Ok, this one is more about how men feel about doing something nice for women.
Yeah, my favourite kind.
Okay, I’ll try to answer. Since I presume you’re interested in answers and you’d like the answers to be informative, I’ll take the liberty to speak in more direct, honest terms than usual. So please take this into account. I’m trying to be understandable, not cold or unkind. Also if you’ll forgive the lengths. I’m dead-tired and there’s a lot of work yet ahead of me, so I’d appreciate not having to write short summaries (which takes much more time than writing at more length). This especially refers to #3.
Here are some examples and I am wondering if you see the woman’s point or just feel hurt
1-)You buy her something as a surprise and she doesn’t like it
I’m not superhuman, so I guess I feel a little sad about the situation but it’s only natural that she likes some things but not others, can’t (and don’t want to) blame her for that. On the other hand, good manners are important and I might feel bad about her way of handling the situation and basically her treatment of me in the process. I don’t need eggshells treatment but I’d expect her not to be positively inconsiderate. Or in flagrant disregard of standard accepted good manners.
2-) You buy her jelewery and she never wears it and when you ask why she says ‘I don’t like how it looks on me’
That’s okay, although I am not the kind of man to walk on eggshells and bow down in half to a woman’s emotions, if you allow me to speak freely. If I believed it looked good on her, I would try to convince (and reassure) her that it looked good on her—naturally without imposing myself, since that’d be a subjective and perhaps sensitive matter but without overdoing the ‘sensitive’ part, i.e. not treating her like a live wire, which as an adult I can and do expect her not to be. If she threw a tantrum about my not agreeing with her opinion, that would be bad in my book.
(Obviously, I’m presuming we’re not talking about a situation in which the woman is an emotionally sensitive condition that would need a forgiving and intelligent approach. Everybody has such days and an intelligent person should be able to spot them and modify approach accordingly.)
3-) You find out about some cheap tickets to go somewhere and get them and are all excited and she says ‘Tonight !!! it is last minute I don’t want to go’,
First of all I could understand that someone didn’t want to go somewhere I wanted to go. I’m not the kind of man who needs the woman to go with him just because he feels like going with her, even though she doesn’t feel like going. I’d probably go alone and since I took the risk while buying the tickets without asking her first, I wouldn’t be in my right if I tried to complain about wasting them. Besides, I certainly wouldn’t like somebody else to hold me hostage to a ticket that would be wasted if I didn’t go somewhere. Gotta find a bit more magnanimity than than in oneself anyway. The world would be a nicer place if we all learnt to ignore such minutiae.
On the other hand, again if you allow me to speak freely, I am not a particularly big fan of women not being in the mood for this or that, as in won’t meet up with me today because the weather isn’t ideal (while it isn’t particularly bad either) or yeah, because something hadn’t been previously planned (well, at least let’s not completely rule out spontaneity) etc. However, I’m not a particularly big fan of unexpected changes or things that pop up out of the blue and need addressing.
All in all, I guess that from my perspective there should be some rational reason here, especially if she likes the proposed outing or not. If she had been planning to rest or do something else, that’s okay. If she doesn’t particularly like it but would go with me if she had been given some advance notice, then that’s okay too. But I would feel bad if she made a problem solely of the fact that something hadn’t been planned. Again, this wouldn’t really be a problem if it happened rarely.
From this man’s perspective, the real problem in this particular range of issues, is when you just can’t go out with the particular woman because either the weather isn’t ideal enough or it wasn’t hard-planned well in advance, or she’s suffering from a very minor headache or from a blah mood, basically you’re hitting a wall of reluctance. If this happens at an early dating stage, I reconsider the relationship and am likely to cut it. Nothing endears a more to me more than when she meets me despite a slight headache, has one more dance with me despite being tired, walks a couple hundred yards more despite her feet getting a little sore. I can’t explain this fully (men are emotional creatures too) but this is a very important thing to me, subjectively. I also tie it to the lady/gentleman kindness standard, which I take a bit further than the society generally does nowadays.
4-)If you love wood working and hand make a rocking chair to surprise her and she says ‘there is no room for this in the house’,
Okay, that’s inconsiderate. I don’t like it. Honestly. Such inconsiderate comments can be hurtful to others (I’d feel bad if somewhere else were on the receiving end of that comment too, not just I). On the other hand, everybody can make a blunder. I will most certainly have mode some too, including a couple of memorable ones. …So, ‘as we forgive those who trespass against us.’
5-) You just finished doing the dishes and she says ‘You use the sponge I cleaned the toilet with, pleas ask which sponge to use before doint the dishes’
Okay, with your exact provided set of facts, my answer would be: ‘what was the toilet cleaning sponge doing on the kitchen sink then, darling?’ Logic fail on this one, CMS, sorry.
(Then again, a $5,000 wardrobe MIGHT make that a little more bearable…)
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