Anti Catholic Husband

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Long story short. Married 7 years, 11 month old baby. Married a non Catholic and didn’t get married in the church. We agreed to get married in the church and I could raise our children Catholic. My husband has gradually become anti-Catholic. He has given lots of reasons for not getting married in the church and now has told me not to baptize our baby. I’ve lost all hope. I stopped attending church. I’m resentful towards him for this. It’s affecting every aspect of my feelings and attitude towards him. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m living a lie. I love my husband, but don’t know if I can go on feeling like this.
 
Are you bringing up religion alot, as your husband may feel like your trying to convert him even if you are not, and maybe hes panicked and is rejecting all things catholic.

You cant force your husband to share your religious beliefs, and you shouldnt stop attending mass just because of him, theres no reason why you cant practise your faith without it causing problems in your marriage
 
your husband is not a man of his word. You might remind him that he made a deal with you and if he cant keep his word on something as simple as this how can you trust he will on other things
 
1of10 said:
Long story short. Married 7 years, 11 month old baby. Married a non Catholic and didn’t get married in the church. We agreed to get married in the church and I could raise our children Catholic. My husband has gradually become anti-Catholic. He has given lots of reasons for not getting married in the church and now has told me not to baptize our baby. I’ve lost all hope. I stopped attending church. I’m resentful towards him for this. It’s affecting every aspect of my feelings and attitude towards him. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m living a lie. I love my husband, but don’t know if I can go on feeling like this.
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Don’t lose hope, but also be aware if you are bringing up religion and conversion a lot.

I’ve been with my fiancé for over 5 years. When we first met, she was catholic and I was adamant that I was going to get her out of the CC, convinced that the CC was the whore of Babylon. Over the course of three years, she never brought up conversion, and only talked about the teachings of the church when I brought up something, which was usually me ranting about how horrible the church is. Well, now I’m catholic. God did his thing and got me to tune in to catholic radio while sitting in traffic, and I happened to tune in when Tim Staples was on for the Q&A Open Forum. After that hour, I figured that I needed to start researching the church because I might have had some wrong ideas about what the church says. Next thing I know, I’m Catholic. She patiently endured all my anti-catholic rants about how horrible the church is, that we’re not getting married in the church, that the kids won’t be raised Catholic, etc. Now we are anxiously awaiting our wedding in the church this September.

“Love is patient, love is kind…It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” - 1 Cor 13:4, 7
 
1of10 said:
Long story short. Married 7 years, 11 month old baby. Married a non Catholic and didn’t get married in the church. We agreed to get married in the church and I could raise our children Catholic. My husband has gradually become anti-Catholic. He has given lots of reasons for not getting married in the church and now has told me not to baptize our baby. I’ve lost all hope. I stopped attending church. I’m resentful towards him for this. It’s affecting every aspect of my feelings and attitude towards him. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m living a lie. I love my husband, but don’t know if I can go on feeling like this.
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The last thing you need to do is stop attending Mass! Make an appointment and discuss your situation with a priest.
 
By all means, go to Mass! You are Catholic; he’s not. You have an obligation to attend. I am supposing you live in a free democratic country where it is also your secular right to worship how and where you choose.

Speak to a priest just as soon as possible about your situation.
And pray daily for your husband’s conversion.
 
Attend mass for yourself, the communion with Christ will make you a happier person. I know. Pray regularly for your husband and his conversion but know that this happens through the Holy Spirit and evangelism by example not by pressing him or pushing him towards the Church. My husband once promised he would convert, but found away around it…rationalizations, and pressed me away from the Church as well, but we are both happier when I am in communion with the Christ through his Church. I know God will eventually compel my husband to honor his word and I pray, at the suggestion of my confessor offering up my earthly sufferings for his conversion and that of My family.
 
1of10 said:
Long story short. Married 7 years, 11 month old baby. Married a non Catholic and didn’t get married in the church. We agreed to get married in the church and I could raise our children Catholic. My husband has gradually become anti-Catholic. He has given lots of reasons for not getting married in the church and now has told me not to baptize our baby. I’ve lost all hope. I stopped attending church. I’m resentful towards him for this. It’s affecting every aspect of my feelings and attitude towards him. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m living a lie. I love my husband, but don’t know if I can go on feeling like this.
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Do not lose heart, continue to go to mass and receive the sacraments faithfully. Be ready to give an answer to him of the hope that is in you. Pray the rosary for his conversion often and be patient. Regarding your 11 month old I would baptize him/her with or without him. You are the mother and traditionally the child is baptized into the faith of the mother.

Peace be with your family,

David
 
So, I’m not the only one. I’d love to be Catholic. I wish God wanted me to be Catholic, but He doesn’t. My husband won’t allow me to be Catholic. It’s been 9 years and he is still the most anti-Catholic person in the world. The only conclusion I can come up with is that God doesn’t care which denomination a person belongs to, it doesn’t matter to God as long as we believe in God. God doesn’t have a specific will for my life. The only will God has is that I follow the Bible. If God wanted anything more I think He’d says so, especially when I’ve prayed about this. I get nowhere. After 9 years I’d think God would do something, but He doesn’t. To anyone that has an anti-Catholic husband my advice is just go with it. Follow the religion your husband wants you to in order to keep the peace in the house. Denomination doesn’t matter, so why fight it? Keeping the peace in the house, especially for the sake of the kids is the most important thing. If God doesn’t care, then why should we?
 
Jacataqua said:
Denomination doesn’t matter, so why fight it? Keeping the peace in the house, especially for the sake of the kids is the most important thing. If God doesn’t care, then why should we?
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Wow, it seems that your sadness about not being able to fully participate in the life of the church has really had a bad affect on you.

Well, God cares. Jesus died for us. He wants something from us and has left a few instructions on how to do it.

I’m sorry this has happened to you and will pray that you and your family come to the church.
 
Jacataqua said:
So, I’m not the only one. I’d love to be Catholic. I wish God wanted me to be Catholic, but He doesn’t. My husband won’t allow me to be Catholic. It’s been 9 years and he is still the most anti-Catholic person in the world. The only conclusion I can come up with is that God doesn’t care which denomination a person belongs to, it doesn’t matter to God as long as we believe in God. God doesn’t have a specific will for my life. The only will God has is that I follow the Bible. If God wanted anything more I think He’d says so, especially when I’ve prayed about this. I get nowhere. After 9 years I’d think God would do something, but He doesn’t. To anyone that has an anti-Catholic husband my advice is just go with it. Follow the religion your husband wants you to in order to keep the peace in the house. Denomination doesn’t matter, so why fight it? Keeping the peace in the house, especially for the sake of the kids is the most important thing. If God doesn’t care, then why should we?
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Your profile says “Used to be Catholic,” but I have to tell you, there is no such thing. You’ve been marked indelibly by your baptism and will always be a Catholic. Thus, you have the same obligations as any Catholic, to attend Mass faithfully, to go to confession at least once a year and receive the Eucharist at Easter (that’s the minimum possible, not what you should aim for!).

You say God doesn’t want you to be Catholic? But your husband is the one who is wrong. It’s not God. You said in your next sentence that your husband won’t allow you to be Catholic. So this has nothing to do with God preventing you from attending Mass.

You say there is no difference in denominations, but our Church is not a denomination. It is THE Church. You know if you’ve had any catechism at all, that God created our Church through Jesus Christ, that Jesus made Peter the first Bishop of our Church, and Jesus said that the gates of Hell would not prevail against it. All of the first Christians were Catholic, not Protestant. There were no other Christians before the Protestants broke away. We are still the one, holy, universal (that’s what catholic means) and Apostolic Church.

Your husband must have been brainwashing you. Stop listening to him and get back to the Church. It’s your home, and you belong with your fellow Catholics.
 
Our husbands are called to honor and love us as Christ does the Church. Keeping you from your faith, from your home does not honor you, nor does it honor God. My husband has learned I am a better wife when fed by the Church.
 
I forgot to say to anyone who has a non-Catholic husband, there is a “St. Monica, Pray for Us!” thread right at the top of this forum page. You can go there and add your prayer request at any time. It’s an endless prayer for the conversion of our non-Catholic or lapsed Catholic husbands and other relatives and friends. St. Monica was the mother of St. Augustine who converted her husband, Patricius, from being a pagan to being a Catholic through her faithful prayers.
 
Jacataqua said:
So, I’m not the only one. I’d love to be Catholic. I wish God wanted me to be Catholic, but He doesn’t. My husband won’t allow me to be Catholic. It’s been 9 years and he is still the most anti-Catholic person in the world. The only conclusion I can come up with is that God doesn’t care which denomination a person belongs to, it doesn’t matter to God as long as we believe in God. God doesn’t have a specific will for my life. The only will God has is that I follow the Bible. If God wanted anything more I think He’d says so, especially when I’ve prayed about this. I get nowhere. After 9 years I’d think God would do something, but He doesn’t. To anyone that has an anti-Catholic husband my advice is just go with it. Follow the religion your husband wants you to in order to keep the peace in the house. Denomination doesn’t matter, so why fight it? Keeping the peace in the house, especially for the sake of the kids is the most important thing. If God doesn’t care, then why should we?
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This is a very sad post.
God may not be too concerned about denomination but he is very concerned about hate especially when that hate is directed toward other Christians.
It’s too bad that your husband thinks so little of you and your intelligence, desires, needs and decisions that he feels the need to prevent you from being Catholic…

That said, I cannot agree that the only conclusion is that God does not want you to be Catholic…Another conclusion might be that, through you, your husband might be drawn out of his hate for the Church.

I don’t say the above to belittle you or your decision or outlook. I can understand why you have chosen as you have. You are trying to make the best of a bad situation and I believe God will bless you for it.

May God guide you on your journey.

Peace
James
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Your profile says “Used to be Catholic,” but I have to tell you, there is no such thing. You’ve been marked indelibly by your baptism and will always be a Catholic. Thus, you have the same obligations as any Catholic, to attend Mass faithfully, to go to confession at least once a year and receive the Eucharist at Easter (that’s the minimum possible, not what you should aim for!).

Thanks for your post. I used to be Catholic because I was raised mostly Catholic. Both of my parents were Catholic, but my Dad like to church hop too. So, I was actually baptized in the Episcopal Church. I was confirmed in the Catholic Church. So, I don’t know if that makes me a real Catholic since I was not baptized Catholic. Anyway, I can’t attend mass or go to confession. I do receive communion in the Lutheran church. I wanted to go to confession 9 years ago but my husband had a big problem with it and didn’t want me to go. I never attend mass, but I do go to Lutheran services which will have to be good enough. If God cared about which denomination a person is a member of, he’d do something about this, but he doesn’t, so that 's why I think denomination doesn’t matter. I do not have a car of my own, so I can’t just go where I want. My husband would never allow mass or confession, so I don’t go.
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JRKH said:
It’s too bad that your husband thinks so little of you and your intelligence, desires, needs and decisions that he feels the need to prevent you from being Catholic…

James
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Thanks for your post. I really do feel like my husband thinks very little of me, my intelligence, desires,needs and decisions. That’s exactly how I feel. I know he doesn’t mean to make me feel this way and I know this is not his intention, but that’s exactly how I feel. I can’t talk to him about it because if I did I’d have to tell him why I feel that way and I’ve learned that religion is a taboo subject, so I just don’t talk about it and I keep it to myself. We go to the Lutheran Church on most Sundays, but other than that religion really isn’t a part of our lives. I guess it’s the way he was raised by his parents. His dad was just as anti-Catholic. His dad used to call nuns, numbs, as if they are stupid. I thought that was mean of him. I don’t know why he felt the need to call nuns stupid. His parents went to church when he was very young but for most of their lives they made their own church at their house and said that God was pleased with it. My husband’s dad treated his wife with utter disrespect and treated her like she was stupid and couldn’t think for herself. So, I guess it’s just the way he was raised. My husband is so stubborn that I have no hope at all of any life different than what I have now. Nine years ago when all this began for me I tried to talk to him about it and tell him of my needs and desires, and it went over like a lead balloon. And over the years it’s gotten worse. So, for many years now I haven’t talked about it at all. I think I cause more harm by talking about it.
 
Dear one,
Thank you for sharing these things with us. I cannot imagine having to live in such a situation. In your case, I think that you are right in saying God does not care about denomination. He knows your desires and He also knows your limitations. Keep doing your best to serve Him…

I am so glad that you have come here to CAF. Hopefully we will be able to give you an outlet and encouragement on your journey. You made the comment that if God wanted to do something about your situation He would…Well perhaps He has since He brought you here. 👍
Perhaps that sounds prideful on my part…but I have found CAF to be a wonderful place to grow and I hope that you will find it to be so as well.

One thing in your last post that has given me pause is how this behavior of your husband is inherited fro his father. Do you have children / sons? Have you considered how the interactions between you and your husband might effect them (and their future wives)? I have no words of wisdom to bestow on this subject…but it is something to be thought about…

Peace
James
 
Jacataqua said:
Thanks for your post. I used to be Catholic because I was raised mostly Catholic. Both of my parents were Catholic, but my Dad like to church hop too. So, I was actually baptized in the Episcopal Church. I was confirmed in the Catholic Church. So, I don’t know if that makes me a real Catholic since I was not baptized Catholic. Anyway, I can’t attend mass or go to confession. I do receive communion in the Lutheran church. I wanted to go to confession 9 years ago but my husband had a big problem with it and didn’t want me to go. I never attend mass, but I do go to Lutheran services which will have to be good enough. If God cared about which denomination a person is a member of, he’d do something about this, but he doesn’t, so that 's why I think denomination doesn’t matter. I do not have a car of my own, so I can’t just go where I want. My husband would never allow mass or confession, so I don’t go.
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If you were confirmed as a Catholic, then you must have gone through RCIA classes and converted. There’s no way to remain an Episcopalian and still be confirmed in the Catholic Church. Because the Church recognizes your previous baptism, you were not re-baptized when you were confirmed, but it sure sounds as if you were then and are now a Catholic.

I must ask you - what is it that you expect God should do about your situation, to allow you to go to Mass? Do you think God should send a taxi for you or strike your husband dead or something? If you are in an abusive marriage, you have to do something for yourself in order to live the life God wants you to live. Did you ever hear this story? I always think of it when someone says “I was waiting for God to help me.”

There was a man called him Jim, who lived near a river. Jim was a very religious man.

One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was forced to climb onto his porch roof. While sitting there, a man in a boat comes along and tells Jim to get in the boat with him. Jim says “No, that’s OK. God will take care of me.” So, the man in the boat rows away.

The water rises, so Jim climbs onto his roof. At that time, another boat, this time with a motor, comes along and the person in that one tells Jim to get in. Jim replies, “No, that’s OK. God will take care of me.” The person in the boat then leaves.

The water rises even more, and Jim climbs on his chimney. Then a Coast Guard helicopter comes and lowers a ladder. The Coast Guard member tells Jim to climb up the ladder and get in. Jim yells back, “That’s OK.” The woman says “Are you sure?” Jim says, “Yeah, I’m sure God will take care of me.

Finally, the water rises too high and Jim drowns. Jim gets up to Heaven and is face-to-face with God. Jim says to God, “You told me you would take care of me!
What happened?”

God replied “Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?”
 
I see advice for you to be at Mass receiving the Sacraments, but if you are a Catholic in an invalid marriage you should seek the advice of a priest before receiving the Eucharist.

I’m pretty sure without either getting your marriage convalidated or getting a dispensation since your husband is now unwilling that you are in a state of mortal sin where you may not partake of the Eucharist. I’m not sure if just confessing this sin but not rectifying the status of the marriage is enough. Only a priest can really tell you.

Certainly continue to attend Mass regularly and seek the wisdom of a solid priest.

I’m sorry that your husband has let you down. With prayer, time and God anything is possible, so don’t give up hope.
 
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