion that one has to be comfortable being alone before being married? Where did that come from? From the Church and Bible, or the secular world?

Think about it. We are forcing celibacy on people who may not be able to handle it.

And I call it feminist because the vast majority whom I’ve heard spout this garbage are women.

Celibacy for the sake of the kingdom of God is a higher calling than marriage, though it doesn’t devalue marriage, and we should all be willing to accept that calling in case it is what God wants for us.

“His disciples said to him, ‘If that is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.’ He answered, ‘Not all can accept this word, but only to whom it is granted. Some are incapable of marriage because they were born so; some because they were made so by others; some, because they have renounced marriage for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Whoever can accept this ought to accept it.’”

We continue our reflections on celibacy and on virginity for the kingdom of heaven, on the basis of Matthew’s Gospel (Mt 19:10-12). Speaking of continence for the kingdom of heaven and basing it on the example of his own life, Christ undoubtedly wished that his disciples should understand it especially in relation to the kingdom which he had come to announce and for which he indicated the correct ways. The continence he spoke of is precisely one of these ways. As appears from the context of Matthew’s Gospel, it is an especially effective and privileged way. Indeed, that preference given to celibacy and virginity for the kingdom was an absolute novelty in comparison with the old covenant tradition, and had a decisive significance both for the ethos and the theology of the body. -Pope John Paul II, Theology of the Body

Celibacy in this life is a reflection of our future lives in heaven: “When they rise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like the angels in heaven.”

St. Paul explained how a married man is anxious about how to please his wife, but an unmarried man is anxious on how to please the Lord. Being single allows us to focus entirely on God.

Jesus and Mary, the new Adam and new Eve, were both celibate.

Since when does being celibate make a person “alone”? Adam literally was alone. He was the only human being in existence. A single man today is not alone at all like Adam was.

Celibacy and the single life are not for everyone, but we all need to be willing to accept anything God asks of us. This is not “lesbian feminazi propaganda.” It’s our Catholic faith.

 

[beckers]

To the OP:

Have you ever thought that its not you who needs the time to be formed but your future spouse? Seriously God could be using this time to form her in the women that you need in your life.

Look at me. I am 29 years old. Never really dated until i was 25 years old. Had relationships that just didn’t go anywhere so i gave up on dating after a year. I struggled with it for years. I was angry and i mean angry with God because i would look at my friends and go why does he love others more than me? Why does he allow them to be on their vocation path and not me? Turns out i need to find myself. I needed to become a true handmaiden of Christ. He was using that time to form me into the women i am. I still have a long way to go but i believe i am on the right track.

My seminarian friend told me that i needed to refocus. I need to pray everyday for my future spouse. So i started prayer a rosary everyday. I would ask God to keep him safe and that if this wasn’t the vocation for me then to help me figure that out.

3 years ago i meet a man and we become friends. Never really thought about dating him as we were never on each other radars for dating. We just enjoyed each other company. Then things changed last year. He wanted to date and i didn’t. I didn’t want to ruin the relationship and i had just gotten truly comfortable with being single for the rest of my life. Then it was like my guardian angel hit me over the head and i opened my eyes. I complained about no good single catholic men and here was one in front of my face and i was rejecting him. We are still taking things slow and recieving spiritual direction. If this is the man i meant to marry then it was so worth the wait. Everything i had ever asked for in a person was in him and he matches me in ways that i never knew i needed to be matched in. Just had to trust in God.

You asked what women want. Its actually very simple. We want to feel loved. We want to feel like we mean something to you and that you need us in your life. Now how to achieve that? Be are friend first. Don’t look at us as a piece of meat just to date. Be open to all possiblities. Be paitent.

 

[thequeen]

I just want to say that it is also possible to live a single celibate life that is what I am doing right now am in my mid 40s and have never been married and i am happy doing that if one is not happy being single then they are not going to be happy being married either you cannot replace one with the other if it is Gods will for you to be married he will send the right person into your life it does seem that you are involved in your parish so that doesnt seem to be the problem alsoif it is Gods will that you remain single and celibate for the rest of your life then God will give you the grace to do that also I know that he certainly has given it to me

 

[Epistemes]

You asked what women want. Its actually very simple. We want to feel loved. We want to feel like we mean something to you and that you need us in your life. Now how to achieve that? Be are friend first. Don’t look at us as a piece of meat just to date. Be open to all possiblities. Be paitent.

Thank you for your kind, helpful words.

I have high hopes, I guess. When I see this one particular girl at Mass, regardless of our compatibility, I find that all of this great love within me wants to be her friend, to be that someone she can talk to and trust, who she can laugh with, who she can cry to when something bad happens, and on and on and on. I do have high expectations, and while it sounds awfully romantic, a lot of women will think it’s too much too soon, it’s too idealistic, it’s too this it’s too that…it’s rushing things, yeah. I’m not going to rush things. I’m a sensible person. I know when a person needs space. I’m not going to impose myself in order to be some godlike refuge, because I’m not. I want to be somebody’s life partner, I want to go through life with somebody, and…

I mean, the more I say in this thread, the more wrong assumptions people come to about me and my goals and who I am and my spirituality and everything about me, it seems. All I said is that I want to fall in love…not even so much for myself, but because falling in love seems pretty spectacular for us both…

 

[Suslar]

Epistemes, nothing wrong with having high hopes! Having them may help you avoid making the mistake of settling for someone who isn’t your ideal mate.

You asked what women are looking for. Certainly can’t speak for them all, but I am looking for a God-fearing, Church-going man who is called to the vocation of marriage – not as a default, but as the preferred way of living God’s calling . . someone who knows he is meant to be a husband and father and understands that those are life-long commitments to get the little lady and the children home to Heaven.

I liked the suggestion about inviting the woman to a Church related activity. As for me, I don’t pay much attention to who else is around during Mass, but afterwards, if a man invited me to the next St. Vincent DePaul meeting or the parish’s Tuesday night Scripture Study, I’d be willing to go. Something like that might be a nice ice breaker!

I wish you only the very best. Let’s keep praying for each other.

 

[Honus]

The bottom line is that you always have to make the best of whatever situation you’re in. Being single at a much later age then I planned on, I have two choices:

• I can sit around and feel sorry for myself (not implying that anybody on this thread is that way), or
• I can take advantage of the benefits of being single while preparing myself to hopefully be married someday.

I can’t say I’m the latter scenario 100% of the time, but that is my goal. For the most part, I think we choose to be happy or unhappy. This doesn’t mean we don’t have rough times along the way, but we can choose to take a ‘glass if half full’ approach

I think if we take the second approach as much as possible, we’ll be more of a ‘complete’ person whenever the right person comes along. In my opinion, if a person is waiting for a spouse/S.O. to complete them, it can be a recipe for disaster. Unfortunately I can speak from experience in that arena.

 

[Suslar]

Whoa there Norseman! Down boy!

You have spewed out so many absolutely horrendous insults that you really do owe people apologies. For the record, I am not a lesbian. I am also not a feminist. Nor am I a Nazi. Or a feminazi. I don’t read Cosmopolitan. I work at home. But since the OP asked for the opinions of women, why do you find it strange that women would respond? Why are you acting combatant towards women who are trying to be sympathetic and answer the OP’s request for female opinions?

When did God say this to St. Anthony? Please provide sources, otherwise this is just another chain letter, and a potentially BLASPHEMOUS one at that if God did not in fact say that to St. Anthony.

These last two posts I’ve responded to do not reflect a biblical viewpoint, but rather, I suspect, the secular culture of “career woman”. It may sell Cosmopolitan, and it may appeal to lesbian feminazis, but what does God’s public revelation in the Bible say?

So, even if God did say that to St. Anthony, it is a PRIVATE revelation that is binding ONLY on the recipient (St. Anthony).

Now to the next layer of insult. Do you even know what blasphemy is and how it is defined by the Catholic Church? You may want to look up newadvent.org/cathen/02595a.htm.

The writing attributed to St. Anthony is not blasphemous. It in no way signifies etymologically gross irreverence towards any person or thing worthy of exalted esteem. Furthermore, I believe you would be hard-pressed to find any legitimate religious authority who believes the references to God were used in a manner considered objectionable.

I was not alive in the time and place of St. Anthony. I also do not know of every word he uttered to God in prayer or the responses he might have received. It’s an unreasonable burden of “proof” that you seek. However, simply because I can’t site a date, time and place for such an occurrence between God and a Saint doesn’t mean it didn’t happen . . . . just that I’m not knowledgeable of such things.

Please note, the work posted does NOT say “God revealed this to St. Anthony” nor “These are God’s own words.” Instead, it is written in a style in which the Good Saint could educate, admonish and console other people. If you read the whole post, the words are, “But to a Christian, God says. . . . " That literary technique was used to signify that it was St. Anthony speaking – telling others what “God says” to those who are Christians. There is no claim that God spoke certain words. Just St. Anthony’s take on what God says. So in addition to the unjust insults and labels, you have also manipulated facts and unjustly accused me of blasphemy!

And even if it may have been a private revelation – as many of the conversations between God and various Saints have been throughout the ages – if the words were recorded in diaries or something of that sort and can now be shared to bring peace, hope and reassurance to many people, why would you act as if there is something wrong in doing that? I don’t understand your venom. I will pray for you.

The piece by St. Anthony is available on the Catholic Digital Resources website. The link is: catholicdr.com/faithbuilders/besatisfied.htm

 

[Norseman82]

Whoa there Norseman! Down boy!

You have spewed out so many absolutely horrendous insults that you really do owe people apologies. For the record, I am not a lesbian. I am also not a feminist. Nor am I a Nazi. Or a feminazi. I don’t read Cosmopolitan. I work at home. But since the OP asked for the opinions of women, why do you find it strange that women would respond? Why are you acting combatant towards women who are trying to be sympathetic and answer the OP’s request for female opinions?

Now to the next layer of insult. Do you even know what blasphemy is and how it is defined by the Catholic Church? You may want to look up newadvent.org/cathen/02595a.htm.

The writing attributed to St. Anthony is not blasphemous. It in no way signifies etymologically gross irreverence towards any person or thing worthy of exalted esteem. Furthermore, I believe you would be hard-pressed to find any legitimate religious authority who believes the references to God were used in a manner considered objectionable.

I was not alive in the time and place of St. Anthony. I also do not know of every word he uttered to God in prayer or the responses he might have received. It’s an unreasonable burden of “proof” that you seek. However, simply because I can’t site a date, time and place for such an occurrence between God and a Saint doesn’t mean it didn’t happen . . . . just that I’m not knowledgeable of such things.

Please note, the work posted does NOT say “God revealed this to St. Anthony” nor “These are God’s own words.” Instead, it is written in a style in which the Good Saint could educate, admonish and console other people. If you read the whole post, the words are, “But to a Christian, God says. . . . " That literary technique was used to signify that it was St. Anthony speaking – telling others what “God says” to those who are Christians. There is no claim that God spoke certain words. Just St. Anthony’s take on what God says. So in addition to the unjust insults and labels, you have also manipulated facts and unjustly accused me of blasphemy!

And even if it may have been a private revelation – as many of the conversations between God and various Saints have been throughout the ages – if the words were recorded in diaries or something of that sort and can now be shared to bring peace, hope and reassurance to many people, why would you act as if there is something wrong in doing that? I don’t understand your venom. I will pray for you.

The piece by St. Anthony is available on the Catholic Digital Resources website. The link is: catholicdr.com/faithbuilders/besatisfied.htm

As I recall, one of the charges against Jesus was blasphemy for claiming to be God. When someone says “God says” and God really did not say it, then that person is putting words in God’s mouth, even though God PUBLICALLY said the opposite. Isn’t that a form of claiming to be God? And if you read my post, I did not call you blasphemous, I called the prayer potentially blasphemous (which is why I asked for more information - because this “prayer” could just be just another urban legend). So, if there is anyone who needs to apologize, it certainly isn’t me. I stand by my scripture and CCC quotes that reflect God’s PUBLIC revelation which is what people should be more worried about than modern-day psychobabble.

The reason I am hostile about the female point of view here is that a lot of it is garbage, plain and simple. Males are the pursuers, and the garbage about needing to be content with one’s self first is only serves to either distract from or kill the drive to pursue - you may not intend to, but that is the effect it can have, so please keep this type of garbage to yourselves and stop trying to turn healthy young men into old ladies. Instead, if you took James 2:15-16 seriously and if you are single, you should make yourself available to the OP!

 

[catherinette]

The reason I am hostile about the female point of view here is that a lot of it is garbage, plain and simple. Males are the pursuers, and the garbage about needing to be content with one’s self first is only serves to either distract from or kill the drive to pursue - you may not intend to, but that is the effect it can have, so please keep this type of garbage to yourselves and stop trying to turn healthy young men into old ladies. Instead, if you took James 2:15-16 seriously and if you are single, you should make yourself available to the OP!

First of all, having a boyfriend or girlfriend is not a human necessity like having bread and water is. Genesis says, “It is not good for man to be alone”, it doesn’t say, “Man can’t be alone.” Nor is dating a specific person a human right.

Secondly, I don’t think anyone’s suggesting that a man ought to stay at home and wait for the right girl to show up on his doorstep. He should be out getting to know people, getting involved in any activity that interests him, pursuing a career… and keeping his eyes open; but his only focus in any activity should never be to meet a girl. The idea about being content with oneself is a very practical one; women can sense desperation, and they run from it. The only people you will attract are other desperate people, and that’s bound to lead to lots of misery when you both realize the other person’s not the kind of person you are looking for. Men and women both want to meet people who are well put together, happy, and living their lives, not people who are desperately seeking someone else to make them happy.

 

[Musician]

Epistemes, you sound like a great guy and I understand your frustration. I have three grown sons so I know where you are coming from. I think some folks on this thread don’t really get it, for one reason or another.
Pray to St. Anne for the finding of a good wife. Pray to her EVERY DAY. It worked when I was praying for a good husband for my daughter, and she was married within the year.

 

[whatevergirl]

First of all, having a boyfriend or girlfriend is not a human necessity like having bread and water is. Genesis says, “It is not good for man to be alone”, it doesn’t say, “Man can’t be alone.” Nor is dating a specific person a human right.

Secondly, I don’t think anyone’s suggesting that a man ought to stay at home and wait for the right girl to show up on his doorstep. He should be out getting to know people, getting involved in any activity that interests him, pursuing a career… and keeping his eyes open; but his only focus in any activity should never be to meet a girl. The idea about being content with oneself is a very practical one; women can sense desperation, and they run from it. The only people you will attract are other desperate people, and that’s bound to lead to lots of misery when you both realize the other person’s not the kind of person you are looking for. Men and women both want to meet people who are well put together, happy, and living their lives, not people who are desperately seeking someone else to make them happy.

(bolded for emphasis, mine)
I couldn’t agree more.

Praying for you Epistemes, I am sorry you’re feeling badly right now. *

 

[Suslar]

Norseman,

You still do not know what the word blasphesy means so I’d suggest not using it. It is a harsh insult. Yes, I will forgive you but don’t do it to me again. You don’t know me. You don’t know my intentions. You have no way of knowing what I believe. Therefore, you are NOT in a position of Church police to identify persons, words or ideas as blasphemous.

For the record, the word “blasphemy” does NOT mean someone saying “God says.” I can say “God says He loves you.” Regardless of if God actually said it or not, this in and of itself is not blasphemous. It could be a lie. It might even be hard to believe. But there is no gross irreverence toward God, thus no blasphemy. You misled a number of people by making a claim that you did not understand and cannot defend.

I don’t know what you mean by writing, “God PUBLICALLY said the opposite.” Perhaps He speaks to you in private revelations? Good for you if He does.

As I recall, one of the charges against Jesus was blasphemy for claiming to be God. When someone says “God says” and God really did not say it, then that person is putting words in God’s mouth, even though God PUBLICALLY said the opposite. Isn’t that a form of claiming to be God? And if you read my post, I did not call you blasphemous, I called the prayer potentially blasphemous (which is why I asked for more information - because this “prayer” could just be just another urban legend). So, if there is anyone who needs to apologize, it certainly isn’t me. I stand by my scripture and CCC quotes that reflect God’s PUBLIC revelation which is what people should be more worried about than modern-day psychobabble.

The reason I am hostile about the female point of view here is that a lot of it is garbage, plain and simple. Males are the pursuers, and the garbage about needing to be content with one’s self first is only serves to either distract from or kill the drive to pursue - you may not intend to, but that is the effect it can have, so please keep this type of garbage to yourselves and stop trying to turn healthy young men into old ladies. Instead, if you took James 2:15-16 seriously and if you are single, you should make yourself available to the OP!

Or perhaps you are talking about recorded Scripture? Unless you are a well trained Roman Catholic who is true to the Magisterium (as I strive to be), we’d have very different points of view. I do not read the Bible literally and am well acquainted with my Christian brethren who do. Many take words and phrases out of context – which is what your reference to James 2: 15-16 seems to be.

"If a brother or sister has nothing to wear and has no food for the day, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, keep warm, and eat well,” but you do not give them the necessities of the body, what good is it?

The line just before your reference that you failed to site is “What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him?” The passage is talking about faith & good works. It does not mention the OP’s situation about wanting to date a specific woman. And it certainly doesn’t suggest that women “should make themselves available” in any type of context! Again, I fear you are potentially misleading others.

If you look back at ANYTHING I’ve ever posted, I’ve never suggested the OP stop pursuing women. I’ve never come close to suggesting he “turn into an old lady.”

By turning the words kind and charitable people have written into the garbage you have posted, you have indeed been the one using psychobabble.

Go just a bit further, and you will see that I did offer to continue to pray for the OP. I understand the frustration. A God-fearing man who has chosen the vocation of marriage is very attractive to me. However, I could not and would not want to be seen as the one who can make him whole or fulfill him. I know that I cannot. The Roman Catholic Church teaches that only God can. Much of the advice posted here has been in response to the OP’s request for women to answer (so why are YOU answering? Or suggestion women shouldn’t answer?) and many answers have been that the OP may need to review his expectations about what a spouse can and cannot do in another person’s life vs. what role God should fill. Your hostility is unfounded here. In fact, you can just walk away from the thread if it bothers you that much to hear truth.

 

[beckers]

(bolded for emphasis, mine)
*I couldn’t agree more. *

Praying for you Epistemes, I am sorry you’re feeling badly right now.

I agree with whatever girl on this one too.

Women want a man who is strong and put together. I don’t want to be his mother nor do i want to be the center of his universe to the point that he loses his desires and goals. I dated a guy like this and it was nice in the beginning to feel wanted but it got old really fast. He couldn’t/wouldn’t do anything by himself. UGH.

I also don’t want someone who thinks that Dating and marriage is going to fix all our problems. So many people (including lots of my girlfriends) who believe that once that have someone that life will be rainbows of hapiness and all their problems will just disappear. Well life isn’t like that. Dating and marriage are hard. If both people aren’t stable (emotional or spiritualy or physically) then it can leave to huge problems when one party starts to feel like they are being worn down by the other or the they are having to carry the load (emotional, spiritually or physically). At some point they will break. Take this singliness time to make sure your stable yourself. Be open to the word and see if what God is calling you to repair somepart of yourself.

For me the long absents was to learn how to be open to God. my parents had divorced at a very young age and i was afriad of love. I felt i wasn’t in some sense worthy of love from others because love would only hurt me in the end. God used that time for me to heal, to forgive and to learn to love myself and others. The women that i was when i met my BF 3 years ago is not the same women i am now. We wouldn’t have worked back then so we become friends. When it was time God changed are hearts.

So maybe your future wife is going through something and God is using her singleness time to heal and form her. You already have great love for her so why not start praying for her now? Say a rosary or including her in your daily prayers? Pray that God give her wisdom and heal her and that when you meet that God’s will shall be done?

I want someone i can laugh at jokes with, who gets my quirkiness, who supports me in my faith and shares it, A man who loves God with whole heart etc.Epistemes it sounds like you are on the right track. Take some of the suggestions here. If you see a women at mass approach her and invite her to church actvities. Then there is no pressure on either party. You both will get to see each other involve and interacting with others. This is a great learning tool to see if you actaully want to persue a relationship. What you see at mass of this lovely women may not be truly who she is. Getting to see her outside of mass but still in a controlled setting may help clarify who she is and if she matches those qualties that you are looking for in a wife.

 

[ML561]

From the tone of some of your posts, you seem very angry with women and perhaps expect of them perfection that cannot exist. This attitude may be coming through to the women you meet and scare them off. I would suggest that you talk to a trusted friend or relative. Ask for an honest appraisal of how you appear to others, and if there is something you need to change. In the meantime, please try to relax. It has been my experience that if there is a woman out there whom God has meant for you to be with, she will appear, most likely when you least expect it. If not, though it may seem hard to believe, the single life can be a very fulfilling and blessed one. Peace be with you.