Anti-Catholic wife does not want me to bring them to church

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hoping4more

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Due to my wifes cancer treatment, potential and actual sickness, and just stress, I have not taken my kids to mass in the last 8 or so weeks but once. They got a stomach bug immediately(24 hour incubation period) after I took them the one time too. I was pretty bummed about not meeting others, and we have talked about that aspect, and somewhat misled my wife in that I wouldn’t take them again. I was trying to lower her stress and just not talk about it, I wouldn’t have taken them anyways due to possibly getting her sick. Anyways, she should be done with most of the more intense treatment soon (surgery is this week), I am not sure how I can present this in a way to not to not cause a rift between us. I hate that we havent’ figured this out now but know I cannot keep from taking them much longer. Sorry for the long post just trying to give some background.

Anyone else have and anticatholic spouse that protests taking their kids to church? Any advice for keeping the rift/coldness down?
 
Did you marry in the Church or with permission of the Bishop?

If you did, you promised to do all you can to raise the kids Catholic and she was made aware of that promise.

While she is fighting cancer is not the time to remind her of those promises. Wait until she has this battle behind her.
 
yes for now keeping my mouth shut. The flu is going around pretty badly so it is probably a bad idea to take them anyways.

yes, catholic wedding, I converted the following Easter.
 
Just to offer to pray for her illness (my mother had cancer it was a nightmare for me,not just the sick one) and for your kids…if i had kids i will be very happy to rise them catholic…i was rised non
 
The last thing your wife needs is to be getting the flu right now. I think you should not be exposing your children to germs they can carry back to your wife at this time.

This really has nothing to do with your wife being Catholic or not right now, it’s two separate issues.
 
A person with cancer has a compromised immune system; having such leads them open to a myriad infections. Please suspend bringing the children to Mass. Children become carriers of a host of bugs for one’s exposure.
 
I deal with this all the time. My wife is Jewish.

We married when I was outside the Church, and then we had a Radical Sanation to bring me into full communion with the Church.

I had to promise to do anything possible, without hurting my marriage, to raise my kids Catholic. And my wife had to know of my promise.

But she didn’t have to promise anything.

So I “plant seeds” and I make sure my kids see me pray and pray with them at bed time.

Feel free to send me a private message if you want.

God bless
 
As @Irishmom2 has stated. Being a Non-Catholic has nothing to do with it. It’s about the Mother’s compromised immune system & being exposed to whatever the children may bring home.
 
I understand, I will not take them for the time being, and I do not.

However, she gets pretty mad when I do (not for sickness reasons but due to her anticatholicism) how do I try to soften her to them going with me?
 
tawny said:
A person with cancer has a compromised immune system; having such leads them open to a myriad infections. Please suspend bringing the children to Mass. Children become carriers of a host of bugs for one’s exposure.
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I do hope he’s not sending his kids to school. They will pick up a lot more bugs at school. I had cancer, had two small kids. Kids went to church and to school.
 
Actually, schools have rules that kids cannot come in if they have fever or other contagious illnesses. Churches do not have that rule and people bring in kids who are sick (and come themselves when they should stay home!).
 
You need to speak with your priest, who can advise you better than anyone here.

P.S. When my dad had cancer when I was a kid, I still went to Mass and school. I’m not sure where this idea that kids should be isolated if their parent is immuno-compromised comes from.
 
Ok, so one preist on the area, I have known for 13 years, I trust is opinion when it comes to moral questions and Catholic theology, (as I mentioned before the priest at my closest parish are exceedingly liberal). Ill email him, and I may start attending there, it is a tad longer drive(which I know you are not supposed to do but it is in the same county, while the closer one is not). So anyways just trying to think how to frame this, I know he is busy and may give a curt answer instead of thinking through the situation in it’s entirety.
Hello, have seen you in a while…
Wife has become very anticatholic…
Normally, I know emphasis is to have a peaceful, marriage/home…
Some would suggest not bringing children without spousal consent…
She wwaasss Catholic and we wwweerree married in the church…(which he knows)
Is it my job to hold her to her promise to raise them Catholic…
Me attending alone will place a burden on her, tell her I am always willing to bring them etc…

Should I mention they still aren’t baptisted? I really want to get this email right, I don’t have a lot of time to meet him(none really), and I do that want to tell her what I am going to do ( go to church alone/bring them or whatever) until I am sure that is the course I will keep, if that makes sense.
Any suggestions?
 
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I’d say raise them Catholic anyway. Your responsibilities to God are more important than your responsibilities to your wife. Pray for her though, that she may not only accept the fact but also join your children in becoming members of the church.
 
My only suggestion is to start a conversation where you listen to her hopes and dreams. Ask her to discuss her spiritual place right now. Unfortunately, many people are using the term spiritual very loosely, and I wouldn’t normally use this word. But, in this case, it might help her feel that you aren’t just about religion, but also about how she feels about her life and where God is in it right now. I would just listen a lot to see where the essential problem lies. Maybe she feels betrayed by God.

It might help to point out where God is for you. But mainly, I would just ask questions and listen a lot. That will get her thinking about these topics.

She may have gotten liberal. To most ordinary Catholics, just pleasing God by following his commandments and His Church may be enough. But some people find that all a bit legalistic.

I never look for signs from God. I don’t really understand the personal relationship very well, because I know there are millions of people. How can He focus on me and my thoughts? But I put those thoughts away because I know that Jesus lived. He was either the Messiah or a mad man, which seems highly doubtful. And because he died for me, I’m content that I should just follow his rules. If I never prayed to Him, and just followed His rules, I think I’d still make it to heaven. I love the rules and I believe in rules.

Is your wife more of the type who wants to feel something when she goes to Church? Find out what her feelings are, and then maybe you can address her thoughts more.
 
hoping4more said:
yes, catholic wedding, I converted the following Easter.
Click to expand...
So neither of you were Catholic when you got married at your Catholic wedding? Huh?

You said she is anti-catholic and you became Catholic after the wedding?

If she was Catholic then why isn’t she anymore?
 
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Mention that your wife is currently battling cancer.

Really, this makes things different. Care of the sick is a valid reason to miss Mass, if your wife needs you to be there, be there.

Perhaps you can go to a noon Mass on your lunch hour or to an early morning Mass before she and the kids are up on Sunday morning, but, if she is sick and needs you to care for her/kids, that is your priority.

This will not be forever, you need to be the love of Jesus to your wife.
 
There are times when one’s duty to the sick or to their children will excuse them from Mass. One’s pastor can dispense the obligation. Caring for your wife while they are sick from cancer is a work of mercy.

Catechism, bold is added:

2181 The Sunday Eucharist is the foundation and confirmation of all Christian practice. For this reason the faithful are obliged to participate in the Eucharist on days of obligation, unless excused for a serious reason (for example, illness, the care of infants) or dispensed by their own pastor. Those who deliberately fail in this obligation commit a grave sin.

2185 On Sundays and other holy days of obligation, the faithful are to refrain from engaging in work or activities that hinder the worship owed to God, the joy proper to the Lord’s Day, the performance of the works of mercy, and the appropriate relaxation of mind and body. Family needs or important social service can legitimately excuse from the obligation of Sunday rest. The faithful should see to it that legitimate excuses do not lead to habits prejudicial to religion, family life, and health.

The charity of truth seeks holy leisure- the necessity of charity accepts just work.
 
Yes, for the time being I will not attend, due to her sickness and care. Actually found out the lymph nodes were positive so we will have weeks more of chemo; not sure of any of the details yet though.

However, once she is, at least somewhat, better I want to know the best way to move forward in our relationship and with my(our?) obligation to raise them Catholic.
 
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